Ladies, how big of a turnoff is passive-aggressive behavior from a man?

[CainJ]

How big of a turnoff is it for a man to be passive-aggressive? In an argument, when a man refuses to argue when there's a clear discrepancy and disagreement, when he panders to his girlfriend/wife/SO instead of stating his opinion, his side or thoughts?

 

What about when, in an argument, instead of being straight up about his thoughts, every retort by the guy is completely sarcastic and completely passive-aggressive?

 

I'd like to hear plenty of thoughts from the ladies of the forum.

[Jane2011]

I would do terribly with the sort of man you describe.

 

I prefer a man who has a spine and will argue (not sarcastically, just straight-forwardly) and not back down, but also has a conciliatory nature and would want to make up soon after we've had words.

 

In this way, I am not with a complete wimp, but I also know he cares and will wilt a little so that we won't be angry at each other for too long.

[FrustratedStandards]

Oh my.

 

Well i've had both, those who are passive-aggressive and those who yell and shout.

 

I prefer passive aggressive. I don't handle yelling very well. I grew up in a house with too much yelling and fighting, breaking dishes etc so the moment a man raises his voice i'm outta there.

 

During arguments, should a man raise his voice, I always leave. I don't care if we are in a restaurant or a public place, you do NOT raise you're voice on me.

 

Don't raise your voice, improve your argument. If a man isn't smart enough to understand that, then I don't want him.

[veggirl]

I don't trust passive-aggressive people, regardless of gender. You never know what they are actually thinking / feeling, and you can't trust even when they say "I feel XYZ". I want a man who knows what he is feeling and is NOT afraid to express it (in a healthy manner). Definitely findable Didn't used to think so.

[zengirl]

Passive-aggression is my absolute #1 pet peeve. Everyone is PA sometimes, really -- or I've never known anyone long-term who didn't engage in that behavior on occasion -- but if it were consistent or frequent, I couldn't deal. Hubby can, on occasion, be PA, but when I point it out, he fully snaps out; I do the same. I think it's human nature to engage in that behavior on occasion without thinking but people who are more often PA than assertive are the worst, IMO.

[Emilia]

Passive aggressive behaviour ultimately backfires long term because it prevents constructive communication and the establishment of mutually respected boundaries. I can't stand it for this reason. It's impossible to resolve conflict with men who resort to passive aggressive handling of an argument, I know they hope it will go away but conflict exists for a reason. You need to be assertive (not aggressive) to resolve it.

[TigerCub]

when someone is passive aggressive, that just means that they're too cowardly to really just come out with it and say what they think or address anything real - so yeah, definitely don't respect that.

 

I am someone that tells it like it is, I'm someone that's not afraid to argue but that doesn't mean I go looking for fights...but I would want my partner to be the same.

 

But do it right

no yelling, calling names, throwing dishes, for breaking of things.

Just do it in a still respectful manner.

 

I like a man that will push back and not just run and hide. - but again, to a certain point where the fight is fair and we're still respectful towards one another.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Hate that quality in anyone.

[shayla]

I absolutely HATE passive aggressive behavior in people. To me it is game playing, it is manipulative, it's grimey and it's messy.

 

There is nothing worse than someone who is looking at me thinking..."If I say this phrase with this tone, it will make her feel like...it will make her react like....ugh, I hate mind games and I hate the people that play them!

[Emilia]

What if you are passive aggressive, because you don't care enough for the person to argue about things. What if you are happy, that there is a conflict and you can use it to distance your self.

 

Does that make me a bad guy who you can not trust? Yea the woman will think i am mad or something for clamming up, when in reality I am happy as a clam and not angry at her at all...I call it smart.

 

I am protecting her feelings, by not saying, "hey, i think you suck and I don't want you anymore".

 

Passive aggressive as a term only applies when the person is struggling with the conflict but doesn't know how to resolve it. That's different from simply walking away and shrugging your shoulders.