Octolopoly Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 So I'd been going out with my girlfriend for just over 2 years. About one year into our relationship, she bought her own place and asked me to move in with her. So I packed up and moved into her place, and not long afterward I started my own business. The business started quite well, but turned sour fairly quickly, and long story short, I ran at a loss this year. It affected me pretty badly and I fell into a rut, which affected both my girlfriend and our relationship. Last week, she broke up with me. Because of how my business went, I'm currently broke and I've only just started a new job and I'm in the process of getting back on my feet financially. When we broke up, she told me that it was because it hadn't been enjoyable over the past few months, mainly because she frequently had to support and help me, while my situation got worse and worse and now I'm in a certain amount of debt, about a third of it is to her. She told me that she didn't want to just kick me out, and wants me to help get back on her feet. Here's where it becomes confusing. When we discussed the breakup a few days later, she told me that she loves me, but she can't be with me until my situation and debt is resolved and I can stand on my own two feet again. She wants me to move out when this happens, which is fair enough. But she's told me several times that she loves me and has spoken about us getting back together later, but that she needs to know I'll be in a position to make sure there's a future for us. She said that it'll take a long time to fix the damage. I gave her an easy way out by offering to move interstate with family, but that would mean ditching the great job I just started. The worst part is that I know through a mutual friend that she's seen another guy a few times since we broke up, despite telling me that she couldn't see anyone whilst still living with me. I just don't know how to take all this. I'm working my ass off to get back on my feet, working as much as possible to prove that I'm regaining my independence. I have to see her everyday, and I know that she's seeing someone else. Am I kidding myself that there's hope here? Short story: Broke up with live-in girlfriend, her house. Wants me to stay and get back on my feet. Tells me there's a chance once I've got my **** sorted. Says she still loves me. Is seeing another guy.
freetolove Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 sorry to hear that =( Focus on you and start getting your life together. If it's emotionally unhealthy there, I would move out of the house and don't promise her that you'll be waiting.
Author Octolopoly Posted March 19, 2012 Author Posted March 19, 2012 It's been civil, yet awkward the past week or so. On the weekend, I went out and ended up sleeping with a girl I just met. It didn't make me feel different about the situation, but it made me feel a little better. I spent the entire weekend away from home, hadn't seen her in almost three days and then at 11pm last night, she sent me a text. We both love this tv show, and she just texted me something she found out about the next season. It's a little strange. That was the first time she'd messaged or called me since we broke up. Thoughts?
Author Octolopoly Posted March 28, 2012 Author Posted March 28, 2012 So it's been over three weeks now. I've started my new job and everything is going well on that front. At first I was avoiding my ex as much as possible and things felt awkward and horrible. I've started paying her back and we discussed the living situation. She told me that there's no rush for me to move out and after I've paid her back, rent just continues at $100 a week. I found it a little odd that she's not encouraging me to leave as soon as possible. This past christmas, I couldn't afford to get her a gift, so this weekend, before I left the house for a few days, I left her the gift I'd planned to get her all along in her room. I didn't hear from her until late on Saturday night when she messaged me to tell me how she was sitting in front of the tv eating chocolate. When I came home Sunday afternoon, she was in bed reading. We chatted for a bit and then I asked her to come and get dinner with me. She got dressed up, like more than she usually did when we'd been going out. We went out and had a great night. The past two days she's been messaging me during the day and at home, she keeps coming into my room to tell me random stuff and sit and talk for a bit. I've been leaving her notes and drawings in random places for her to find like I used to when we first started dating. Yet a mutual friend of ours tells me that she said she wants time to herself and wants me to get myself well and truly back on my feet before she'd consider anything happening. Last night I asked her about my friend's engagement party in a couple of weeks and she said she'd still like to go with me, and asked me if I wanted to go to with her to another party that same weekend. So long story short: My work and financial situation has improved, I'm noticeably happier, we're getting along well, planning future social stuff together. Does anyone think it's possible for her to change her mind so quickly in light of what's happening, or is this some weird friendzone thing?
immitable Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 Although I want to believe what you believe about her, it sounds weird still. I could spot a couple red flags there., not sure though. Do you owe her a lot of money? - one of the reasons she could be keeping you around is until you pay her back, so that she can contiue her relationship with that other guy stress free (eg not having to go through court procedures with you etc - women are sneaky like that) Red flag number two: at the moment of your downfall she developes attraction to someone else???? Instead of sticking thruogh tough times with you - would indicate she doesn't love you. She yould easily pretend that everything is ok and going to parties with you but only until she gets what she wants back from you. Living with someone after breakup is generally difficult because the relationship dies. When relationship dies you tend to go through different stages and the next stage would be the anger stage, former lovers are angry at eachother. It is difficult to give advice with limited information but I'd suggest you follow your gut feeling.
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