bluewolf17 Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 Long story short, I can't stop obsessing over my EX BF's most recent Ex! He broke up with her ONE month after she moved in. He said that had a all out fight where she hit him, blocked his car from leaving, etc. So he ended it. She up and moved out the next day. Well this ex of mine (we have been broken up over 6 years) have kept contact and have expressed a mutual desire to get together if we are both single. Honestly, he chased me for years but at that time I had a long term boyfriend. In January he contacted me again saying he ended things with her, missed me, wanted to see me. I was like, Yes! The time has come! I saw him twice and both times it was obvious he wasn't over her. They only dated for 8 months comparied to our 3.5 years, but he said he did still love her, and that he wanted to get her back. He then said he only saw me as a dear friend at this time. I was obviously hurt as he led me to beleive he wanted to try again. He has called/contacted me a few times since then, and even told me a few weeks ago that she is seeing someone else..and that she won't get back together with him. My ex and I have been NC for 16 days now (though he has texted). I figure if he really wants to try, he would make an effort! I told him how I felt and he basically shot be down. Now I can't stop looking at his ex girlfriends FB page. Her new boyfriend and her in Vegas, or kissing. Sheesh, she moved on in like two weeks! I kills me that my ex nows about her new boyfriend, must know it's over, but he hasn't reached out to me. It makes me think he is just sitting at home being depressed! I don't know what to do or if NC is the right thing in my situation? I figure, shouldn't I let him grieve and give him all the space he needs? I learned before about pressuring and begging, and thankfully I didn't do that! I just told him how I felt, and when she said he wanted to still try with her, I went NC. What do you guys think?
Better_Days Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 I read somewhere on this forum that starting a relationship when one is not fully over with his/her ex is a bad idea. If you know that he is hurt and depressed, maybe you should leave him alone until he can get hold of himself. If you jump in now will only make him cry more and be more obsessive about getting his ex back. Can you really stand your love talking about someone else all the time? I'm sure you gonna be the one helping him by listening to his story and cheering him up. Can you stand that?
Author bluewolf17 Posted March 15, 2012 Author Posted March 15, 2012 I read somewhere on this forum that starting a relationship when one is not fully over with his/her ex is a bad idea. If you know that he is hurt and depressed, maybe you should leave him alone until he can get hold of himself. If you jump in now will only make him cry more and be more obsessive about getting his ex back. Can you really stand your love talking about someone else all the time? I'm sure you gonna be the one helping him by listening to his story and cheering him up. Can you stand that? No . That's why I went NC but just wondering if it should be more like Limited contact? Just check in with him in a few weeks? I'm really trying to just move on and accept that when the timings right, it will work. I don't want to wait around for someone to get over their ex.
mike588 Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 Don't get involved with someone just out of a relationship who's still in love...has strong feelings for an ex. I made that mistake and payed a heavy price.
Author bluewolf17 Posted March 15, 2012 Author Posted March 15, 2012 So it's probably just best to stay NC, huh?
mike588 Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 So it's probably just best to stay NC, huh? It's not probably the best thing to do....It's the ONLY thing to do....unless you want to be hurt again!!
mike588 Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 7 months ago my ex. dumped me for her ex. I went N.C. hoping to hear from her but mostly just to move on and heal. I gave up ever hearing from her....I just let her go and it was extremely hard to do!!! Last month she contacts me several times. Let him go...work on yourself...try to move on the best you can and let him do what he feels he needs/has to do. Maybe one day he'll contact you when he figures out what he wants.
Author bluewolf17 Posted March 15, 2012 Author Posted March 15, 2012 7 months ago my ex. dumped me for her ex. I went N.C. hoping to hear from her but mostly just to move on and heal. I gave up ever hearing from her....I just let her go and it was extremely hard to do!!! Last month she contacts me several times. Let him go...work on yourself...try to move on the best you can and let him do what he feels he needs/has to do. Maybe one day he'll contact you when he figures out what he wants. Thanks Mike, I definetly don't want to be a rebound or get hurt. It's been really hard to do NC, and I am not even sure he knows I am doing it! We were talking every day for almost three weeks until he told me he wanted her back (never anything physical). He said all these sweet things about missing me all this time, it sucks that he turned around and basically changed his mind. I know I am going to hear from him. In six years we haven't gone more than maybe two months without talking (he iniates 95% of the time). But I want to protect my heart because I have honestly been upset over it since January! I keep wondering when he is going to snap out of it. I liked to think that I am not waiting around, it just sucks knowing that I will hear from him. It makes it hard to move on!
mike588 Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 Thanks Mike, I definetly don't want to be a rebound or get hurt. It's been really hard to do NC, and I am not even sure he knows I am doing it! We were talking every day for almost three weeks until he told me he wanted her back (never anything physical). He said all these sweet things about missing me all this time, it sucks that he turned around and basically changed his mind. I know I am going to hear from him. In six years we haven't gone more than maybe two months without talking (he iniates 95% of the time). But I want to protect my heart because I have honestly been upset over it since January! I keep wondering when he is going to snap out of it. I liked to think that I am not waiting around, it just sucks knowing that I will hear from him. It makes it hard to move on! I know how very hard it is to maintain N.C....I almost broke it 100+ times!!! Don't put your life on hold waiting for him...or for him to call. He keeps you "hanging on" by him calling you every few months and you reply and letting him know whenever he's ready so are you. Stop contacting him and if/when he does again ignore it...that will drive him crazy and he'll wonder what's up with you...maybe you've moved on and don't want/need him anymore.....maybe you have found someone else. Let him blow up your phone with calls instead of always being there and or responding so quickly (I'm sure you do) If you feel you must respond wait atleast a few days and don't come across like your waiting on him.
Author bluewolf17 Posted March 15, 2012 Author Posted March 15, 2012 Just to be clear, I have been in a relationship basically since he and I broke up. That relationshipp is now over, so I'm actually recently single. That's why I got my hopes up! I'm finally single, and so is he, and we are still not together. We did talk a lot over the last six years and I wanted to hear from him, vice versa, but I didn't want him back at that time since I was in a relationship. He had maybe one or two relationships on that six years. The most recent 8 month one being the longest. So all those times he asked for me back, begged, I said no because I was dating some one else. In January when he dumped her he even said how he can't believe we are both finally single and how he has been waiting for this day..but I think he jumped the gun dumping her and now he is regretting it. You are right though, I have got to maintain NC . I have been really good and haven't broken it, but it's only been two weeks...so. I just know that if this is going to work, it might be months and months and months down the road..and I might not be single by then! The timing is never right.
mike588 Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 Just to be clear, I have been in a relationship basically since he and I broke up. That relationshipp is now over, so I'm actually recently single. That's why I got my hopes up! I'm finally single, and so is he, and we are still not together. We did talk a lot over the last six years and I wanted to hear from him, vice versa, but I didn't want him back at that time since I was in a relationship. He had maybe one or two relationships on that six years. The most recent 8 month one being the longest. So all those times he asked for me back, begged, I said no because I was dating some one else. In January when he dumped her he even said how he can't believe we are both finally single and how he has been waiting for this day..but I think he jumped the gun dumping her and now he is regretting it. You are right though, I have got to maintain NC . I have been really good and haven't broken it, but it's only been two weeks...so. I just know that if this is going to work, it might be months and months and months down the road..and I might not be single by then! The timing is never right. You know it's going to work because you want it to work. You said you were in a relationship but your single now. Did you end the relationship because he was single and your hoping/justifying he'll come back because your single.... to make yourself available.
Author bluewolf17 Posted March 15, 2012 Author Posted March 15, 2012 No No No! I did not leave my relationship in hopes of getting back with the ex. BUT obviously now that we are both single I did think we could reconnect. My relationship has been sliding the last year. It was actually pretty mutual when we ended it.
Author bluewolf17 Posted March 15, 2012 Author Posted March 15, 2012 You know it's going to work because you want it to work. . Sigh..you are rate. I think I have rose colored glasses on. I just need to let him be and see what else is out there.
mike588 Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 No No No! I did not leave my relationship in hopes of getting back with the ex. BUT obviously now that we are both single I did think we could reconnect. My relationship has been sliding the last year. It was actually pretty mutual when we ended it. You think "we" could reconnect but it takes two to connect. Stick with N.C. if he's interested he will contact you!!
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