someday Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 Hi, I’m sure no one remembers me…I posted on this site very briefly about a year ago, maybe two years ago. Basically, I thought I was in love with a man other than my husband. I came here to throw it all out there to someone to help me sort out. I thank you all for your wonderful words and kind thoughts…and the reality slaps, too! I’ve taken steps to totally remove him and all things related to him from my life. I’ve actively made choices that would take me and my mind further away from him. I’ve thought long and hard about the idea of him and who I’d like to believe he is…and I’ve thought long and hard about the idea of my H and who I know him to be. I can say that today I am so not in love with the man he is…because I have no real idea who he is…that in all reality he could never be who I need in my life. I’m sorry to say it this way but he doesn’t have the intellectually capacity to be who I need in my life. We couldn’t talk on the level that I need to talk at…I know that sounds bad but its true. In all the years I’ve known him he has never said anything that has really challenged me or my mind. Yes, I compared this guy to my H. I didn’t know how else to do this. So in comparison my H is the guy I need in my life. He can hold up his end of the conversation and he has challenged my thoughts and such. This is what I need. My H can talk to me on my level and he understands me….and truth be told my H has always been there for me when I’ve needed him. I feel so much better with this understanding of me. I feel alive and happy again. Thank you all…you may never know how much you’ve helped me sort that mess out!
SoxPrincess Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 Congratulations!!! That's wonderful news & I know how difficult it can be. You should be VERY proud of yourself! Now for the unpleasant question...have you told your husband? (I apologize if you've covered this in your other threads, I've not looked).
Author someday Posted March 16, 2012 Author Posted March 16, 2012 No and I will not. I understand the idea of full disclosure, but I don’t really agree with it. I totally believe that there are some things better left unsaid. This is one of those things. The “affair” on my part was mostly in my head and that’s where the issue was at…in my own mind…not on the other guy or my H, but me. Purely and simply, I was f*cked in the head for a while. I’m over it now and moving on with my life.
Owl Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 Hey Someday...I do remember you. I'm curious tho...you stated it was "mostly" in your head...what part wasn't? And why do you believe that you shouldn't tell your H the truth? You're clear that you don't want to tell...but not clear on what you're not telling, nor clear on why you feel that you shouldn't.
Author someday Posted March 16, 2012 Author Posted March 16, 2012 Hi Owl, When I say ‘mostly’ I do mean it exactly as it sounds. I’ve never kissed him, never hugged him, and the most we’ve done was hold hands…and that made me feel like crap and like the queen of the world at the same time. Funny as it sounds that small act of…of, letting him into my world…was both exciting and horrible. That would hurt my husband so badly to know this…I can’t do that to him. In around about way I asked my H if he’d ever want to know if a man was wanting to be with me..as in wanting to get me to cheat on him…my H said no that he’d never want to know because he trusts me to handle myself. I did handle myself. I crossed lines within myself that should have never been crossed. That’s my burden to bear not my H’s. As for the other guy…he never actively pursued me…he has a pull that I can’t explain…I don’t even what to try to understand it anymore because that doesn’t matter to me anymore. What matters to me is that I never cross any of my own lines again.
whichwayisup Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 Sounds more like you had a one sided crush and a 'fantasy relationship' in your head that played on and fed your feelings.. To fill a need inside of you that has nothing to do with your marriage or husband. It's good that you're moving past this, but the issue that allowed you to fall for someone else in first place - Have you done counselling or taken time to figure out why this happened? Learning boundries is good. And, having crushes are good too but in the right context and intent. Ego feeds, just to put a smile on your face .. Not to rely on them for your self worth or to make you feel good ALL the time. If you rely on that as your bloodline, your oxygen it's more than a crush, it's almost obsession on some level. 1
Author someday Posted March 16, 2012 Author Posted March 16, 2012 (edited) Thank you for your concern. Yes, maybe it was a 'crush' but whatever it was it's not important anymore. I udnerstand about having a healthy self concept...and that has nothing to do with how others view you but how you view yourself, IMHO. That's where I got all messed up, I think...I wasn't loving myself properly. I've battled depression my whole life and that time in my life was pretty bad. Since then there've been a lot of bad events in my life...and I realise *again* that I can't let it all drag me down...that I need to love myself properly..and that to do so I need to not cross any of my own lines. Sending much love to all and best wishes to healthy living. Edited March 16, 2012 by someday
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