Isn't it better to be optimistic than hopeless???

[ThaWholigan]

Optimism is EXTREMELY attractive. A negative nancy (err no offense to the poster on here named that LOL) is no fun for anyone to be around -- romantically or platonically.

 

Wholigan you have an amazing attitude, it's so refreshing and nice. You seem like a real pleasure to be around. I truly don't understand why you are single (unless you choose to be).

 

I agree, and thank you 'tis much appreciate . My dad says I get my optimism from him . He is perhaps even more centered and optimistic than I am.

 

I'm single for many reasons, one being that I wasn't always as confident as I am recently. As a result I wasn't proactive, but I was never particularly down about it, more often than not I managed to get the message through to myself that it is within my domain to change that. I have had many breakthroughs in my teens, but only now I am coming into my own as a young man.

 

That's because optimism by itself is useless. Almost so to the point where it doesn't mean anything.

 

What really matters is the ability to give women the necessary feelings to see you as more than just a friend. Without that, nothing will never happen, no matter how cheery the guy is.

 

Optimism by itself is a start. It's a launching pad, from which one gets the impetus to learn how to give women the necessary feelings to see you as more than just a friend.

[joystickd]

That's because optimism by itself is useless. Almost so to the point where it doesn't mean anything.

 

What really matters is the ability to give women the necessary feelings to see you as more than just a friend. Without that, nothing will never happen, no matter how cheery the guy is.

optimism and what you speak of actually go hand in hand. Knowing how to give the feelings gets you the girl but optimism keeps her. This is why a lot of men's books focus on the working on the whole man not just getting some game.

[jobaba]

This is addressed to everyone but I am also speaking with the fellow inexperienced men (and women of course) on LS. Why should we continue to identify with our hopelessness about out situation. I am always looking to the bright side and attempting to exercise my demons with regards to my problems, especially with dating. So I cultivate a more optimistic outlook, or at least I put in the effort to do so.

 

To be perfectly honest with you, when I was in your shoes ... single, no prospects, and not really looking too hard ...

 

... those were the happiest times of my life.

 

I wasn't really worried about being single or not. I was too busy getting drunk, having fun with friends, playing in a band, and watching sports.

 

Didn't feel hopeless at all.

 

Being optimistic about my chances with a woman and gambling and losing on her reciprocation is what brings about the bitterness in me, not the solitude...

[somedude81]

optimism and what you speak of actually go hand in hand. Knowing how to give the feelings gets you the girl but optimism keeps her. This is why a lot of men's books focus on the working on the whole man not just getting some game.

It's funny that you said it that way.

 

The first thing that it implies is that optimism is not required at all in getting a girl. And that is what I was also hinting at with my previous post.

 

The next part is, that I would assume that actually getting the girl can make somebody more optimistic. How could you not be? You got the girl.

 

That's why I think it's crap when people tell me that getting a girl won't make me happy. Of course it will. That's like saying that giving a hungry man food won't make him full.

[ThaWholigan]

It's funny that you said it that way.

 

The first thing that it implies is that optimism is not required at all in getting a girl. And that is what I was also hinting at with my previous post.

 

The next part is, that I would assume that actually getting the girl can make somebody more optimistic. How could you not be? You got the girl.

 

That's why I think it's crap when people tell me that getting a girl won't make me happy. Of course it will. That's like saying that giving a hungry man food won't make him full.

It may make you happy, but being unhappy now will certainly not get you the girl.

[Meeks7]

It's hard to be optimistic and hopeful when sh*t only happens in your life.

 

Over time, reality keeps banging you in the head and you start to lose the half-full feeling.

 

I'm seriously starting to wonder if I should start getting drinking or doing drugs to make life more bearable. And yes I realize how horrible of a statement that is.

 

 

Maybe it's time you reconsidered my friend's offer to meet up with you 1-on-1 at a public coffee shop in SoCal. If for nothing else, it will break up your norm a bit.

 

It sounds like you're in a deep pit. You've tried different things, but up to now you have been stuck. Logic points to the conclusion that you can't get out of it alone.

[Taramere]

What is the attraction to being angry and bitter and feeling hopeless about ones situation? Isn't it better to be the opposite? Or is is simply harder to be the opposite?

 

I don't think there's any attraction to being so angry and bitter that you are filled with hopelessness. However, I tend to gravitate towards people who have a dash of cynicism about them as I like slightly bitter and cynical humour. Also, some of the best music and books are somewhat bitter and cynical.

 

The best combination, to my mind, involves dashes of optimism and cheerfulness, but a decent seasoning of bitterness and cynicism to prevent life from resembling this....

 

[Emilia]

I guess it depends on how people deal with their disappointments. I always happen to bounce back.....I don't really like to accredit this to luck but I guess I seem to recover quicker.

 

Same here. Don't know about you but I have been surprised enough times to know the cliche is true: you definitely never know what's around the corner. To me that's a very positive thing.

 

Perhaps it helps if you don't want life to be predictable?

[counterman]

I think it is. A lot of my friends say they like me because I always see the positive side of things. No matter how hopeless a situation may seem, there's always something you can draw from that would bring forth some positivity. I'm always on the side of optimism.

[zengirl]

It seems like negative people fall into two groups: the first group is people who were raised positive, but have hit a hard part of their life. For that group, thinking positively can be difficult, but that's because they need to cure the underlying issue: depression, a bad job, a bad relationship, whatever is slipping the poison into their life. The negative thinking is a symptom, but curing the symptom won't necessarily cure the disease.

 

For the second group (of which I count myself among), it's more that negativity is a part of who they are. They were raised on patterns of dysfunctional thinking; studies demonstrate that thinking the same thoughts can actually create grooves in your brain. The more engrained these grooves become, the more you fall into them, and the more you fall into them, the deeper they become.

 

The science there is correct. Of course, you can always change the pathways that are brightest and most accessible in your brain at any time---at no time are they "set." It just takes more work to change negative thinking patterns (and the neurology here proves it) if you've been thinking them a long time.

 

Would you be surprised to know that I was nothing close to an optimist till about 5 years ago? Would you be surprised to know I spent most of my childhood, teen years, and adulthood in a very negative place? That I was raised to be a cynic and a pessimist by a mother who's still sometimes afraid to be too optimistic (though she's gotten much better throughout the years)?

 

The idea that there is any set of people that can't change is just not one I can get behind.

 

If these patterns are then reinforced by the outside world, then this second group starts associating negativity with reality. It's basic human psychology; you tell someone something long enough, they will eventually believe you, despite mountains of evidence to the contrary. Humans were created to be social and impressionable animals.

 

I'm not sure this is proved by neurological science which suggests that the outside world and reality have little to do with how your brain develops the pathways. Neurology even tells us that if we worry about something --- truly worry about it --- we develop the same pathways as a negative memory of the experience would and often have a neurological experience (chemicals released, etc) akin to it actually happening, sometimes more intense and anxiety-ridden than the thing we fear would be.

 

We can easily believe all sorts of things that aren't true, and someone with the repeated negative thinking you've stated WOULD be more likely to believe and internalize negative thoughts, similar to his/her own. Reinforcement from the outside world is tricky to prove, honestly---a myriad of ideas could be reinforced, but most people (optimists or pessimists) will fixate on the stimuli that validates their own way of thinking. There's no such thing as complete reality. We all experience reality through the subjective lens of our own believes/brain chemistry/etc.

 

This second group, in order to think positively, not only has to learn a whole new way of think, but also has to fight AGAINST their perspective of reality. They have to develop new neural pathways, and completely relearn how they interpret their environment. Then they ALSO need to somehow convince themselves that this new reality is "correct." Like forcing yourself to say the sky is green.

 

Kind of, but not really. You're right they have to change their perspective of the world, but it's not like saying the sky is green. It's more like learning a new language or culture. There is subjectivity to all of this that is not present in your example. Your example is designed to show why you "can't." But the truth is I know someone CAN change their way of thinking and viewing themselves. I have done it, and I have seen people do it, and honestly most people change their beliefs and views of themselves -- even happy people do it -- over time. It can be done even without conscious effort for some people, though someone like the person described here (with that particular brain activity and worldview over time) would probably need to apply conscious energy to it. A lot of it.

 

I also think the idea that any reality is totally correct is unprovable. There is no science -- and never could be -- to prove whether someone is a worthwhile human being who deserves to be happy or any myriad of other things involved in this example.

 

For me, I resist "thinking positively" or being "hopeful" because I don't want to be delusional.

 

Do you understand that many people view your posts as fairly delusional already because you grasp on to even small negative comments and ignore positive ones? Do you understand one can be negative AND delusional?

 

The truth is, honestly, 'evidence' is difficult in terms of one's worth as a person. You think positive thinking is about pretending you're something you're not. Most people who know (happy people, therapists, whatever) will tell you that doesn't work or make anyone happy. If I had to believe I was a blue-eyed blonde to be happy, even if I could convince myself for a moment, I would never achieve it longterm. What I can do is take away "restrictions" to being happy. I can believe that I can be happy and like myself just as I am and improve myself while remaining happy and be happy despite the things maybe I cannot improve or won't get around to improving.

 

The OP, for instance, has a form of autism (it doesn't seem terribly severe---he seems relatively functional, but that's still a pretty big cross to bear). If he decided he couldn't be happy until it went away, he would never be happy. Instead, he's decided to take steps to make his life better and accept the challenges he's been given and still appreciate himself and his life.

[somedude81]

You think positive thinking is about pretending you're something you're not. Most people who know (happy people, therapists, whatever) will tell you that doesn't work or make anyone happy.

That's exactly what I thought positive thinking is. And same thing for abundance mentality. Both seemed like absolute BS beliefs. Just a way to trick your mind into thinking you're happy and have what you want. But there is no way that could actually work.

What I can do is take away "restrictions" to being happy. I can believe that I can be happy and like myself just as I am and improve myself while remaining happy and be happy despite the things maybe I cannot improve or won't get around to improving.

I don't know if that's anymore possible than pretending you're something that you aren't.

 

If one believes that they are unhappy because they are single, then it is obvious that the restriction on being happy is dependent on if they have somebody. Then all they need to do to be happy is to remove that restriction.

 

But how does one actually do that and stop carrying that they are single. It's almost the same thing as telling somebody living in poverty that they would be happier if they didn't worry about money. Of course not worrying about whether they can pay the rent next month would make them happy. But that doesn't mean they can just pretend.

[zengirl]

If one believes that they are unhappy because they are single, then it is obvious that the restriction on being happy is dependent on if they have somebody. Then all they need to do to be happy is to remove that restriction.

 

Right, all they need to be happy is to decide to be happy AND single. It is possible. Many single people are also happy, even many of those who would love to have a partner. Waiting until you have what you want to be happy is a surefire way to stay miserable and probably hinder yourself in getting what you want. Also, most of the time when people have these, "I'll be happy when ___________ happens" type ideas find that while they experience a limited burst of happiness for gaining that thing/state/person, there happiness level quickly floats back down to what it was before. There are better strategies for overall happiness out there. If you're looking for more in depth info on that, the first place I'd send someone is the book, "The How of Happiness," which deals with many, many different studies of happiness on a psychological and neurological level and distills them for the general reading public. It's hardly comprehensive, of course.

 

But how does one actually do that and stop carrying that they are single. It's almost the same thing as telling somebody living in poverty that they would be happier if they didn't worry about money. Of course not worrying about whether they can pay the rent next month would make them happy. But that doesn't mean they can just pretend.

 

It's not about not having goals or wanting things, especially things that can theoretically be attained. It is instead about deciding to focus on the good things in your life and be happy with what you have first. We all have many, many things to be happy about and grateful for. We just do.

 

In a situation like paying the rent next month, of course a solution must be found. The first step to finding a solution is to accept that there can be a solution! If you're thinking negatively, you're not accepting that a solution exists and is out there. The solution will probably take some work. If someone is worrying about paying the rent and not doing everything possible to improve their employment and financial standing, then they are not really being productive. Worry does NOT increase productivity. It never ever does.

 

Likewise, there are things you can work on that could help you get a partner that you refuse to do. As far as I can see, you refuse to do basically anything that does not guarantee you success (which nothing does). Someone who said, "If I could be guaranteed not to be poor, I would put in work" would be even stupider, because having housing and food is more important than having a relationship, but it's analogous all the same.

 

Granted, in some instances -- like pining after a specific girl or wanting autism to go away or wishing you were born with a different face/height/etc or anything very specific that does not have a high likelihood of coming true -- it is better to accept that it will never ever happen and that you can be happy despite it. For instance, if someone is unhappy because they were BORN into a poor family and didn't get the advantages of that, the only way to overcome that is to get over it and change their belief. If their issue is they cannot find a way to pay their rent, there are myriad of things they can do to try to improve that situation, though if the rent is for a nicer place than they can afford, they may have to accept a move to a lower rent place too. All depends.

 

At any rate, the idea is: You choose to be happy or unhappy. You choose to be an optimist or a pessimist. It does not choose you, and the only people who think it does are those who do not want to be responsible for their own unhappiness and want to find people or things to blame. That's never ever made anyone happy, so I don't suggest that.

[jerbear]

That's exactly what I thought positive thinking is. And same thing for abundance mentality. Both seemed like absolute BS beliefs. Just a way to trick your mind into thinking you're happy and have what you want. But there is no way that could actually work.

You do know that when you play with your wee!, box, or play with your station; you are tricking you mind into thinking you're happy?

 

(Wii, Xbox, Play Station)

 

I don't know if that's anymore possible than pretending you're something that you aren't.

You can dress and fake it till you make it. The world is mostly superficial. Just don't go do a fool's errand of doing the same thing everytime and expecting a different result.

 

Gregarious, happy go lucky, optimistic people tend to come out ahead.

 

If one believes that they are unhappy because they are single, then it is obvious that the restriction on being happy is dependent on if they have somebody. Then all they need to do to be happy is to remove that restriction.

Yes, but knowing is half the battle.

 

Restrictions are all over the place, someone will say no then you work around the no. I suggest reading Getting to Yes, by William L. Ury for ideas. The main jism () is for you to find someone who will say yes and getting your objective done; if they say no, you move on.

 

But how does one actually do that and stop carrying that they are single. It's almost the same thing as telling somebody living in poverty that they would be happier if they didn't worry about money. Of course not worrying about whether they can pay the rent next month would make them happy. But that doesn't mean they can just pretend.

Stick your head in the sand?

 

Work on yourself, your confidence, your passions, your hobbies; something; you'll find someone like minded that way. Volunteer your time and you'll find other working professionals of the same mindset. I made new friends by volunteering at food kitchens, halfway houses, and public events.

[verhrzn]

It is instead about deciding to focus on the good things in your life and be happy with what you have first. We all have many, many things to be happy about and grateful for. We just do.

 

I think this is always the crux to which we disagree. Some people really DON'T have things in their life to be grateful for. I count myself among them, because I've tried, I really have, but there's just.... nothing, short of the things I've scrapped together out of sheer hard work, and THAT just makes me feel resentful. (That I've worked so hard and attained so little, when others have hardly worked and attained the same amount.)

 

Like I've said before, if there are people who are just blessed in this world, then it's logical that there are people who are cursed as well. Some people just ended up with the short end of the stick in life.

 

I suppose people for whom this is true could just shut up, put their head down, and get on with living their miserable life... but at least for me personally, it's still deeply galling how unfair it is, and expressing my frustration makes me feel at least a little less powerless. If there is a God, he must be a cruel one, to inflict such meaningless torture as an unlucky life.

[Ruby Slippers]

I think this is always the crux to which we disagree. Some people really DON'T have things in their life to be grateful for. I count myself among them, because I've tried, I really have, but there's just.... nothing, short of the things I've scrapped together out of sheer hard work, and THAT just makes me feel resentful. (That I've worked so hard and attained so little, when others have hardly worked and attained the same amount.)

 

Like I've said before, if there are people who are just blessed in this world, then it's logical that there are people who are cursed as well. Some people just ended up with the short end of the stick in life.

 

I suppose people for whom this is true could just shut up, put their head down, and get on with living their miserable life... but at least for me personally, it's still deeply galling how unfair it is, and expressing my frustration makes me feel at least a little less powerless. If there is a God, he must be a cruel one, to inflict such meaningless torture as an unlucky life.

Some advice my counselor gave me for when I'm feeling hopeless and down is to make a list of 5 thing I'm grateful for. It may sound cheesy, but try it - it really helps. I started a notebook. No matter how crappy things are, you can always come up with 5 things to be grateful for, even if it's just a roof over your head, enough money to buy groceries this month, sunny weather today, your determination, intelligence. Usually, I just keep writing, and the list fills the whole page. And then, no matter how sour your mood, you tend to recall some of those things throughout the day and feel more thankful for what you do have. And this motivates you to work for more good in your life.

[verhrzn]

Some advice my counselor gave me for when I'm feeling hopeless and down is to make a list of 5 thing I'm grateful for. It may sound cheesy, but try it - it really helps. I started a notebook. No matter how crappy things are, you can always come up with 5 things to be grateful for, even if it's just a roof over your head, enough money to buy groceries this month, sunny weather today, your determination, intelligence. Usually, I just keep writing, and the list fills the whole page. And then, no matter how sour your mood, you tend to recall some of those things throughout the day and feel more thankful for what you do have. And this motivates you to work for more good in your life.

 

*Sigh* Not to be argumentative, but I've tried that, and couldn't come up with anything more than 3. I mean, am I really grateful for my junky apartment that costs an arm and a leg? Am I really grateful for my stressful job that barely keeps me afloat? Should I force myself to be grateful for crappy things?

 

*Shrugs* Like I said... some of us just suck.

[AD1980]

Im a pretty laid back happy go lucky optimistic person in my life attracting the opposite sex is one of the few im not..

 

Im 31 and never had a women intersted in me so it would be down right delusional of me at this point to be overly optimstic or confident about my ability in that part of my life..it is what it is

 

It's not like i transfer that energy when i try to meet someone either..most people men and women like me and say how nice a guy iam women just arent attracted to me..

 

Ive seen my friends who get women and its pretty easy for them..it has nothing to do with cliches like beign positive or having the best personality these women were simply attracted to them physically and as long as they didnt f anything up they were in..there was no magic potion..

 

In fact a few of these women who were in my social circle who claim how sweet a guy iam talked about how arrogant and self absorbed one of my male friends were but they were very physically attracted to him so once my friend showed interest they were puddy in his hands..

 

So i basically learned if a women is physically attracted to you unless your socially retarded you're pretty golden..and if you dont pass the physical test for women[im sure its the same for both genders] you can jump through hoops be a great guy and be mr positive or confident and its not gonna make her magically interested..

Edited March 19, 2012 by AD1980

[olivec]

For a long while after my last breakup I was angry and not very positive at all. The only thing is being hopeless or negative really brings you down and before you know it you've dugg yourself into a huge depression. I think after a breakup it does take time to gain that positivity back. Ultimately is doesn"t do you any good to be negative hopeless if someone has broke up with you or rejected you. I've relized that things happen for a reason and it does nobody any good to dwell on it. Just live your life and don"t worry about having to be in relationship all the time.

[zengirl]

*Sigh* Not to be argumentative, but I've tried that, and couldn't come up with anything more than 3. I mean, am I really grateful for my junky apartment that costs an arm and a leg? Am I really grateful for my stressful job that barely keeps me afloat? Should I force myself to be grateful for crappy things?

 

*Shrugs* Like I said... some of us just suck.

 

You clearly need an attitude adjustment on these things. Or you need to majorly change your life. Again, this is a choice---you can choose to see these things as worthless (in which case, why do you continue to pour energy into your job; why not find a new one? Why do you keep on living in your apartment? Why not look for something else?) and outside of your control, or you can choose to be grateful and take control and try to be happy.

 

I think this is always the crux to which we disagree. Some people really DON'T have things in their life to be grateful for. I count myself among them, because I've tried, I really have, but there's just.... nothing, short of the things I've scrapped together out of sheer hard work, and THAT just makes me feel resentful. (That I've worked so hard and attained so little, when others have hardly worked and attained the same amount.)

 

Why not be grateful you CAN do hard work? I certainly am. I am grateful for the chance to work as well. We don't just have to be grateful for what was handed to us -- though if you have a healthy, functioning body and brain, a lot was handed to you just in that, IMO! I am grateful for things I've earned, as well as things I lucked into. Why have the view that only things gotten by luck of the draw are worth gratitude? That seems a very limiting belief to me. I work very hard at many things, and yet I have gratitude for them. I have gratitude for the work and the results.

 

Like I've said before, if there are people who are just blessed in this world, then it's logical that there are people who are cursed as well. Some people just ended up with the short end of the stick in life.

 

Comparing yourself to others in order to find your gratitude is a recipe for disaster. All of us can point to people we think are luckier than we are or has something we don't. Where does that get you?

 

Your assumption that happy people all lucked into it is wrong, IME. I know plenty of happy people who earned the things they are happy of and grateful for. In fact, I don't know many happy people who DIDN'T work hard for the things they have in life.

 

I suppose people for whom this is true could just shut up, put their head down, and get on with living their miserable life... but at least for me personally, it's still deeply galling how unfair it is, and expressing my frustration makes me feel at least a little less powerless. If there is a God, he must be a cruel one, to inflict such meaningless torture as an unlucky life.

 

It's funny how you see people sincerely trying to show you paths to happiness as wanting you to "just shut up" about it.

 

Some advice my counselor gave me for when I'm feeling hopeless and down is to make a list of 5 thing I'm grateful for. It may sound cheesy, but try it - it really helps. I started a notebook. No matter how crappy things are, you can always come up with 5 things to be grateful for, even if it's just a roof over your head, enough money to buy groceries this month, sunny weather today, your determination, intelligence. Usually, I just keep writing, and the list fills the whole page. And then, no matter how sour your mood, you tend to recall some of those things throughout the day and feel more thankful for what you do have. And this motivates you to work for more good in your life.

 

A good idea, Ruby. I have a gratitude journal as well, and it has helped me immensely. It was one of the things that turned my life around.

[ThaWholigan]

*Sigh* Not to be argumentative, but I've tried that, and couldn't come up with anything more than 3. I mean, am I really grateful for my junky apartment that costs an arm and a leg? Am I really grateful for my stressful job that barely keeps me afloat? Should I force myself to be grateful for crappy things?

 

*Shrugs* Like I said... some of us just suck.

The only reason why you "suck"....is because you think you suck. Allowing your experiences to dictate who you are is always going to end in tears. Trust me, I know this from personal experiences. I've got threads and threads worth of embarrassing and humiliating experiences I could reel off of the top of my head.

[verhrzn]

The only reason why you "suck"....is because you think you suck. Allowing your experiences to dictate who you are is always going to end in tears. Trust me, I know this from personal experiences. I've got threads and threads worth of embarrassing and humiliating experiences I could reel off of the top of my head.

 

And for the people who ACTUALLY suck? Who should be realistic about what they bring to the table?

 

I use this example a lot, but I had a friend in high school that was an awful person. She was mean and a bully, but she thought she was fantastic. I've always believed that if I told myself "Hey I'm awesome and beautiful!" I'd be just like her... blinded to reality.

 

Our experiences tell us who others see us as. If guys see me as unattractive and stupid, then there's a good chance that's what I actually AM. And I'd rather go through life knowing that, then go through life believing I'm something I'm not.

[ThaWholigan]

And for the people who ACTUALLY suck? Who should be realistic about what they bring to the table?

 

I use this example a lot, but I had a friend in high school that was an awful person. She was mean and a bully, but she thought she was fantastic. I've always believed that if I told myself "Hey I'm awesome and beautiful!" I'd be just like her... blinded to reality.

 

Our experiences tell us who others see us as. If guys see me as unattractive and stupid, then there's a good chance that's what I actually AM. And I'd rather go through life knowing that, then go through life believing I'm something I'm not.

If that's the case, then I probably would have turned out to be a social retard, because up until a certain age that is how people saw me. As well as an easy target because I thought I wasn't good enough or cool enough. I hated my intellect and my weird behaviors, my anxieties and all of that. As a result, people responded to me with the same dislike I had for myself. However, I quickly made the distinction that whenever I was happy (playing piano I was happy, when I rapped I was happy, writing I was happy) people responded better to me. Subconsciously my view has changed over time, I now see myself differently, and as a result, people respond to me differently, I experience my experiences differently. Things changed because I changed.

 

It's natural for people to gravitate towards experiences and memories as well as information that reinforce their outlook. I tend to be conscious that I do this, I guess that is why I am different. Why would you think that to see yourself in a more positive light that you will end up like her? A bit irrational??

[PJKino]

Im a pretty laid back happy go lucky optimistic person in my life attracting the opposite sex is one of the few im not..

 

Im 31 and never had a women intersted in me so it would be down right delusional of me at this point to be overly optimstic or confident about my ability in that part of my life..it is what it is

 

It's not like i transfer that energy when i try to meet someone either..most people men and women like me and say how nice a guy iam women just arent attracted to me..

 

Ive seen my friends who get women and its pretty easy for them..it has nothing to do with cliches like beign positive or having the best personality these women were simply attracted to them physically and as long as they didnt f anything up they were in..there was no magic potion..

 

In fact a few of these women who were in my social circle who claim how sweet a guy iam talked about how arrogant and self absorbed one of my male friends were but they were very physically attracted to him so once my friend showed interest they were puddy in his hands..

 

So i basically learned if a women is physically attracted to you unless your socially retarded you're pretty golden..and if you dont pass the physical test for women[im sure its the same for both genders] you can jump through hoops be a great guy and be mr positive or confident and its not gonna make her magically interested..

 

Im in the same exact position same age and have been there as my good looking friends who treat women badly and these women in my social circle knew it got with them just because of the physical part while i stood there invisible

 

We are all supposed to be aware of our strengths and weaknesses some things we are good at somethings we are not its a fact of life

 

Im not gonna blindly think im good at attracting women and it will magically happen just by being "confident" or "positive" or whatever cliche fluff word you want to use

 

If i havent been good at attratcing women my firts 31 years of life logic says its something im just not good at

Edited March 19, 2012 by PJKino

[ThaWholigan]

Im in the same exact position same age and have been there as my good looking friends who treat women badly and these women in my social circle knew it got with them just because of the physical part while i stood there invisible

 

We are all supposed to be aware of our strengths and weaknesses some things we are good at somethings we are not its a fact of life

 

Im not gonna blindly think im good at attracting women and it will magically happen just by being "confident" or "positive" or whatever cliche fluff word you want to use

 

If i havent been good at attratcing women my firts 31 years of life logic says its something im just not good at

It's not about blindly believing.......it's about believing that it's possible and then MAKING it happen. Finding the information, being bold socially and taking a few risks, just do things differently.

 

"If you do what you've always done, then you'll get what you've always gotten"

[verhrzn]

If that's the case, then I probably would have turned out to be a social retard, because up until a certain age that is how people saw me. As well as an easy target because I thought I wasn't good enough or cool enough. I hated my intellect and my weird behaviors, my anxieties and all of that. As a result, people responded to me with the same dislike I had for myself. However, I quickly made the distinction that whenever I was happy (playing piano I was happy, when I rapped I was happy, writing I was happy) people responded better to me. Subconsciously my view has changed over time, I now see myself differently, and as a result, people respond to me differently, I experience my experiences differently. Things changed because I changed.

 

It's natural for people to gravitate towards experiences and memories as well as information that reinforce their outlook. I tend to be conscious that I do this, I guess that is why I am different. Why would you think that to see yourself in a more positive light that you will end up like her? A bit irrational??

 

Know something weird, when I'm doing something I enjoy and makes me happy, people actually seem LESS likely to respond well to me. It's like... they feel threatened by my happiness. Whenever I start discussing intellect topics, people's eyes glaze over or they get very confrontational.

 

The only time people treat me well is when I act the opposite of myself: quiet, discuss nothing but superficial topics (the weather, how good beer is), don't show any sign of my personality.

 

That's why I think I suck... because I have never received any positive reinforcement from my peers that I am anything but the worst. Even my friends don't really like me. I've never been able to figure out WHY everyone dislikes me, and even when I have inklings, I have no way to fix them.

 

It's very confusing to have a hateful personality and yet live in a society that places so much emphasis on self-esteem and "be yourself." Well, what if who you are is kind of loathsome?