He posted on My Roomie's FB wall for BDAY

[gotye]

it's not like they were really friends. pissed me off. I posted to though, bein all happy.

just was like; you are not in either of our lives anymore, go away

[rootless]

it's not like they were really friends. pissed me off. I posted to though, bein all happy.

just was like; you are not in either of our lives anymore, go away

 

 

Get used to stuff like that.

 

I dunno why, but ex's often feel the need to turn it into a weird, competitive thing, like "let's play 'look who's more oblivious and unaffected'!"

 

In my experience, it'll continue, and possibly devolve further, if you keep that line open.

 

It sucks, but if it bothers you, the only way to prevent it is to block 'em.

[gotye]

Get used to stuff like that.

 

I dunno why, but ex's often feel the need to turn it into a weird, competitive thing, like "let's play 'look who's more oblivious and unaffected'!"

 

In my experience, it'll continue, and possibly devolve further, if you keep that line open.

 

It sucks, but if it bothers you, the only way to prevent it is to block 'em.

 

that's true. I want to be unaffected though and am moving on faster than I would think. only been a few days but laughing easily again and making lots of plans

[rootless]

that's true. I want to be unaffected though and am moving on faster than I would think. only been a few days but laughing easily again and making lots of plans

 

That's awesome!

 

You're a smart cookie, and you know what your limits are -- but if you ever find that stuff getting under your skin, don't feel weird about using the block button.

 

It'll feel kind of petty, and you'll resist the finality of it, but if it proves to be an incessant reminder, it really does help to eliminate it, if indifference is your goal.

[gotye]

That's awesome!

 

You're a smart cookie, and you know what your limits are -- but if you ever find that stuff getting under your skin, don't feel weird about using the block button.

 

It'll feel kind of petty, and you'll resist the finality of it, but if it proves to be an incessant reminder, it really does help to eliminate it, if indifference is your goal.

 

in my original story I posted how he still said he wanted to be friends and I said no

and a few days later he asked about still talking on fb and I called him and told him no, we aren't fb friends anymore and I have burned all contacts and he can figure out his life without me and in at least one month he can txt me with his thoughts but I am not waiting around for him.

 

still can't stop wondering what he's doing, but talking to other guys and all that. need to stop dwelling and doing my best because nothing happens if you mope and cry about it

[flitzanu]

in my original story I posted how he still said he wanted to be friends and I said no

and a few days later he asked about still talking on fb and I called him and told him no, we aren't fb friends anymore and I have burned all contacts and he can figure out his life without me and in at least one month he can txt me with his thoughts but I am not waiting around for him.

 

still can't stop wondering what he's doing, but talking to other guys and all that. need to stop dwelling and doing my best because nothing happens if you mope and cry about it

 

um, block him.

 

you're still dwelling and allowing these things to happen so you can think about him if he posts. block him.

[BewitchedandBothered]

um, block him.

 

you're still dwelling and allowing these things to happen so you can think about him if he posts. block him.

 

Roomie should also block him.

[gotye]

Roomie should also block him.

to me that seems cruel

I refuse to play the; turn people against my ex game, it's immature

[BewitchedandBothered]

it's not like they were really friends. pissed me off. I posted to though, bein all happy.

just was like; you are not in either of our lives anymore, go away

 

She should block him, then; why keep him around.

[BewitchedandBothered]

to me that seems cruel

I refuse to play the; turn people against my ex game, it's immature

 

Nothing cruel about it; if it's over, it's over. if they are not real friends, it shouldn't matter. Block. done. But...his being on her page gives you a way to see what he's up to.

[gotye]

Nothing cruel about it; if it's over, it's over. if they are not real friends, it shouldn't matter. Block. done. But...his being on her page gives you a way to see what he's up to.

 

we aren't friends on fb, but I won't make my friends block him. I still think that sounds HIGHLY immature. I refuse to come off as immature or needy or pathetic

 

to anyone

I am on nc day 3... stopped crying day 2

[TaraMaiden]

and doubtless, you'll smile broadly on day 4 - because you know you can.

[rootless]

to me that seems cruel

I refuse to play the; turn people against my ex game, it's immature

 

I don't think it speaks to maturity, or immaturity.

 

It speaks to whether or not you're comfortable hearing from/about him.

 

If one party feels pain when they hear about the other, yet they endure it anyway, that's not maturity. That's masochism.

 

No one should be asked to be a martyr.

There's no intrinsic value in suffering for suffering's sake.

 

If you guys are cool with one another, and contact doesn't adversely effect you, that's great.

 

But you're CRYING.

 

That is *not* sign that you're cool with it.

 

Could it be your reluctant to block him, because it feels final?

Or are you just worried that it gives people the impression that you're immature?

Because I'm here to tell you-- it DOESN'T.

 

It gives them impression you're hurting, and you're self-aware enough to back away from the thing that's hurting you.

 

It's not an aggressive, or spiteful, or petty act, in any way, shape, or form.

[BewitchedandBothered]

I don't think it speaks to maturity, or immaturity.

 

It speaks to whether or not you're comfortable hearing from/about him.

 

If one party feels pain when they hear about the other, yet they endure it anyway, that's not maturity. That's masochism.

 

No one should be asked to be a martyr.

There's no intrinsic value in suffering for suffering's sake.

 

If you guys are cool with one another, and contact doesn't adversely effect you, that's great.

 

But you're CRYING.

 

That is *not* sign that you're cool with it.

 

Could it be your reluctant to block him, because it feels final?

Or are you just worried that it gives people the impression that you're immature?

Because I'm here to tell you-- it DOESN'T.

 

It gives them impression you're hurting, and you're self-aware enough to back away from the thing that's hurting you.

 

It's not an aggressive, or spiteful, or petty act, in any way, shape, or form.

 

I wish I could have worded my thoughts as eloquently as Rootless has. The idea of your roomie blocking him really seems to offend you. I think her blocking him would make it feel too final and her having access to his doings would enable you to see what he's up to and you don't seem ready to not see what he's up to.

[rootless]

I wish I could have worded my thoughts as eloquently as Rootless has.

 

Well, thanks... but, meh.. it's not eloquence.

It's knowledge gained through stupidity.

My own stupidity.

 

I went through the exact same thing.

 

I kept my ex on FB for weeks before I stopped torturing myself.

I kept her friends on for a year before I finally cut those ties.

 

And they were people I genuinely LIKED.

I *still* like them.

 

And yes, I worry a little about what they might think.

But I worry more about whether or not I want to keep driving a branding iron into my chest every time I fire up the internet.

 

At some point, I had to let go of the excuse that I was worried about "what it will look like".

Because what it "looks like" means absolutely jack squat if I'm unable to go more than three days without a mini breakdown.

 

I realized I had to take ownership of my happiness. And f**k anyone who thought I was immature for doing so.

 

Those people weren't holding me back.

*I* was holding me back.

 

My ex, her friends -- they had nothing to do with it.

 

*I* didn't want to let go, because *I* didn't want to admit it was over.

 

And oh, did I do me some rationalizn'.

 

I was noble, and stoic and a pillar of maturity, because I took the high road.

"Look at me! Her friends still like me! I'm an okay guy!"

 

And meanwhile, I was MISERABLE every time her name came up.

But I still couldn't let go.

 

I was TERRIFIED to lose the one last, stupid, trivial thing that made me feel like I was still connected to her in some way.

 

And it hurt like f**k to let go of that.

 

I just don't want to see you let life pass you by.

 

Take things as slowly as you need to, and do what you feel is right, but don't cheat yourself of happiness holding on to "maybe" and "I hope".

 

Even if you think he'll come back, don't force yourself to suffer needlessly.

 

If he's really the right guy, and you get back together at some point, this facebook ordeal will provide perfect giggling material over pillowtalk.

 

And if it doesn't work out, you've spared yourself from dragging out the pain, at the expense of you're own healing and happiness.

 

I'm not lying to you -- whichever way it goes, this is only as big a deal as you make it.

Edited March 15, 2012 by rootless

[BewitchedandBothered]

Well, thanks... but, meh.. it's not eloquence.

It's knowledge gained through stupidity.

My own stupidity.

 

I went through the exact same thing.

 

I kept my ex on FB for weeks before I stopped torturing myself.

I kept her friends on for a year before I finally cut those ties.

 

And they were people I genuinely LIKED.

I *still* like them.

 

And yes, I worry a little about what they might think.

But I worry more about whether or not I want to keep driving a branding iron into my chest every time I fire up the internet.

 

At some point, I had to let go of the excuse that I was worried about "what it will look like".

Because what it "looks like" means absolutely jack squat if I'm unable to go more than three days without a mini breakdown.

 

I realized I had to take ownership of my happiness. And f**k anyone who thought I was immature for doing so.

 

Those people weren't holding me back.

*I* was holding me back.

 

My ex, her friends -- they had nothing to do with it.

 

*I* didn't want to let go, because *I* didn't want to admit it was over.

 

And oh, did I do me some rationalizn'.

 

I was noble, and stoic and a pillar of maturity, because I took the high road.

"Look at me! Her friends still like me! I'm an okay guy!"

 

And meanwhile, I was MISERABLE every time her name came up.

But I still couldn't let go.

 

I was TERRIFIED to lose the one last, stupid, trivial thing that made me feel like I was still connected to her in some way.

 

And it hurt like f**k to let go of that.

 

I just don't want to see you let life pass you by.

 

Take things as slowly as you need to, and do what you feel is right, but don't cheat yourself of happiness holding on to "maybe" and "I hope".

 

Even if you think he'll come back, don't force yourself to suffer needlessly.

 

If he's really the right guy, and you get back together at some point, this facebook ordeal will provide perfect giggling material over pillowtalk.

 

And if it doesn't work out, you've spared yourself from dragging out the pain, at the expense of you're own healing and happiness.

 

I'm not lying to you -- whichever way it goes, this is only as big a deal as you make it.

 

You are fortunate you had the control, though. Mine blocked me and unblocked me so many times I lost count. In the last months of our involvement, he blocked me again out of malice. it was a control thing because he knew it would bug me...and it did. But...I am sure he finds ways to see my page because when we first started talking, he had me look at someone's page he blocked/he had a thing for her but she wasn't interested.

 

He would ask me what was on her page/picture, etc. I told him to unblock her and find out. In your case, you did it for the right reasons, not out of spite, but to aid in your healing.

[rootless]

I hid all of her friends newsfeeds, and exercised a TON of self-discipline and never checked them.

 

But then they'd post on my wall, or comment on my status updates-- sadly, my greatest claim to fame is being unnaturally gifted at telling dumb jokes on Facebook -- and invariably, their profile picture would be them, smiling next to my ex girlfriend. And every time I saw that silly, teeny tiny little picture, it was like getting punched in the face.

 

It tore me up.

 

Even though the interaction was only one-way, and not directly connected to my ex, it still reminded me, and I allowed that to mess me up.

 

Eventually, I had to admit that it was impeding my progress.

And it was self-inflicted.

 

I HATED doing it.

But I had to.

 

Letting go is TOUGH.

 

I get it.

Edited March 15, 2012 by rootless

[gotye]

I don't think it speaks to maturity, or immaturity.

 

It speaks to whether or not you're comfortable hearing from/about him.

 

If one party feels pain when they hear about the other, yet they endure it anyway, that's not maturity. That's masochism.

 

No one should be asked to be a martyr.

There's no intrinsic value in suffering for suffering's sake.

 

If you guys are cool with one another, and contact doesn't adversely effect you, that's great.

 

But you're CRYING.

 

That is *not* sign that you're cool with it.

 

Could it be your reluctant to block him, because it feels final?

Or are you just worried that it gives people the impression that you're immature?

Because I'm here to tell you-- it DOESN'T.

 

It gives them impression you're hurting, and you're self-aware enough to back away from the thing that's hurting you.

 

It's not an aggressive, or spiteful, or petty act, in any way, shape, or form.

I am not crying at all

I feel pretty good, and he knows I am hurting, I made it very clear to him earlier when I told him he can have no contact with me for a while and I deleted his number

 

I actually am thinking of inviting a guy to my roomie's bday party due to us having mutual friends, the guy I have been talking to for a few days that knows I am hurt and not interested at all in any relationship though... but I think it'd be nice to look forward to something. though super looking forward to party

[rootless]

My bad.

 

There's like 10 zillion facebook threads on here-- proof that it's inveterate evil when it comes to breakups -- and I probably mixed them up in my head.

 

My point's still the same though -- if it bothers you, get rid of 'em.

If it doesn't-- awesome.

 

But why would you post here about it if it didn't bother you?

 

Just sayin...

Edited March 15, 2012 by rootless

[gotye]

My bad.

 

There's like 10 zillion facebook threads on here-- proof that it's inveterate evil when it comes to breakups -- and I probably mixed them up in my head.

 

My point's still the same though -- if it bothers you, get rid of 'em.

If it doesn't-- awesome.

 

But why would you post here about it if it didn't bother you?

 

Just sayin...

 

it does bother me, I shouldn't have looked, and i won't make that mistake again. I did defriend him though, won't ask others to do same as me cause I really don't hate my ex and he doesn't deserve that maliciousness

[rootless]

it does bother me, I shouldn't have looked, and i won't make that mistake again. I did defriend him though, won't ask others to do same as me cause I really don't hate my ex and he doesn't deserve that maliciousness

 

I think that's a great idea.

I did the same thing for a long time .. eventually I couldn't take it, though.

But that's MY deal -- not trying to impose my situation on yours.

 

I have no hatred towards my ex, either, nor do I have any misgivings towards any of her friends. In fact, I really miss them. The ex, and her friends.

 

That's my problem -- I miss 'em more than I should.

 

And just so you know -- feel free to tell me to put a sock in it if I'm handing out an opinion you disagree with.

 

I'm honestly not trying to push an agenda on you -- I just don't like to see people get hurt.

 

And if someone can learn from some of my bonehead mistakes, that makes me happy.

[gotye]

I think that's a great idea.

I did the same thing for a long time .. eventually I couldn't take it, though.

But that's MY deal -- not trying to impose my situation on yours.

 

I have no hatred towards my ex, either, nor do I have any misgivings towards any of her friends. In fact, I really miss them. The ex, and her friends.

 

That's my problem -- I miss 'em more than I should.

 

And just so you know -- feel free to tell me to put a sock in it if I'm handing out an opinion you disagree with.

 

I'm honestly not trying to push an agenda on you -- I just don't like to see people get hurt.

 

And if someone can learn from some of my bonehead mistakes, that makes me happy.

 

ya, maybe it will hurt too much eventually and I will make sure i can never see him