Hivona Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 Ok here we go again! Lol January 2011-mid March 2011 I dated a guy that pursued the heck out of me! When I first met him I thought he was a cool fun guy but I didn't see him in a romantic light. We seemed so different & even though I've dated out of my "type" many times he seemed waaaay out! But he pursued & I gave it a shot. He has $ which was new to me & treated me like a queen from the get go. Spent lots of time with me, drove me to work nearly every morning, fed me, took me shopping, took me on Vegas weekend. It was a whirlwind! And he was a big sweet teddy bear! He had just finalized a divorce. Stupid me, I didn't realize that impact. Well after him lavishing on me one morning mid march 2011 he texts me & says I'm great he's glad he got to know me but he's not emotionally over his divorce! Wow I didn't see it coming. Over a text no less. He is mid 30s so should know better. We never saw each other all of 2011 & we didn't have contact until end of August when he started texting. But I was seeing someone else. Now it's march 2012 & I'm single again so I take him up on his offer to get together. It's been just over a year since we have seen each other. It started off ok but I was guarded because of how he just dropped me. He was happy & cheery! Then as the night was winding up he wants to get lots of kisses. Just like last time I'm not instantly feeling physically attracted to him (he has an attractive personality) and haven't seen him in a year! One kiss is one thing but he acted like we hadnt missed a beat & practically wanted to play tonsil hockey & feel me up. I was really surprised because he had always been such a gentleman. I didn't do a good job of explaining how I felt. But we ended the night ok. He sent me a text saying he was sorry & hoped he didn't offend me. I responded the next morning saying how I was really surprised he was so pushy & came on so strong because I know he can be a gentleman. I told him how it's been a year & I feel I need to relearn him again & yes I'm a little guarded & need to protect myself because of the way he just dropped me last year. I said this doesn't mean I never want to see him again I just want to go slow, I want to be courted not jump in like we never missed a beat! He hasn't really responded except to say he completely understands. And now I have to initiate most texts, & it seems he is distant & turned off. Maybe I shouldn't care since I was not sure about him anyway but now I'm feeling like the bad guy! maybe I was too harsh? Did I hurt his ego? How can he come on so strong like we havent missed a day? He was so into me. Wanting to get together since August & now he's backing off.
TigerCub Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 Don't make yourself feel bad. If he really was interested in pursuing you knowing that you'd want to go slow, you wouldn't be the one initiating most of the contact between you 2. My guess is that he figured that you've been together before, so getting sex from you wouldn't involve much effort and that's why he called. Now that he sees you actually want effort and want more from him, he's lost interest. Stop initiating things.
Author Hivona Posted March 16, 2012 Author Posted March 16, 2012 Thats kind of what I was thinking. That maybe he was a hornball & that since we already know each other he wouldn't have go through the process of winning me over again. I however, feel complete opposite! I feel it's been so long that he does have to win me over again. I guess bottom line is that if he want to win me over he will put in the effort. If he doesnt I guess he just wanted sex or isn't that interested in me as a girlfriend. I've only started initiating since Thursday. Ever since he started contacting me since August was all initiated by him. :-/ Thanks for the response!
FitChick Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 Separated and men divorced less than two years are to be avoided, in my experience. Maybe next year!
sid3 Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 Maybe next year! Or Maybe never. Fixed it. I'd say he figured he had an easy thing. Probably due to your taking him op on his offer even though he disrespected you when he abruptly ended things via text.Yeah, he sounds like a horndog, definitely. I don't think you should be feeling like the bad guy, not at all. Especially now that he is giving you the cold shoulder after not getting what he wanted.
Author Hivona Posted March 16, 2012 Author Posted March 16, 2012 He isn't totally giving me the cold shoulder but he didn't apologize after I told him how I felt he came on too strong. When I got out of his car wednesday night he said maybe I can see you this weekend. I wasn't sure what I was feeling so I smiled & flirty-like said maybe. But then after I sent my long text to him about how I was feeling & wanting to go slow & blah blah he hasn't asked me out. He has been responding to my texts & he did send out a few to me that I didn't initiate but it really seems like I shut him down. I didn't intend to shut every thing down, I would like to see him again, but I dont want to jump in the sack or play tonsil hockey! I said in one of my texts that I wanted to date & be courted. Not jump in with both feet like we didn't miss a beat. Not after the way he dumped me last year! Sigh! what a butthead! haha
spiderowl Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 (edited) Sounds like he's missing the sex. If he cared about you and wanted to be with you again, he'd understand what you meant and not rush you. However, the lack of contact again suggests that he knows he's only interested in having another physical relationship and that this time you are not going to risk it without getting a better idea of his motivation. Looks like he's realised he's been caught out. I think you'd be better off with someone who doesn't dump you just like that and then, if he did decide he'd made a mistake, at least comes back to you with the greatest respect, not leaping into the physical side as if there has not been an estrangement. Basically, separating before didn't hurt him as much as it hurt you and he was assuming you'd be easily available again. You'd be better off dumping him and meeting someone decent and reliable, not a guy whose sex drive is all that matters to him. Edited March 17, 2012 by spiderowl
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