We separated, but met again with stronger attraction for each other

[coughingzebra]

I want to thank you just for even clicking on my post and looking at it.

I haven't reached out to anyone yet because I know what choices are best for myself. I don't want to hear the choices that I NEED to choose. There are reasons why I'm human, why I have tears, and why there are obstacles I need to conquer = to make myself stronger.

 

I would really appreciate if you just voiced your option, share your experiences, or share your memories. I've been searching and scouring the internet for any love experiences or advices for days now.

 

BACKGROUND:

• We met while I was getting coffee at my favorite coffee shop
  
• He asked my number the same day and sent texts back and forth like any flirting boys and girls
  
• we went on a date (during the date he let me know about his ex, who cheated on him the last 8 months in their 3 year relationship. he warned that he wasn't relationship material just yet. i was fine. during the end of the date though he really fell in love with me and asked for another date before this one ended)
  
• couple of days after that he saw his ex (who had cut all contact with him for a year and has not given him closure) = put him into despair and a cycle of misery and heartaches again
  
• he began changing. less texts. feelings for me is conflicted. during this time period he was also very stressed (money, paying for school tuition, finding a new apartment, etc)
  
• things got crazy between us (i began being panicky and drove him away) then he made it cut and clear that i was nice+sweet but he can't give me what I want (which is a long term relationship)
  
• I told him I understood (cool like a cucumber) and told him to cut all contact with me. no text. no call. no hellos in person. no talking to me. (i did this so i can get over him quickly)
  
• i hurt him with this method (accidentally). in return he hurt me (emotionally)
  

 

COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO:

• After 2 months (after a little crying, bunch of dates, flirting with new guys, getting on with my life) he saw me once again in the coffee shop
  
• Began dropping little hi's, free coffee, free donuts, etc. He tried to bring up talk about his new apartment, his new and promoted job as manager now, how he's doing well in school
  
• I refuse and ignore anything he tried. I dumped all the free coffee/donuts. I left while he was mid conversation with me (I was just standing there waiting for my fork and food, he took this opportunity to talk to me)
  
• The free coffee+trying to talk to me has been going on for 3-4 weeks. He tries non stop. Continued giving cold shoulder
  
• Recently texted me again. He dug through trash and old paper 3 days straight to look for my number again. Has texted me that he misses me and asks for dinner, lunch, tea+crumpets. I refused and ignored.
  

 

NOW:

• Eventually I surrendered and went to go visit him myself (Did not accept dinner or any date)
  
• In person he was cold and brief. Mirroring my attitude. Didn't want to deal with drama. I left in a hurry. (He actually called me out because he wanted to give me chocolate crossaint before I left home)
  
• Then he proceeded to text me that the crossaint was good (I refused to accept it and he ate it instead)
  
• I texted him back telling him that if I knew he was going to pull this **** I wouldn't have come. I told him to be straight and honest with me (since his text and actions in person were two different things)
  
• he then commenced to sending texts such as 'why are you being so difficult?' or 'i just want to talk to you, i don't get that chance when I work at the coffee shop (it gets busy)'
  
• Suddenly while I'm in rage mode my car battery goes out. It's 10:30 at night. The street I was parked in looked ghetto and was right next to a builkding construction. The street lights were flickering.
  
• I dropped everything and called him to hurry and meet me at my car. I was never so frightened in my life!!
  

 

CAR:

• He arrives to my car without a moment to lose
  
• He checks if I'm okay or not
  
• Then he looked concern and checks the engine of my car (of course during this time I was making a fuss and told him it was just a car battery power outage)
  
• I was panicking like a girl and I called Triple AAA to save me
  
• They let me know it would take 30 minutes to arrive. (I knew this was going to happen because this exact event happened 5 days ago. The AAA guy who came by told me to change the battery too since it was so old)
  
• While we were waiting he was in a really good mood. Playing with things inside my car. Proceeding to play with my laptop. Turning up music (the battery had enough juice to play my CDs)
  
• AAA guy comes. It's the same guy. Then my guy was cracking up because he thought the whole thing was funny.
  
• AAA guy leaves. I gave him 3 of my jolly rancher candies as a gift of gratitute (of course he was laughing at this childish gesture)
  
• Then my guy began acting all comfortable around me (thinking my girly freak out moment was cute+vulnerable) he commences to pulling me closer to him, wanting a hug, giving me a bear hug, etc
  
• He then asks me to meet him at his house (he came by bike, his new place was 10 minute from the school)
  
• I profusely refused. But by the time I finished yelling and kicking, he was already pedaling down the hill.. and his stuff was still in my car. I reluctantly followed him down the streets.
  

 

HIS PLACE:

• He was busy putting his bike+stuff away. I was parked in the streets. The whole time I was think "What have I done?"
  
• He comes back and sits at the passenger seat. I started bombarding him with questions and accusations. Such as 'why couldn't you leave me alone?' or 'i need you to get out of my life' or 'didn't i tell you not to text/call me anymore?!'
  
• Then he tries to calm me down. He replies 'Let's go inside. Please. Let me give you a cup of hot green tea. We can get you calmed down and we can talk."
  
• Immediately I took the bait, "We can talk?" "Sure" "Okay" (I'm a sucker when things go my way, doesn't everybody?)
  
• We go inside his room. He prepares hot water for tea. Gives me his laptop to entertain myself while he tidies up or does his business.
  
• Suddenly we were lying on the floor. He was curled up with a blanket covering his body. I was sitting, erect, waiting to talk and get closure from all this nonsense.
  
• He then gets really comfortable and begins talking about more recent events in his life. School, work, etc. (he asked for "what to do" kind of help)
  
• After all the nonsense talk I bravely brought up the subject why he was chasing me so much. He replied that he missed me. When he saw me the first time after 2 months in the crowd of customers and strangers, he felt an immense feeling of comfort+attraction
  
• Of course I don't believe him and I told him he needed to stay away. No texting, no calling, no hellos. He joked about it, but suddenly became serious when I threatened to leave and drive home. (He pulled me back in, apologizing immediately)
  
• I asked him to promise. He looked me in the eyes and reluctantly promised all these things under one condition: that I gave him a "hug" before I left home that night
  
• It was an innocent hug, right? No. He pulled me in his chest. Then after what seemed like an eternity, I pushed back and got ready to leave.
  
• He made an arguement (and found a loophole) that I didn't say anything about a time period (how long this "hug" lasted)
  
• Soon one thing led to another.. and we slept together. (I have to say I don't regret. The s-e-x. was. amazing.)
  
• He was looking into my eyes the whole time. An adoration kind of look. Kisses were soft and light. Made sure I was pleased the whole time.
  
• Then things came to an end. I was pulled in this hurricane of love and hormones. We were laughing, giggling, and chuckling the whole night. He couldn't pull apart from me.
  
• Then logic and rationality crept back into my mind then I brought up the promise: "Do you remember not to chase me again? No calling or texting?" (I did this out of precaution. This was only a one time thing for us right?)
  
• I knew he was sad. He looked down and shook his head "Why are you ruining this wonderful moment with that?" then he smiled and laughed, asking me to spend the night with him (because it was 2 AM in the morning).
  
• note: I speed like a maniac with my car (how much? I drove 125 mph that night over 32 miles. I got home in 20 minutes or so). He knows this for a fact. Being concerned and all, he suggested I just slept over and go home in the morning.
  

 

AFTER:

• I drove home, replaying what just happened
  
• That night I couldn't get any sleep, I fell in love again with him
  
• I was craving for his kisses, his hugs, his smile
  
• But the reason why I don't want to go back to him is because I'm scared of what he's going to tell me
  
• And I'm scared it's going to be the same thing as last time. "You're sweet and nice, but right now I'm not looking for a relationship. I have too much stress going on."
  
• I'm scared it'll be a one sided love. I just got over him through an excruciating experience (I literally didn't sleep for 3 days after we seperated. Food didn't taste right. I was tired and exhausted 99% of the time. I lost motivation. I forced myself through millions of dates and flirts.)
  
• I'm very sure that he likes/loves me right now. The only reason why he didn't admit it before (and now again) was because he didn't get over his ex and he was scared of falling in love again (he told me, once he falls, he falls hard. flowers everyday. last minute flight tickets to see a girl. spending all his money and time.)
  
• -or maybe I'm in denial and I want him to love me again (sorry I just had to get that out, girly mode surfaced)-
  

 

QUESTION:

• What would you do in a situation like this?
  
• I don't want to go back on my word and start texting/calling him again. That makes me lose respect for myself.
  
• If he's willing to talk again, I'm willing too though
  
• He hasn't sent me a text ever since that night. And I'm sure it's because he's willing to keep his promise to me (or he's upset because I said not to text me anymore, which is like an indirect rejection from me)
  
• Has anyone been through something similar?
  
• How has it turned out? Should I not expect anything?
  
• Want to try and guess how he's feeling? I mean if you were him how would you feel after the way I treated you?
  

 

Again thank you for reading my crisis. I would enjoy ANY experience or advice you would have to share with me!

 

** Will update more information/progress if wanted

[Jstub]

It really depends on what kind of relationship he had. The fact that he was cheated on makes it very difficult. You have to be very careful. I am just in the middle of getting separated and I can tell you that I would not be able to have a relationship for a long time. I will be able to (i am pretty sure) charm a woman and get her to sleep with me but a relationship? No way... Takes time to heal. I hope that helps.

[threebyfate]

Sifting through the 100 data points, what comes through quite clearly is that he enjoys the chase. Once he catches his prey, he loses interest.

 

Stick to NC. Not worth the time and emotion.