BewitchedandBothered Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 I know my ex is with her today--his new gf...I know he wasn't right for me, never good to me, I know all of this...but there is that little pang of knowing they are at this St. Patrick's thing today. And having trolled several dating sites, I had to know he would meet someone finally... I gotta stop thinking of this stuff, but there are days when I can't help it. I don't feel like crying, thank goodness...Just a little emotional owie in the gut. They are probably having fun. He treated me horribly. Owie. and Yowie. Doing a thorough spring cleaning and bought some new air fresheners from Bath and Body works to cheer up the atmosphere; also some new drapes on sale for 6.00!!!!! Changing little things around me for the better does help, but....I must stop thinking about stuff!!!
Phanpooh Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 2months ago, i sent my ex some money which i promised to help her before BU, then she showed the world her bf 1month ago, they showed the world again, they now living together what all i say? everything is not about her, it's about me, i allowed it happen and why i had to notice about what ex's stuff? then i know, i need to refocus on myself and keep being stronger, i hope you are too, we all are here, for stronger, because we know how we feel and how we deal with it.... 1
mississippimom Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 I know my ex is with her today--his new gf...I know he wasn't right for me, never good to me, I know all of this...but there is that little pang of knowing they are at this St. Patrick's thing today. And having trolled several dating sites, I had to know he would meet someone finally... I gotta stop thinking of this stuff, but there are days when I can't help it. I don't feel like crying, thank goodness...Just a little emotional owie in the gut. They are probably having fun. He treated me horribly. Owie. and Yowie. Doing a thorough spring cleaning and bought some new air fresheners from Bath and Body works to cheer up the atmosphere; also some new drapes on sale for 6.00!!!!! Changing little things around me for the better does help, but....I must stop thinking about stuff!!! I can relate. I've posted earlier about my latest recap, can't find it right now lol but I know the feeling. My exbf has a new gf now, while I am happy for him, a part of me still has some loss to confront. This is the first weekend so far that I've not bawled my eyes out. I have a new bf also now, but the loss is still there somewhat. I know that the exbf is probably hanging out with his gf, but I wonder if he's even thinking about me at all today. Yesterday, we had a good "talk" about the circumstances, however he was upset and can't seem to let things die for the time being. I know he is hurting, this new gf is a "rebound" relationship, I know it, he knows it. She's dumb if she don't realize it though. He still is hurting and I wish I could make it better for him The pangs of panic still haunts me now, as I panick when I think I'm going to run into them 2, I have no idea who she is or what she looks like. I'm in the retail business and who knows, I wouldn't know if she's came into my store, I wouldn't know. I still love my exbf but it's not the "in love" feeling anymore, that's when I realized I wasn't crying anymore, it got old. Keep positive affirmations by your side at night before you go to bed and read them daily You will be able to look past all of this with your head high, because you deserve better!!!!
TaraMaiden Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 Ok... stand up, breathe deeply, and look straight ahead of you. Now, whatever you do - don't think of a green elephant, with a red rug on its back fringed in gold. What did you just think of....? Well of course you did. because whenever you try to not think of something specific - that's all you can think about..... Let me try to give you a bit of advice i found incredibly useful: emotions are fine. emotions are good. They should be respected, recognised and honoured. But the danger is when we use a preliminary thought - attached to that emotion - to create a story, a scenario, which snowballs, runs away from us, and compels us to live that emotion for a far longer period that is good for us - or that is in fact real. The initial burst of memory, is genuine. everything that follows, is built up by our distressed mind, creating a perpetuation, of that pain. because it entitles us to feel that way.... but in fact, it weakens us, and 'gives away our power', to use a hackneyed phrase..... it's false, and it's a lie we're telling ourselves, because in a warped kind of way, by keeping us in pain, we feel somehow justified by this invented scenario, to be hurting. the pain is a lie. start telling yourself the truth about what you're thinking. Ask yourself whether the scenario is true, witnessed and authentic - or mere supposition. how do you know, for example, that they haven't had a great big row, yet...? you don't. But it's possible, right? you just don't know. so if imagining them having a row, is difficult - why are you making lying to yourself, so easy? 2
Phanpooh Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 I can relate. I've posted earlier about my latest recap, can't find it right now lol but I know the feeling. My exbf has a new gf now, while I am happy for him, a part of me still has some loss to confront. This is the first weekend so far that I've not bawled my eyes out. I have a new bf also now, but the loss is still there somewhat. I know that the exbf is probably hanging out with his gf, but I wonder if he's even thinking about me at all today. Yesterday, we had a good "talk" about the circumstances, however he was upset and can't seem to let things die for the time being. I know he is hurting, this new gf is a "rebound" relationship, I know it, he knows it. She's dumb if she don't realize it though. He still is hurting and I wish I could make it better for him The pangs of panic still haunts me now, as I panick when I think I'm going to run into them 2, I have no idea who she is or what she looks like. I'm in the retail business and who knows, I wouldn't know if she's came into my store, I wouldn't know. I still love my exbf but it's not the "in love" feeling anymore, that's when I realized I wasn't crying anymore, it got old. Keep positive affirmations by your side at night before you go to bed and read them daily You will be able to look past all of this with your head high, because you deserve better!!!! we are in same phase now XD, in my case, my ex left me for a fantastic photographer... and they now r living together and decided to break up at next 3months, tell me, how you deal with that? last month, i wished i could be happy IF she is happy. but this month, i just don't care about it and however, i don't think "Love" is a word could be spelled, and i want to feel it again with someone who is truly feel me... 1
Author BewitchedandBothered Posted March 18, 2012 Author Posted March 18, 2012 Ok... stand up, breathe deeply, and look straight ahead of you. Now, whatever you do - don't think of a green elephant, with a red rug on its back fringed in gold. What did you just think of....? Well of course you did. because whenever you try to not think of something specific - that's all you can think about..... Let me try to give you a bit of advice i found incredibly useful: emotions are fine. emotions are good. They should be respected, recognised and honoured. But the danger is when we use a preliminary thought - attached to that emotion - to create a story, a scenario, which snowballs, runs away from us, and compels us to live that emotion for a far longer period that is good for us - or that is in fact real. The initial burst of memory, is genuine. everything that follows, is built up by our distressed mind, creating a perpetuation, of that pain. because it entitles us to feel that way.... but in fact, it weakens us, and 'gives away our power', to use a hackneyed phrase..... it's false, and it's a lie we're telling ourselves, because in a warped kind of way, by keeping us in pain, we feel somehow justified by this invented scenario, to be hurting. the pain is a lie. start telling yourself the truth about what you're thinking. Ask yourself whether the scenario is true, witnessed and authentic - or mere supposition. how do you know, for example, that they haven't had a great big row, yet...? you don't. But it's possible, right? you just don't know. so if imagining them having a row, is difficult - why are you making lying to yourself, so easy? One of my biggest things is that I 'invent' scenarios in my head and go from there. A well meaning person told me about a picture of the new g/f sitting in a tree and it was captioned something like "me in a tree and him encouraging me down into his arms". It hurt to read that; that was in Feb. sometime. Now I have that image of her in a tree, him catching her and them begin romantic. Of course when this person told me, I said "that's nice; glad he's happy". I wanted to say "that jerk; it won't be long before her heart is broken; he will abuse her like he did the rest of us". Personaly I would rather think of the elephant you mentioned and since your reply, whenever I start to 'invent' scenarios, that big elephant stands in front to cover it up:) I kid you not:) Some days it hurts, and most days I am fine; on this healing journey, but I wish he would go away from my mind totally; he does not deserve to 'live' there. I am sure he doesn't think of me at all unless he is slandering me telling everyone how evil I am. He told me all his ex's are evil/psycho, now I am the latest in his collection of psychos. Maybe his new one is the latest psycho in training.
TaraMaiden Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 Rubber band trick.... Put a rubber band round your wrist, and every time you think of him - thwang it hard against your wrist. then immediately, divert your thinking to... how exactly does a carrot grow? Or why are brazil nuts so called? (It's not as obvious as you think....) or why does wood burn faster than coal? Or how many times a day do you use your opposable thumbs Or what is 12 - 5 x 36 + 1,855 divided by 31 x 6 - 332 + 648.... squared? in other words - divert it so off the mark that you surprise yourself... in time, you'll find snapping the band against your wrist is more painful than thinking about him, and you'll know a whole load more stuff than you did before! And i want the answers to the above, by the way.... 1
johan Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 This new woman is starting to learn who he really is. She will be an ex of his someday, too. If you could trade places with her, you wouldn't, because you know all the things he hasn't revealed to her yet. 2
Author BewitchedandBothered Posted March 18, 2012 Author Posted March 18, 2012 This new woman is starting to learn who he really is. She will be an ex of his someday, too. If you could trade places with her, you wouldn't, because you know all the things he hasn't revealed to her yet. They say that we go through things for life to teach us a lesson, LOL; this is one lesson I didn't want to have to learn. You are right; I would never trade places with her knowing what I know and what he put me through. It was agonizing--all a creepy game to him. Maybe he stopped all that nonsense for this one, but I doubt it. And he isn't even good looking. I hate to say that, but at least if he were a hunk, he would have something going for him. I fell hard for the personality he showed me in the very beginning--that guy doesn't exist; it was all a ruse to lure me in. So he has no looks and a rotten personality.
Author BewitchedandBothered Posted March 18, 2012 Author Posted March 18, 2012 Rubber band trick.... Put a rubber band round your wrist, and every time you think of him - thwang it hard against your wrist. then immediately, divert your thinking to... how exactly does a carrot grow? Or why are brazil nuts so called? (It's not as obvious as you think....) or why does wood burn faster than coal? Or how many times a day do you use your opposable thumbs Or what is 12 - 5 x 36 + 1,855 divided by 31 x 6 - 332 + 648.... squared? in other words - divert it so off the mark that you surprise yourself... in time, you'll find snapping the band against your wrist is more painful than thinking about him, and you'll know a whole load more stuff than you did before! And i want the answers to the above, by the way.... LOL; you are giving me homework!! Thank you for that:) Now that the weather is becoming nicer---we seem to have skipped over Winter!!--I can put my attention to the gardening and landscaping. Maybe I will put in a small fountain:) Thanks for your thoughts on this:) It really helps:) 1
Recommended Posts