RioTFF Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 So, I'm a 22 year old guy thats been dating a 19 year old AMAZING woman. We dated for a year and a half, until two nighs ago she broke up with me. We didn't end on bad terms or anything. I've been in other serious relationships that lasted years(so did she) and we've never felt this way about anyone before. I was also her first... You know.. Guy she had sex with. We had sex because we both thought we'd be together forever.. There was no doubting then. 2 nights ago She said our relationship didn't feel like it used to, butterflies, sparks etc. she said she missed those feelings so much. Keep in mind we had an AMAZING relationship. We also saw each other every other day, and when we weren't together we would text non-stop no matter where she was, at least every 10-15 minutes. That's how crazy we were about each other. But she said we feel like an old couple now that doesn't have the spark we used to.. That maybe we werent meant for each other. Is it because we talked too much for a year and a half? She said she wasnt happy because she wanted those feelings to come back so bad. It's so strange that we broke up. I can't imagine me without her, or her with anyone else. She said she didn't want to talk, or text anymore, and that we should take space. However I did call her last night. Was that a mistake? Also, if I text her she will text back almost immediately. She won't add the cute 'smilies' anymore, but she'll respond. I sent her a long email today explaining how I felt and that I would welcome her with open arms if she came back one day. Shes probably hanging out with other guys now..being single and having fun I guess. Do I keep trying to talk to her? I can't stop thinking bout her, EVERYTHING I see or do reminds me of her and us. I also can't stop thinking about her bein with other guys now. Will she ever come back? Or is it stupid of me to think that? This all just seems so sudden.
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 So, I'm a 22 year old guy thats been dating a 19 year old AMAZING woman. We dated for a year and a half, until two nighs ago she broke up with me. We didn't end on bad terms or anything. I've been in other serious relationships that lasted years(so did she) and we've never felt this way about anyone before. I was also her first... You know.. Guy she had sex with. We had sex because we both thought we'd be together forever.. There was no doubting then. 2 nights ago She said our relationship didn't feel like it used to, butterflies, sparks etc. she said she missed those feelings so much. Keep in mind we had an AMAZING relationship. We also saw each other every other day, and when we weren't together we would text non-stop no matter where she was, at least every 10-15 minutes. That's how crazy we were about each other. But she said we feel like an old couple now that doesn't have the spark we used to.. That maybe we werent meant for each other. Is it because we talked too much for a year and a half? She said she wasnt happy because she wanted those feelings to come back so bad. It's so strange that we broke up. I can't imagine me without her, or her with anyone else. She said she didn't want to talk, or text anymore, and that we should take space. However I did call her last night. Was that a mistake? Also, if I text her she will text back almost immediately. She won't add the cute 'smilies' anymore, but she'll respond. I sent her a long email today explaining how I felt and that I would welcome her with open arms if she came back one day. Shes probably hanging out with other guys now..being single and having fun I guess. Do I keep trying to talk to her? I can't stop thinking bout her, EVERYTHING I see or do reminds me of her and us. I also can't stop thinking about her bein with other guys now. Will she ever come back? Or is it stupid of me to think that? This all just seems so sudden. She can't be all that amazing. she wants her space; give it to her. People use that line when there is someone else they have their eye on. Don't text anymore; let her come to you. The chemistry just isn't there.
emby Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 I don't know about her, but I can tell you my similar story. I was with someone for 2 and a half years between the ages of about 15 and 18. We were madly in love with each other, and still loved each other for a long time afterwards. In fact, I'd say we probably still love each other somewhat, 2 years later. What happened was...I lost the butterflies and the spark and the sexual chemistry. I loved him with all my heart and soul and I so WANTED to, but I just didn't fancy him. I can't explain why. We broke up, got back together a while later, went on holiday to Spain...but even in a hotel room alone for a week, we barely had sex because I just didn't want to. Then I knew it wouldn't work. Even now sometimes I wish I fancied him because our relationship was awesome and he loved me more than anyone ever has or probably will. Why did it happen? I don't know. Maybe I got too bored or too used to him, but eventually I didn't feel anything when we kissed and he was more like my brother or my best friend than my lover. It certainly wasn't to do with how much we talked, though. I couldn't pinpoint when it happened. Maybe this is how your girl feels and she'll never change, or maybe she will. I can identify with feeling like 'an old couple', though. I believe there are ways to get 'the spark' back into a relationship, but I don't know if they work for everyone.
rAFC Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 (edited) But she said we feel like an old couple now that doesn't have the spark we used to.. That maybe we werent meant for each other. Is it because we talked too much for a year and a half? It is because you are both young and inexperienced. No relationship will maintain the spark forever. The spark is lust, which always fades over time. Some people spend a good portion of their lives chasing this feeling, going from relationship to relationship, wondering why the "love" keeps fading, not realizing until they get much older, if ever, that they never really knew what love was, only lust. She said she didn't want to talk, or text anymore, and that we should take space. However I did call her last night. Was that a mistake? Yes, it was a mistake, but don't worry about it too much as everyone makes that mistake with their first love. The important thing is to stop contacting her now and learn not to repeat this mistake if you ever find yourself in this position again. Don't text her, don't send her a letter, don't call...just disappear. If she contacts you, you may respond if you like but keep it short and simple, be polite but don't tell her you miss her or anything like that. Shes probably hanging out with other guys now..being single and having fun I guess. Do I keep trying to talk to her? I can't stop thinking bout her, EVERYTHING I see or do reminds me of her and us. I also can't stop thinking about her bein with other guys now. I know how you feel, I really do, in fact I'd bet that most adults know exactly what you are going through. It is a terrible feeling, but I can assure you that you will survive and it will get easier with time. You absolutely have to stop contacting her right now. This is what we call going "No Contact", or NC for short. This is for your own healing and it really does help. If she is with other guys, you do not want to hear about it, I can promise you that! Will she ever come back? Or is it stupid of me to think that? This all just seems so sudden. No one on this earth can answer this question for you, only time will tell. It is however very counterproductive to hold onto this hope as it will prevent you from fully healing. What I do know is that you can not convince her to take you back, trying has the opposite effect and will only push her further away. To quote the movie Swingers, "You can't do anything to make her want to come back. In fact, you can only do stuff to make her not want to come back." So what do you do now? Stop focusing on her and start focusing on you! Become the man you always wanted to be but didn't have time. Catch up with old friends. Hit the gym. Take up a new hobby or get back into one you neglected. Meet some new women, go out on a few dates. The point is to remember that you are the only one who can bring happiness into your life. Edited March 17, 2012 by rAFC
Author RioTFF Posted March 17, 2012 Author Posted March 17, 2012 I'm trying REALLY hard not to text her right now. It's 1 am here, about the time I called her last night. I really just want to talk to her and hear her voice... I miss her so bad. I know she misses me too. I think I might call just one more time
Mkunsky16 Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 Man you dont need to call her. You need to go out and live your life. Go out with friends, party, whatever. And believe it or not, the best way to get over a girl is to find another one.
gotye Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 I'm trying REALLY hard not to text her right now. It's 1 am here, about the time I called her last night. I really just want to talk to her and hear her voice... I miss her so bad. I know she misses me too. I think I might call just one more time you will only push her away, let her miss you too
LogicallyIllogical Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 I really just want to talk to her and hear her voice... I miss her so bad. I know she misses me too. I think I might call just one more time I bet you "knew" she was in love with you before she brokeup with you too, right? The reality is, if she's not talking to you, she probably doesn't miss you. Unless she's got too much pride to cave in and speak with you, she's probably moving on. You don't know whether or not she misses you. If you're taking "time" or "space" apart, you should treat it as if the relationship is over. That way, if and when the it hits you that it really is over, you won't have to start the grieving process all over again. Stop calling her. She brokeup with you, so it's her job to mend the bridges she burned.
Jono85 Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 I'm trying REALLY hard not to text her right now. It's 1 am here, about the time I called her last night. I really just want to talk to her and hear her voice... I miss her so bad. I know she misses me too. I think I might call just one more time so sad. u don't even realize but what you're doing is killing any chances of her getting those feelings for you ever again. be a man, be strong, at least pretend like you don't depend on her for your happiness, and that you can go get a better girl now. stay with NC, trust me. she will wonder why you haven't kept following her around like a puppy dog (which is what she expects and is getting from you right now). telling her you'd accept her back with open arms whenever she decides to come back?? might as well have gave her your manhood too. which is essentially what you did. sigh.
mike588 Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 If you want a CHANCE to get her back you have 2 choices.. Contact her...cry..beg...plead...remind her that you love her and want her back...you will look weak and pathetic!!! Big Turn off that will only push her FURTHER away!!!! Is that what you want?? Don't contact her..let her miss you...think about you...wonder about you and what your doing..how your doing...if your dating...seeing someone else. My ex. dumped me 7 months ago....I disappeared...No Contact....last month she contacts me several times. The choice is yours.
Author RioTFF Posted March 17, 2012 Author Posted March 17, 2012 I didn't call her. As much as I wanted to I didn't. I still want to.. And I know I'm going to want to tonight as well... Im scared to move on. Scared that if I keep this NC, I'll never hear from her again.. I have a strong feeling she'll call or text eventually, just because we had so much together. But I can't be %100 positive. It's just friggin scary.
Author RioTFF Posted March 17, 2012 Author Posted March 17, 2012 so sad. u don't even realize but what you're doing is killing any chances of her getting those feelings for you ever again. be a man, be strong, at least pretend like you don't depend on her for your happiness, and that you can go get a better girl now. stay with NC, trust me. she will wonder why you haven't kept following her around like a puppy dog (which is what she expects and is getting from you right now). telling her you'd accept her back with open arms whenever she decides to come back?? might as well have gave her your manhood too. which is essentially what you did. sigh. About the "accepting her with open arms" part, should I email her again and tell her otherwise? Or maintain NC? I havent spoken to her since I sent that yesterday.. About a full 24 hours ago.
mike588 Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 I didn't call her. As much as I wanted to I didn't. I still want to.. And I know I'm going to want to tonight as well... Im scared to move on. Scared that if I keep this NC, I'll never hear from her again.. I have a strong feeling she'll call or text eventually, just because we had so much together. But I can't be %100 positive. It's just friggin scary. I know exactly how you feel....been there done that. I too thought I'd never hear from my ex. again so I'd better stay in touch with her....WRONG!! If she knows how you feel (I'm sure she does) and wants you back...or to contact you SHE WILL. Believe me!!!!!! No Contact means...No Contact. Ahhhh your thinking well I'll just contact her on ocassion....just to let her know I'm still around...that I'm thinking about her........DON'T DO IT!!! Again if you want ANY chance to get back together or for her to contact you.... Do Not Contact Her!!!! I was where you are now and I know how difficult it is...I really do. Disappear from her..let her wonder about you. Don't blow it!!
Author RioTFF Posted March 17, 2012 Author Posted March 17, 2012 (edited) What if I just text we right now and ask if she wants to work things out? I want to talk to her so bad to let her know I care and that I'm not in NC because I dont want her anymore or anything... I dont want her getting the wrong impression. Also, she's old fashioned. She was basically raised this way-- by that I mean she never initiates contact with a guy, because she thinks they need to first. She responded to my texts two days ago... Just scared that with this NC she will think that because I haven't tested he first that I don't care anymore. Edited March 17, 2012 by RioTFF
mike588 Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 What if I just text we right now and ask if she wants to work things out? I want to talk to her so bad to let her know I care and that I'm not in NC because I dont want her anymore or anything... I dont want her getting the wrong impression. Also, she's old fashioned. She was basically raised this way-- by that I mean she never initiates contact with a guy, because she thinks they need to first. She responded to my texts two days ago... Just scared that with this NC she will think that because I haven't tested he first that I don't care anymore. Stop it! I'm sure you told her how you feel and/or she knows it so she's not going to think you don't care! The more you let her know how much you care....the more you contact her period it's NOT going to help!!! If you don't want her anymore call her...beg and plead for her to come back...tell her how much you care...how much you miss her. Keep that up and you'll have NO CHANCE!!
Diamonds&Rust Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 Don't contact her at all about anything. You must suffer this pain without her. If she contacts you seeking reconciliation, don't jump on that chance. Explain that losing her was sudden, unexpected, and searingly painful, and that you'd be willing to discuss it but hide your enthusiasm. Unfortunately, you may be noticing that people here don't think that will happen. It's because it probably will not happen. I want to talk to her so bad to let her know I care and that I'm not in NC because I dont want her anymore or anything... I dont want her getting the wrong impression. There's so much good information here about NC, you should definitely take a look around and see what you find. It would be a great idea for you to give NC a try, it covers your entire experience and gives you a good idea about what to look forward to. It can be hard to accept that NC is what you need to do, so listen to how strongly the sentiment is being expressed here that it's so right for you. It's a bonus that the healthiest course of action for you (NC) is also the one that maintains a shadow-of-a-chance that she'll be interested in you again, because it preserves your dignity and honors her explicit request for space. So, essentially, even though NC is not a strategy to get someone back but instead a way to cope with loss and preserve self-respect, it's also the only chance you have at what you want right now--reconciliation. Unfortunately, especially after the initial period of shock, reconciliation isn't common when people do NC. However, reconciliation almost never happens unless both people want it. She's pretty clear that she doesn't want it, and you will not change her mind. You will not change her mind. You won't change her mind. You will only give yourself more to cry about if you keep contacting her. She knows you want her and that you're unhappy with the break-up. The belief that NC will send the wrong message about your feelings is irrational, and comes more from your desire to reconcile than your concerns about how clear you've been. Also, she's old fashioned. She was basically raised this way-- by that I mean she never initiates contact with a guy, because she thinks they need to first. She did initiate contact with you, in a way. She initiated the break-up. You may interpret that as a rash decision, but it probably was not this way for her. She may have agonized over it for a while, which may have been your first clues that the spark was gone. If she cared at all about your feelings, it was incredibly hard for her to break up with you. Even if she didn't agonize over hurting you, it was probably still uncomfortable to break up with you. Things she's done such as asking for space, minimizing affection, and ignoring your pleas for a do-over are difficult displays of strength that you need to learn from and reciprocate with some of your own strength. You may not feel strong because of all the pain, but you'll survive this. 2
Author RioTFF Posted March 18, 2012 Author Posted March 18, 2012 It's 11 pm here. I just want to text her or call and ask if she's thinking about me. This is the 3rd day of nc. It's driving me insane. We didn't end on bad terms, and I know she would answer.
BoredAgain Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 RioTFF, I think you need to approach this situation with a bit more understanding. There's a lot of great advice in this thread, and I hope you take some of it to heart. Let me add a few more thoughts... After 1.5 years the relationship has exited the honeymoon phase (completely normal), and what you can now offer her - stability, comfort, and companionship - is probably not quite what she desires right now. Remember, she's 19. She probably wants fun, excitement, and passion... in other words, there's probably a new guy she has her eye on. Don't take it personally! Take comfort in the fact that this will probably work out better for you than for her. After some months or years, those things (stability, comfort, companionship) start to become a lot more important. And if her new boyfriend(s) turn out to be jerks, then she'll probably look back on your relationship with fondness. So will she eventually come back? Maybe... but probably not for awhile. Best thing you can do is move forward with your life. Meet new people, get a new hobby, get in shape, etc. After awhile you might even realize that you're better off without her - I know, that seems impossible now, but it honestly happens all the time.
Author RioTFF Posted March 18, 2012 Author Posted March 18, 2012 Broke NC today. She has her eye on someone else. I accepted it. I also know things like that won't last. I just dont know what to do. I cannot believe she'd do that.
Warrior Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 Its a good thing you accepted it. But now you must go NC before she loses any respect towards you. Give yourself space from her, go and workout, get in shape, be confident, get rid of crying and moaning as soon as possible, you'll achive that with lot of activity in your life, GET BUSY. Heal yourself, and become stronger person... Yea, its heartbreaking (I know), she'll probably end up with that guy, she wants to try something different because "slut-hoe" part of the brain started to kick in how my older friends call it. Always listen to older people, they are more expirienced and they been trough all of these stuff. Be strong, I know what you are going trough.
goldengirl11 Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 Broke NC today. She has her eye on someone else. I accepted it. I also know things like that won't last. I just dont know what to do. I cannot believe she'd do that. I'm so sorry to hear that. I went through a similar situation when although we hadn't been dating that long, he was an old friend of mine who hoped would've treated me better. Try to keep busy for now and take care of yourself. Good luck.
sweetheart5381 Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 Stop it! I'm sure you told her how you feel and/or she knows it so she's not going to think you don't care! The more you let her know how much you care....the more you contact her period it's NOT going to help!!! If you don't want her anymore call her...beg and plead for her to come back...tell her how much you care...how much you miss her. Keep that up and you'll have NO CHANCE!! Yep, I went NC and he responded to being "cast away" after 3 weeks. Might not be the response you want though. Mine wanted friendship and that is not even possible now I have realized. I hate to say it, but let the hurt sink in, feel it, then decide if you really want to pursue this relationship... it will change your perspective. NC allows logic to prevail, allows healing... the longer you drag it out with contact the longer it will take for your heart to mend and move on. Cut them off as they did you. When they come back, you will see things much more clearly.
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