Author BurntBroski Posted April 9, 2012 Author Posted April 9, 2012 Oh, **** it. After much deliberation, I've decided to NOT send it. I had a 17,000+ word document that I was going to send her in an email, but I deleted it. It is what it is. She knows in her heart what she's done. Why would 17,000 words of text change anything? Am I going to regret not sending it, though? Am I going to regret this in 1-3 or 5-10 years? Please respond. 1
BewitchedandBothered Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 Oh, **** it. After much deliberation, I've decided to NOT send it. I had a 17,000+ word document that I was going to send her in an email, but I deleted it. It is what it is. She knows in her heart what she's done. Why would 17,000 words of text change anything? Am I going to regret not sending it, though? Am I going to regret this in 1-3 or 5-10 years? Please respond. I am pretty darned sure you will be glad you did not send it. Glad you decided to not send; it woudn't mean one iota to her and all you would have done was waste your precious time and emotion. 1
Author BurntBroski Posted April 9, 2012 Author Posted April 9, 2012 (edited) I am pretty darned sure you will be glad you did not send it. Glad you decided to not send; it woudn't mean one iota to her and all you would have done was waste your precious time and emotion. BewitchedandBothered, first and foremost... I'd like to thank you for all your help in this thread. You are one of the best members on this forum for all the help and advice you dish out. I appreciate what you've contributed to this thread. You won't believe how hard it was to delete the letter. I highlighted the Word document, hit the Delete button, and the "Are you sure? Yes/No" prompt came up. When I held the cursor over "No", I clicked it and immediately emptied my recycle bin. Gone forever. 17,000+ words. Ouch. It hurt, I admit. Thing is, I started thinking about the stress I would be putting myself through on the day I send it. I was going to send it, text her letting her know that I sent it and be done, but that's a lot to do... I just became very anxious every time I had thoughts about sending it. It just depresses me to think about how I'm never going to hear from her ever again. I know that she rendered herself into an awful person, but once upon a time she was an absolute sweetiepie. I miss the person she used to be and wish that she had never changed, but that's life. I guess some people become less mature as the grow older in order to find themselves even if they have to screw over the only person that loves them in the process. Edited April 9, 2012 by BurntBroski
BewitchedandBothered Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 BewitchedandBothered, first and foremost... I'd like to thank you for all your help in this thread. You are one of the best members on this forum for all the help and advice you dish out. I appreciate what you've contributed to this thread. You won't believe how hard it was to delete the letter. I highlighted the Word document, hit the Delete button, and the "Are you sure? Yes/No" prompt came up. When I held the cursor over "No", I clicked it and immediately emptied my recycle bin. Gone forever. 17,000+ words. Ouch. It hurt, I admit. Thing is, I started thinking about the stress I would be putting myself through on the day I send it. I was going to send it, text her letting her know that I sent it and be done, but that's a lot to do... I just became very anxious every time I had thoughts about sending it. It just depresses me to think about how I'm never going to hear from her ever again. I know that she rendered herself into an awful person, but once upon a time she was an absolute sweetiepie. I miss the person she used to be and wish that she had never changed, but that's life. I guess some people become less mature as the grow older in order to find themselves even if they have to screw over the only person that loves them in the process. I was thinking of you today on my daily drive after reading this post. I can't tell you enough how proud I am of you that you held strong and didn't send that letter. I totally know where you are coming from. I also wanted to send my ex such a letter, but it would have served no purpose. He already knows what a creep he is, because every woman he had burnt has told him, LOL;) In your case, she will keep on keeping on, and would probably brag that 'he still wants me' if she got that letter. These ex's can be very twisted about that kind of thing. I wish we could vote these jerks off the island;) In the beginning our ex's were wonderful and sweet--that is how you get lured in. The devil isn't going to show up with horns, fangs and a tail--he will show up as a yummy bowl of M&M's, or chocolate cake or a Jeckyll and Hyde;) Your ex didn't 'change'==she was always the was she was at the end. Actors cannot always keep up the act. They do what they can to lure you in, but they have no clue as to how to keep you. Their true colors emerge and there you are left holding the bag, wondering what went wrong. It's not you; you were always you. By the time the true colors come out, it's too late, your heart has been taken for a ride. It's what they do, and...what they won't do is be happy with themselves. You loved yourself enough to not hit 'send' You love yourself enough to not waste your time on someone who treated you like crap. You are so above this person:) Your ex, like mine, will keep lousing up in life because, frankly, they don't know any better. Maybe that part of their brain just didn't develop and maybe they are part neanderthal;) Kudos for keeping those feelings for yourself; she doesn't deserve any attention from you of any kind. She had her chance and blew it. I totally understand the depression you get at the thought you may never hear from her again, but...never say never. And would you really want to hear from her after all your heart has been through? If she called to talk, what would you say? I think about my ex and what if he calls/texts. The last time he attempted that was August 2011. I ignored. I often wonder if that is the last I will hear from him and starting not to care anymore. I have no more hatred for him and it felt like a weight had been lifted. Not sure when it happened; it just happened. Let these ex's wallow in their own doings. You know you are a good, decent, kind and loving person who is capable of giving love to someone worthy of you. and with this experience you have been through, you can now help others who are struggling. I am always here if you ever want to talk; what you did took a lot of strength of spirit==think about that:) Oh! Also, listen to the lyrics of "Everybody Plays the Fool" by the Main Ingredient, or just google and peruse the lyrics. It says it all:) Hugs, my friend:)
Own Worst Enemy Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 you were so right not to send it. you were never going to get the reaction you wanted. and in a few months more, when you really don't care any more, you'd have regretted it. i sent a similar letter when i was 21 and had broken up with my first boyfriend - only to find out that he had called me a "glorified wank". i poured my heart and soul onto those pieces of paper. he never bothered to reply. i still cringe when i think about it, 10 years on!
BewitchedandBothered Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 you were so right not to send it. you were never going to get the reaction you wanted. and in a few months more, when you really don't care any more, you'd have regretted it. i sent a similar letter when i was 21 and had broken up with my first boyfriend - only to find out that he had called me a "glorified wank". i poured my heart and soul onto those pieces of paper. he never bothered to reply. i still cringe when i think about it, 10 years on! Oh:( I am cringing right along with you:(
Own Worst Enemy Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 that's the difference between 20 and 30, eh? at 20, i poured out my heart and soul. at 30, i'd say: "darling, if it doesn't end in an orgasm - and it most certainly did not, for me - it isn't a "wank". and there was NOTHING "glorious" about it either...... !
VirileEntity Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 Awesome, Broski! You will be pleased that you didn't send the letter in the long run. I know that you wanted to, but just imagine the stress and the anxiety that would have been struck up inside you if you sent it and received no response, or received an angry letter that took a dagger to your heart. I'm glad you decided to save yourself the agony!
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