bslchump Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 A few months ago I moved into an apartment with my best friend of many years. We've never lived together, but have (obviously) always gotten along very well. However, there have been certain tensions on my end that I don't think I've fully expressed to him. He grew up with a maid, so he rarely if ever cleans up after himself. Not only that, but he is naturally messy. The other week I cleaned the entire apartment (vacuumed, did all of the dishes (we have no dishwasher), wiped everything down, etc.) and within 2 days he had used 20+ dishes and left them strewn about the apartment. This is especially irritating because we DON'T have a dishwasher so everything has to be done by hand. When he cooks he must THROW herbs and spices everywhere, because the table and floor is constantly covered in pepper and salt. Then he just leaves it until we absolutely NEED to use the table for something. Even then, most of the time I'M the one to clean it off. The catch-22 is that I don't even want him doing the dishes. Like I said, he's not the most hygienic person, so when he does them, he'll use a massive dollop of dish fluid (he's gone through almost an entire bottle in 2 weeks), wipe them once, rinse them once, and then put them in the drying rack with soap and food still on them. So every time I want to use a dish, I have to re-wash it. I don't really know how to talk to him about this without him getting pissed off. The last thing I want is to be living in tension with someone, especially my good friend. Does anyone have any ideas?
KathyM Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 I would suggest you have a meeting with him and work out an agreement on division of labor and house rules. Very important for any couple or family that are living together. Helps to make the household run smoother. Write up a list that you both work out together that specifies who will do what chores and when. If he's no good at doing dishes, maybe you could offer to have that on your work list, and he could make the dinner. Figure out what each of you does well, and divide up an equitable division of labor, write it down and post it on the refrigerator. You could also show him how you were taught to do things, like dishes. Some guys were never taught basic household chores or tasks, and if this guy grew up with a maid to do everything for him, he learned to be lazy and have everything done for him. Time to hold this irresponsible guy accountable for living like an adult and not a child. You'll have to train him in how to live like a responsible, self-sufficient adult, since his parents never did.
SpiralOut Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 I have lived with messy people and, in my experience, they never change. Talk to him, though, and see what sorts of changes he is willing to make (and actually KEEPS up for more than just a week before reverting to his old ways). If he continues to make a mess for you, it is time to discuss the possibility of buying a dishwasher or hiring a maid to come by every so often. Failing that, you may want to consider new living arrangements.
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