313 Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 Hi everybody, I meet a really great guy when I was out 3 weeks ago. After having just talked for about 15 min, he asked for my number, saying that he would really like to talk to me again, preferably at a time, when he had not been drinking. I didn´t give it to him at that point, but we ended up spending a couple of hours together just talking and kissing. We finally went back to his place and had sex. I felt really comfortable with him, and we seemed to be on the same wavelength. He seemed to be really into me and a little bit shy about it. In the morning I could no longer sleep and decided to go home. I woke him up and said that I was leaving. He asked if I had left my number for him, and I replied that I hadn't. Then he asked if I would give it to him, and I asked if he wanted it. I gave him my number, kissed him goodbye and left. After that I didn't hear from him. After 5 days I sent him a friend request on Facebook, just to show him that I was still thinking about him. I didn't write him a message, just sent the reqeust. Once again nothing happened, and after a couple of weeks I just thought, that I had been wrong about him and the connection I had felt. Suddenly yesterday I saw that he had accepted my friend request, but hasn't sent me any message. I think this is very strange and don't know how to react. Is he interested in keeping contact with me? Should I write him a message? Please help, as I really like this guy and have no idea what to do. Thanks.
BetheButterfly Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 Hi everybody, I meet a really great guy when I was out 3 weeks ago. After having just talked for about 15 min, he asked for my number, saying that he would really like to talk to me again, preferably at a time, when he had not been drinking. I didn´t give it to him at that point, but we ended up spending a couple of hours together just talking and kissing. We finally went back to his place and had sex. I felt really comfortable with him, and we seemed to be on the same wavelength. He seemed to be really into me and a little bit shy about it. In the morning I could no longer sleep and decided to go home. I woke him up and said that I was leaving. He asked if I had left my number for him, and I replied that I hadn't. Then he asked if I would give it to him, and I asked if he wanted it. I gave him my number, kissed him goodbye and left. After that I didn't hear from him. After 5 days I sent him a friend request on Facebook, just to show him that I was still thinking about him. I didn't write him a message, just sent the reqeust. Once again nothing happened, and after a couple of weeks I just thought, that I had been wrong about him and the connection I had felt. Suddenly yesterday I saw that he had accepted my friend request, but hasn't sent me any message. I think this is very strange and don't know how to react. Is he interested in keeping contact with me? Should I write him a message? Please help, as I really like this guy and have no idea what to do. Thanks. Some guys just see women as objects to sleep with and then don't seem to put a high importance on maintaining contact with them afterwards. I am sorry that you are experiencing this. Sure if you want to write him, go ahead. Just please don't get your hopes up that he will fall madly in love with you and ask you to be his girlfriend. Although that happens sometimes, it is not the norm nowadays. The norm nowadays is for both men and women to sleep around and then find other people to sleep with, and the cycle continues.
veggirl Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 Sure, go for it. But what do you mean you guys are on the same wavelength? Perhaps you should clarify (to yourself) what you are looking for before you do this. a FWB? A relationship? I don't think he is going to date you, based on his lack of communication (and why all the coyness about giving him your number when you had already even slept with him?), but I'm sure he'd be interested in sex if that's all you want. Fact is, he said he'd be in touch and he wasn't. That says a lot about his interest level. Decide if you're okay with that.
Author 313 Posted March 17, 2012 Author Posted March 17, 2012 (edited) Thanks for the reply. I must say that with this guy I probably wouldn't be able to be FWB, because I like him so much. After a long relationship I have been dating for about a year now, but I always get very insecure, and srew it up in one way or another. That is also why I was so hesitant about giving him my number, because I wanted to make sure that he really wanted it. I am very afraid of getting hurt, but other people have told that I seem very secure with myself when I go out, and I think that was the impression he got as well. By wavelength I just mean that we talked very well together and a lot of the same views. He also said all through the night that he would like to se me again, and I believed him because he seemed like a very sincere guy. also I didn't get the impression that he was just wanting sex, because he didn't pressure me in any way. He also said that he usually didn't hook up with girls randomly (I know this could just have been a line, but my gut told me that he really meant it). Edited March 17, 2012 by 313
BetheButterfly Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 Thanks for the reply. I must say that with this guy I probably wouldn't be able to be FWB, because I like him so much. After a long relationship I have been dating for about a year now, but I always get very insecure, and srew it up in one way or another. That is also why I was so hesitant about giving him my number, because I wanted to make sure that he really wanted it. I am very afraid of getting hurt, but other people have told that I seem very secure with myself when I go out, and I think that was the impression he got as well. By wavelength I just mean that we talked very well together and a lot of the same views. He also said all through the night that he would like to se me again, and I believed him because he seemed like a very sincere guy. Things could change. You never know. If you want to write him and offer friendship (without benefits), maybe you two could hang out and maybe his feelings for you and connection would grow? The only thing is that you need to not get your hopes up that he will do that, k? So many women have had their hearts broken wishing for this to happen. Although in some instances it does happen, in most it doesn't. My advice to you is to write him without expectations, then get to know other people, and to wait until later to have sex, because there are so many men who are willing to have sex without commitment.
Author 313 Posted March 17, 2012 Author Posted March 17, 2012 I think that you a very right about the fact that I shouldn't get my hopes up. Because I am so scared of getting hurt or looking foolish, I am just not sure if I should just let it go, and not contact him?
BetheButterfly Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 I think that you a very right about the fact that I shouldn't get my hopes up. Because I am so scared of getting hurt or looking foolish, I am just not sure if I should just let it go, and not contact him? What do you want to do? Yes it hurts getting hurt. I'm sorry. I have experienced hurt from my past too. Love is a risk. I personally think it is best to let him go and to next time with another nice guy who you feel a connection with, to not be so quick to jump in his bed... because there are so many men who have sex without commitment, and then no longer want anything else from that person. So many women experience guys that they would love to have a lasting relationship with, use them and "throw them away", to be replaced by another temp. So, it's up to you whether to be a statistic, even to a nice guy who you feel a connection with, or to stand up for your desire to have a lasting relationship with a man who truly loves you and who you truly love... not just be a one night stand or even a FWB.
Author 313 Posted March 17, 2012 Author Posted March 17, 2012 I think that for now, I will just let it be. I guess my interest in him must be quite obvious to him, so if he really wants to get in contact with me he has every chance to do so.
veggirl Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 I think that for now, I will just let it be. I guess my interest in him must be quite obvious to him, so if he really wants to get in contact with me he has every chance to do so. This is probably a good idea. Based on how you are scared of getting hurt and all, in the future it's probably a good idea to establish some sort of exclusivity / dating with someone before sex. Once you have sex with someone, you can't really go backwards in the relationship so in your case, I'd advise waiting, going on proper dates, etc.
BetheButterfly Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 I think that for now, I will just let it be. I guess my interest in him must be quite obvious to him, so if he really wants to get in contact with me he has every chance to do so. There is a quote, which one of the loveshack members has on his signature, that I love. I forgot what it says exactly, but it says something like this: "Someday someone will come into your life who will make you understand why it never worked with anyone else." - Again that's not it exactly I don't think, but the quote is along those lines. If it doesn't work with this man, then I very much hope that you experience this, that someone will walk into your life who very much loves you and you very much love him! It happened for me and my husband, and I hope soon you will experience this joy as well! So chin up! Don't be discouraged! Love and life is a journey!
Author 313 Posted March 18, 2012 Author Posted March 18, 2012 Thank you for those kind words I thought I had resigned myself to letting it go, but it is constantly on my mind and I can't stop checking my phone and mail to see if he might have written. What I really don't understand is why he accepted my friend request at all. If he doesn't want any contact with me, then why not just ignore the request, as he has been for the last two weeks?I can't believe that he doesn't realize that by accepting it, he is opening up for the possibility of further contact.
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