RosstheBoss Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 (edited) Hey, I'm new and wanted to share a recent experience and if anyone can provide their advice or opinion that would be great. So I'm 24, and my girlfriend Sarah is 23 and we have dated now for 3 years. Anyways, we've always had normal fights and issues but I thought everything was going great, we were even talking of going on a vacation last fall but couldn't since I got a new job. Anyways, her family happened to plan a vacation which interfered with us making plans. She was gone for 3 weeks, and when she came back, we got together, had a good time, she even said she missed me, and then at the end of our date, she said she needed a break, I was upset, confused, asked her why, what was wrong? And she asked me if I ever thought of seeing what else was out there since we are both young and haven't dated much? She also asked if I considered to be in an open relationship? I was really upset. I asked her if something happened on her vacation? She said no, I asked if there was someone else she is interested in? She said no. I told her if she didn't want to be with me to just tell me, rather than saying I need to time, especially since we hadn't seen each other for 3 weeks, I thought she might be excited to see me. The problem is she lied to me before, nothing too major otherwise I would have broken up but its still hard to trust her. About a month after the incident she made a comment on how she was hit on by a lot of guys on her trip too. Anyways we go from talking about going on a trip to almost breaking up. Anyways she called me the next day and told me she needs 2 weeks for herself and if we are going to be together for a long time, I should wait 2 weeks. Finally after 2 weeks, she called me, anyways I insisted to meet her just for a short time, when I met her she told me she needed more time to get back together, I said if she needed more time, I don't want to be with her, when I walked her to her car to say goodbye she finally changed her mind and wanted to be together. So we continued to date for 5 months now, also 2 months after the incident when she was having a very bad day she asked to move in with me. Anyways I get over most things easily don't let many things bother me but this is something I still am not over with, I don't really trust her to be honest. What would you all do in this situation? Edited March 17, 2012 by RosstheBoss made it shorter, too long
Exit Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 (edited) I would probably bring it up with her rather than posting on a forum. (No offense, not saying you don't have the right to be here or anything). Frankly I don't blame you. Look how unsure she was, and then in that instant when you were ready to let her go, she changed her mind. Maybe she just shifted gears from "needing a break and maybe getting back together" to "fine, I'll stay with you, but out of the corner of my eye I'll still be looking if there's something better out there for me". I don't blame you for not trusting her completely. She went away for a few weeks and apparently a couple of guys hitting on her made her question her whole future, instead of presenting her with an opportunity to say "aww that's flattering but I have a great guy back home". You say she asked to move in with you, but did you let her? This would be a very important discussion to have before making a commitment like living together. I would just be open and honest with her and say hey... I've never really forgotten how you seemed so interested in not being together anymore and exploring your options, and now we're just kinda back together and pretending that never happened, and I'd like to make sure that things like that don't still cross your mind. Just my 2 cents, maybe other people will reply and tell you my idea to start a conversation about this issue would be absolute suicide. If she still thinks about it, bringing it up may indeed get you more than you asked for. But just avoiding the conversation to make sure nothing bad happens isn't really a solution either. It's like worrying that you're sick but choosing to not go to the doctor, because at least then you won't know about it. You may very well still be with someone who thinks about other options for her future that don't include you. Talking to her about it may bring that stuff to the surface. But if it's there, it's there, and starting the conversation isn't going to cause the problem, the problem is either already there or not. I would want to talk to her about it, but I'm a communication addict. Edited March 17, 2012 by Exit
Author RosstheBoss Posted March 17, 2012 Author Posted March 17, 2012 No we didn't move in, I told her I can't, she didn't even ask why or respond really and we haven't actually talked about it at all since.
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