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So incredibly jealous and I don't know how to deal with it.

Gabriella777

By Gabriella777
in Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy

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Gabriella777 New Member

Gabriella777

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My bf found this really good deal for a speed boat day trip around some very romantic small islands.

The deal is for up to 7 people, same price for however many people you want as long as it's up to 7.

 

He was thinking of having me and another 2 female friends (he only has female friends). But then he thought that because it would be romantic, it would not be nice if all 4 of us were together coz me and him might behave really as a couple and ignore his other 2 friends. He hasn't decided what to do but he was thinking of buying the trip twice, once with his friends and once with me.

 

He has been to those islands before with both of these friends but separately and he emphasised that he had a GREAT TIME.

I also have to add here that he used to fancy both of these friends but that's something else I had to deal with and I did.

 

When he told me about what he was thinking, I couldn't help but feel extremely jealous. I hate the thought of just the three of them being in that romantic place, having a great time and me not going, and I also hate the thought of doing the EXACT same trip with him after he has done it with them.

I didn't say much because I know my feelings are unreasonable but I can't help it :( I told him that it's up to him to decide and pretended to be tired and falling asleep and when he left, I burst out to tears.

 

How do I deal with this and what do I tell him? :(

Professor X Established Member

Professor X

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Your feelings are reasonable. No reason whatsoever for him to take out his friends to a romantic place.

 

I think he still fancies them, and is probably causing you to feel insecure so that you would think it's all in your head.

 

Would you take you male friends to a romantic weekend? Ofc not, that's absurd.

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Gabriella777 New Member

Gabriella777

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Your feelings are reasonable. No reason whatsoever for him to take out his friends to a romantic place.

 

I think he still fancies them, and is probably causing you to feel insecure so that you would think it's all in your head.

 

Would you take you male friends to a romantic weekend? Ofc not, that's absurd.

 

I don't think it's not a romantic date to him; it's just a trip with his friends and since he had a great time last time he them, he'd like to repeat that. That's the way I understand it and I don't want to blame him and point the finger - I don't see what he wants to do as something wrong, it just makes me feel horrible.

xxoo Established Member

xxoo

Posted
Posted
He was thinking of having me and another 2 female friends (he only has female friends). But then he thought that because it would be romantic, it would not be nice if all 4 of us were together coz me and him might behave really as a couple and ignore his other 2 friends. He hasn't decided what to do but he was thinking of buying the trip twice, once with his friends and once with me.

 

If he is going to buy the trip twice, why not go once as a couple (romantic) and once as a group of 4 (non-romantic)?

 

Why can't you go along on the non-romantic trip?

 

Do these female friends have boyfriends? If not, you could even invite along a couple single guys, and make it a fun mingle :)

 

I'd tell him that I want to go on both trips. I'd really love a romantic, couple trip, and I'd also love to go on a fun trip with friends. I'd say that I'm looking forward to becoming better friends with his friends on the group trip.

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Gabriella777 New Member

Gabriella777

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Would it be too much if I asked him to not do anything? I mean, cancel both trips and don't do any of the two trips.

 

After crying, I just feel so horrible about both and don't want to know about that trip :(

 

Do you think it's a case of him respecting my feelings and not making me feel even worse by not doing any trips or am I being really unreasonable and jealous and it'd be ok for him to go with his friends but not me?

I just don't want to be this incredibly clingy jealous gf and restrict him because I feel a certain way.

CarrieT Established Member

CarrieT

Posted
Posted
If he is going to buy the trip twice, why not go once as a couple (romantic) and once as a group of 4 (non-romantic)?

 

Why can't you go along on the non-romantic trip?

 

 

That was the first thing I thought of...

 

And, yes, asking him to cancel both trips is clingy and overreacting. He is being generous and you don't have a good reason for doing this rash act...

whichwayisup Established Member

whichwayisup

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I think he needs to make some male friends.

 

Also, it's totally inappropriate to take two 'female friends he has or used to have' feelings for on a romantic trip. With you two as a couple and also without you and going with the two of them! He's in a relationship with you, not them! Sorry but there's no way I would put up with this.

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Diamonds&Rust Established Member

Diamonds&Rust

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Asking him to cancel both trips is out of the question, at least in terms of behaving reasonably.

 

I share confusion over the fact that you'd be excluded from the friends trip. You can behave appropriately and not make out with him the entire time or something.

 

Now it sounds like you don't want to go at all? Because you're embarrassed of how you reacted in private? Consider that it's not just about you, and that you don't necessarily need to stress him out for doing a nice thing.

flyaway Member

flyaway

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I would not be okay with my boyfriend going *ALONE* to a romantic place with 2 female friends (or whatever number of female friends) without me. No, not okay.

 

Do they have boyfriends? Why not he bring some of his female friends with their boyfriends? I don't know about you but I like hanging out with other couples with my boyfriend. I like the dynamic. That's just an idea.

Chi townD Established Member

Chi townD

Posted
Posted

Ummmm..... I would say there's a difference of perception. Where you see the Islands and palm tree's with white sandy beaches with waves crashing into the shore, he see's wave's with breaker's that he can body board or surf off of! You see romance, he see's extreme sports. You need to TALK TO HIM about your feelings on the matter. Guy's aren't mind reader's!

 

This is when girls tell guys they want to end it because they weren't happy. Which ends up being a surprise to the guy, because they hadn't had a clue. THIS IS THE TIME THAT YOU NEED TO TALK TO HIM ABOUT WHAT YOU ARE FEELING!!!!

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