Genuine question for OW: what constitutes "compassion" or "empathy" for the wife?

[BrighterWashing]

 

However, I thought I had some compassion for the BS because I did not want her to find out about the A. I would never have outted MM to her because IRL I didn’t want to cause her that kind of pain. I would never have asked him to leave her. I wasn’t that kind of OW, the kind that would break up her family. That, I thought, was compassionate…kinda…some kind of…

 

I see that. His OW was planning to change Husbands from the beginning so she said when she thought she had succeeded. When I found out and we both asked her to leave us alone for the weekend to talk she kept calling and saying she had a right to know what we were saying and "deserved 5%of him at least". It was bizarre. Thanks I feel better about not believing her claims.

[findingnemo]

I've been away for a long time...missed LS.

 

Brighter, I was once the OW. I don't for a minute believe that I felt compassion for xMM's W during the A. I did my very best not think about her...especially at the beginning. My xMM never had a bad thing to say about her and so as time went by, I began to admire her even if it was reluctantly.

 

So compassion, empathy? Those aren't feelings that a OW can feel while still in the A. What I think happens is that a OW will begin to understand the MM and then will realize that he is playing both women. At that point, she may very well feel compassion and act on it by dumping the MM.

 

As for the OW in your case, she's kooky!! She has major issues and frankly I think from your other threads that you should out her to her H. It seems like the one thing she's afraid of. If you do this, she'll concentrate on sorting her M out and leave yours alone. She feels absolutely no compassion for you but sees you as someone she must get out of the picture. That's why one minute she's friendly and the next, she loses it. Don't for one minute believe she feels anything positive for you. She's bad, bad news.