carhill Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 LOL, I forgot is was Friday Sucks getting old... IMO, if the date is confirmed as to time and place, go with it (no texts) unless something for yourself comes up; if so, then notify immediately. This shows your confidence in both her desire to go on the date with you as well as her sense of personal responsibility. Enjoy the date
Author PhillyDude Posted March 16, 2012 Author Posted March 16, 2012 LOL, I forgot is was Friday Sucks getting old... IMO, if the date is confirmed as to time and place, go with it (no texts) unless something for yourself comes up; if so, then notify immediately. This shows your confidence in both her desire to go on the date with you as well as her sense of personal responsibility. Enjoy the date Let me get this straight, you are telling me not to send a reminder text 3 hours before our date??? Are you kidding me? Why would I go to meet someone regardless if we know where we are meeting if I send a text and get no response? I just got a text from her saying can we make the date at 8pm. So now I don't have to send a text until I'm close to the place because she just confirmed the date is still on-lol
Jane2011 Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 Text confirmations (and number of them) are something that are on a case-by-case basis for me. There have been times when I intuit things aren't for sure, so I will text confirm (or understand a guy text-confirming with me). Other times I intuit there's no way this date is not happening; too much certainty in the process of talking, so I just show up and expect he will too. It's hard to pin-point what makes the distinction; I'm thinking sometimes it's how much we've talked in general or how into the whole thing he seems. That varies, obviously. You just have to use your judgment and also not go overboard if you do text-confirm once or more than once. And be light in the way you word it. Don't say: "Are you going to be there?" or "Are you planning to show up? I just want to know for sure." Say things like "See you at 8 then!" or "See you soon..." close to the time of the date. That shows that you're not nervously assuming they're backing out on you or something.
Author PhillyDude Posted March 16, 2012 Author Posted March 16, 2012 Text confirmations (and number of them) are something that are on a case-by-case basis for me. There have been times when I intuit things aren't for sure, so I will text confirm (or understand a guy text-confirming with me). Other times I intuit there's no way this date is not happening; too much certainty in the process of talking, so I just show up and expect he will too. It's hard to pin-point what makes the distinction; I'm thinking sometimes it's how much we've talked in general or how into the whole thing he seems. That varies, obviously. You just have to use your judgment and also not go overboard if you do text-confirm once or more than once. And be light in the way you word it. Don't say: "Are you going to be there?" or "Are you planning to show up? I just want to know for sure." Say things like "See you at 8 then!" or "See you soon..." close to the time of the date. That shows that you're not nervously assuming they're backing out on you or something. No one should go anywhere without confirmation because anything could have happened like a accident or family issue. So you are send a text saying see you at 8pm instead of just showing up
Jane2011 Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 I don't always confirm, even when I'm just meeting a friend for lunch or at some event. Usually I just send a text that says "I"m here" when I get there. Family situations and accidents happen, sure, but they're the exception not the rule. Also, I assume a friend will tell me if something comes up. I don't text friends to ask them "Has something come up to where you can't meet me for lunch?" lol... Like I said, I've text confirmed internet dates at times and sometimes didn't. But when I did, it was just slightly before the date, like an hour in advance. And then there have been times I didn't at all. One guy I only contacted him just before to let him know I was having trouble finding parking. But as I said, it's fine for you to do it, just don't do it a bunch of times.
2sunny Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 What kind of date did you intend to take her on? What are YOU offering to HER? She may expect more from a man she intends to date. She may be checking out many men... That is what dating is about...exploring your "options". Did you get a job yet? I'm sure you didn't... Because you don't intend to get a job. So - what is it that YOU have to offer to her that OTHER men may not be offering to her? I will tell you - if I'm looking at dating two guys - and one is working and the other isn't - most gals go with the guy bringing in money by earning it - by staying busy working - by accomplishing things each day that they are PROUD of accomplishing. You just can't get that same result if you are collecting an unemployment check. How's the job search going?
carhill Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 If the date was confirmed in person or over the phone, there's no need for extraneous following up unless an emergency comes up. As I'm stating this opinion, I'm mindful that this is a first date between otherwise unknown individuals. It's a great way to determine 'style' of interaction. A person who wants to go on a date with another person does not need a 'reminder'. Trust me, it's on their mind. If other, then other and it's all really good information.
zengirl Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 I don't know about everyone here but when I was dating I often scheduled dates not long after work, and I don't always have my phone with me all day at work (I do on slow days like today, but not when I'm running workshops or doing outreach or meeting with donors and when I was teaching, I couldn't text while the students were there!). So, I wouldn't even be ABLE to always respond to a text if someone required confirmation that I was coming -- which if I said I was, I was! If not, I'd certainly text/call, if something urgent came up. OP, have you frequently been stood up? Where does this fear come from?
Author PhillyDude Posted March 16, 2012 Author Posted March 16, 2012 What kind of date did you intend to take her on? What are YOU offering to HER? She may expect more from a man she intends to date. She may be checking out many men... That is what dating is about...exploring your "options". Did you get a job yet? I'm sure you didn't... Because you don't intend to get a job. So - what is it that YOU have to offer to her that OTHER men may not be offering to her? I will tell you - if I'm looking at dating two guys - and one is working and the other isn't - most gals go with the guy bringing in money by earning it - by staying busy working - by accomplishing things each day that they are PROUD of accomplishing. You just can't get that same result if you are collecting an unemployment check. How's the job search going? I have "neck kissing skills"
Author PhillyDude Posted March 16, 2012 Author Posted March 16, 2012 I don't know about everyone here but when I was dating I often scheduled dates not long after work, and I don't always have my phone with me all day at work (I do on slow days like today, but not when I'm running workshops or doing outreach or meeting with donors and when I was teaching, I couldn't text while the students were there!). So, I wouldn't even be ABLE to always respond to a text if someone required confirmation that I was coming -- which if I said I was, I was! If not, I'd certainly text/call, if something urgent came up. OP, have you frequently been stood up? Where does this fear come from? I was stood up about 5 years ago. And if you have a date at 8pm and get a text at 2pm you should be able to respond in 6 hours
zengirl Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 I was stood up about 5 years ago. And if you have a date at 8pm and get a text at 2pm you should be able to respond in 6 hours Not necessarily if you work till 7:30pm. But then I'm not one of those people who's tied to my phone.
Miko Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 Don't ever make a date further in advance than "the day after tomorrow." Much longer than that and there's all kinds of things working against you. Also, try to learn how to be persistent and charming(instead of persistent and creepy). My best friend called his (future wife) 10 times over 2 months just to get a first date after they met at a party...persistens. Made a fun story for my best man speech.
Eddie Edirol Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 Dude, keep assuming that she will make an excuse not to go on your date. It is a party night after all. Pushing it back to 8 looks like the beginning of a flake move. I have a feeling that sometime before 8 she will cancel. Just dont be surprised if she does. But if she doesnt, put your A game on....
Author PhillyDude Posted March 16, 2012 Author Posted March 16, 2012 Not necessarily if you work till 7:30pm. But then I'm not one of those people who's tied to my phone. Our date was scheduled for 7pm and she sent me a text at 3pm which is what normal people do. Why put time and effort to go see someone without confirming? Especially when FLAKING is always a possibility
Author PhillyDude Posted March 16, 2012 Author Posted March 16, 2012 Dude, keep assuming that she will make an excuse not to go on your date. It is a party night after all. Pushing it back to 8 looks like the beginning of a flake move. I have a feeling that sometime before 8 she will cancel. Just dont be surprised if she does. But if she doesnt, put your A game on.... Could be-lol I wouldn't be surprised. But what makes you think that though?
Eddie Edirol Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 Could be-lol I wouldn't be surprised. But what makes you think that though? Thats just what I always assume until the woman shows up, that way I dont get my hopes up. Im always ready to blow it off. You talked to her, so you know whether or not she seems like she likes talking to you. But its still early, and she could blow you off for a guy that she likes better.
oaks Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 A person who wants to go on a date with another person does not need a 'reminder'. Trust me, it's on their mind. If other, then other and it's all really good information. Agreed, but I might send a text the same afternoon as an evening date saying something like "Looking forward to seeing you tonight." It's a message to be taken at face value, so I wouldn't be expecting a reply to confirm her intention to be there.
Author PhillyDude Posted March 16, 2012 Author Posted March 16, 2012 Thats just what I always assume until the woman shows up, that way I dont get my hopes up. Im always ready to blow it off. You talked to her, so you know whether or not she seems like she likes talking to you. But its still early, and she could blow you off for a guy that she likes better. I guess I would only think that if she moved the time UP instead of BACK. But you never know. I do know that I don't deal with same day cancellations so if any female does that then I lose all contact
sid3 Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 But its still early, and she could blow you off for a guy that she likes better. Let's hope not. I'm sure I'm not alone in hoping the date goes really well
Author PhillyDude Posted March 16, 2012 Author Posted March 16, 2012 I was on my way out the door and she sent a text saying how bout 8:30pm I'm running late? How does this sound. to everyone?? lol I have a feeling the date is not going to happen and i have the chinese food menu in front of me ready to order just in case I was leaving out at 7:45pm so now I will leave at 8:15pm
2sunny Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 I was on my way out the door and she sent a text saying how bout 8:30pm I'm running late? How does this sound. to everyone?? lol I have a feeling the date is not going to happen and i have the chinese food menu in front of me ready to order just in case I was leaving out at 7:45pm so now I will leave at 8:15pm She on a date now - two dates in one night... You are second up - but the first date is going well so she's late. You COULD be dipping your stick where another man has just dipped his...I'd be careful!
Author PhillyDude Posted March 16, 2012 Author Posted March 16, 2012 She on a date now - two dates in one night... You are second up - but the first date is going well so she's late. You COULD be dipping your stick where another man has just dipped his...I'd be careful! Probably that's why I refuse to take this girl seriously-lol And what if I had left to be at the cafe by 8pm and is sitting in there right now?-lol Nobobdy schedules two dates in one night do they? lol
2sunny Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 Probably that's why I refuse to take this girl seriously-lol And what if I had left to be at the cafe by 8pm and is sitting in there right now?-lol Nobobdy schedules two dates in one night do they? lol Ya - they do! She's rude and inconsiderate - any way you look at it - IF you keep letting her adjust your timeframe - she's getting a clear message that you're desperate enough to keep bowing down to her changes. He's training you to be a doormat... I'd cancel and tell her it's rude behavior. You aren't HER priority when she acts this way... Just being honest.
carhill Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 If you don't enjoy socializing, don't set up/go on dates. This stinkin' thinkin' will get you a guaranteed viewing of the Chinese take away menu. She's running late. No reason needed. If she's on another date, she is. It's not your concern. Philly on a Friday 8:30 is early. Things are just getting going. Get going and see how it goes. If it goes well, it does. If it blows up, it does. Who knows, you might meet your future wife on the way. Just let go and enjoy yourself. Over and out. 1
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