Arkaeology Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 So I've been with this woman for 3 weeks, 3 good weeks if I may add. We dated 3 weeks prior to that then she asked if she wanted me to be her boyfriend. I can read her well and I can usually feel and predict if she wants to take things to a different level. So we're now exclusive. Now keep in mind that this woman is a very religious woman and stands by her belief of no pre-marital sex. She disclosed that to me very early on and I thought I was ok with it since we were just dating. I on the other hand loves sex. I mean at my age who wouldn't? I love giving women pleasure and I love receiving pleasure. I also love foreplay. I just broke 3 decades, educated, debt free, and just having the time of my life. I'm also an athlete and been told that I'm handsome and sexy although I never saw myself as one even though I'm very confident. She's not a virgin and has done the deed and will most likely not do it again prior to marriage. She has confessed and did what she had to do according to her beliefs. So making out is fine, petting, and dry humping. Does people still dry hump in their 30s?!?!?! Definitely no touching, nobody has climaxed yet. If you do all that, you know that it all leads to sex and unfortunately, no sex for either of us (BLUE BALLS SUCKS!). Don't get me wrong, we are physically and sexually compatible. I can't get enough of her and she can't get enough of me. It's just that her "thing" is that it's a sin and "tries" to avoid it. She's got great self control when things get too steamy. With me though gf equates to being intimate. That's the case because I don't have random sex with women. I would like to know them, feel the attraction, and go from there. She tells me it's hard for her too but it's doubly hard for me because I don't have my conscience telling me that what I want to do is wrong. So my brain is telling me that I should just tell her that we shouldn't be bf/gf and just casually date. That way we're not exclusive and this will let me date other women. Yes, I can do that on the side too but I just want things to be more congenial. What do you guys think?
fishtaco Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 I don't know... why is she not a virgin? Does she change her principles on demand? That's a really bad sign. Assuming she has a very good reason for not being a virgin, although I can't think of anything short of being raped. She has her rules. You should have yours too. No sex, no committed relationship. That sounds pretty normal to me. If I were you, I'd end things with her and not even bother. A non virgin that won't have sex till marriage is really really bad. Usually it just means she just won't have sex with you. But if you want to stick around... hey sometimes they get around the sex thing by doing everything but... hand job, oral, anal, everything except vaginal intercourse, so maybe you'll get some, who knows? But at the very least you should do what you said... go back to non-exclusive dating. So far, I think she's bad news. Personally I wouldn't date anyone like that, not even casually. But, that's just me.
Author Arkaeology Posted March 15, 2012 Author Posted March 15, 2012 I would like to give her the benefit of the doubt here. She did it 4 years ago and haven't had a boyfriend since and let's be honest here, everyone get's tempted and I really don't blame her. In her view, she made a sin, repented and has not done it again. Although I sure wish she didn't tell me. It get's me thinking why not me right?!?! It's definitely not rape. I think I'm gonna use that no sex, no committed relationship line and that she has my rules and I have mine. Oh and she definitely wants to do it with me. I just feel it. It's that damn ingrained thing in her that tells her that pre-marital sex is not allowed. Thanks for your .02 I don't know... why is she not a virgin? Does she change her principles on demand? That's a really bad sign. Assuming she has a very good reason for not being a virgin, although I can't think of anything short of being raped. She has her rules. You should have yours too. No sex, no committed relationship. That sounds pretty normal to me. If I were you, I'd end things with her and not even bother. A non virgin that won't have sex till marriage is really really bad. Usually it just means she just won't have sex with you. But if you want to stick around... hey sometimes they get around the sex thing by doing everything but... hand job, oral, anal, everything except vaginal intercourse, so maybe you'll get some, who knows? But at the very least you should do what you said... go back to non-exclusive dating. So far, I think she's bad news. Personally I wouldn't date anyone like that, not even casually. But, that's just me.
FitChick Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 Find out what kind of sex she had -- was the guy scary or perverted? Otherwise, tell her you don't want to be exclusive and you both should date others as well as each other until you are both on the same page (or the same bed). You could always step up the seduction campaign until she begs for it. Read the Kama Sutra to her. There is a chapter that is very erotic about initiating a young wife. Every man should learn that technique.
Cypress25 Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 Sounds like you two just aren't compatible in that area, which is a shame because you'd probably make a great couple otherwise. But she's obviously very religious and conservative, and you're not. I know a few hardcore Christians who engaged in premarital sex once and never did it again, since it was against their beliefs. I'm sure she's being truthful about that. Besides, you wouldn't really want to be the guy that she "sinned" with. When you have sex with a woman, you want her to be happy about it, not upset and guilt-ridden.
Cypress25 Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 You could always step up the seduction campaign until she begs for it. Or he could respect her beliefs and not pressure her for sex. Sheesh. I doubt that a conservative woman like her would agree to an open relationship, so the OP is better off letting her go and finding someone else. It sounds like she wants to be with a man who will wait with her, not a man who will string her along while having sex with someone else.
carhill Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 What do you guys think? Go to church with her one time and meet her family. You're apparently 30. How old is she? I would like to give her the benefit of the doubt here. She did it 4 years ago and haven't had a boyfriend since Benefits of the doubt killed the canary. Since it's impossible to verify her story, I'd discount it and look to other criteria to make an informed decision. What's her timeline for marriage?
Author Arkaeology Posted March 15, 2012 Author Posted March 15, 2012 Fitchick: I was told she did the deed and I'm sure there's penetration. It was also an ex-boyfriend which make it harder for me to understand. The guy before me had you and I can't?!? It's selfish in a way but I know my needs. I'm leaning towards not being exclusive because like I said gf=intimacy because I believe that intimacy is something special that you share with someone you care about and not just any random woman. Oh and I'm definitely stepping up the seduction campaign. I have made women orgasm without penetration, laying a finger, lip, or tongue in their private areas She herself has voiced out that it's hard for her as well and I'm pretty sure she liked what I was doing to her. I think it's even harder for her because she can't get off because of her beliefs wherein I can just whip it out and do it myself. Cypress25: We do make a great couple which is a shame. Her friends that I've met liked me and so does her family. She's definitely one of the women who has her convictions straight. I try to keep on pushing the envelope and she always manages to catch herself or me in that regard. I feel you on the part that sex should be guilt free. I'm guilt free in that matter, can she just ride along my guilt-less conscience? Boomshakalaka ...
InJest Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 You should probably just break up with her, but you have to at least cut the exclusivity. Just tell her that you'll only sleep with women to release the tension, but won't get your feelings involved. Then, if she decides she wants to have sex, you will only sleep with her.
Author Arkaeology Posted March 15, 2012 Author Posted March 15, 2012 I don't think I'm going to church with her although I've met her immediate family. She's a year older than me. What other criteria are you talking about? I have no idea what her timeline for marriage is. Me I want to be married within 5 years and have a family. She wants to know me better on all levels and not just the physical which I totally expected for a woman her age but go through all that and not be intimate is hard... I think that's at least a 6 month wait, AT LEAST... When I say that she's religious, I really meant full blown religious. Church every Sundays, sometimes teaches, does service and other stuff for the church, and other stuff. Go to church with her one time and meet her family. You're apparently 30. How old is she? Benefits of the doubt killed the canary. Since it's impossible to verify her story, I'd discount it and look to other criteria to make an informed decision. What's her timeline for marriage?
Cypress25 Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 Just tell her that you'll only sleep with women to release the tension, but won't get your feelings involved. Then, if she decides she wants to have sex, you will only sleep with her. LOL, yeah I'm sure she'd be OK with that! I don't know many women who would be OK with that. She would have to completely lack self-respect to agree to that. Besides, she's already decided to wait until she's married, which means she would have to give the OP permission to have sex with other women right up until the day they get married. That's not gonna happen. Listen OP, you want to have your cake and eat it too, but that's not fair to her. You wouldn't even want to marry her. She's hardcore religious and you're not, how could a marriage like that ever work? So if you don't plan to marry her, you'll never get to have sex with her. So cut her loose, let her find a man who's willing to wait. Clearly, you're not the one.
sid3 Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 I think you right. You should just date casually, although I'm guessing once you meet someone new you'll consider her a 'friend'. It doesn't sound like you have anything to reconsider, all your concerns sound legitimate IMO. I once dated a very religious woman, at first no sex because of it. After a few weeks she cracked. The first time she got mad suddenly god would get angry too if we continued having sex. Nothing wrong with having faith, unlike using religion as a cover for being batshyt crazy.....
Author Arkaeology Posted March 15, 2012 Author Posted March 15, 2012 I got into this thinking that maybe I can make the compromise with my carnal desires and it's unfortunately eating me up. I'm a very affectionate and passionate person and it's hard to control or minimize what you really are. I also believe in compromise and in any relationship compromise is of utmost importance. Both individuals should give in a little bit. In this case, there is no compromise 'coz it's either you do it or you don't. There are no gray areas such as anything but penetration. Also, when I get into a relationship, I always view it as something that can be a long term one with the potential for marriage. I've always been optimistic about partnerships and a relationship type of guy. Marriage? It's way too soon to even utter that word in my opinion. LOL, yeah I'm sure she'd be OK with that! I don't know many women who would be OK with that. She would have to completely lack self-respect to agree to that. Besides, she's already decided to wait until she's married, which means she would have to give the OP permission to have sex with other women right up until the day they get married. That's not gonna happen. Listen OP, you want to have your cake and eat it too, but that's not fair to her. You wouldn't even want to marry her. She's hardcore religious and you're not, how could a marriage like that ever work? So if you don't plan to marry her, you'll never get to have sex with her. So cut her loose, let her find a man who's willing to wait. Clearly, you're not the one.
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