fmlgirl Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 Ok, so I have been needing some advice on this issue and obviously can't talk to anyone about it at work. I should preface this with the fact that I lived in Italy for 3 years and speak fluent italian with my italian co-workers and managers. I work in an Italian restaurant and since the first day I began working there my manager (who is Italian, from Italy) has been giving me compliments and telling me how attractive he thinks I am. For the first couple of weeks it was just kind of a flirtatious joke and I didn't really pay much attention to it, but as he continued to compliment me (our conversations are all in Italian) I kind of began to think he was actually interested in me. One night after work all of the managers stayed after to eat dinner and drink a couple of bottles of wine. We ended up staying in the restaurant until about 130am. As I was getting ready to leave, my manager told me he'd walk me out the service exit. As soon as we walked out the door into the service exit hall, he pushed me up against the wall and passionately made out with me. Since that night, there has been extreme sexual tension between both of us. I must mention that he has a girlfriend who he has been with for the past 7 years and lives with. the KICKER however is that the other night this girlfriend showed up in the restaurant unexpected after work, and my manager was NOT happy. She was drunk and celebrating her birthday and he just kind of didn't really interact with her at all. SHe came in during another one of these post-closing dinners and we had all been drinking a fair amount. So instead of him completely ignoring me and going for his girlfriend, he did the exact OPPOSITE! He asked me to come into the back office with him while he did his closing procedures, and he was super touchy feely. Now I have a little crush on him and I want nothing more than to just have amazing sex.. But I wonder how seriously should I take his relationship with his girlfriend? It's obvious that he's into me every time i am in the restaurant he gives me a lot of attention and is very suggestive with me. and I met his girlfriend who is really not very friendly, kind of stupid, and unimpressive. and does NOT speak italian at all. Any advice? Should I continue dreaming about this man or do I have to let it go? he is NOT married and they do NOT have children together. PLEASE HELP! thanks!! Link to post Share on other sites
Andy_K Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 If you genuinely want nothing more from him than to have sex, you might as well just go for it. He's already cheated on his girlfriend with you. Their relationship is doomed, if it's not you it'll be some other girl. However, if you do fall for him, expect karma to bite you in the ass when he eventually does the same thing to you! Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 Well he is not a married man. Do they have kids together? If he hits on you again tell him that you like him also but you will not date him or make out with him until he breaks it off with his girlfriend. At least you would be honest and put the ball in his court. Also please take a moment to put yourself in her situation and think how you would feel if you get into a relationship with him and he did this to you. That could very well happen because he has a great opportunity to meet women in his chosen profession. Link to post Share on other sites
Author fmlgirl Posted March 15, 2012 Author Share Posted March 15, 2012 no they have no kids together.. But i feel like it's kind of too much to obligate him to leave his girlfriend. they LIVE together, it's really hard to get out of a relationship like that...and it's almost awkward for me to bring up the conversation.... though I would like to. Maybe I should give it more time? I dream about sex with this man. ugh. I think part of my obsessiveness is because we haven't had sex yet... just an extremely passionate kiss Link to post Share on other sites
Author fmlgirl Posted March 15, 2012 Author Share Posted March 15, 2012 Also, because he lives with his gf, and i live with my mother, the actual opportunity to have sex is extremely limited.... where would we even find the occassion?? How can i tell if he actually likes me or if he just wants to have sex?? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 they LIVE together, it's really hard to get out of a relationship like that...and it's almost awkward for me to bring up the conversation.... though I would like to. You'd better start thinking about it. Chances are good that you will have sex with him and be right back here on LS in 2 months talking about how in love you are and his gf if threatening you. You will fall for him so you had better open your eyes to what is ahead of you if you continue on this way. Link to post Share on other sites
Feelin Frisky Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 I should think that because he's your boss, you'd have some concern about the power he has over you. Are you interested in him as a potential serious relationship and if so can you see yourself working there while this is going on? All of that can get even more tense and stressful. You may have to see him getting flirty with others. I'm not Italian but I almost married one and grew up in Brooklyn NY in Italian land (I'm being nice:p) and know how there are lots of cultural dynamics that can make it tough on a woman if she has to see a man of some means sorta show off among his gumba buddies. No offense or anything. I mean to help. Link to post Share on other sites
Nightsky Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 Also, because he lives with his gf, and i live with my mother, the actual opportunity to have sex is extremely limited.... where would we even find the occassion?? How can i tell if he actually likes me or if he just wants to have sex?? Oh I'm sure he could figure something out. Do you really want to be with a guy who treats his gf like how you described? Well I think this thread has shown the answer to that question is yes. Good luck I'm sure if things continue as they are you'll know him in that way soon. Link to post Share on other sites
Author fmlgirl Posted March 15, 2012 Author Share Posted March 15, 2012 You'd better start thinking about it. Chances are good that you will have sex with him and be right back here on LS in 2 months talking about how in love you are and his gf if threatening you. You will fall for him so you had better open your eyes to what is ahead of you if you continue on this way. Well, the problem is his girlfriend is kind of possessive anyway. I could tell by the way she acted when she was around him. super kissy and obnoxious. but he didnt seem into it at all and actually seemed to be avoiding her when I was around.. I don't know how they act when I am not there. I don't think i'd fall in love with him if we had sex but I am not sure that it is appropriate yet for me to ask him to leave her... after all we just kissed, exchanged an occassional text message, and flirt (albiet the fact that this flirting has become part of the fun of going to work). i kind of feel like the opportunity to have sex with him is never going to arise as the external factors are too limiting. where would we even go? Link to post Share on other sites
Author fmlgirl Posted March 15, 2012 Author Share Posted March 15, 2012 Oh I'm sure he could figure something out. Do you really want to be with a guy who treats his gf like how you described? Well I think this thread has shown the answer to that question is yes. Good luck I'm sure if things continue as they are you'll know him in that way soon. it might honestly just be her! they make a really strange couple. He is italian and she is like inner city black...which would be fine but it seems like their personalities are totally opposite.. He has been unable to flirt or interact intimately in his mother tongue for 10 years.. I wonder if he is just burnt out on his relationship with HER specifically... is there any way to tell? Link to post Share on other sites
Andy_K Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 where would we even go? The back office with the door locked Link to post Share on other sites
Author fmlgirl Posted March 15, 2012 Author Share Posted March 15, 2012 The back office with the door locked we RARELY get a moment alone and there are f*cking cameras in there!!! ahhhh I can't stop thinking about this i DREAM about having sex with this person. I seem totally immoral even talking about this but i cant help it. how can i tell if he actually likes me or is just DTF??? Link to post Share on other sites
Author fmlgirl Posted March 15, 2012 Author Share Posted March 15, 2012 I should think that because he's your boss, you'd have some concern about the power he has over you. Are you interested in him as a potential serious relationship and if so can you see yourself working there while this is going on? All of that can get even more tense and stressful. You may have to see him getting flirty with others. I'm not Italian but I almost married one and grew up in Brooklyn NY in Italian land (I'm being nice:p) and know how there are lots of cultural dynamics that can make it tough on a woman if she has to see a man of some means sorta show off among his gumba buddies. No offense or anything. I mean to help. Well, to be honest i dont take him seriously as an authority, i never did... so the fact that he's my boss doesnt really make a significant difference. I have dated a lot of italians too...while i lived in italy... i almost married one. yikes. i thought it would be awkward after that first kiss, but if anything it's just gotten more frustrating sexually bc we flirt even more. FML Link to post Share on other sites
Nightsky Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 it might honestly just be her! they make a really strange couple. He is italian and she is like inner city black...which would be fine but it seems like their personalities are totally opposite.. He has been unable to flirt or interact intimately in his mother tongue for 10 years.. I wonder if he is just burnt out on his relationship with HER specifically... is there any way to tell? Some italian guys really like black girls. Are you black? The best way to tell he was burnt out on her is if he cared about himself enough to leave a relationship he no longer wanted. As far as you two having sex just wait it will happen whether he has to take you to some dark alley in his car or rent a motel room. Heck if he has an office he could do you in there after hours. Is this the Olive Garen you work at? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 I don't think i'd fall in love with him if we had sex but I am not sure that it is appropriate yet for me to ask him to leave her... after all we just kissed, exchanged an occassional text message, and flirt (albiet the fact that this flirting has become part of the fun of going to work). i kind of feel like the opportunity to have sex with him is never going to arise as the external factors are too limiting. where would we even go? No, I'm saying tell him that so he will know to stop making sexual advances towards you until he is single again. Or maybe you don't want that? IDK as the choice is up to you. He was giving you more attention when his gf was present because he wants you the same way you want him. This is a very dangerous game you two are playing and I hope you realize this. As for "where would we go?"; trust me he will find a place. Link to post Share on other sites
Author fmlgirl Posted March 15, 2012 Author Share Posted March 15, 2012 Some italian guys really like black girls. Are you black? The best way to tell he was burnt out on her is if he cared about himself enough to leave a relationship he no longer wanted. As far as you two having sex just wait it will happen whether he has to take you to some dark alley in his car or rent a motel room. Heck if he has an office he could do you in there after hours. Is this the Olive Garen you work at? haha no i dont work at the olive garden. and no i am not black. In fact i look absolutely nothing like his girlfriend. she is on the bigger side and i am petit and look italian myself...my experience is that most italians are racist against black people ... so i was actually surprised by this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author fmlgirl Posted March 15, 2012 Author Share Posted March 15, 2012 is it really THAT dangerous??? I realize it's a little risky but no one else in the restaurant knows. any way to make things a little more safe? I have a burning desire for this man it's seriously driving me insane. Link to post Share on other sites
Nightsky Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 Now I wonder do you have children? By the way there is no advice we can give you on this. Obviousy you work with him and he is seeing some one. High potential for drama. Also unless you're willing to make a move you'll just have to wait and see what he does. Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 If you're comfortable being a goomah and switching jobs if it goes bad then go for it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author fmlgirl Posted March 15, 2012 Author Share Posted March 15, 2012 Now I wonder do you have children? By the way there is no advice we can give you on this. Obviousy you work with him and he is seeing some one. High potential for drama. Also unless you're willing to make a move you'll just have to wait and see what he does. No, i have no kids and am single. im 24 and hes 31. I just want to know if this seems like a normal situation, or if there is any possibility for growth with the 2 of us seen how he interacts with his gf and how he interacts with me. I cant tell if he actually likes me or just wants sex. I dont know how to tell the difference. Link to post Share on other sites
Nightsky Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 No, i have no kids and am single. im 24 and hes 31. I just want to know if this seems like a normal situation, or if there is any possibility for growth with the 2 of us seen how he interacts with his gf and how he interacts with me. I cant tell if he actually likes me or just wants sex. I dont know how to tell the difference. It's a very bad sign how he interacts with his gf. Completely imature of him to continue to date her if he doesn't like her. If he does like her its really horrible how he acts. My advice to you is enjoy the sexual tension and have fun at work. Don't have sex or date this guy. Some other guy will come a long and he won't have a gf and you two will have great drama free sex. Is this why you are FML girl? I mean your situation isn't that bad. Just enjoy work crush and let it make time fly while at work. Its good that hes a manager he can get you the good shifts or time off! Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 Are you prepared to lose this job? When things go sour, that will happen. Then you won't be able to use this job as a reference in your next job. He has probably cheated on his girlfriend before which is why she is jealous. Why don't you get your own boyfriend? If you still want the affair, at the very least, make sure you use birth control, preferable the Pill which you control and not a condom which he probably wouldn't wear anyway or would whip off in the middle. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author fmlgirl Posted March 15, 2012 Author Share Posted March 15, 2012 It's a very bad sign how he interacts with his gf. Completely imature of him to continue to date her if he doesn't like her. If he does like her its really horrible how he acts. My advice to you is enjoy the sexual tension and have fun at work. Don't have sex or date this guy. Some other guy will come a long and he won't have a gf and you two will have great drama free sex. Is this why you are FML girl? I mean your situation isn't that bad. Just enjoy work crush and let it make time fly while at work. Its good that hes a manager he can get you the good shifts or time off! haha this is totally why i am FML girl. and i think the fact that i havent had sex in 3 months does not help the situation. I just really want to kiss him again. ugh this is so irresponsible. I am well aware. Link to post Share on other sites
Nightsky Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 haha this is totally why i am FML girl. and i think the fact that i havent had sex in 3 months does not help the situation. I just really want to kiss him again. ugh this is so irresponsible. I am well aware. I don't think your bad for wanting what you want. I mean I've wanted married women at my work before. The thing is you have to protect yourself. I say enjoy the sexual tension and don't worry about if anything happens. In fact it would be better if it didn't not that I'm counting on you to turn him down if he makes a move. Working in a resteraunt sounds really fun... oh yeah other then dealing with people in such a service capacity. Link to post Share on other sites
Author fmlgirl Posted March 15, 2012 Author Share Posted March 15, 2012 I don't think your bad for wanting what you want. I mean I've wanted married women at my work before. The thing is you have to protect yourself. I say enjoy the sexual tension and don't worry about if anything happens. In fact it would be better if it didn't not that I'm counting on you to turn him down if he makes a move. Working in a resteraunt sounds really fun... oh yeah other then dealing with people in such a service capacity. honestly working in a restaurant is like being part of a legal mafia.. things are always happening behind closed doors and if you pay close enough attn you might be able to catch a part of the action. if he proposed sex to me i would not be able to turn it down, but ill be damned if i make the first move. we shall see.. I work with him tonight! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts