spiderowl Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 This guy has contacted me online and, after exchanging several messages over a long period of time (over 6 months), he wants to meet. He sounds a nice guy. He's younger than me - which is a concern - but he wants to meet as friends at least and for me to 'give him a chance'. I have doubts about this but the guy seems nice and I can't see a good reason not to be friendly. All communication with him has been good: he's polite and respectful and considerate. He didn't have a photo on the dating site so he sent me some of himself. He clearly works out! Quite honestly, I find that intimidating. He's not a huge guy but looks very strong. It seems a silly reason not to see someone because they look strong. I know some women might find a guy like this very attractive but I'm a petite woman and it freaks me out a bit to think of being with someone that much stronger than me. What do you think I should do about this guy? Does anyone else find it of concern that a guy takes working out seriously enough to have a powerful-looking body?
somedude81 Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 This guy has contacted me online and, after exchanging several messages over a long period of time (over 6 months), he wants to meet. He sounds a nice guy. He's younger than me - which is a concern - but he wants to meet as friends at least and for me to 'give him a chance'. I have doubts about this but the guy seems nice and I can't see a good reason not to be friendly. All communication with him has been good: he's polite and respectful and considerate. He didn't have a photo on the dating site so he sent me some of himself. He clearly works out! Quite honestly, I find that intimidating. He's not a huge guy but looks very strong. It seems a silly reason not to see someone because they look strong. I know some women might find a guy like this very attractive but I'm a petite woman and it freaks me out a bit to think of being with someone that much stronger than me. What do you think I should do about this guy? Does anyone else find it of concern that a guy takes working out seriously enough to have a powerful-looking body? Eh, no offense, but the average guy, whether he works out or not, is much stronger than the average woman. Because of that, there really isn't any reason to be more afraid of a guy who has some muscle on him than a man who doesn't.
Author spiderowl Posted March 16, 2012 Author Posted March 16, 2012 I suppose not, looking at it from that point of view. I guess the motivation for working out and wanting to look so powerful concerns me too. Dunno, just find it vaguely disturbing.
somedude81 Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 Men have different motivations when it comes to work out. Do it to be strong Can relieve stress and make him feel better Want to look muscular and not weak to other men Want to impress women with their muscles, cause some girls go for that Just curious, what makes you feel disturbed? 1
Author spiderowl Posted March 16, 2012 Author Posted March 16, 2012 Had to think about that one. I guess I find it scary that he looks too powerful because it's clear if he wanted to he could cause some serious harm. I've had absolutely no indication that this guy is anything but kind and respectful but can't get my head round why he would want to look like that. He didn't send me lots of body pictures - I'm not into guys who are all about showing off their assets - but there was enough to see that he takes working out seriously. Maybe I should just say goodbye, even though he sounds nice. I don't want to mess a good guy about but I have doubts about his age and the working out thing.
somedude81 Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 Which guy looks more dangerous? Number 1 or Number B And note, the two guys have very different builds. One is much more muscular than the other. 1
spookie Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 Send him my way, I think muscles are hot! I can't believe anyone would consider working out a deal breaker. 2
Author spiderowl Posted March 16, 2012 Author Posted March 16, 2012 Er, they both look dangerous. Some muscles look good, I agree, but lots of muscle looks overdone.
mesmerized Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 Er, they both look dangerous. Some muscles look good, I agree, but lots of muscle looks overdone. You gotta be kidding me. Might as well go lesbian if you don't like a man who looks like a man! 1
fishtaco Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 I can't believe anyone would consider working out a deal breaker. No kidding. I work out five times a week. I have things about my body I want to improve on. My GF said I don't need to, she likes the way I am, but she won't go as far as telling me she's going to dump me if I become too athletic looking. But everyone have their thing I guess. First time I've heard this though. Spiderowl, is the guy roided out? I understand if a guy looks like a pro body builder, not all women are into that. But it's also not easy to look like a pro body builder. For starters, you need to be on quite a few less than legal substances. But generally, women find Vin Diesel or The Rock sexy. Anymore muscular than them... then it's a maybe.
Jane2011 Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 Last year around this time, I dated a guy who had a body much like the guy in #1. His stomach was flat and muscular, too. I was all "damn!" That body type is nice, but I like skinnier guys too. The last guy I really liked was more of a lean body type; muscular but in a wiry/skinny way. I found him just as sexy. And generally, I assign more positive and likable personality traits to non-super-muscular guys. The guys I've been involved with who "lifted" have been likable and sexy, but the thinner ones have been actually compatible with me and more relationship material. Smarter, too, I have to say.
Feelin Frisky Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 Hi Spiderowl, any guy can probably kill you so don't dwell on that. You said he seems nice in the other ways that count. Consider it an experience and a test for you and see if you like it. Some guys are naturally muscular so it doesn't take an excessive amount of working out to look imposing physically. Others spend a great deal of time and i generally view that as the more worrisome but for a number of reasons. Give him a chance and see if you like his mind and his manners. The body already sells itself.
somedude81 Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 Er, they both look dangerous. Some muscles look good, I agree, but lots of muscle looks overdone. Wow really? To me, number one just looks like a buff normal dude. Two is somebody I would not want to meet in person.
Whisky1981 Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 The only thing you should be concerned about muscles is that he will love them more than you . You know those muscles need discipline and time so when it comes to dating men tend to lose them because they dont have time to work out so much. No worries in a year he wont have so much muscles anymore .
AlexDP Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 The only thing you should be concerned about muscles is that he will love them more than you . You know those muscles need discipline and time so when it comes to dating men tend to lose them because they dont have time to work out so much. No worries in a year he wont have so much muscles anymore . I have seen this happen too and I think it's dangerous to give up stuff for a woman. I work out or play soccer six days a week and my girl will have to be okay with that (I do make sure I see her a lot though, I am not neglecting her), because I just love playing soccer at a fairly competitive level. If you give up things for your girlfriend, where do you stand when you break up?
nick d Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 I work out 5-6 days a week, plus I fight MMA. But just because I'm "buff" doesn't mean I'd hit a girl or use force on her! We work out to make us feel good and give us confidence. Not to use our strength on girls! You should be happy he's active and works out! It takes a long time to get descent size muscle mass and definition. So it shows he stays committed to things! That's what I would think you would want.. 4
Author spiderowl Posted March 19, 2012 Author Posted March 19, 2012 Spiderowl, is the guy roided out? Wot does that mean? He's not a pro-bodybuilder but maybe a little more bodybuilding than fitness freak. He sounds nice but I'm not getting an impression of his personality, more that he reiterates that he likes me and is attracted to me and wants to meet me. I learned a long time ago that flattering comments mean little and that it doesn't make sense for a guy to say he 'likes' someone he knows little about and has only seen a picture of. I find the intensity with no substance a little weird and I shift from thinking he sounds nice to feeling creeped out. And yes, I guess he spends a lot of time in the gym. Do I really want that?
Author spiderowl Posted March 19, 2012 Author Posted March 19, 2012 I agree that it doesn't mean he's harmful NickB and that it takes dedication and hard work to get a great body. I'm not used to bodybuilders. But it's a combination of things I guess - distance, too young, intensity, and the powerful figure. On one level I think he sounds nice, on another I'm having doubts, so the end result is inaction. He's suggested meeting but in such a way as to put me off. "I thought of coming to see you this weekend." I objected and he decided to visit the town anyway, even if I didn't want to meet. I actually felt worried and relieved he didn't know my surname and address. It's awful if he is a decent guy, but I do not understand why a young fit guy over a hundred miles away would want to go to this trouble for someone much older, unless he was just hoping for a shag. I'm not interested in being someone's casual fling.
oaks Posted March 19, 2012 Posted March 19, 2012 What do you think I should do about this guy? It took him 6 months of messaging you before asking to meet you? I think you should focus on guys who are actually interested.
Author spiderowl Posted March 19, 2012 Author Posted March 19, 2012 No, he asked to meet from the start but I kept telling him he was too young. I just didn't trust him. I don't recollect how we got chatting online again, but he has always been friendly and pleasant.
FitChick Posted March 19, 2012 Posted March 19, 2012 (edited) I guess the motivation for working out and wanting to look so powerful concerns me too. Dunno, just find it vaguely disturbing. That is because you are British. Brits in general don't like looking good or being healthy because making an effort is considered vain and vanity is a very big sin there. I would love to find a British guy who works out! They're as rare as hen's teeth. Edited March 19, 2012 by FitChick
kaylan Posted March 19, 2012 Posted March 19, 2012 Im gonna stop working out pronto. Ima become squishy and cuddly. Im gonna be some lucky gals chocolate teddy bear =)
FitChick Posted March 19, 2012 Posted March 19, 2012 The British men who do shamefully admit going to the gym qualify it with "but I'm not obsessive." Like it's a horrible crime.
Feelsgoodman Posted March 19, 2012 Posted March 19, 2012 What do you think I should do about this guy? Does anyone else find it of concern that a guy takes working out seriously enough to have a powerful-looking body? A guy works and has a powerful-looking body is likely a rapist or a hitman for the mob. Best to avoid...
dasein Posted March 19, 2012 Posted March 19, 2012 Had to think about that one. I guess I find it scary that he looks too powerful because it's clear if he wanted to he could cause some serious harm. Move to a casual meeting as quickly as possible, and see where things go to cut down on further groundless conjecture. The fact is that even the average man could cause some serious harm, or the average woman with access to a skillet or knife. A very small, frail person can still fire a gun. Physical size in a man does not equal more threat.
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