emby Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 My relationship ended for the second time 2 days ago, so of course I'm still in the very darkest stage of recovery, if you can call it that. At the moment, I don't feel like I can 'go out and have fun', not even to go and spend time at my friend's house. It's too soon to face the world as it were. I feel like if I saw a couple out together I'd just crumble! It's hard to do anything other than sleep, although at least this time I still have my appetite which is nice. I will be going back to the gym in a week or two or whenever I'm ready, because I love it and it's always made me feel better. Of course this is a time not to be thinking about dating someone new, rather to 'work on yourself', but what is everyone doing during this time? By the way, I'm not saying everything is magically better after 30 days, of course not. It's just that the immediate period of time afterwards is likely to be the hardest and most isolating.
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 My relationship ended for the second time 2 days ago, so of course I'm still in the very darkest stage of recovery, if you can call it that. At the moment, I don't feel like I can 'go out and have fun', not even to go and spend time at my friend's house. It's too soon to face the world as it were. I feel like if I saw a couple out together I'd just crumble! It's hard to do anything other than sleep, although at least this time I still have my appetite which is nice. I will be going back to the gym in a week or two or whenever I'm ready, because I love it and it's always made me feel better. Of course this is a time not to be thinking about dating someone new, rather to 'work on yourself', but what is everyone doing during this time? By the way, I'm not saying everything is magically better after 30 days, of course not. It's just that the immediate period of time afterwards is likely to be the hardest and most isolating. If the truth be known, I can't remember my first 30 days. I do believe it was spent laying around, sleeping a lot, eating a lot and crying a lot. Very bad for the body, mind and spirit. If you can, please push yourself to get fresh air, take nature walks. You don't want to be in that awful head space I was in. You deserve to shine. 1
Frank13 Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 It took me a little over 60 days to notice a big change in how I feel. Still not completely healed but much better than I was. 2
Phanpooh Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 first 30days? i moved to new house, living with my old family start to work harder and plan to be promoted at this year, or i will open myself business if i had a chance track back my old friends, hang out and enjoy single life talk with new people, do sth new, learn some new ( useless) skill.... now i think Life is too short, i want to do a lot things but i dun have enough time... and seriously, after 2months NC, i don't mind about ex, i still love her, for bad or good but i could image my life without her ( i hope she never come back to me at all, cause i don't want to choice again) and i know, someday, i will truly 100% get over her and then i will move on with the most beautiful girl in this world, who would say thank for my ex cause she left me Happiness? it's about you, and i dont think that, out there, somebody could give you that, try to find it by yourself best luck for you to heal
gotye Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 I actually immediately called all my friends, told them I needed them haven't been alone a single night since got a cat day 5 and trying hard to focus on school and work pretending to be interested in dating again just for the distraction thoughts I remind myself; he probably is moving on, why shouldn't i? I don't want to be pathetic because of him! I pine for him 24/7 and all that and actually think we could make it work down the road, but have to just convince myself that it will never happy it's a rollercoaster of going; but I want him to call me... but if I want it constantly it won't happen...
Author emby Posted March 18, 2012 Author Posted March 18, 2012 Thanks for the responses. Interesing you should say about the cat, gotye! My last break up I bought a pair of 'breakup gerbils' to keep me distracted. I have to say it worked pretty well. They sort of became a hobby and gave me a bit more company. I still have them and love them very much, but I don't think our house has room for any more pets. I don't feel like I can do anything right now All the things you should do like go to the gym, spend time with friends, get out and about, get some new hobbies...I don't feel like I can face the world. Then again, it's only week 1. I would really like to become a more whole and interesting person after this relationship. I have a very bad habit of making a relationship my whole life, hence being this messed up when they end. I'm suddenly thinking, what am I gonna spend my whole time doing now??
MarlaOryx Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 Spend time doing whatever you want to do to get through the day. Forums like these where you don't have to leave your house for support. How-To-Survive-Your-Breakup books and workbooks. Get out if you can, but don't be hard on yourself if you can't. This time is about you healing, nothing else. For my first 30 days, I cried a lot, but not as much as I thought I would. Sometimes more than I could handle. I still break down. Although the panic attacks seem to have dissipated. I worked when I could. Read books. Talked to ANYONE who would listen, which is sometimes worse as you go over and over and over the story. You're not alone. We're here for you. We've all been through it, too.
Author emby Posted March 18, 2012 Author Posted March 18, 2012 Spend time doing whatever you want to do to get through the day. Forums like these where you don't have to leave your house for support. How-To-Survive-Your-Breakup books and workbooks. Get out if you can, but don't be hard on yourself if you can't. This time is about you healing, nothing else. For my first 30 days, I cried a lot, but not as much as I thought I would. Sometimes more than I could handle. I still break down. Although the panic attacks seem to have dissipated. I worked when I could. Read books. Talked to ANYONE who would listen, which is sometimes worse as you go over and over and over the story. You're not alone. We're here for you. We've all been through it, too. Thanks, sweet. I just had a particularly bad hour or so. Alone in my room but with people in the house, watching films...kept checking my phone all the time for him. Not that he will text me back tonight, I've texted twice already. I felt so desperately lonely and empty. I had almost constant communication, and attention, and affection from someone I loved and now it's just...gone I was so close to picking up the phone and calling him (although it's 2am here). Only thing that stopped me is I don't want him to think I'm a crazy person. I am so close to calling him crying and begging. So hard.
MarlaOryx Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 Try to commit to at least 3 weeks of No Contact (NC). It will hurt like hell, but after 3 weeks it won't hurt as bad. If you stay in contact for those three weeks, it will still hurt this bad after those 3 weeks. It's unbelievable, I know. All that attention, affection, love...just gone. Just like that. It's a traumatic shock to your life and identity. Treat it as such. It's like you've been in a car crash. You're in shock. Afterward, the pain settles in as you pick up the pieces and try to rebuild your life. Not easy. Not fun. But the only way out is through the pain. When the pain comes, don't try to avoid it. Turn into it. Feel it and scream and wail. And then let it pass. It will pass more quickly if you turn into it. Don't hold onto it when it passes. It will be back soon enough. Please commit to NC for your own sanity and healing. Only you matter right now.
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