irc333 Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 .....when I ask her out, she says, "I don't know what I'll be doing this weekend, I'll have to let you know" I met this woman in a circle of friends, and I thought we hit it off, we exchanged #'s and such. But each time she's called me, she's only called me to B.S. She called me tonight, and asked me what I got going on this weekend I told her about doing a game night with some friends.....she goes to ask me, "That sounds pretty fun, game night? What kind of games do you play? and I named off different board games and card games and such. She said "That sounds like fun!". The host said to feel free to bring guests. So I opened my trap and said, "Would you like to join me?" And she said, "I dunno, I have to pick up my daughter at a B-day part at 6" (The game night started at 7 and I made her aware of it) And she said, "Still I think I might be cutting it close anyhow." , and she could feel free to join us, I figured she was hinting at me asking her out. I told her what I had going on, but was free on Sunday, and I asked if she's free to see a movie. She was looking at the movie schedule and the trailers with me while she was on the phone, and she goes, "wow, this looks like a good flick, I gotta see this." And I say, "Oh okay, how about we see it Sunday" And she's like "I dunno what I got going on this weekend, with the kids and all, I'll have to let you know" This was our 3rd interaction together, and I'm about fed up with her teasin' me like this. After she told me "I'll have to let you know" I started to become a bit short with her, while she was still trying to make idle, friendly chit chat. I'm at my last straw and feel like telling her "Hey, shyt or get off the pot." Anyone? I hate it when women call to BS with you on the phone, make you think that they're interested in seeing you, then you finally ask them out, but come up with a Rolodex of excuses when you try to nail them down to a time.
xpaperxcutx Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 She's no different from the guys who likes idle texting but are too lazy to meet up for a date. You're easy for her to get an ego boost from. NEXT!!! 1
sid3 Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 Anyone? Ok. Sounds like she doesn't need a rolodex of excuses. She keeps giving you the same one. She may be too busy. Her kids are her priority, although you didn't mention their ages. It's unclear, at least to me, if you're in the friendzone.
fortyninethousand322 Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 Man, at some point if I were you I'd just get a dog and give up on women forever. I get depressed a little every time I see a thread of yours pop up. 1
Author irc333 Posted March 17, 2012 Author Posted March 17, 2012 Ok. Sounds like she doesn't need a rolodex of excuses. She keeps giving you the same one. She may be too busy. Her kids are her priority, although you didn't mention their ages. It's unclear, at least to me, if you're in the friendzone. Her kids are 11 and 14...she has been known to leave them home alone sometimes when she goes out and does her own thing.
sid3 Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 Her kids are 11 and 14...she has been known to leave them home alone sometimes when she goes out and does her own thing. Welcome to the friendzone:(
Author irc333 Posted March 17, 2012 Author Posted March 17, 2012 Welcome to the friendzone:( May I ask you something, what do I need to do to avoid this, and actually have this result in a dating relationship and not a friends only situation?
Author irc333 Posted March 17, 2012 Author Posted March 17, 2012 Apparently, she said I always make her laugh, she keeps repeating this quite frequently. I find it how ironic it is, that it's such a TURN on for a guy to make her laugh, but how ever, I'm not turning them on in a way where they'd want to date me. Is it my form of humor or comedy?
sid3 Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 what do I need to do to avoid this, and actually have this result in a dating relationship and not a friends only situation? I'd guess its probably too late for THIS to be anything other than a friends only situation. Start by reading Counterman's thread, pay attention to the changes in his attitude.There's also a few posters that have been around quite awhile that have provided all the advice you'll ever need, search for it.
Author irc333 Posted March 17, 2012 Author Posted March 17, 2012 I'd guess its probably too late for THIS to be anything other than a friends only situation. Start by reading Counterman's thread, pay attention to the changes in his attitude.There's also a few posters that have been around quite awhile that have provided all the advice you'll ever need, search for it. I'm sorry, but this happened too fast, I thought the FZ took a big longer than my situation. I even got my flirt on with her.
xpaperxcutx Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 I'm sorry, but this happened too fast, I thought the FZ took a big longer than my situation. I even got my flirt on with her. It does not matter. The fact that's she's not being proactive says alot. ALOT. The guy I'm dating now, will drive 28 miles just to see me and take me out to dinner. He makes time to call and text me. I, too, initiate texts and calls him. I even offered to take the train to his house just to see him. Just talking on the phone is not enough. If you're not making time to see each other in person, the whole " flirting" you have going on is a sham.
phineas Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 She's no different from the guys who likes idle texting but are too lazy to meet up for a date. You're easy for her to get an ego boost from. NEXT!!! Guys do this? Really? I avoid idle txting unless it's to get to know a woman initially. If their not making solid plans to meet me after we've established interest then I really do have better things to do than forever txt.
RedRobin Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 (edited) .....when I ask her out, she says, "I don't know what I'll be doing this weekend, I'll have to let you know" I met this woman in a circle of friends, and I thought we hit it off, we exchanged #'s and such. But each time she's called me, she's only called me to B.S. She called me tonight, and asked me what I got going on this weekend I told her about doing a game night with some friends.....she goes to ask me, "That sounds pretty fun, game night? What kind of games do you play? and I named off different board games and card games and such. She said "That sounds like fun!". The host said to feel free to bring guests. So I opened my trap and said, "Would you like to join me?" And she said, "I dunno, I have to pick up my daughter at a B-day part at 6" (The game night started at 7 and I made her aware of it) And she said, "Still I think I might be cutting it close anyhow." , and she could feel free to join us, I figured she was hinting at me asking her out. I told her what I had going on, but was free on Sunday, and I asked if she's free to see a movie. She was looking at the movie schedule and the trailers with me while she was on the phone, and she goes, "wow, this looks like a good flick, I gotta see this." And I say, "Oh okay, how about we see it Sunday" And she's like "I dunno what I got going on this weekend, with the kids and all, I'll have to let you know" This was our 3rd interaction together, and I'm about fed up with her teasin' me like this. After she told me "I'll have to let you know" I started to become a bit short with her, while she was still trying to make idle, friendly chit chat. I'm at my last straw and feel like telling her "Hey, shyt or get off the pot." Anyone? I hate it when women call to BS with you on the phone, make you think that they're interested in seeing you, then you finally ask them out, but come up with a Rolodex of excuses when you try to nail them down to a time. You just described the typical multidater. You're in the cue. She's keeping you around while she dates dude #1 or #2 or #3... There is lots of dating advice that says in the early stages to do a 'don't ask don't tell' approach. I never went along with that, because it produces the kinds of reactions you are experiencing, plus it doesn't build trust. I've had a guy give me the run around like this before... I'll tolerate it for a couple of weeks, then I'll just put it on the table in a polite way. It usually brings closure of one sort or another. You could just stop taking her calls and see what happens. If you met through a mutual set of friends, there will probably be opportunities to run across her again. Edited March 17, 2012 by RedRobin
sid3 Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 May I ask you something, what do I need to do to avoid this, and actually have this result in a dating relationship and not a friends only situation? You just described the typical multidater. You're in the cue. She's keeping you around while she dates dude #1 or #2 or #3... There is lots of dating advice that says in the early stages to do a 'don't ask don't tell' approach. I never went along with that, because it produces the kinds of reactions you are experiencing, plus it doesn't build trust. I've had a guy give me the run around like this before... I'll tolerate it for a couple of weeks, then I'll just put it on the table in a polite way. It usually brings closure of one sort or another. This is why I don't date multidaters. I don't like this done to me, and I don'ot do it to other people. I'm either interested in a guy and giving him my full attention, or I make it clear we are friends and nothing more. Hey lady!
RedRobin Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 Apparently, she said I always make her laugh, she keeps repeating this quite frequently. I find it how ironic it is, that it's such a TURN on for a guy to make her laugh, but how ever, I'm not turning them on in a way where they'd want to date me. Is it my form of humor or comedy? It may have zero to do with you. The whole thing is that this is not progressing towards the kind of relationship you want. Doesn't really matter why. I don't tend to concern myself with people's reasons... although I've seen the above behavior way too often. They are interested at some level. I doubt she would make the effort to call you if you were truly in the friendzone. Usually the true friendzone is where they don't really much care if you call or not. They'll always be friendly and nice. They like you enough to talk to you...but not enough to reciprocate on the initiation. The fact that she IS initiating would seem to indicate some interest...but alas, not enough to follow through with an actual date. One more suggestion... she could have a totally different dating style than yours. You've got zero to lose here, so try this. Next time she calls, come right out and tell her you are confused. Tell her that "I thought there was some mutual interest, and it is really confusing to me when you call and then don't want to follow up for something in person." Tell her that you would like to get to know her better in person and set a date for a couple of weeks in advance. Most people are perfectly capable of rearranging their schedule if given enough advance notice. If she still gives you the run around... then off the plate she goes. Not only is she not honest, but she's wishy washy and a bad communicator. I did that with a guy I met through a friend and it worked great. He didn't follow up with a date, but I got clarity and we left things with him knowing I wasn't going to do the don't ask don't tell thing in a respectful way... whatever it is. Plus it left our mutual friendships intact and happy.
RedRobin Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 Hey lady! Hey! Quick on the quote button, I see! I also see that neither of us want to focus on our house selling projects all that much. DAMN this LS. (I just finished my coffee by the way). The good news is that I have a contractor coming over to do some work, so yea, I'll be forced to put down the LS addiction for awhile... (thread jack over...) oh, and to stay on topic. Yes, women give men the run around. I get that. Me being the type to make the first move and all, I know what it feels like. It sucks. Not knowing.
sid3 Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 Hey! Quick on the quote button, I see! Huh? Oh yeah, like you haven't been following me I see!!! You can say it, your new favorite I also see that neither of us want to focus on our house selling projects all that much. DAMN this LS. I really want to take a hammer to that lockbox on my front door. Ugh, nothing like having the public show up at any time. Oh we were in the neighborhood The good news is that I have a contractor coming over to do some work, so yea, I'll be forced to put down the LS addiction for awhile... I think I saw that movie....yeah... yeah i did, it was on Cinemax.
RedRobin Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 Huh? Oh yeah, like you haven't been following me I see!!! You can say it, your new favorite You are pretty funny. Saving us all from the trolls. Maybe you got the inside scoop? I really want to take a hammer to that lockbox on my front door. Ugh, nothing like having the public show up at any time. Oh we were in the neighborhood I hear you. The only person who gets unlimited access like that is my own realtor. Everyone else has to call ahead. I think I saw that movie....yeah... yeah i did, it was on Cinemax. Well, if it would get my roof fixed for free, I might consider it (not really, but that's pretty funny!) I'd do it myself, but only so many hours in the day. I did build a cedar handrail myself last weekend. Yea, that's a man magnet. I think I scared away my friend's friend when I told him I'd help him work on his 62 Corvette... that I have all the tools and that I'm a hand's on kinda girl. I'm thinking that wasn't the kinda hands on he had in mind. Why can't I just bat my eyelashes and say "ooooo! That's a fast car! Can you give me a ride in it sometime you big he-man-you?!" No. I have to open my trap and share my knowledge of car parts. He's probably thinking "WTF?! I don't even know how to change my own oil and she's going to fix MY car?!" and "B*tch. Fix me a sandwich why doncha?" There is a troll that seems to have a sandwich fetish around here. That seems to be a popular skill. If I ever do OLD again, I'll make sure to mention I know how to make sandwiches. That'll have 'em lined up out the door.
Author irc333 Posted March 19, 2012 Author Posted March 19, 2012 It may have zero to do with you. The whole thing is that this is not progressing towards the kind of relationship you want. Doesn't really matter why. I don't tend to concern myself with people's reasons... although I've seen the above behavior way too often. They are interested at some level. I doubt she would make the effort to call you if you were truly in the friendzone. Usually the true friendzone is where they don't really much care if you call or not. They'll always be friendly and nice. They like you enough to talk to you...but not enough to reciprocate on the initiation. The fact that she IS initiating would seem to indicate some interest...but alas, not enough to follow through with an actual date. One more suggestion... she could have a totally different dating style than yours. You've got zero to lose here, so try this. Next time she calls, come right out and tell her you are confused. Tell her that "I thought there was some mutual interest, and it is really confusing to me when you call and then don't want to follow up for something in person." Tell her that you would like to get to know her better in person and set a date for a couple of weeks in advance. Most people are perfectly capable of rearranging their schedule if given enough advance notice. If she still gives you the run around... then off the plate she goes. Not only is she not honest, but she's wishy washy and a bad communicator. I did that with a guy I met through a friend and it worked great. He didn't follow up with a date, but I got clarity and we left things with him knowing I wasn't going to do the don't ask don't tell thing in a respectful way... whatever it is. Plus it left our mutual friendships intact and happy. Yeah, I had done something like you said already, we'll see what her response is. You're senario about 1, 2, and 3, about seeing other men, while she's also toying with the idea of dating me, but with "don't ask , don't tell" thing. It's amazing how women can have so many options, but a guy like me FINALLY finds a woman that has an interest in me, but I don't have options...though I wouldn't mind other options, it doesn't work that way in my dating world.
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