jazzman23 Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 Here's the situation - I really like this girl in my office. She seems to like me. We email back and forth all day, go for coffees together, and go for lunch together a lot too. There's other cool people our age that could come with, but we both deliberately only ask each other to go. We have the same sense of humour, are both attractive, and the same taste in a lot of things. Needless to say there's a connection! The other day SHE asks ME to meet up for drinks one night on a weekend. Obviously this sounds like a date, yes? But here's the thing, a couple days ago, we were out for lunch (again) and she casually mentioned she has a boyfriend. I couldn't believe it; it felt like a punch in the stomach. We've talked a whole bunch about what the other person did the night before, or on the weekend, or whatever, and she's never once mentioned a boyfriend. I just started to assume she was single. So, what's the deal? Why spend so much time with me, even going so far as to asking me to meet up for drinks if she has a boyfriend? Why must she play with my heart?? What can I do? Thanks for answers.
Jane2011 Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 While reading the beginning of your post, I kept thinking...awesome, just like Jim and Pam from The Office. But anyway, sorry to hear about your situation. I'm assuming she thinks you're fun to talk to and a good friend type for her and didn't mention the boyfriend because there's always slight tension about that when a guy and girl are talking. I had a similar situation a few years ago. A classmate of mine apparently thought I was single and was emailing me (after the semester was over); we were talking about a common interest a lot. I didn't want to say "I have a boyfriend" in the emails because I didn't want to be one of those women who's flaunting the fact that she has a boyfriend. And I know mentioning a boyfriend doesn't have to mean flaunting him. But, somehow, I could never find a way to mention the boyfriend in a way that felt organic and natural. So for several emails, I didn't. Then finally I did. And the guy seemed mad. He was like "You have a boyfriend?" Then he said a few other not rude, but curt, things. And the emails to me dropped off to not at all. All I can say is that I wasn't doing it to drag out his attention toward me. I just take friendliness as friendliness and don't assume the guy wants me, necessarily. Or I should say, how can I know for sure if we have a common interest and the guy's talking to me about our common interest?
Jane2011 Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 That being said, I don't know why she asked you to go for drinks. In my situation, I talked to him because he was talking to me. I wasn't asking him to go on outings. Here's another thing: it may be that her relationship isn't that fulfilling to her. You can't discount that possibility because TONS of people are in relationships that are 'pretty good', but they still have complaints about them. And sometimes they're not so sure about the long-term prospects, even though things are fine "for now." It may be that she's one foot in and one foot out in her relationship. And it may even be more out than in, but she's still in enough to feel that she has to, in all honesty, describe herself as being in a relationship.
jobaba Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 But here's the thing, a couple days ago, we were out for lunch (again) and she casually mentioned she has a boyfriend. I couldn't believe it; it felt like a punch in the stomach. We've talked a whole bunch about what the other person did the night before, or on the weekend, or whatever, and she's never once mentioned a boyfriend. I just started to assume she was single. You didn't really know her that well as you thought you did if you didn't even know she had a boyfriend. Just let it go dude...
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