dreaming4ever Posted June 10, 2004 Posted June 10, 2004 I dated my boyfriend for 9 months and then he broke up with me, saying that he needed time to figure out what he was doing with his life (we're both 24), he wasn't in love with me and felt bad that I was in love with him and yet he didn't know WHY he wasn't in love with me yet after 9 months and he said that he felt like I was using him as a crutch and spending all my time with him instead of getting to know other people....plus he said that I deserve better than him because my life is going in a successful direction and his is all confusing.... ...Anyways, that was at the end of March that he broke up with me, completely out of the blue. I was TOTALLY IN LOVE with him and planned on marrying him so it crushed me and I begged him to reconsider but he said he thought it was for the best for both of us.....so I cried and cried....he made me promise I'd be his best friend still....and as much as that hurt and as much as I just wanted to move away from him, I promised to stay and said I'd be his best friend...cuz when he broke up with me he was crying....he bawled as much as I did and when I said I'd have to get away from him forever cuz it would hurt too much to see him he bawled and bawled and threw up at the prospect of not having me in his life anymore. But I stayed. So we had a LOT of time apart and after a few weeks I was feeling a bit better. I started to feel like I actually COULD go on without him and that my life was ok cuz I had good friends and a life. To help with this I wrote out all the things that I didn't like about him or our relationship and told myself this is NOT the kind of guy I would want to marry so what was I thinking? So....things got better day by day. Then I saw my ex, we met up about a month after the break up and it was weird cuz I had lost 12 pounds, got an awesome new haircut and a new outfit (all to make myself feel better) so I looked GREAT ...but he looked like hell. He wasn't going out with friends, he was hardly eating, he just did nothing every day after work. After meeting a few times as "friends" he admitted to me one day, a month and a half after our break up that he was miserable without me by his side and that he may not have figured everything out about his life but he KNEW he wanted me in it. He wanted me back as his gf and best friend. We talked about it and figured out what would be different and I took him back and he was ECSTATICALLY happy. Now it's a month later and well....things are going good. But I dunno...it's like from that month and a half off I fell OUT of love with him. I KNOW if I broke up with him right now I'd be unhappy and I'd cry a lot but at the same time I can hear my inner voice saying "what are you DOING with this guy?" a lot....I mean, I'm happy and have fun with him sometimes but other times I don't think he's right for me AT ALL. What happened?? I don't get it....I wish I could just be completely in love with him like before but I just can't seem to get there....does anyone understand this?? We have a lot of fun things planned for the summer so maybe I should just see how things go but I'm just so confused.....what's going on?? Sometimes when I'm with him I'm actually wishing I was somewhere else. Yet other times it's AWESOME....what should I do??? Has anyone else ever experienced this??
Becks84 Posted June 12, 2004 Posted June 12, 2004 I say wait it out. Like you said, see how the summer goes. It would not be wise to do anything about it while you are so confused and unsure, because chances are you will feel differently the next hour, or next day. I believe you will "just know" what to do when the time is right. I have actually been through something like this. I was in a really rocky relationship. We fought a lot, and he broke up with me quite a few times out of anger. I always begged for him back. But one time when he broke it off, it was the last time. WHat happened was he broke up with me once again, and we got back together once again. We seemed better than ever. He was SO happy...but I wasn't. Well, I was, but I wasn't -- like you're saying. So a couple weeks later, this feeling came over me that something needed to be done, and I had this strength that I had never felt before. I drove to his house, shocked him by ending things, walked away, and never returned...never looked back, never thought twice, and as I drove away, a total sense of peace and comfort came over me. I never cried. I truly believe that *everything is okay in the end. if it's not okay, it's not the end.* This is so true, think about this. I realize your relationship is A LOT better than the one I was in, but I guess Im just trying to get the point across that you will know what to do when the time is right!! Follow your heart, listen to that inner voice. ANd if it's telling you two very different things, well then I say wait it out...you cant however wait it out forever...which then in that case a decision needs to be made -- what is best for you. best wishes!! -becks
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