Meretchen Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 Hi everyone I have been lurking for some time now trying to build up the energy to write a post. Well, I have finally been motivated out of frustration and anger at the moment. Please excuse my English, as it is not my native language. My story is a "classic" it would seem. An affair with a MM for a year which ended today. I guess I should feel relief, after all it was a dead end A. I am just so angry right now, I am fuming... He kept telling me that he loved me more than his wife, just give me a little more time, please be patient - untill I asked more commitment from him. I wanted to be a priority in his life. "Show, don't tell" ! Then he would tell me, how much he respected my integrity - because I would not continue unless he changed his ways. He would cry, say he loved me. But words are cheap with no action. And he never made any attempt to change his ways. Just these sweet, sweet words. Just words and empty promises. Yesterday I confronted him about this, and he completely turned on me. No more mr. Charming, he really showed his true colours when I refused to be affectionate unless he made a true commitment. He wouldn't - instead he wrote me the most immature mail, throwing me under the bus. I feel like kicking something, screaming and yelling at that bastard right now. Sorry, just needed to vent - I truly believed his words and feelings were true. I am so naive .
BrighterWashing Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 What was immature about his email? Tone or content? You should hate him and move on IMHO.
whichwayisup Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 Use your anger to help push you get over him and know and truly believe that it's a good thing the A is over. He isn't worthy of your tears. Do yourself a big favour - Get rid of your email address and create a new one. Change your cell number if possible. DO everything you can to make sure he cannot contact you ever again. DO NOT give him the satisfaction by contacting him or replying to back to him if he does reach out you in the future. Cry and grieve the loss but just know you WILL be okay and feel good again. Learn from this and never ever be with a MM. They all lie. Until a man is divorced stay away! 3
Author Meretchen Posted March 17, 2012 Author Posted March 17, 2012 Thank you for your responses - I was very, very close to replying but I held back, because I did not want to give him the satisfaction of knowing, how much he hurt me. Two days ago I was the center of his universe. And now, this email simply stating that it would be better, if we just remain friends - after all, it was just an A?? Sorry, I am a bit shell shocked right now. I never want to hear from him or speak with him again
whichwayisup Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 . And now, this email simply stating that it would be better, if we just remain friends Wow, how great that would be...Just go be 'friends' like nothing ever happened! (Being sarcastic of course) Wow, reading that just makes me more angry for you! What a scumbag. I'm so glad that you didn't reply back. BE proud of yourself for not replying, it's a really big deal so good job on that! Anytime you feel like contacting him or get urge to call/see him, come post here and someone will talk you out of it. 1
2sunny Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 Good for you being mad! Email him back and tell him YOU are now making yourself the top priority! Not to contact you again unless he wants you to contact his wife. Interesting that as soon as you expect him to give more - he pulls back... He's never planned to change a thing... He just wants to bump you back to your quiet little corner - don't settle for that - or him! 1
Author Meretchen Posted March 17, 2012 Author Posted March 17, 2012 Thanks for the support - it really helps me stay away from screaming his head off... Now I feel stupid and guilty for everything about this A - really, really . I thought we had something special - I could kick myself for believing his words! Oh yeah, he wrote this email to me while he is currently away on a romantic getaway with his wife. That's precious. I don't know whether to laugh or cry right now.
BrighterWashing Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 I think either ignore the email or reply saying there's no suck thing as friends after the affair and if he wants to be friends he'd better introduce you to his wife and you will tell her what he is like. If he's really away with her (if that's true) then he's realizing what he would lose and doesn't want to. You're nt worth it to him.
Author Meretchen Posted March 18, 2012 Author Posted March 18, 2012 He wrote me again today. Why this silence - why are you so bitter? Is this normal behaviour??
freestyle Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 He wrote me again today. Why this silence - why are you so bitter? Is this normal behaviour?? Wow, what an insensitive, and invalidating thing to say. This shows just how much it's actually all.about.him. How dare you have the audacity to be hurt, and damage HIS ego by not giving him unwavering admiration---no matter HOW he behaves towards you?? The hubris of some of these MMs never ceases to amaze me. Please don't dignify that with a response. he's actually expecting you to defend your feelings to him---as if you owe HIM an explanation.Puuuh-leeze. 1
2sunny Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 Silence sends such a clear message and takes no time or energy... But he has contacted again hoping you will do something - rather than nothing. 4
standtall Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 Meretchen.. Good to hear you have found out about his true nature before you wasted more of you time on him. Move on..... I'm sure you will do well
Author Meretchen Posted March 18, 2012 Author Posted March 18, 2012 I am sorry you guys but I did respond just now. I could not take it and I wish I had more discipline My reponse was very sarcastic so now he knows, that I am hurting. I guess I have unfortunately given him this satisfaction My anger overtook me. He actually does not understand why I am "so bitter"?? What is wrong with this guy? He keeps jabbing on about "this inner light" he feels for me and that now I am behaving in a way that confuses him. Give me a break! He told me friday "I do not give a sh** about how you feel - I do not want to discuss this with you. Inner light my a**!
dreamingoftigers Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 Okay okay one last jab.... NOW block his email. Thatll snap him back a bit and free you. 2
2sunny Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 I hope you handed him that light and told him to stick it where the sun doesn't shine! 3
Author Meretchen Posted March 19, 2012 Author Posted March 19, 2012 I did 2sunny and now I just feel...hurt and bitter. At least I do not feel sad inside - yet, but I know it will follow
nofool4u Posted March 19, 2012 Posted March 19, 2012 I feel like kicking something, screaming and yelling at that bastard right now. Ok, so you were sleeping with another woman's husband, and he is now a "bastard"? A bastard he truly is, but you are responsible for the betrayal of another woman too. Maybe not to the extent he is (and spare us the "I'm not married to her, he is" excuses) So you and he are betraying and hurting someone, and NOW you are the one furious. Only person with the right to be furious here is his wife. As far as the feeling of being lied to, he is a cheater. You knew this. What did you expect? If his wife already knows he had an affair with you, I'd just leave it be. Move on. Learn your lesson not to be a party to hurting another woman again just because you gotta have someone elses guy.
2sunny Posted March 19, 2012 Posted March 19, 2012 You COULD consider telling his wife... That would make him go away...at least for a while until the dust settles. Or just allow him to understand that if he ever contacts again - you intend to communicate that to her. Expect him to get mean and/or nasty with you - he's trying to grab your attention when you go silent.
Leigh 87 Posted March 19, 2012 Posted March 19, 2012 I would tell his wife straight away!! As soon as a married man wants to get involved with u, immediately plan to tell his wife. For all you know, the wife may love this man to death!!!!!!!!!!! They may be very close, and he is just a bad/weak person... THe wive DESERVES to bloody know. I would want to know. You would want to know if it happened to u. Do the right thing, have some integrity.
whichwayisup Posted March 19, 2012 Posted March 19, 2012 You COULD consider telling his wife... That would make him go away...at least for a while until the dust settles. Or just allow him to understand that if he ever contacts again - you intend to communicate that to her. Expect him to get mean and/or nasty with you - he's trying to grab your attention when you go silent. If you do decide to tell, make sure you're ready to and are strong enough to deal with the fallout of telling her the truth. But, for now - To help keep you angry and make any feelings you may still have for him go away (feelings don't go away overnight, but you certainly can do what you can to push yourself to get over him) remember this: Just words and empty promises. Yesterday I confronted him about this, and he completely turned on me. No more mr. Charming, he really showed his true colours when I refused to be affectionate unless he made a true commitment. He wouldn't - instead he wrote me the most immature mail, throwing me under the bus. That ought to make your blood boil and see him for who is he. Don't let any emotions or feelings or your heart think otherwise or doubt who he truly is and was all along. 1
Barrsitter Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 Time for a little Madea! Metch....go to youtube and type in "Madea Relationship Advice". Watch this until you start laughing. Next, resolve to not contact this guy ever again. Just do this for 5 minutes at a time, and do that over and over again, until one day, six months have gone by and you won't even remember his name. You will be fine, but you need to disengage. I'm not sure how this happens but it seems that As are far more difficult to walk away from. But walk, you must. And you will. Watch Madea and then tell us how you feel after that. Cheers, Barr 1
TinaniT Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 With his behavior, if he contacts you again, I would send a simple, "Do not contact me again. ANY future correspondence will be forwarded to your wife." This should stop it and leave you to heal in peace. Send nothing else - not even insults, because even anger is an opening. Emotions convey a weakness that he will prey on. A simple do not contact me and the back up for a guy so afraid of any change should stop it. Save the email you send to him saying this so if he sends any more you could forward both onwards. Good luck healing! 3
Author Meretchen Posted March 20, 2012 Author Posted March 20, 2012 Thank you everyone for your good advice. I have calmed down a bit. Maybe I owe you a little background which will put things into perspective. I fell in love with MM a year ago. We are work colleagues and have always had a great chemistry, which I guess kick started the A. I knew it was wrong, falling in love with an MM and a work colleague - that is absolutely insane, and I never thought I would do anything of the sort before the A started. When he declared he loved me, I was over the Moon. I guess I hoped we could work things out in the end, having a life together out in the open. I have spent the last couple of days reading on LS and my heart is sinking. There really is nothing special about this A, I see that clear as day. How stupid was I. So, why did i get mad then? I should have known it would end like this from the start, right? I hoped it wouldn't, I hoped he was sincere with his feelings. Maybe he was - maybe not. The fact is that he chose to stay in the M. I have to accept that and move on - I am just so gutted, that things turned ugly. Hes email really got to me, especially since I had a miscarriage just one week ago despite us being careful. So, I took a day off today. I can't bear to meet him just now, and I have spent the whole day looking for another position and crying like a baby. I have to get back to work tomorrow though, thankfully I have a lot of meetings away from him. 1
Lostinlife4now Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 I am sorry you guys but I did respond just now. I could not take it and I wish I had more discipline My reponse was very sarcastic so now he knows, that I am hurting. I guess I have unfortunately given him this satisfaction My anger overtook me. He actually does not understand why I am "so bitter"?? What is wrong with this guy? He keeps jabbing on about "this inner light" he feels for me and that now I am behaving in a way that confuses him. Give me a break! He told me friday "I do not give a sh** about how you feel - I do not want to discuss this with you. Inner light my a**! You want to really shut him up, the narcissist...CALL HIS WIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He goes along oh so nicely in his M while you are sooooooo pissed.... Sometimes Revenge is Sweet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yeah, Yeah, Yeah...living the best life...blah blah....I bet his wife would see otherwise...On a romantic holiday...Oh cut me a break..Been there done that!!!
Lostinlife4now Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 Thank you everyone for your good advice. I have calmed down a bit. Maybe I owe you a little background which will put things into perspective. I fell in love with MM a year ago. We are work colleagues and have always had a great chemistry, which I guess kick started the A. I knew it was wrong, falling in love with an MM and a work colleague - that is absolutely insane, and I never thought I would do anything of the sort before the A started. When he declared he loved me, I was over the Moon. I guess I hoped we could work things out in the end, having a life together out in the open. I have spent the last couple of days reading on LS and my heart is sinking. There really is nothing special about this A, I see that clear as day. How stupid was I. So, why did i get mad then? I should have known it would end like this from the start, right? I hoped it wouldn't, I hoped he was sincere with his feelings. Maybe he was - maybe not. The fact is that he chose to stay in the M. I have to accept that and move on - I am just so gutted, that things turned ugly. Hes email really got to me, especially since I had a miscarriage just one week ago despite us being careful. So, I took a day off today. I can't bear to meet him just now, and I have spent the whole day looking for another position and crying like a baby. I have to get back to work tomorrow though, thankfully I have a lot of meetings away from him. No honey..we all thought we were SPECIAL!!!! NOT!!!
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