LelouchIsZero Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 (Background story, if anyone's interested: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/293484-my-story ) Well... around 10 minutes ago my ex sent me a message going along the lines of "Hey, sorry i didn't reply to the letter you sent me last year. Hows life been?" & also something about not being sure if its too soon to talk to me. I'm not particularly sure how I feel about it... or what I should be doing, I guess. When I first saw the message, it came along with a gut wrenching feeling... though I I've already came back to a normal state of mind. I'm just confused as to why she's attempting to contact me now & whether I should reply or not. I feel that if I don't reply, she'll perceive it as weakness on my part, that I'm "not ready" to talk to her. I don't think its reasonable for me to put such a large emphasis on what she'd feel, though. I don't think I'd really want to attempt to attempt to work at things again (not that I feel it'd ever come to that), and I don't think it'd be a good idea to be friends, either.
Rorschach64 Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 Hmmmmmmm i'm going to go with disregard it. Why? It is such a bland half assed response to begin with. Then considering talking to her probably just hurt you in the end. As for the why? Who knows...boredom, guilt, lonely, just dumped? Again disregard it unless there is something more to it in the form of another message 2
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 Ignore her it will drive her bat sh*t crazy! LOL; I hope that is true. I ignored my ex when he pulled that crap and he left me alone, but....to this very day he still trashes me, so I don't know why he would bother. In the OPs case, leave her be. They love to reopen the wound.
Mr Scorpio Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 You probably shouldn't have even read/listened to the message, but what is done is done. Maybe not replying would make you look weak, but I think just the opposite. Not replying shows that you won't come running everytime she blows her whistle. 3
Almond_Joy Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 (edited) (Background story, if anyone's interested: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/293484-my-story ) Well... around 10 minutes ago my ex sent me a message going along the lines of "Hey, sorry i didn't reply to the letter you sent me last year. Hows life been?" & also something about not being sure if its too soon to talk to me. I'm not particularly sure how I feel about it... or what I should be doing, I guess. When I first saw the message, it came along with a gut wrenching feeling... though I I've already came back to a normal state of mind. I'm just confused as to why she's attempting to contact me now & whether I should reply or not. I feel that if I don't reply, she'll perceive it as weakness on my part, that I'm "not ready" to talk to her. I don't think its reasonable for me to put such a large emphasis on what she'd feel, though. I don't think I'd really want to attempt to attempt to work at things again (not that I feel it'd ever come to that), and I don't think it'd be a good idea to be friends, either. I'd say reply. You can be courteous, but concise, by telling her you're doing fine and asking her what does she want. I agree with another poster that this is a half-assed attempt on her part. Whether she wants a friendship, to clear the air with you, or try again....she needs to get on with it instead of trying to shoot the breeze and make small talk. Edited March 16, 2012 by Almond_Joy
Frank13 Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 Y Maybe not replying would make you look weak, but I think just the opposite. Not replying shows that you won't come running everytime she blows her whistle. I agree. It is nothing but a bread crumb. Replying shows weakness and lets her know she can pull your strings at will. Not replying shows you don't give a damn or at the least, lets her imagination run wild with thoughts wondering why you don;t reply. In my case with my ex, I don't ever want to see or hear from her again so I couldn't care less what she thinks of me. We aren't in each other's lives anymore so what do I care. She is a complete stranger to me. 2
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 I agree. It is nothing but a bread crumb. Replying shows weakness and lets her know she can pull your strings at will. Not replying shows you don't give a damn or at the least, lets her imagination run wild with thoughts wondering why you don;t reply. In my case with my ex, I don't ever want to see or hear from her again so I couldn't care less what she thinks of me. We aren't in each other's lives anymore so what do I care. She is a complete stranger to me. there is no reason why the ex should be contacting anyway. They hurt you and then want to say 'hi!' later? Give me a break. When you are dead, lay down, that's my say so. 2
Frank13 Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 there is no reason why the ex should be contacting anyway. They hurt you and then want to say 'hi!' later? Yeah, and then she says "Sorry I didn't reply to your letter from last year". So she felt it was wrong not to reply but did it anyway and now that she wants to talk she is throwing out the phony apology. 1
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 Yeah, and then she says "Sorry I didn't reply to your letter from last year". So she felt it was wrong not to reply but did it anyway and now that she wants to talk she is throwing out the phony apology. It's odd how they save our numbers, too. She is tossing bread crumbs, hurting your healing process. Ex's are selfish. they always see the light when it is too late. 1
mississippimom Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 Ah.....well let's see...here is an update....some of u might know my situation...can't figure out where exactly my story is lmao....well anyways....here is a recap Basically the ex and I have been trying to move on with our lives. After a disagreement last Sunday, I basically just said, "you know what, delete my number, quit acting like you give a damn"......didn't hear anything else for the rest of the day/night....got a text Monday a.m. and a call, I rejected the call, didn't reply to the text. Today was the 5th day of NC until this morning when I finally (from a text 2 days ago) I replied with an answer regarding my jewelry that he seems to think I've "forgotten" about. I emphasized that "no, I have all of my jewelry, thanks"....... I had planned on leaving it just like that, short and simple...LC (less contact mode now)......but nooooooooo...he had to continue on and brought up "us" and how our relationship ending "hurt" him so bad, blah blah....I was working so I'm like .....getting all these insane texts so I finally got frustrated and called him, just to set the air clear. Without going into SO much details, it ended up with, "Look, (his name), you are going to have to FORGIVE me, FORGIVE us, if you are expecting us to be "friends".....I explained that the reasons why I rejected his calls/texts, is bc it's sometimes still painful talking to him bc I know that I will start getting sad and down and blah blah. He has a new gf of a month, moved in with her 3 weeks AGO. I have a new relationship with my (guy) best friend of 3 years, who is fixing to move to my state in 3 weeks ...The exbf knows this. At first, I didn't want to do the "let's be friends" because I knew I needed time to "heal" and think. I have asked for his forgivness but OMG, it's like, he can't let it GO. He's still harping on the facts. I'm not perfect by any means, neither one of us are. I told him that I still love him deep down, but that I love him enough to let him go and be happy. I told him, "you need to give the new gf a chance, just like you told me to give "Greg" a chance" (btw, Greg isn't his real name)....... the conversation ended with both of us saying, "I gotta go back to work", blah blah. I said that if he wanted to finish "talking", that would be ok, holler at me later...blah blah. I don't know if he was expecting me to start bawling on the phone or start saying "I miss you"......but I didn't, I was calm, collected on my thoughts and very empathetic. I also set myself to assume he didn't want to talk anymore tonight/today or whatever, so here I am, sitting at home on a Friday night, WITHOUT crying. I can finally say that I have no hard feelings on the exbf. I have accepted that he's moved on (or he says he's trying to but can't seem to get over losing me) and I have a man that's fixing to move down here in 3 weeks so I have that to look forward to. I'm surprised that I ain't started bawling like I have in the last damn month. It's like this, you accept things as they are. Even if he wanted to get back together, I can't let him hurt his new gf, nor would I want to hurt my bf I have now. I'm wanting to give the bf I have now, a chance, just like I think the exbf should give his gf a chance. Don't we both deserve that much? I told him out of respect for his gf, I backed off, stepped away. However, he's the one that's CALLED me, TEXTED me. I don't think he's respecting his new gf. I'm not mad at the exbf anymore, cause it was driving me NUTS and he isn't worth my tears. I just wanted to vent. Why can't he "forgive" me? I've forgiven him, because if I didn't, I'd still be bawling my eyes out, night after night. It was getting OLD.
whichwayisup Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 (Background story, if anyone's interested: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/293484-my-story ) Well... around 10 minutes ago my ex sent me a message going along the lines of "Hey, sorry i didn't reply to the letter you sent me last year. Hows life been?" & also something about not being sure if its too soon to talk to me. I'm not particularly sure how I feel about it... or what I should be doing, I guess. When I first saw the message, it came along with a gut wrenching feeling... though I I've already came back to a normal state of mind. I'm just confused as to why she's attempting to contact me now & whether I should reply or not. I feel that if I don't reply, she'll perceive it as weakness on my part, that I'm "not ready" to talk to her. I don't think its reasonable for me to put such a large emphasis on what she'd feel, though. I don't think I'd really want to attempt to attempt to work at things again (not that I feel it'd ever come to that), and I don't think it'd be a good idea to be friends, either. Who cares what she thinks if you don't reply. Though I hope you DON'T REPLY! She is 'fishing' to see your reaction. Either to feed her ego or to see if you're still into her. Either way, no good can come of it, and you've even said you're not ready to talk to her, let alone be friends. NC is in place for a reason and that's to help you heal.
EgoJoe Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 (Background story, if anyone's interested: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/293484-my-story ) Well... around 10 minutes ago my ex sent me a message going along the lines of "Hey, sorry i didn't reply to the letter you sent me last year. Hows life been?" & also something about not being sure if its too soon to talk to me. I'm not particularly sure how I feel about it... or what I should be doing, I guess. When I first saw the message, it came along with a gut wrenching feeling... though I I've already came back to a normal state of mind. I'm just confused as to why she's attempting to contact me now & whether I should reply or not. I feel that if I don't reply, she'll perceive it as weakness on my part, that I'm "not ready" to talk to her. I don't think its reasonable for me to put such a large emphasis on what she'd feel, though. I don't think I'd really want to attempt to attempt to work at things again (not that I feel it'd ever come to that), and I don't think it'd be a good idea to be friends, either. You have held yourself with dignity and that doesn't appeal to her. Because she should be happy and you should be hopelessly miserable and in love with her. I would say, don't respond. Anything you respond with will come across wrong. She read your letter and did not respond. Her thinly veiled apology doesn't mean anything but, "I didn't care at the time but now that I've texted you I need to pretend that I did." If you want to be a dick and act like you don't care you can respond like this, "Hey sorry I read your text and didn't believe a word you said." But...that is probably not something you're interested in doing.
Author LelouchIsZero Posted March 18, 2012 Author Posted March 18, 2012 Who cares what she thinks if you don't reply. Though I hope you DON'T REPLY! She is 'fishing' to see your reaction. Either to feed her ego or to see if you're still into her. Either way, no good can come of it, and you've even said you're not ready to talk to her, let alone be friends. NC is in place for a reason and that's to help you heal. Actually, I think I am ready to talk to her. But, you see, I've came to the conclusion that there's no reason for me to do so. When I said "I don't think it'd be a good idea to be friends", I meant that I don't want to be friends with her because I don't want her as a friend (or a girlfriend either, I think). I don't feel that I'd be able to learn anything new from her (relationship wise), and I think having her as a friend would only serve to delay me in life. Plus, as she was my first & only love, I guess I'd like to see how things go with someone else. I think one of the only things holding me back now (in regards to my healing process), is that I haven't found anyone new that interests me. Though, I guess there isn't too many people in my age group that actually do, haha. Yeah, and then she says "Sorry I didn't reply to your letter from last year". So she felt it was wrong not to reply but did it anyway and now that she wants to talk she is throwing out the phony apology. She had also included in the message she sent that she had lost the letter, too. You have held yourself with dignity and that doesn't appeal to her. Because she should be happy and you should be hopelessly miserable and in love with her. I would say, don't respond. Anything you respond with will come across wrong. She read your letter and did not respond. Her thinly veiled apology doesn't mean anything but, "I didn't care at the time but now that I've texted you I need to pretend that I did." Thanks, Joe. I'm most likely not going to write a reply. However, I'm thinking of writing a draft of what I'd like to say to her -- without the intention of sending it to her, of course. There's a lot I'd like to say to her, though I think it'd all just be taken the wrong way & I guess she'd just automatically assume that I'm still hurting because of her, too. I may post the draft here a bit later, perhaps.
Frank13 Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 I'm thinking of writing a draft of what I'd like to say to her -- without the intention of sending it to her, of course. There's a lot I'd like to say to her, though I think it'd all just be taken the wrong way & I guess she'd just automatically assume that I'm still hurting because of her, too. I may post the draft here a bit later, perhaps. This is very helpful. It lets you get your thoughts out and gives you peace of mind knowing it is there if you ever want to send it (just knowing that helps to not send it). Whether you keep the draft to yourself, post it in this thread, or post it in the "Post here instead of contacting your ex" thread, I think you will find it helpful to get it out. 1
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