RR1 Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 I contributed to another thread on this forum because it reminded me so much of my own situation so i wanted to pass on my thoughts to the person posting. Since posting last night all i've been thinking about is my last g/f and just can't get her out of my head even for a minute. We split up a while back over a silly argument and even while we were splitting up i was thinking what a stupid mistake we were making. I'll have to admit that when i'm upset i have a tendency to say things i just don't mean and end up regretting it later and she also had the same tendency so we'd both end up hurting each other even though we both meant such a lot to each other. I can honestly say that i had never met someone who meant more to me than she did, without wishing to sound to corny have you ever loved someone that much that their life meant more to you than your own? Well that's how much this person meant to me, i probably couldn't even try to put in to words quite how important she was to me. She was the most beautiful intelligent person i had ever met. So what was the problem? Well without wishing to go in to too many details she had a difficult time that resulted in her having trust and communication issues. She used these as defense mechanisms because she'd been hurt in the past so it was very difficult for her to open up and communicate her feelings. So when we had those arguments that everyone has we'd end up not communicating or saying things to hurt each other that we didn't really mean. For some reason we always hurt the ones that mean the most to us for some reason, proper stupid that. The thing was i'd been through much the same situation myself and although she often wouldn't communicate deep down i recognized her defense mechanisms for what they were because i'd used all the same techniques myself in the past. I pushed people away who tried to get close to me but all the time i just wanted someone to be there for me. The thing was i didn't have anyone there for me and it made me so miserable it was untrue. I just didn't want the same for her because i loved her more than life itself. I wanted to try and persevere and take things slowly and build the trust over a period of time. Then we had that argument and we haven't really been in contact since. I did send her one email because i was really upset by the last contact we had. We both sent texts and it all spiraled out of control and ended up hurting each other. I was never able to read the texts again because they hurt that much. I've spent every day since regretting what happened. She became part of my very soul. I just haven't been able to move on and that's because i don't want to move on. There's this huge massive void missing where she was that i just can't fill. It's her b'day soon and that makes me think about her even more. More than anything i want to contact her, send her a text or email and ask if she wants to meet for a talk. If she had done something like cheat on me i don't think i'd ever been able to forgive her and i would have just moved on. The thing was i felt that i could actually trust her with anything. I used to tell her things that i i'd never tell to another living soul but with her i knew that i could trust her. Yes we had arguments but where it mattered i knew she would never let me down. Ultimately i know i'll have to make my own decision. Some of you will tell me to move on, some of you will tell me to try again but ultimately it's my choice, i know that. I just feel if we had both communicated a bit better a mistake could have been avoided. I feel like it would be a missed opportunity if i didn't at least try. If i try and it doesn't work out well at least i gave it a go. I feel like a bit of me is missing, maybe she feels the same, if she doesn't then i'll just have to accept that situation but i feel that i want to know one way or the other. I'd rather regret what might have been knowing that i tried rather than regret not even trying.
Lis007 Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 Well those thoughts and sentiments are nice but really its hard to give advice without your story. Its easier to reflect back than take action and harder still to understand what actions you took that ultimately lead to you posting here. You talk about you making a decision but really its about two of making a decision....
Author RR1 Posted March 16, 2012 Author Posted March 16, 2012 Oh i thought i had explained. Maybe i hadn't as clearly as i thought. Yes of course it's about two people making decisions but i can only make a decision for one person, myself obviously. The point i was making was if i decide to sit back and do nothing i fail by virtue of doing nothing. If i try but she doesn't feel it's worth another go then that bit is out of my hands but i don't know that until i make my decision an act upon it. I've often been told i'm too convoluted, they might be right.
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