Nextlane Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 I recently went through a break-up from a 4 year relationship. It took me about a week to overcome all stages which were lasting about 10 hours per day on average. I've come to acceptance and closure feels so much better now that I am myself. I really expected an emotional wreck for at least 3 weeks. Everyone whose ever gone through a break-up, don't relaspe into denial or else it comes a repetitive process. Be strong enough to accept the break-up: you will grow stronger and understand that if you love someone, you must set them free. Learn to love yourself - buy new clothes, hangout with old friends, hit the gym, take a holiday etc... Become the person you once were and learn from your mistakes to make a better future. David.
mike588 Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 I recently went through a break-up from a 4 year relationship. It took me about a week to overcome all stages which were lasting about 10 hours per day on average. I've come to acceptance and closure feels so much better now that I am myself. I really expected an emotional wreck for at least 3 weeks. Everyone whose ever gone through a break-up, don't relaspe into denial or else it comes a repetitive process. Be strong enough to accept the break-up: you will grow stronger and understand that if you love someone, you must set them free. Learn to love yourself - buy new clothes, hangout with old friends, hit the gym, take a holiday etc... Become the person you once were and learn from your mistakes to make a better future. David. Lucky you..it only took you a week to overcome all the stages of the b/u? I was a wreck for alot longer than that and it took several months just to start feeling better again. When I finally put it/her behind me and and was really moving on she contacts me several times.....now I'm getting over her again!
nick d Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 How can you be over someone that you were with for 4 years in one week? Man, I need to learn your skills!
Diamonds&Rust Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 Yeah, I'm impressed. It usually takes me around 50 times more than you, no exaggeration. How do you know you're done?
MarlaOryx Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 Last year after two extremely short-lived relationships, it took me 5 months to get over them. Earlier in life, after the split of a three-year relationship with my ex-fiancee, it took me much less time, as a lot of the splitting was done within the relationship. It faded from the inside out, lovingly, for the most part. Now, at the end of a three-month, very intensely loving relationship, I'm on week 4 and I'm not over it. Not even close. Not as agonizing as the two last year, but still not easy.
Phanpooh Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 the first time, i was a dumper Short-term relationship, needed 5years to truly move on, this time, i don't know how to deal with 2y LDR and i was a dumpee....
Author Nextlane Posted March 17, 2012 Author Posted March 17, 2012 How do you know you're done? When you come to terms with reality that it would expected to happen. The acceptance is the key. Don't get back into denial where you believe both parties still have feelings for each other and it will one day workout. You will understand that life is what you make it, think of it as a milestone in your life where you are learning to become stronger. You will sleep, eat and enjoy life a hell lot better. =]
Philosoraptor Posted March 19, 2012 Posted March 19, 2012 Ah, the first week bliss. I remember feeling like I was over it in a week as well. Sadly it's not quite that easy to detach, unless you truly were never attached. It took me a couple of months to get past everything in a 5 year relationship. While it is true you need to find peace and acceptance, you also need to be realistic with yourself. Give yourself the test. Imagine your ex in the same throws of passion that you shared together, but with someone else. Imagine them doing everything that you did together, but with someone else. If that twists your stomach at all then you need to get back to work before this bliss crashes. When mine crashed I wanted to blow my brains out, not fun.
Cmac Posted March 19, 2012 Posted March 19, 2012 If you're over someone after a week when you'd been with them for 4 years then you never really loved them in the first place or your feelings for them faded loooonnnng before the break-up occurred. 1
fetish1980 Posted March 19, 2012 Posted March 19, 2012 healing time is different for everyone, but i find it hard to believe you can be over a 4 year relationship in one week. That sounds like a little bit of denial. My 8 year relationship ended in February 2011 and she has since tried to come back. I had to look out for myself and determine that it wasn't in my best interest and didn't go back to her. I'm moving on but i wouldn't say i'm completely 100% over her. fetish
Author Nextlane Posted March 24, 2012 Author Posted March 24, 2012 If you're over someone after a week when you'd been with them for 4 years then you never really loved them in the first place or your feelings for them faded loooonnnng before the break-up occurred. I did love a lot and really thought to have married her someday. But when it comes to infedelity, its black at white. I'm just lucky to dodge a bullet, instead of having to go through the ordeal or her doing it later on. I also got to see her negative traits when I overcame it. I had a big laugh, asked myself what had I been doing and why I actually lost my own identity to this person when it wasn't mean it be. Experience is the key, it was my first relationship and its strange how it lasted 4 years.
M2155 Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 I think it depends on your definition of "over it" too. For me, when I had a "good" break up with real reasons and understanding that it probably would last, I was sad and hurt but not angry or disrespected. So it didn't take me long to get over him at all, maybe a couple weeks-I'm not saying I was ready to jump into it with something new but the fantasies of wanting him back were not there (even though till this day he was my best ever boyfriend). I was fine with a future without him in it. Acceptance and understanding. My recent ex well, anger and disrespect came with that. I had to heal myself and my own self-esteem took a hit. I think that's where it gets you the worst. When you don't even know how to change your thinking to life without/before this person. I'm 7-8 months or something like that now and I'm ok. I think my ex is a wonderful guy but he didn't handle things right with me and I'm everyday closer to indifference. I've actually started meeting people lately that I've actually found interesting-not saying they have potential- but at least interesting and I've gotten past "I'll never meet someone better" which is another hurdle. I think the biggest thing in moving on really is how the breakup affects your feelings about yourself. You have to see your flaws, your strengths and regain your independence.
Chs Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 It depends so much on the situation, yes a week sounds like nothing especially after such a long relationship. But in some situations the love might have just dissapeared and you are actually prepared for losing what you had, and might even want to, before the break up happens. Sudden break ups that was unexpected or where the will to be with the person was still very much there are harder to get over. Myself have only had 2 long relationships of around a year each and the first one i also got over within a couple of days where the second one took me 4+ months.
cflowers32 Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 David, I think you are right on, but I also know that everyone here is on a different journey with their break up. I am here so I don't call or text him and I love him and he says he still loves me, is attracted to me, but he wants his options open (please read my post), but after telling him I think he's making a stupid (I also told him I didn't mean to sound so harsh, I don't like the word stupid), I have to let him go, and I don't want to. So I'll come here, get support and hang with others that are going through what I'm going through and support them too. This place has been such a relief and the minute I get here when I'm thinking about him, it eases a lot of my pain.
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