ThoughtfulRaven Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 Hello. I'm a new user who just wants some advice. So here is the story. I just had a relatively short relationship with a girl who lives an hour away. Our relationship developed incredibly fast and ended even more abruptly. We were dating within weeks of meeting and broke up within weeks of dating. We always got along perfectly and cared for eachother deeply. She said she wanted to break up because she can't handle not being able to hang out with eachother more often and missing me all the time. Also I said something stupid while we were out one night and it upset her greatly and might have made her think I was someone I am not. She said we might try to get back together at another point and that she still cares about me. Anyway, it's been about a week since we broke up and we still talk multiple times a day. I had already planned to send an apology letter after I made the dumb comment but she broke up with me the next day so I didn't get a chance. I wanted to send her a letter apologizing and expressing my love for her. Is this a bad idea? Is it too soon? Will it help? Here is the letter so far: There are so many things I wish to say right now and I thought a letter would be the most appropriate way to express all I feel. I'm not used to writing letters so please bear with me. I want to sincerely apologize for how I acted the night I came to visit you. You never deserve to be treated that way and there are no excuses for me to treat someone I care about so much in such a manner. Regret fills my heart every moment that I reflect on the fact that something I said ever stole the smile from your face. I cherish you and wish for the chance to prove to you that I'm not a man who would repeatedly judge you and make you feel less than the amazing woman you are. Even in the moment I did not wish to judge your character. I made an ignorant and insensitive comment. Know that I am sincerely sorry and I ask for your forgiveness. I love you deeply and lament that it doesn't seem like I will get to share my life with you nearly as much as I desire. No one I have ever known is as special as you are. When I see your smile, look into your eyes, and hear your laugh my heart jumps with excitement. Kissing you sheds all the worry and stress from my mind and makes me more comfortable than I could ever hope. Mearly the thought of your smile invokes an uncontrollable grin from me. Holding you and singing to you is a memory that I will treasure. I've never known anyone with whom I shared such a connection with that we give the same responses to even the most mundane comments. I know it's a silly thing to point out but it's something I'm not used to and I really enjoyed that it happened so often. We have only known each other for a short time so I know it may be odd to hold such feelings let alone express them but I'd much rather fight for you than regret leaving things unsaid. Even though our time was short it felt so right because our connection was so great and I was never really afraid that it was too quick. You said the distance is one of the major reasons that our relationship wouldn't work and I wish we had met under different circumstances. Both our lives are in a stressful and unstable place right now. Honestly you were one of the things in my life that I felt helped numb me to all the stress. I did and would do everything in my power to make the distance easier on you. The distance may have made it so we couldn't have a normal relationship but I was happy just having you as part of my life. Yes, you are still part of my life now but I do not really see you as a friend. My feelings for you are too intimate for me to look at you as merely a friend. I'm not sure how long I can bite my tongue in our interactions when I always want to tell you how beautiful I think you are or how much I care about you . This letter might be a bit much but you have not said that your feelings for me have waned so I wanted to let you know my thoughts on the subject. Given our situation usually this might seem an awkward gesture. I do not intend to harass you about it but I have not gotten the feeling like we are really done so I thought it prudent to speak openly. If any of what I have said echoes something that you think or feel then I hope that we can talk about it. Any advice?
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 short relationship that ends abruptly and it's long distance and you are already in love? check your feelings first just to be sure it's not infatuation, I kid you not. Also, how old are you both, if you don't mind my prying? This letter is laying it on thick. Just apologize next time you talk. This letter is over the top for only being together for a few weeks. Looks like you are kissing up way too much.
Author ThoughtfulRaven Posted March 17, 2012 Author Posted March 17, 2012 I'm 22 and she is 21. Yes, it was pretty fast but I'm fairly certain it's not infatuation. We got to know eachother just through talking for a bit before we saw eachother. It's was the kind of relationship where we would randomly say the same things at the same time and always wanted to be together. It felt similar to a long distance relationship I had that lasted nearly 2 years before we lived near eachother but the connection is even better. I'm pretty good at telling the difference between infatuation and actual love. This is someone that I truly care for. Someone who I can't bear to see crying, someone who I would always support and comfort, someone who makes all others pale in comparison. I always thought "laying it on thick" was kinda the point of love letters. Pouring all of your affection into a couple paragraphs
mike588 Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 short relationship that ends abruptly and it's long distance and you are already in love? check your feelings first just to be sure it's not infatuation, I kid you not. Also, how old are you both, if you don't mind my prying? This letter is laying it on thick. Just apologize next time you talk. This letter is over the top for only being together for a few weeks. Looks like you are kissing up way too much. I Agree!! It's only been weeks and your in love? You really don't even know this person. It's ok....we've all been there. Yes the letter is way over the top. 1
Author ThoughtfulRaven Posted March 17, 2012 Author Posted March 17, 2012 Alright. Fair enough. I'll just pear it down to an apology letter. I think it's a bit ridiculous to say that I don't know them. When you talk to someone nearly all day for multiple weeks you get to know them pretty well. There are very few people that I've ever known that have turned out to be different than how I understood them after a couple weeks.
HollyBolly Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 short relationship that ends abruptly and it's long distance and you are already in love? check your feelings first just to be sure it's not infatuation, I kid you not. Also, how old are you both, if you don't mind my prying? This letter is laying it on thick. Just apologize next time you talk. This letter is over the top for only being together for a few weeks. Looks like you are kissing up way too much. No ****!! You've written it. Great. Just don't send it. 1
mike588 Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 Alright. Fair enough. I'll just pear it down to an apology letter. I think it's a bit ridiculous to say that I don't know them. When you talk to someone nearly all day for multiple weeks you get to know them pretty well. There are very few people that I've ever known that have turned out to be different than how I understood them after a couple weeks. Hey I'm not trying to cut you down but......it takes alot longer than multiple weeks to really know a person....or to be "In Love" with that person. When people first meet or start dating both parties are on their best behavior....then after time things change. 1
Author ThoughtfulRaven Posted March 17, 2012 Author Posted March 17, 2012 Hey I'm not trying to cut you down but......it takes alot longer than multiple weeks to really know a person....or to be "In Love" with that person. When people first meet or start dating both parties are on their best behavior....then after time things change. Appreciate the advice. I honestly don't think it takes very long at all to get to know someone unless they're fake. It really just depends on how open someone is.
HollyBolly Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 Appreciate the advice. I honestly don't think it takes very long at all to get to know someone unless they're fake. It really just depends on how open someone is. How old are you again??
mike588 Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 Appreciate the advice. I honestly don't think it takes very long at all to get to know someone unless they're fake. It really just depends on how open someone is. It's not that their "fake" but after time....the honeymoon period is over....when you REALLY get to know that person feelings can change. Been there done that.
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 Appreciate the advice. I honestly don't think it takes very long at all to get to know someone unless they're fake. It really just depends on how open someone is. It's long distance,; you really don't KNOW the person. you are both on best behavior and it is honeymoon period. if you lived in the same town and could see each other more, you would really get the gist of the person. If she was fat with a wart on her nose, would you feel the same? You 've been talking together after all--just saying. Please don't send that letter; it sounds obsessive. don't even send an apology=say it to her when you talk next. "hey, by the way, I feel bad about that comment I made and wanted to apologize". A letter like that after knowing a guy for a few weeks would scare the **** out of me. I had a guy send me a letter like that when I was 17; he was 21; my first love. It wasn't working out and then came that letter. I pretty much hid from him/avoided him. Just saying this from a woman's point of view. you are putting way too much stock in this thing. Seems more of an infatuation, especially if you are fixated on how beautiful she is and your intimate thoughts. Too much too soon-it will fizzle out. 1
Author ThoughtfulRaven Posted March 17, 2012 Author Posted March 17, 2012 How old are you again?? What would that have to do with it? Are people more fake to you when you're older or something? I understand the honeymoon period but that is about feelings fading, not people changing how they act. Sure, small stuff might change like bathroom habits, how much you have to talk about, and how often you go on dates but that has nothing to do with getting to do with getting to know them. Anyway, didn't mean to make this a protracted discussion about how long it takes to know somebody. Appreciate the advice about the letter
Frank13 Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 She said she wanted to break up because she can't handle not being able to hang out with eachother more often and missing me all the time. I don't think I have ever heard a bigger line of BS in my life (meaning she is BSing). It's like saying I turned down a $200 million dollar lottery win because I don't have any money. You haven't known each other long enough for her to think this way. Ask her who the new guy is. 1
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 I don't think I have ever heard a bigger line of BS in my life (meaning she is BSing). It's like saying I turned down a $200 million dollar lottery win because I don't have any money. You haven't known each other long enough for her to think this way. Ask her who the new guy is. I am surprised she didn't tell you she was giving you up for Lent, but would call you when the Lenten season has passed.
mike588 Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 What would that have to do with it? Are people more fake to you when you're older or something? I understand the honeymoon period but that is about feelings fading, not people changing how they act. Sure, small stuff might change like bathroom habits, how much you have to talk about, and how often you go on dates but that has nothing to do with getting to do with getting to know them. Anyway, didn't mean to make this a protracted discussion about how long it takes to know somebody. Appreciate the advice about the letter It's not that! Age is experience... Nobody here is trying to hurt your feelings...but alot of us have gone thru what your going thru LDR or not. 1
Author ThoughtfulRaven Posted March 17, 2012 Author Posted March 17, 2012 It's long distance,; you really don't KNOW the person. you are both on best behavior and it is honeymoon period. if you lived in the same town and could see each other more, you would really get the gist of the person. If she was fat with a wart on her nose, would you feel the same? You 've been talking together after all--just saying. Please don't send that letter; it sounds obsessive. don't even send an apology=say it to her when you talk next. "hey, by the way, I feel bad about that comment I made and wanted to apologize". A letter like that after knowing a guy for a few weeks would scare the **** out of me. I had a guy send me a letter like that when I was 17; he was 21; my first love. It wasn't working out and then came that letter. I pretty much hid from him/avoided him. Just saying this from a woman's point of view. you are putting way too much stock in this thing. Seems more of an infatuation, especially if you are fixated on how beautiful she is and your intimate thoughts. Too much too soon-it will fizzle out. I've already apologized in person. Also we already have been telling eachother that we love eachother so it's not really too soon to exhibit such feelings. I don't focus that much on how beautiful she is, I believe I only say that once or twice in the letter. Some of the rest is emotional responses to affectionate displays and personality/action things like singing to her or saying the same things. I don't understand your analogy of her being fat or having warts. I've visited her about 5 times. I already know most of the important stuff like how she deals with stress, how often she likes to go out, sense of humour, how she likes to spend her free time, etc. etc.
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 What would that have to do with it? Are people more fake to you when you're older or something? I understand the honeymoon period but that is about feelings fading, not people changing how they act. Sure, small stuff might change like bathroom habits, how much you have to talk about, and how often you go on dates but that has nothing to do with getting to do with getting to know them. Anyway, didn't mean to make this a protracted discussion about how long it takes to know somebody. Appreciate the advice about the letter when you are young, you are heady with the fever of Spring, lust takes over all your feelings and you think it's love. would you change her surgical dressing if she needed that done? Would you clean up after her if she got sick? Would you be there if she hit a depression because of a tragedy in her family? Would you sit for a few hours and talk with her parents? Those are things you do when there is unconditional love. If she was moody and cranky, would you still be in love? Young'uns tend to jump the gun. I was your age once, I totally get it. I was in 'love', but it was infatuation. You are confusing the two. But you can't see it because you are in love with what she looks like, feels like and want physical intimacy. It's all perfect in the beginning. And that's all this is, the beginning. But it was too over the top for her. slow down. 1
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 I've already apologized in person. Also we already have been telling eachother that we love eachother so it's not really too soon to exhibit such feelings. I don't focus that much on how beautiful she is, I believe I only say that once or twice in the letter. Some of the rest is emotional responses to affectionate displays and personality/action things like singing to her or saying the same things. I don't understand your analogy of her being fat or having warts. I've visited her about 5 times. I already know most of the important stuff like how she deals with stress, how often she likes to go out, sense of humour, how she likes to spend her free time, etc. etc. it still sounds like more of a crush. You said you already apologized; don't send the letter; it is unnecessary and creepy. I used the analogy of being fat with a wart on her nose because I am wondering if she wasn't so attractive, would you still be in love with her?
Author ThoughtfulRaven Posted March 17, 2012 Author Posted March 17, 2012 I don't think I have ever heard a bigger line of BS in my life (meaning she is BSing). It's like saying I turned down a $200 million dollar lottery win because I don't have any money. You haven't known each other long enough for her to think this way. Ask her who the new guy is. Yes, because people who care about each other can't miss each other. She should win an oscar for her crying performance over Skype one night when she said she was missing me and it was hard on her. Not only is your analogy and advice terrible but you seem like a ****. Like I said, it may have been a quick romance but it was also deeply emotional. In our short time we've both shed tears with each other over caring so much about eachother. Look, I really only needed advice on a letter because it is more of a social construct. I have studied the intricacies of love both formally and informally for years. I don't need advice on what infatuation, honeymoon periods, or anything else is.
Author ThoughtfulRaven Posted March 17, 2012 Author Posted March 17, 2012 when you are young, you are heady with the fever of Spring, lust takes over all your feelings and you think it's love. would you change her surgical dressing if she needed that done? Would you clean up after her if she got sick? Would you be there if she hit a depression because of a tragedy in her family? Would you sit for a few hours and talk with her parents? Those are things you do when there is unconditional love. If she was moody and cranky, would you still be in love? Yes to all of them. Like I said, I don't need advice on what is or isn't infatuation. Also your point about loving her if she was fat or had warts if fallacious. Love isn't blind and if you aren't physically attracted to someone then it isn't real love, it is a love of companions or close friends. Anyway, not sending the letter. Thanx for the advice
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 Yes, because people who care about each other can't miss each other. She should win an oscar for her crying performance over Skype one night when she said she was missing me and it was hard on her. Not only is your analogy and advice terrible but you seem like a ****. Like I said, it may have been a quick romance but it was also deeply emotional. In our short time we've both shed tears with each other over caring so much about eachother. Look, I really only needed advice on a letter because it is more of a social construct. I have studied the intricacies of love both formally and informally for years. I don't need advice on what infatuation, honeymoon periods, or anything else is. She cried out of guilt. That's what it was. No one decent wants to hurt someone and it was hard for her. If she wanted to be with you, she would be with you. period. 1
mike588 Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 Yes, because people who care about each other can't miss each other. She should win an oscar for her crying performance over Skype one night when she said she was missing me and it was hard on her. Not only is your analogy and advice terrible but you seem like a ****. Like I said, it may have been a quick romance but it was also deeply emotional. In our short time we've both shed tears with each other over caring so much about eachother. Look, I really only needed advice on a letter because it is more of a social construct. I have studied the intricacies of love both formally and informally for years. I don't need advice on what infatuation, honeymoon periods, or anything else is. It was deeply emotional.....all new relationships are! You only need advise on a/the letter....Don't send it. 1
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 Yes to all of them. Like I said, I don't need advice on what is or isn't infatuation. Also your point about loving her if she was fat or had warts if fallacious. Love isn't blind and if you aren't physically attracted to someone then it isn't real love, it is a love of companions or close friends. Anyway, not sending the letter. Thanx for the advice You can most certainly be in love with someone who is not attractive. true love comes from within and can make them beautiful. so if this lady gained weight and wasn't as physically attractive, you wouldn't be in love. What you have just described is true lust.
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 It was deeply emotional.....all new relationships are! You only need advise on a/the letter....Don't send it. Help me out here, Mike; I don't think he's getting it.
mike588 Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 Help me out here, Mike; I don't think he's getting it. We've been there...he will too one day! 1
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