ColoredBlack Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 My girlfriend of almost a year was abused in a past relationship. This has been something that has hurt us from the start. This guy always creeps into her mind and she goes into living in the past mode. This has happened throughout the relationship and It is like she just cannot get over this guy. No matter how horrible he treated her and he treated her down right terrible, but now she just always think about him. Now she seems to want to make up with him. Like contact him and tell him she forgives him?! Even tho he has done NOTHING to deserve forgiveness. She says this is her way of making peace with it but this ******* doesnt deserve forgiveness. He now just treats other women like ****. So basically it is like he still controls my gf. She still lets him control her thoughts and I am now sick of it. I have tried to be patient and make her feel better but im hitting the end of the rope and if she forgives him and he comes sniffing around and bothering her I wont be able to handle that. Is there anything I can do? Other than just dump her?
veggirl Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 Your girlfriend is in no mental place to be in a healthy relationship. Yes, you should dump her, and she should probably be in therapy. Contacting her abuser to let him know she forgives him? O..kay.....
Nightsky Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 I think forgiveness is good. I mean forgiving some one to me doesn't mean it was ok. It means you've gotten over it yourself. I don't think she needs to contact him to tell him though. What did he do beat her?
Author ColoredBlack Posted March 15, 2012 Author Posted March 15, 2012 He basically controlled her every move for a few years. It was a lot of emotional abuse but some physical abuse too.
Nightsky Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 He basically controlled her every move for a few years. It was a lot of emotional abuse but some physical abuse too. Just tell her its good she's forgiven him but that what he did wasn't olright. Forgiving and forgetting will let her move on though. Tell her you don't feel comfortable with her contacting him because that would break the trust you two have. That you don't contact your ex's and its a boundary issue for you.
Author ColoredBlack Posted March 15, 2012 Author Posted March 15, 2012 I told her most of that and I dont think she will try and contact him but I just wish this **** would quit popping up.
Nightsky Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 I told her most of that and I dont think she will try and contact him but I just wish this **** would quit popping up. Well if she truely does forgive and forget it wouldn't be popping up. Feel free to stop dating her if her issues are stressing you out and taking all the joy out of the relationship. You can't be her therapist.
Author ColoredBlack Posted March 15, 2012 Author Posted March 15, 2012 Ik. Any one else experience something similar?
fishtaco Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 People like her need professional help. What's happening is that the abuse is, well, no one like abuse, but unlike you and me, it's familiar to her, so she seeks it. Let me guess, you don't abuse her. So while she is appreciative of the fact that you are nice to her, this is also foreign to her. She needs the abuse; it feels like home. She will find it with her ex, or the next guy that will abuse her. Anyway, even without the abuse, if she keeps thinking about her ex, then you are nothing but a rebound. Get your sex and get outta there. Sprinkle in the abused past, the sex isn't even worth it. You are not equipped to help her. Only professionals can, and only if she is open to the help. I say recommend her a therapist, advise her to get help, then move on. It's not your battle to fight.
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