xpaperxcutx Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 I came across an article today which made me cringe. It was about the psychological effect of " limerence" and how being love sick and obsessing over someone can make you physically ill. I can't say I'm not guilty of this. Almost every break up I've been through whether with an ex or FWB, I find myself obsessed with afterwards. That mental anguish where I felt I couldn't pass a day without thinking about them, have the capacity of lasting for weeks if not months. A few, I find, I couldn't get over until someone new came into the picture. Lately I feel like I'm suffering from symptoms of limerence. My appetite has decreased and despite how tired I've been feeling lately ( from work), I've been getting less and less sleep. Has anyone ever suffered from this?
Jane2011 Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 I obsess, but I wouldn't say it's to the point that I feel sick or am not functional. I'm good about things ending. I obsess in my mind (and I write novels and novels in my journal about loving him and missing him), but I still do my thing. Work, work out, live life.
johan Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 There once was a fellow McSweeny Who spilled some gin on his weenie Just to be couth He added vermouth Then slipped his girlfriend a martini 6
johan Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 A bear taking a dump asked a rabbit "Does sh*t stick to your fur as a habit?" "Of course not," said the hare, "It's really quite rare!" So the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit. 2
veggirl Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 I am way too cautious and scared of being hurt to go through this when I first meet / start to date someone. I've been physically ill after a long-term relationship ended, but never suffered from sleep loss, appetite loss, etc at the beginning. I'm pretty cerebral when it comes to relationships, not a romantic lovesick girl until a strong foundation has been layed. Every guy I've dated has found this odd, I guess they have all been used to head over heels girls obsessing from Day One and honestly it has caused some to bail early on, I wasn't "in" enough for them. That's okay. Current BF took note of my style, accepted it and went along with it. ETA, your OP makes the question seem to be about the end of relationships, but I've always associated limerence with the beginning, hence my response
Author xpaperxcutx Posted March 16, 2012 Author Posted March 16, 2012 I am way too cautious and scared of being hurt to go through this when I first meet / start to date someone. I've been physically ill after a long-term relationship ended, but never suffered from sleep loss, appetite loss, etc at the beginning. I'm pretty cerebral when it comes to relationships, not a romantic lovesick girl until a strong foundation has been layed. Every guy I've dated has found this odd, I guess they have all been used to head over heels girls obsessing from Day One and honestly it has caused some to bail early on, I wasn't "in" enough for them. That's okay. Current BF took note of my style, accepted it and went along with it. ETA, your OP makes the question seem to be about the end of relationships, but I've always associated limerence with the beginning, hence my response I was using my breakups as an example. Right now I'm experiencing something similar to love sickness and it's really making me a little depressed.
veggirl Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 I was using my breakups as an example. Right now I'm experiencing something similar to love sickness and it's really making me a little depressed. I don't allow myself to feel that way. I don't know how, really. I guess I just tell myself "you don't really know him. Don't get too caught up" etc. It really is a conscious thing, I know I make myself take steps back.
somedude81 Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 Can you link to the article? If it's not online, what's the title? It really sounds like something I went though recently. Not wanting to eat, feeling tired and being unable to sleep, being obsessed with somebody and unable to get them out of my head. Check, check, check and check.
Untouchable_Fire Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 I was using my breakups as an example. Right now I'm experiencing something similar to love sickness and it's really making me a little depressed. Mr. Under-available? For some absence makes the heart grow fonder, for others absence makes the heart go wander.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted March 17, 2012 Author Posted March 17, 2012 Mr. Under-available? For some absence makes the heart grow fonder, for others absence makes the heart go wander. No, more like Mr. Workaholic.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted March 17, 2012 Author Posted March 17, 2012 I don't allow myself to feel that way. I don't know how, really. I guess I just tell myself "you don't really know him. Don't get too caught up" etc. It really is a conscious thing, I know I make myself take steps back. Im usually a very level headed person, but I can also let my emotions take charge.
Professor X Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 Im usually a very level headed person I have to disagree. 3
eleanorhurting Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 it has never happened to me in the beginning although I do tend to build these fantasies in my head pretty quickly. But I never feel physically ill. It is never something that is unpleasant I actually enjoy the beginning. But I am terrible at breakups.
Diamonds&Rust Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 Has anyone ever suffered from this? yes; it brought me to loveshack over 8 years ago, both the feeling and the concept.
Diamonds&Rust Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 If it's not online, what's the title? The original coinage came from this: Amazon.com: Love and Limerence: The Experience of Being in Love (9780812862867): Dorothy Tennov: Books
Forever Learning Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 A super model on the Dr. Drew show, can't recall her name. She first spoke of limerance, had it for all her life with one man or another. I shall research it and come back with more info. I found it to be very insightful. Back later with more info on this - it was very helpful to me.
jobaba Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 Yup. I get it a little after break ups, but the feeling is much worse after getting rejected by women who have rejected me outright whom I really liked. Not only do I have to deal with missing them, I have to deal with the sting of rejection too. On the other hand, my last breakup with my GF wasn't too bad. I missed her, but it was going to come to an end anyway. I don't think anyone has EVER felt these feelings for me though. If/when I break up with my current, she might.
FitChick Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 OP, what would anyone logically have to believe about themselves, love, the opposite sex, relationships and similar that would explain your behavior? Write a list. Then I'll tell you your next step.
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