eleanorhurting Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 Over the past few months I have grown closer to a male friend but more so over the past few weeks we have been spending a lot of time together and I am starting to feel attracted to this person. However, he has told me that although he finds me extremely attractive, he is only interested in something "casual". He told me he would love to sleep with me but he knows he won't because I will not allow it. So after we got the awkwardness out of the way, we have continued to be friends. But, I feel like the attraction between us is not going away. Today he helped me out with this huge project that was due tomorrow and I feel like every time he does little things like that little feelings start to develop. We really get along and I enjoy talking to him but maybe I should walk away before I get hurt? Should I distance myself or should I try to "get over" the little feelings and continue the friendship?
somedude81 Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 Has he actually told you that he would only want something casual?
Author eleanorhurting Posted March 16, 2012 Author Posted March 16, 2012 Yes. is it clingy/needy to state that you dont do casual?
Ninjainpajamas Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 Yes, I would recommend that you pull away because you will start to like this guy more and more and I think his motivation of sticking around is...well, with hope/intent you'll reconsider for the sake of his appeal even If he is emotionally unavailable. The reason he's sticking around is because he is attracted to you, add 100 pounds to your body weight and I have a feeling as a man he might not be so considerate and helpful in the completion of your project, although I'm sure he likes you as a person I just think he'd really like to get to know you, In bed. Nothing wrong with him being attracted to you, but unless he's from a planet I never heard of, guys like this are the hopeful type...there are not many who that are actually sticking around just to be your friends, If any. The great majority of men would sleep with their female friends in a heartbeat If they opened that door. The problem for you is your emotions will continue to grow and grow, you'll think he's feeling something genuine and connecting in the same way because he's interested in you, you'll end up in bed together and think/hope that he might have changed his mind based on what you're both "experiencing" but then you'll pop the question and he'll put that contract out of his ass and say "ah ah ah, all I said was casual". If you're the type to develop crushes on men easily or at least consistently after getting to know them or about them a little bit, I'd definitely keep a safe distance and out of situations where something could happen. Institute a kind of control/restraint, unless of course you're both interested in the same thing. Or you may be wasting an unnecessary amount emotion, thought, and energy with men that will lead to nothing, unless that kind of thing is what makes it interesting for you Personally I guess I'm just hesitant/resistant to invest much into something that I know won't lead anywhere or I have limited interest, and I make those decisions while my rational sense is clear. I feel like whenever I take those kinds of chances I could be missing out on someone better for me, so why would I waste my time with this If what I'm looking for is something else? likely someone else? But that's just my perspective.
xxoo Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 Yes. is it clingy/needy to state that you dont do casual? No, not clingy or needy. It is honest and direct, just as he is being honest and direct with you. It would be clingy/needy to sleep with him after he was honest and direct about "casual", hoping that he will change his mind (he won't). 1
zengirl Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 Yes. is it clingy/needy to state that you dont do casual? No. Though it is clingy/needy to try to convince someone to change what THEY want, so I suggest you pull back from this friendship until you feel you can truly be friends. He's been direct and honest with you, which is great, but it sounds like a bad situation if you want a potential R with him. 3
TaraMaiden Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 why do you see the need, oh my little Rusky-troll, to belittle others when you're so small-minded yourself? It's an illness you have, you know... most 9-year-olds grow out of it though.... eventually....
somedude81 Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 No, not clingy or needy. It is honest and direct, just as he is being honest and direct with you. It would be clingy/needy to sleep with him after he was honest and direct about "casual", hoping that he will change his mind (he won't). No. Though it is clingy/needy to try to convince someone to change what THEY want, so I suggest you pull back from this friendship until you feel you can truly be friends. He's been direct and honest with you, which is great, but it sounds like a bad situation if you want a potential R with him. *somedude81 greatly approves of these posts*
veggirl Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 Yes. is it clingy/needy to state that you dont do casual? As the others said, no it's not. I'd pull away from this guy, probably entirely. Casual acquaintence, sure, but I'd leave it at that at this point.
volkl1996 Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 A little off topic, but wow, you ARE very attractive, and you speak well and seem very confident. Major attraction points for me! What's his problem?! Ok, back to your regularly scheduled programming....
Author eleanorhurting Posted March 16, 2012 Author Posted March 16, 2012 A little off topic, but wow, you ARE very attractive, and you speak well and seem very confident. Major attraction points for me! What's his problem?! Ok, back to your regularly scheduled programming.... thanks but im not confident at all. that seems to be the problem. I will follow everyones advice and pull away. today is nc day 1
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