DontWorryBHappy Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 I'm starting to feel pretty concerned about the fact that I have never once been with a guy who has attempted to ask any sexual health questions before wanting to get sexual, such as finding out if I've been tested and whatnot. I literally have always been the only one to bother asking - if I didn't ask it wouldn't have been brought up at all. Sometimes they're perfectly happy to ask for sex without a condom on, claiming that they can pull out. I feel like I have to be a sex educator, telling them that a woman can fall pregnant from pre-cum.. although if they're not worried about pregnancy, they certainly aren't worried about diseases. Some of these guys don't seem to know that pregnancy is possible without finishing the act inside of a woman, and some don't seem to understand that it's possible to have an STD without showing symptoms of one (hello chlamydia and HIV???). I remember when my last ex said that sex feels better without a condom on and asked if we could try it for just a couple minutes - this actually was a huge turn off, because he appeared naive and almost caveman like with his lack of concern. Perhaps I've had a history of dating highly immature people? There must be men out there who will not sleep with a woman (or give AND receive oral sex) without asking those important questions. My experiences with those who seem to lack this basic concern sort of make me want to run the other way. I'm a little tired of having to be the one to say "No, we really need to use a condom because I could still get pregnant" and the only one asking "Are you clean?".
Author DontWorryBHappy Posted March 17, 2012 Author Posted March 17, 2012 Florida. I met some of them at the University of Florida, apparently a top public university.
RedRobin Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 Some men are raised to think that women take care of that stuff. Some of that is generational too. Depending on how old you are... men in their 40's were coming of age pre-AIDS and still think they can mess around without consequences. Regarding pregnancy... they probably assume the woman will just get an abortion. Not sure why women go along with it. Poor self esteem perhaps? It's also human nature to think it won't happen to them (ie pregnancy, STDs, etc). My advice is not to sleep or mess around with men who regularly engage in casual sex. Get to know them first.
xxoo Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 Since these are younger guys, I'm going to guess it is a mix of poor impulse control and immaturity. They still believe they are invincible--that bad stuff won't happen to them. Assume they are all disease laden until proven otherwise 2
RedRobin Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 Since these are younger guys, I'm going to guess it is a mix of poor impulse control and immaturity. They still believe they are invincible--that bad stuff won't happen to them. Assume they are all disease laden until proven otherwise I'd agree about younger men. I'd also agree that it would be a good indicator of their character and sense of personal responsibility if they tried to push things without being proactive. A good weed out process.
Buck Turgidson Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 Florida is one of the top three states in terms of school districts' utilizations of abstinence-only education. So more of these men than national average will have never been instructed in the biology of sex, symptoms of STIs, the proper use of birth control, or the effectiveness of safer sex practices.
Author DontWorryBHappy Posted March 17, 2012 Author Posted March 17, 2012 (edited) xxoo: That's exactly my mentality right now. It just baffles me how many of them are so unconcerned. Also, I've had a select few "fling" encounters in my life, and protection was used there. The guys I'm talking about are actually ones I was in relationships with.. lol. Edited March 17, 2012 by DontWorryBHappy
phineas Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 It is a two-way street. You BOTH should be asking these questions. Since it is in YOUR best interest not to get pregnant YOU should be telling them to buy rubbers ahead of time. you would be amazed at how many women in college are on the pill these days. Hence a lot of younger guys just assume. (which is stupid on their part) (and how many women not on the pill that lie and say they are) Which is also why I as a man hold myself responsible for where my sperm goes. LOL!
fortyninethousand322 Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 There's a thread a couple of lines down where the guy wants to get tested before condomless sex and the woman doesn't. So, it's probably a generational thing and not a gender thing.
Bob_Funk Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 It's the guys you're choosing to reward with your sex. From what I gather, all your partners have been of the 105 iq, fraternity ilk with low future time orientation. Probably arts and business students. What about the STEM majors? Most of those guys would kill to have 5 minutes with a real live girl. Oh wait, I forgot. None of them of them are cute enough for you. If you want to live it up with mimbos, be my guest. Just don't expect my sympathy.
oaks Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 Florida. I met some of them at the University of Florida, apparently a top public university. I guess they weren't studying medicine. Just accept that some people aren't educated and some people don't care (in the moment of passion). Thankfully you are, and do, so you just need to tell them to wrap it up if they want to stick it in.
Ruby Slippers Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 No man has ever initiated the STD talk with me, either. I've always brought it up, and every single one of them was totally lax about it -- not concerned about my STD status, and most were ready and eager to have sex without a condom. This is ALL guys, from average intelligence and maturity, to way above average intelligence and maturity. I think most men are just so excited to have sex that their rational thinking pretty much shuts off. It's kind of shocking, but now I know the deal, so I don't expect them to be responsible about this. I look after myself.
carhill Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 (edited) How does one get into an exclusive monogamous sexual relationship without talking about sex and related topics and reaching a mutual middle ground and understanding? Since the OP has, perhaps she has the answer. OP? In the future, if your proactive approach is met with a blank stare and mumbling, don't enter an exclusive monogamous relationship with such a person. Coherent, educated adults do exist, even in your age bracket. Seek them out. In fact, broach the topic of sex long before sex ever happens, even before you're dating seriously. Early warning canary. Good luck and my compliments for being a responsible young adult. not concerned about my STD status, and most were ready and eager to have sex without a condom. This is ALL guys, from average intelligence and maturity, to way above average intelligence and maturity. Perhaps another reason my exW called me 'abnormal'. I've always been concerned about my health and that's probably why I've been so healthy at 52. I always brought up BC and STD topics from the very beginning. Communication. Edited March 17, 2012 by carhill
Ruby Slippers Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 Perhaps another reason my exW called me 'abnormal'. I've always been concerned about my health and that's probably why I've been so healthy at 52. I always brought up BC and STD topics from the very beginning. Communication. I would be delighted if the guy brought it up -- but not a single one has. It's nice to know that you do exist!
somedude81 Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 Florida is one of the top three states in terms of school districts' utilizations of abstinence-only education. So more of these men than national average will have never been instructed in the biology of sex, symptoms of STIs, the proper use of birth control, or the effectiveness of safer sex practices. That's exactly what I was wondering about.
phineas Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 No man has ever initiated the STD talk with me, either. I've always brought it up, and every single one of them was totally lax about it -- not concerned about my STD status, and most were ready and eager to have sex without a condom. This is ALL guys, from average intelligence and maturity, to way above average intelligence and maturity. I think most men are just so excited to have sex that their rational thinking pretty much shuts off. It's kind of shocking, but now I know the deal, so I don't expect them to be responsible about this. I look after myself. IDK, when I invite a woman over for a "movie" I give her the option of picking up beer or rubbers.
kaylan Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 To answer your question OP, its because for some guys this right here holds true: Having sex > everything else There are dudes who have no respect for their bodies or others and will do anything for the smallest taste of tail. Of course there exists plenty of women who are lax about STDs as well...it just seems to be a little more prevalent amongst guys.
veggirl Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 The furthest a guy (other than current BF!) got to questioning my sexual health / practices has been a breathy "are you on the pill?" Understandably they don't want to get a girl pregnant, but inexplicably that seems to be the ONLY concern they have. I guess they've figured if they can't see an open gushing wound down there, I must be clean? I mean, I am clean, but they don't ever ask. I have def asked, and I've told them no I'm not on the pill and you'd be wearing a condom even if I was.
kaylan Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 (edited) Just wanted to add, I always ask about health status before sex. Im too paranoid not to. A couple of the women I have been with were like the guys you mentioned though. Where they didnt try to bring it up first, and if I didnt say anything, they would have gone along and screwed me unprotected without issue. If a girl and I dont have a sexual health and contraception conversation before things get heated up, then Ill glady ask in the heat of the moment. A simple "this is safe right?, is there anything you need to tell me about?" is how I go about it. I say it in a soft and calm tone. One girl I was with beat me to it which made me feel way more into the situation since she was being responsible. She was more blunt..."Youre disease free right? Whens the last time you were tested". Be safe people. Edited March 17, 2012 by kaylan
veggirl Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 A couple of the women I have been with were like the guys you mentioned though. Where they didnt try to bring it up first, and if I didnt say anything, they would have gone along and screwed me unprotected without issue. this sums up why many people don't ask. They don't have to. Too many people (of both gender) just don't care, have the "it couldn't happen to me" attitude. Not good!
carhill Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 She was more blunt..."Youre disease free right? Whens the last time you were tested". How about 'I'll e-mail you my lab report'? Did that, starting way back in 1996, as part of the then-new fad of 'online dating'. Pretty simple. It's just stuff on a paper. Part of my 'trust with verification' MO.
oaks Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 How about 'I'll e-mail you my lab report'? Last time I got tested the clinic clearly explained their notification procedure. They said they would call me if there was anything to discuss about my results (or email me or write to me - I could choose which method), but if I hadn't heard by a certain date then I was all clear. (I double-checked that they had the right phone number several times!) So, I have no 'results' to show anyone.
carhill Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 Since I pay for my labs, I require a hard copy as product for my payment. Qwest has never had an issue with that. They send it to my doctor and I get the copy from him. Since I've been married, I didn't have routine STD labs done, but plenty of other lab work.
kaylan Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 this sums up why many people don't ask. They don't have to. Too many people (of both gender) just don't care, have the "it couldn't happen to me" attitude. Not good! Yeah, its very unsettling and gross.It's the guys you're choosing to reward with your sex. From what I gather, all your partners have been of the 105 iq, fraternity ilk with low future time orientation. Probably arts and business students. What about the STEM majors? Most of those guys would kill to have 5 minutes with a real live girl. Oh wait, I forgot. None of them of them are cute enough for you. If you want to live it up with mimbos, be my guest. Just don't expect my sympathy. Way to throw business students under the bus. We are FAR different from art students, and last I checked some of the smartest and most successful professionals in the world are business majors. Meh.
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