So many questions!!!

March 17, 2012

My mind has been working in overdrive these last few days since D-day and I can't seem to stop coming up with questions which I feel I NEED answers to in order to get closure. I've asked my ex some of these questions once before...yet I seem to forget what he says, or need to hear the answers again. However, I've come up with a whole batch of new, persistant questions such as:

Was the entire relationship a lie? Was it one-sided? Does he still think I'm gorgeous/amazing? Does he feeling anything now? Does he feel more for me than he does for, say, his flatmates? Is he trying to forget we happened?

How long had he felt like he was in a relationship for the sake of it? What did he mean when he said he didn't want a serious relationship? That he wasn't ready to find 'the one'? Could he ever have fallen in love with me? Was he stopping himself? Is he still bitter from his last breakup? Why did we stop talking to each other properly?

Is being close friends with me something he actually wants?

You see, so many questions. And answers to some questions bring up new questions. I actually feel like I'm going insane. I have to force myself to stay in bed and sleep so that I don't come up with more questions. Ex ignored my text last night and this morning after we'd been texting back and forth a bit.

If we're going to be friends, I think I NEED answers to these questions, then time apart with NC. I'm thinking of sending him an email because he's sick of getting a million texts with different questions on them.

March 17, 2012

Ya, I can identify with unanswered questions. I felt the exact same way that you do right now. It drove me crazy still seeing him everyday and wondering what was going thru his mind.

In my case, the only answers I received were, "It just wasn't meant to be", "Nothing lasts forever", "It's not you, it's me" blah, blah blah. Generic bull**** to keep me guessing. Then of course came the "I wish we could be friends" line. A lame attempt to keep me around, just incase he ever gets lonely on a Saturday night.

Truth me told, they are done with the chase and are no longer willing to put any effort into you, which includes answering your questions with any measure of substance.

In all honesty, his answers won't really provide closure, only you can do that - see it from your own perspective and forget his. He ended it and therefore ended his importance in your life.

March 17, 2012

The questions are unending. Even if you get answers, they aren't satisfying and they will just bring up more questions.

I know what you mean by sleeping. Sometimes being unconscious is the only relief from the heartbreak.

Please go into NC for your own health. For at least a month. There is a great program online called Step to Heal that's helped me tremendously. Go buy a How-to-get-past-your-breakup book and read it. I'm currently using "It's Called a Breakup Not a Break Down."

You are not alone.

March 17, 2012

No matter what answers you get, you'll only end up with more questions. Your heart refuses to let go and that in turn brings up all these questions, self doubt, insecurity, desire for closure... etc etc. It will be never ending.

Only by going no contact and working on healing can you move on. You have to understand that nothing he tells you will take away this pain, it will only prolong it.

The power to make yourself better is already inside you. You just have to believe that.

March 18, 2012

So in a moment of weakness shortly after posting this thread, I sent an email containing about 20 burning questions...even after I'd sent it I felt better like something was off my chest, but I'd already called him to tell him about it.

He said he'd look at it, but I didn't hear back last night or today.

So of course I kept texting him, followed by calls (he just let it ring) until I texted him saying 'please answer the phone I need to talk to you' HAHAHA. Well I'm an idiot. He texted saying 'what else could you possibly want to say to me?' and then answered the phone the next time I called.

He says he will answer the email but he hasn't had time yet. He says I can't accomplish anything between now and when I get a reply. But the reason I was talking to him was because I wanted to know if he was going to reply.

I said 'do you think about me?' he said 'it's hard not to'...which is fair enough because of my text terrorism :/. He says he's not trying to forget we ever happened and won't forget. He said he doesn't hate me, but feels annoyed. And is amazed I'm still pestering him. I said 'well you can't expect me to be over it right away like you are. You are over me aren't you?' but he wouldn't say anything.

He said he has no plans for the next few days. He'll write a reply to the email. 'Then what?' 'I don't know'.

So my best bet is to wait on this email and not talk to him at all until then. In fact, not reply to the email if I can help it.

The last few days we've been keeping in touch, me asking him what he's up to and things, and it's been nice, but then he suddenly stopped replying.

I was surprised that he answered the phone, that he said he's going to reply to the email, and that he didn't tell me he was over me, or tell me to get over it, or leave him alone. It would be so easy to do! And it's not like he doesn't want to hurt my feelings, he already ripped my heart out. He did say before he wants us to be friends and even meet up within the next 5 weeks.

Obviously I've pissed him off because most of my contacts have been constant questioning, or even just texting all the time asking what he's doing is annoying enough I'm sure. I know it is against everything people say on here, but I felt so lonely and missed him so much. His replies were the only thing to make me feel a little better.

Now what? I know there is NO hope for a relationship right now but I still hope for one down the line. I know I've alienated him and pushed him away but can I do anything to make it better? I'm guessing you'll all say NC...

Eventually we have to be friends because of our university situation and it's something we both want, so there has to be an endpoint to NC. Honestly, I can be friends with him. I have many exes as friends.

Edit: Oh, I just remembered. He said he hadn't had time to think about me when I wasn't texting, because he's been so busy. He's been spending all his time with friends at uni socialising, whilst I've been at home. However, now he's gone home where he basically sits around and doesn't leave the house usually.

March 18, 2012

So in a moment of weakness shortly after posting this thread, I sent an email containing about 20 burning questions...even after I'd sent it I felt better like something was off my chest, but I'd already called him to tell him about it.
He said he'd look at it, but I didn't hear back last night or today.
So of course I kept texting him, followed by calls (he just let it ring) until I texted him saying 'please answer the phone I need to talk to you' HAHAHA. Well I'm an idiot. He texted saying 'what else could you possibly want to say to me?' and then answered the phone the next time I called.
He says he will answer the email but he hasn't had time yet. He says I can't accomplish anything between now and when I get a reply. But the reason I was talking to him was because I wanted to know if he was going to reply.
I said 'do you think about me?' he said 'it's hard not to'...which is fair enough because of my text terrorism :/. He says he's not trying to forget we ever happened and won't forget. He said he doesn't hate me, but feels annoyed. And is amazed I'm still pestering him. I said 'well you can't expect me to be over it right away like you are. You are over me aren't you?' but he wouldn't say anything.
He said he has no plans for the next few days. He'll write a reply to the email. 'Then what?' 'I don't know'.
So my best bet is to wait on this email and not talk to him at all until then. In fact, not reply to the email if I can help it.

The last few days we've been keeping in touch, me asking him what he's up to and things, and it's been nice, but then he suddenly stopped replying.
I was surprised that he answered the phone, that he said he's going to reply to the email, and that he didn't tell me he was over me, or tell me to get over it, or leave him alone. It would be so easy to do! And it's not like he doesn't want to hurt my feelings, he already ripped my heart out. He did say before he wants us to be friends and even meet up within the next 5 weeks.
Obviously I've pissed him off because most of my contacts have been constant questioning, or even just texting all the time asking what he's doing is annoying enough I'm sure. I know it is against everything people say on here, but I felt so lonely and missed him so much. His replies were the only thing to make me feel a little better.
Now what? I know there is NO hope for a relationship right now but I still hope for one down the line. I know I've alienated him and pushed him away but can I do anything to make it better? I'm guessing you'll all say NC...
Eventually we have to be friends because of our university situation and it's something we both want, so there has to be an endpoint to NC. Honestly, I can be friends with him. I have many exes as friends.

Edit: Oh, I just remembered. He said he hadn't had time to think about me when I wasn't texting, because he's been so busy. He's been spending all his time with friends at uni socialising, whilst I've been at home. However, now he's gone home where he basically sits around and doesn't leave the house usually.

How long are you going to pester this cock knock? "hard not to think about you"--what a jerky comment--sounds sarcastic. Hasn't' had time to think of you because of socializing?? Leave this douche nozzle alone, Please, for the sake of your dignity.

Woman to woman, sending him a questionnaire will not give you closure. You have to find that within yourself. I learned this the hard way. there is nothing he could say that you want to hear. it is over and you need to heal---he's moving on. I am cringing at the fact that you keep texting, emailing.

It only makes a person drift further away and will hurt you even more. I am hurting for you as I read your post. He didn't have time to look at your email? BS, he probably showed it to the peeps he is socializing with. Leave him alone. If he is nice to you, he is being polite. What more could you have to say? There are no dying embers to rake in.

Let him move mountains to talk to you. The phone works both ways.

March 18, 2012

How long are you going to pester this cock knock? "hard not to think about you"--what a jerky comment--sounds sarcastic. Hasn't' had time to think of you because of socializing?? Leave this douche nozzle alone, Please, for the sake of your dignity.

Woman to woman, sending him a questionnaire will not give you closure. You have to find that within yourself. I learned this the hard way. there is nothing he could say that you want to hear. it is over and you need to heal---he's moving on. I am cringing at the fact that you keep texting, emailing.

It only makes a person drift further away and will hurt you even more. I am hurting for you as I read your post. He didn't have time to look at your email? BS, he probably showed it to the peeps he is socializing with. Leave him alone. If he is nice to you, he is being polite. What more could you have to say? There are no dying embers to rake in.

Let him move mountains to talk to you. The phone works both ways.

In fairness to him...I sent the email last night after we'd spoken on the phone and he said him and his flatmates were going for a night out (starting just after the call). He only had last night and then this morning/afternoon (when he was packing up and moving back home). When I spoke to him just, he said he hadn't even set his laptop up at home yet. I know it sounds like I'm making excuses for him but I think it's fair enough. Also, I'm pretty sure he hasn't had a moment to himself since I last saw him, so he wouldn't be reflecting on things.

Oh and he wouldn't have shown the email to anyone because he is a VERY private person. He didn't tell people when we broke up or got back together unless they specifically asked.

Yeah, I cringe at it too. It's just he was my best friend and we were always in constant contact by text if nothing else. It's damn near impossible to stop texting him. What more do I have to say? After the email has been answered, nothing about the relationship. Just...being a part of his life.

March 18, 2012

In fairness to him...I sent the email last night after we'd spoken on the phone and he said him and his flatmates were going for a night out (starting just after the call). He only had last night and then this morning/afternoon (when he was packing up and moving back home). When I spoke to him just, he said he hadn't even set his laptop up at home yet. I know it sounds like I'm making excuses for him but I think it's fair enough. Also, I'm pretty sure he hasn't had a moment to himself since I last saw him, so he wouldn't be reflecting on things.
Oh and he wouldn't have shown the email to anyone because he is a VERY private person. He didn't tell people when we broke up or got back together unless they specifically asked.

Yeah, I cringe at it too. It's just he was my best friend and we were always in constant contact by text if nothing else. It's damn near impossible to stop texting him. What more do I have to say? After the email has been answered, nothing about the relationship. Just...being a part of his life.

Stop...you ARE making excuses for him. Think back to when it was honeymoon stage. Nothing could keep a person in honeymoon stage from checking for emails and texts. Sorry to say he may have been your b/f but you were not his.no more texting him; it's driving him away further. I have to give you tough love here--let him make the moves now. Years and years ago, before we had the email/texting thing, I would drive my ex batty with phone calls. Then his Dad would answer and say he wasn't home. I miss those days because people were not as accessible as they are now. Makes it harder.

Let him come to you. Keep your dignity.

March 18, 2012

Now that we are through Valentine's Day and Spring Fever is in the air. Let the dumpings commence!

BewitchedandBothered, with all the new dumpees that have flooded LS since Valentine's Day and surly to come in the next few weeks / months you should go ahead and be prepared to "cut and paste" what you just wrote her for the new ladies. I will do my best with the men.

Got to love this time of year.... G.I.G.S. season is upon us!

March 18, 2012

Funny you should say that!!

We actually had a brilliant Valentines Day. Hard to think things felt so perfect just one month ago.

Also, my sister's long term boyfriend left her and moved out about a week before Vday, my friend's long term boyfriend left her, and their mutual friend left his girlfriend.

All in the last month.

And it does feel like GIGS. I had a clue to that the first time we broke up and he said 'I want to see what life is like this side of the fence for a while'. Lol. I almost laughed in his face when he said that...

So yeah how long until he gets lonely? Think 5 weeks at home away from friends and nightlife will do it?

March 18, 2012

uhhh.... no.

I suggest you read the following threads:

"The Grass Is Greener" Syndrome

and...

Dumped by someone with G.I.G.S.? All your Questions are Answered within this thread!

March 18, 2012

Now that we are through Valentine's Day and Spring Fever is in the air. Let the dumpings commence!

BewitchedandBothered, with all the new dumpees that have flooded LS since Valentine's Day and surly to come in the next few weeks / months you should go ahead and be prepared to "cut and paste" what you just wrote her for the new ladies. I will do my best with the men.

Got to love this time of year.... G.I.G.S. season is upon us!

Hey, there, Gibson!! We will have to be a tag team for sure:) Don't forget Prom season, also!!!!

March 18, 2012

Funny you should say that!!
We actually had a brilliant Valentines Day. Hard to think things felt so perfect just one month ago.
Also, my sister's long term boyfriend left her and moved out about a week before Vday, my friend's long term boyfriend left her, and their mutual friend left his girlfriend.
All in the last month.
And it does feel like GIGS. I had a clue to that the first time we broke up and he said 'I want to see what life is like this side of the fence for a while'. Lol. I almost laughed in his face when he said that...
So yeah how long until he gets lonely? Think 5 weeks at home away from friends and nightlife will do it?

No. he is where he chooses to be.

March 18, 2012

Well then...I don't know if it is GIGS...he doesn't seem to want to hook up with anyone. He's been in numerous situations where he could have but he's not so much as kissed anyone else. And yeah I've seen his phone,facebook messages...there's nothing 'suspicious'. He said countless times its not about other girls and he doesn't want anyone else. He also doesn't believe in casual sex. Its just not something he does. Even with an ex. I don't know...this is about him not wanting to be responsible to anyone, have to check plans, sort out what we're doing about dinner...he said he's a 'lazy guy'. He was single for 2 years being this lazy guy, answering to no one, and went travelling. Then I came along...

March 18, 2012

Well then...I don't know if it is GIGS...he doesn't seem to want to hook up with anyone. He's been in numerous situations where he could have but he's not so much as kissed anyone else. And yeah I've seen his phone,facebook messages...there's nothing 'suspicious'. He said countless times its not about other girls and he doesn't want anyone else. He also doesn't believe in casual sex. Its just not something he does. Even with an ex. I don't know...this is about him not wanting to be responsible to anyone, have to check plans, sort out what we're doing about dinner...he said he's a 'lazy guy'. He was single for 2 years being this lazy guy, answering to no one, and went travelling. Then I came along...

you can't possibly know what he is up to every second. can you see what's on his phone right now?

March 18, 2012

Now that we are through Valentine's Day and Spring Fever is in the air. Let the dumpings commence!

Funny, I just read about this in my psychology book lol.

May/June and August/September months typically have the highest number of ended relationships ranging from dating to marriage. the month of March comes in close second!

March 18, 2012

G.I.G.S. doesn't mean another person...

It could be to travel, see the world, focus on a career, school, start a business, party, hang with friends, date, sports, experience the world, etc. outside of a relationship etc.

It's perfectly normal and natural and a lot of people go through it. Most do it in HS / College... Others are in LTR through those years and do it later.

March 18, 2012

Funny, I just read about this in my psychology book lol.

May/June and August/September months typically have the highest number of ended relationships ranging from dating to marriage. the month of March comes in close second!

I figured Christmas and New Years would be in there somewhere, LOL

March 18, 2012

I figured Christmas and New Years would be in there somewhere, LOL

I expected the holiday season to be listed as well.

The book also says that in their study of long term relationships (8+ months), 54% of couples that put a big emphasis on Valentines Day were broken up by the time they were contacted again for the study (study started in November, Follow ups came in July). 26% of couples who didn't put a lot of weight on V-Day were broken up by the time they followed up for the study.

Interesting....

March 18, 2012

What the "Honeymoon Phase" isn't love or able to be sustained?

I have seen studies where they say the "Honeymoon Phase" last 3 - 9 months depending on the distance and amount of time you spend together.

Seems to coincide with your books "findings".

Probably just a conquincidence though. It's not like we aren't indoctrinated with Disney films, romantic comedies, music, commercials, etc. and told that is what it is suppose to be like all through our lives.

After all, they always show you what life is like after you storm the castle, slay the dragon, club her over the head and drag the Princess back to the cave.

March 19, 2012

Well, I got an email from him that told me pretty much everything I need to know. Basically, he didn't come to uni to fall in love. He had slight doubts since December. The second time we tried still felt like the first to him. He is enjoying the freedom from responsibility. "I'm just not ready to think about someone else." So there you go!

Now, I'm going to go die in a corner (lol, I wish).

March 19, 2012

What the "Honeymoon Phase" isn't love or able to be sustained?

I have seen studies where they say the "Honeymoon Phase" last 3 - 9 months depending on the distance and amount of time you spend together.

Seems to coincide with your books "findings".

Probably just a conquincidence though. It's not like we aren't indoctrinated with Disney films, romantic comedies, music, commercials, etc. and told that is what it is suppose to be like all through our lives.

After all, they always show you what life is like after you storm the castle, slay the dragon, club her over the head and drag the Princess back to the cave.

Snow white had it made; 7 fellows in a diamond mine, LOL!! And only one was Grumpy!!

March 19, 2012

Well, I got an email from him that told me pretty much everything I need to know. Basically, he didn't come to uni to fall in love. He had slight doubts since December. The second time we tried still felt like the first to him. He is enjoying the freedom from responsibility. "I'm just not ready to think about someone else." So there you go!
Now, I'm going to go die in a corner (lol, I wish).

I'm sorry about your loss.

I don't envy you and the age range you are dating within. It's a total cluster. Most are immature, insecure and clueless. It's next to impossible to find someone that knows what or is looking for that "forever" relationship, if that is what you are looking for.

Again, sorry to hear about your break up.

March 19, 2012

I'm sorry about your loss.

I don't envy you and the age range you are dating within. It's a total cluster. Most are immature, insecure and clueless. It's next to impossible to find someone that knows what or is looking for that "forever" relationship, if that is what you are looking for.

Again, sorry to hear about your break up.

Hi; I can't remember the age range; teens/20s?

March 19, 2012

Hi; I can't remember the age range; teens/20s?

Teens to mid twenties.

In all honesty, I think people that get married before 25 are out of their minds.

I'm 40 and when I think back to my criteria for what I wanted (or better yet, what I didn't know I needed) in a spouse and life partner, I shutter.

Edited March 19, 2012 by gibson

Sign In

So many questions!!!

Recommended Posts

emby

sweetheart5381

MarlaOryx

smudge21

emby

BewitchedandBothered

emby

BewitchedandBothered

gibson

emby

gibson

BewitchedandBothered

BewitchedandBothered

emby

BewitchedandBothered

HeartOfAPhoenix

gibson

BewitchedandBothered

HeartOfAPhoenix

gibson

emby

BewitchedandBothered

gibson

BewitchedandBothered

gibson

What's New

My Activity Streams

More...