PhillyDude Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 This girl I met online a week ago has yet to make the first contact and only returns calls and texts. On our last conversation we agreed that Friday would be a good day to meet and that was on Monday night. So if she doesn't call tonight or tomorrow evening should I even bother going to meet her? The interest is kind of one-sided so far and I never get a call from her on top of her still being ONLINE which is fine but she is still looking and not showing me interest. So i don't care about you being online if you are calling me.
Cypress25 Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 You haven't even met her in person yet and you're already expecting her to initiate contact? It's usually the man who initiates everything until a couple has had at least a few dates. Many women don't feel comfortable initiating anything before that. It doesn't mean she's not interested, it just means she's more traditional. Did you actually schedule a date with her for Friday? If so, why do you need to talk to her before then? If not, she's probably been waiting for you to make concrete plans with her. If a guy made vague plans with me and then never bothered to follow up and confirm those plans, I would assume he lost interest. Most women expect the man to take the lead in planning the first date. 3
sid3 Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 You haven't even met her in person yet and you're already expecting her to initiate contact? It's usually the man who initiates everything until a couple has had at least a few dates. Many women don't feel comfortable initiating anything before that. It doesn't mean she's not interested, it just means she's more traditional. Did you actually schedule a date with her for Friday? If so, why do you need to talk to her before then? If not, she's probably been waiting for you to make concrete plans with her. If a guy made vague plans with me and then never bothered to follow up and confirm those plans, I would assume he lost interest. Most women expect the man to take the lead in planning the first date. That summed it up perfectly. 1
PlumPrincess Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 This girl I met online a week ago has yet to make the first contact and only returns calls and texts. On our last conversation we agreed that Friday would be a good day to meet and that was on Monday night. So if she doesn't call tonight or tomorrow evening should I even bother going to meet her? The interest is kind of one-sided so far and I never get a call from her on top of her still being ONLINE which is fine but she is still looking and not showing me interest. So i don't care about you being online if you are calling me. You need to stop the nagging and whining... Guys, let's make a poll. Who would go on a date with PhillyDude if he was a woman?
sid3 Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 You need to stop the nagging and whining... Guys, let's make a poll. Who would go on a date with PhillyDude if he was a woman? If he was a she, it would still be no. Acting too needy.
PlumPrincess Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 If he was a she, it would still be no. Acting too needy. I think a lot of male posters are a bit hypocritical. They will defend a guy like PhillyDude and bash women for not wanting to date him, but if someone asked them if they themselves would like to spend time with him, the answer would probably be no.
Author PhillyDude Posted March 15, 2012 Author Posted March 15, 2012 You haven't even met her in person yet and you're already expecting her to initiate contact? It's usually the man who initiates everything until a couple has had at least a few dates. Many women don't feel comfortable initiating anything before that. It doesn't mean she's not interested, it just means she's more traditional. Did you actually schedule a date with her for Friday? If so, why do you need to talk to her before then? If not, she's probably been waiting for you to make concrete plans with her. If a guy made vague plans with me and then never bothered to follow up and confirm those plans, I would assume he lost interest. Most women expect the man to take the lead in planning the first date. Well after sending texts asking how she is doing and calling her first 3 times I just want to feel that it's a interest on her part and I;m not just someone she is meeting because she doesn't have anything else planned, I;m used to talking the night before the date about what the plan is so since I called her on monday night she can call me tonight or tomorrow.
Star Gazer Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 Well after sending texts asking how she is doing and calling her first 3 times I just want to feel that it's a interest on her part and I;m not just someone she is meeting because she doesn't have anything else planned, I;m used to talking the night before the date about what the plan is so since I called her on monday night she can call me tonight or tomorrow. Why are you contacting her so much before even meeting??? I'd find your behavior weird, if I were her. As for the rest, I agree with Cypress. Even if she's really interested, there's no reason for her to contact you before the meeting/date. If you asked her our and made vague plans, YOU need to firm them up with her. If you made actual plans, place and time, and you don't show up simply because she didn't contact you first, then you're a d*ck. Honestly, sometimes I really think you're trolling. 2
Cypress25 Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 No wonder you never get past the phone call with these women. Your expectations are totally unreasonable. How much interest do you expect a woman to show before she's even met you in person? And why have you already called her 3 times in the past week? Just schedule a date and talk to her then. You come on way too strong with all the texts and phone calls, and then you get angry when the woman isn't being as aggressive as you. You're the man, you're supposed to be the one initiating contact in the beginning. You asked her out for Friday and now you refuse to confirm plans with her because you insist that she should do it? She's not a mind-reader. She doesn't know about all your crazy rules, she doesn't know that you think it's her responsibility to chase you around before the first date. She's probably wondering why you haven't confirmed plans with her yet. If you want to go out with her, call her and finalize plans. Simple as that. 1
sid3 Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 I think a lot of male posters are a bit hypocritical. They will defend a guy like PhillyDude and bash women for not wanting to date him, but if someone asked them if they themselves would like to spend time with him, the answer would probably be no. Defending him wouldn't really help him. I mean thats why we are all here right, to help each other.
sid3 Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 No wonder you never get past the phone call with these women. Your expectations are totally unreasonable. How much interest do you expect a woman to show before she's even met you in person? And why have you already called her 3 times in the past week? Just schedule a date and talk to her then. You come on way too strong with all the texts and phone calls, and then you get angry when the woman isn't being as aggressive as you. You're the man, you're supposed to be the one initiating contact in the beginning. You asked her out for Friday and now you refuse to confirm plans with her because you insist that she should do it? She's not a mind-reader. She doesn't know about all your crazy rules, she doesn't know that you think it's her responsibility to chase you around before the first date. She's probably wondering why you haven't confirmed plans with her yet. If you want to go out with her, call her and finalize plans. Simple as that. If you want to chase women away Phillydude, ignore this. Pay particular attention to the first paragraph, its spot on. You really need to read it, learn it, and live it.
Author PhillyDude Posted March 15, 2012 Author Posted March 15, 2012 My point is she has not initiated one contact since March 6th. Now I have been taking the effort to contact her and you mean to tell me she can't initiate ONE CONTACT whether it's text or phone? Yall all know that's a bunch of Bull
SJC2008 Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 You need to stop the nagging and whining... Guys, let's make a poll. Who would go on a date with PhillyDude if he was a woman? Yeah because it's the mans job to initiate contact at first and that's what he expects lol. But I see your point and the answer is a definate no!
Bob_Funk Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 What are you doing on a dating site anyway? I hope you have a bbw fetish, because that's the best you're going to get on there.*
Cypress25 Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 My point is she has not initiated one contact since March 6th. Now I have been taking the effort to contact her and you mean to tell me she can't initiate ONE CONTACT whether it's text or phone? Everyone is telling you that you're expecting too much from her too soon. You've only been talking to her for 9 days and you've never met her in person. Most women don't initiate texts or phone calls in the early stages of dating. And this is VERY early. You haven't even been on one date, and you expect her to start initiating already? After you've been on a few dates with her, then you can expect her to start initiating contact. She agreed to meet you, that shows interest. Just because she's not showing interest in the way that you want her to doesn't mean she's not interested. It means you're crazy. You get mad at every woman who's foolish enough to talk to you, and then you complain about the fact that there aren't any decent women out there. This woman agreed to go out with you, and you're mad because she's not showing enough interest? You're the one who asked her out and is now refusing to confirm plans with her. She should be mad at you.
Author PhillyDude Posted March 16, 2012 Author Posted March 16, 2012 well she must have read this thread because she called me tonight on her own and the date is set for tomorrow evening BTW: while we were talking her line beeped and she had to rush and take the call which was probably another guy-lol But I'm not going to take her seriously for the reasons below 1. Very attractive and probably has TONS of options 2. Like to party on saturday night So when a attractive girl likes to go out and party on a saturday night that is someone who only try to have sex with. Defintely not relationship material
sid3 Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 I'd say good luck, but I have a feeling you're going to be a complete mess the next day if the first 'date' goes even remotely well. My advice, I'd take her seriously and give yourself a break. Ah what the hell, Good Luck!
Cypress25 Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 BTW: while we were talking her line beeped and she had to rush and take the call which was probably another guy-lol But I'm not going to take her seriously for the reasons below 1. Very attractive and probably has TONS of options 2. Like to party on saturday night So when a attractive girl likes to go out and party on a saturday night that is someone who only try to have sex with. Defintely not relationship material Wow, you're making a lot of assumptions about this girl, and you don't even know her. How do you know the person on the other line was another guy? How do you know she has tons of options? How do you know she's not relationship material? You don't, you're just speculating wildly because of your own insecurities. I've got news for you: YOU are not relationship material. You're jumping to unfair conclusions about this woman just because she's attractive? Well, then don't date attractive women, if you can't take them seriously. So she likes to go out on Saturday nights, that means she's a sociable person. Women just can't win with you. She even did what you wanted (she called you to confirm the date) and you're still criticizing her! You would criticize her no matter what she did, just like you criticize every woman for no reason. It makes me laugh that you think you'll actually get to have sex with her. You almost didn't even get to go on a date with her since you refused to pick up the phone. She'll see right through you 10 minutes into your date.
Author PhillyDude Posted March 16, 2012 Author Posted March 16, 2012 I'd say good luck, but I have a feeling you're going to be a complete mess the next day if the first 'date' goes even remotely well. My advice, I'd take her seriously and give yourself a break. Ah what the hell, Good Luck! Nope, I plan to be a complete goofball. The whole time I will be acting silly and just getting out of the house. 1
Author PhillyDude Posted March 16, 2012 Author Posted March 16, 2012 Wow, you're making a lot of assumptions about this girl, and you don't even know her. How do you know the person on the other line was another guy? How do you know she has tons of options? How do you know she's not relationship material? You don't, you're just speculating wildly because of your own insecurities. I've got news for you: YOU are not relationship material. You're jumping to unfair conclusions about this woman just because she's attractive? Well, then don't date attractive women, if you can't take them seriously. So she likes to go out on Saturday nights, that means she's a sociable person. Women just can't win with you. She even did what you wanted (she called you to confirm the date) and you're still criticizing her! You would criticize her no matter what she did, just like you criticize every woman for no reason. It makes me laugh that you think you'll actually get to have sex with her. You almost didn't even get to go on a date with her since you refused to pick up the phone. She'll see right through you 10 minutes into your date. I mean it's fine that she likes to party but I'm just saying I won't take her seriously. The type of woman I date are not out until 3am in the morning but that doesn't mean I still can't be cool with her. And she has a sense of humor so we may get along fine.
Jane2011 Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 (edited) haha - this thread is funny. I agree you're being too aggressive. I had a similar situation with an online guy recently. He kept wanting to talk to me on the phone for long periods of time before I even met him. The times I talked to him on the phone, I would typically say I had to go (because I did; I have work to do; I work for a living) after about ten or fifteen minutes. Reasonable when you don't even know the person yet and are just getting in little bits of conversation to build a bit of rapport pre-date. He would always sound taken aback and say "Really? When's a good time to call you that you can talk? Because I'm used to talking on the phone for a long period of time. Like hours." And I was thinking...jeez, I'm not gonna talk to you for that long. I need to see and experience you in person to see if you're even appealing to me. I basically just started ignoring his calls and texts. Never went out with him. I feel this way about all online guys. People need to keep it sort of friendly and personable but distant until you meet in person. Even the online guy who I did end up falling for, I kept him at bay until we met in person. He was smart enough to mirror me and just match me contact for contact, general attitude, etc. before we met in person. Don't push or act too eager because a woman will just get turned off. Edited March 16, 2012 by Jane2011
Author PhillyDude Posted March 16, 2012 Author Posted March 16, 2012 haha - this thread is funny. I agree you're being too aggressive. I had a similar situation with an online guy recently. He kept wanting to talk to me on the phone for long periods of time before I even met him. The times I talked to him on the phone, I would typically say I had to go (because I did; I have work to do; I work for a living) after about ten or fifteen minutes. Reasonable when you don't even know the person yet and are just getting in little bits of conversation to build a bit of rapport pre-date. He would always sound taken aback and say "Really? When's a good time to call you that you can talk? Because I'm used to talking on the phone for a long period of time. Like hours." And I was thinking...jeez, I'm not gonna talk to you for that long. I need to see and experience you in person to see if you're even appealing to me. I basically just started ignoring his calls and texts. Never went out with him. I feel this way about all online guys. People need to keep it sort of friendly and personable but distant until you meet in person. Even the online guy who I did end up falling for, I kept him at bay until we met in person. He was smart enough to mirror me and just match me contact for contact, general attitude, etc. before we met in person. Don't push or act too eager because a woman will just get turned off. I don't see anything wrong with talking for a hour about 4 times before you meet face to face which is two weeks 1st conversation...Touch base and light convo 2nd conversation...likes and dislikes are discussed 3rd conversation...dating history and dating preferences 4th conversation...setting up face to face meeeting
Jane2011 Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 I don't see anything wrong with talking for a hour about 4 times before you meet face to face which is two weeks 1st conversation...Touch base and light convo 2nd conversation...likes and dislikes are discussed 3rd conversation...dating history and dating preferences 4th conversation...setting up face to face meeeting Maybe you're right. Maybe some people do that. In fact, I have heard of people (men and women alike) saying things like "we talked on the phone for hours"...before they met in person. I guess I myself just don't achieve phone rapport most of the time. My ex-boyfriend has just about the sexiest male voice I've ever heard (he has a lot of faults, but his voice was/is awesome) and is a good conversationalist, to boot, and even with him (who I talked to on the phone briefly), I didn't want to talk to him for hours before I met him. I won't be fully attracted to a guy until I'm around him in person; hence, I don't feel like talking for that long. But you're right. Some people do really get into phone conversations before meeting in person. You just can't expect it from every woman, because she might be one who's more like me, who's like...ehh, you might work, but I won't know til I see you in person. Til then, I'm kinda busy so don't call me too much, thanks.
Author PhillyDude Posted March 16, 2012 Author Posted March 16, 2012 Maybe you're right. Maybe some people do that. In fact, I have heard of people (men and women alike) saying things like "we talked on the phone for hours"...before they met in person. I guess I myself just don't achieve phone rapport most of the time. My ex-boyfriend has just about the sexiest male voice I've ever heard (he has a lot of faults, but his voice was/is awesome) and is a good conversationalist, to boot, and even with him (who I talked to on the phone briefly), I didn't want to talk to him for hours before I met him. I won't be fully attracted to a guy until I'm around him in person; hence, I don't feel like talking for that long. But you're right. Some people do really get into phone conversations before meeting in person. You just can't expect it from every woman, because she might be one who's more like me, who's like...ehh, you might work, but I won't know til I see you in person. Til then, I'm kinda busy so don't call me too much, thanks. Well I know that the face to face meeting confirms whether or not we will talk again but I still like to have rapport over the phone before meeting. Remember you are using the phone to see if the person is CRAZY. And if you can't tell if a person is crazy over the phone then i don't know what to say lol
Jane2011 Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 Well I know that the face to face meeting confirms whether or not we will talk again but I still like to have rapport over the phone before meeting. Remember you are using the phone to see if the person is CRAZY. And if you can't tell if a person is crazy over the phone then i don't know what to say lol Well, I do understand your rationale for wanting phone time. And it makes a lot of sense. I'm just saying temper that rationale with her comfort level. (Compromise starts right away). You have to sometimes, in order to get a chance to possibly meet. She might actually like you a lot once you meet in person. She might be all over talking to and being with you after you meet in person. I completely fell for a guy who I met on OkCupid last October. If he took my pre-meeting cues the way you are, though, we might never have met because he would have said I got off the phone quickly and that I wasn't responding to his emails quickly enough, etc., and that that was bullsh*t and f*ck me for not being interested enough. Heck, I didn't even read his whole profile until after I went on two in-person dates with him. I'd just skimmed it and got the sense that he was smart and had a lot of hobbies.
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