sigurpol Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 A couple a years ago, I fell quick and hard for this one girl. Everything was fine in the beginning, she wanted things slow, and so I went with that. As time went on, I found myself having to really work hard for her to keep things on track. Long story short, after we had a date, I was going to leave and drive home. But two cars had me blocked in at the time, however, the driver of one of the cars was gonna be outside to move his car to let me out for a bit. I called my girlfriend and asked if I could just wait in her apartment for a few minutes. She told me no. I kinda gave her an attitude about it ("You seriously can't let me in for a FEW minutes?") but ended up waiting outside. The next day, I got a text from her about how she saw me for who I really am. Someone who was selfish and quick tempered and she didn't know if she could be with someone like that (yet her previous ex boyfriend was insanely manipulative.). I gave up and moved on. Fast forward a couple years after blocking her and avoiding her, she gets in touch with me. After a few emails, we agree to meet up. We do and it goes well. We keep in touch until she comes clean and says she wants to try things again. That she's different this time and treated me like s*** last time. It took me a while, but I believed her and we tried this again. The other day, she had people over her apartment and I was sort of invited? But eventually during the night, she started to only talk to her friends about work, while I just sat on the couch and felt out of place. She told me she was going to bed, so I decided to leave. Granted, I did have a bitchy attitude as I as leaving, but on the way out, we kissed and I thanked her for having me over and to travel safely (she was going on a business trip). I didn't hear from her for a few days until I finally texted her earlier. I apologized about putting a damper on things the other night and that I'm glad we're close again and that I'd like to see things work out. She gets back to me and says, "its okay. but were you upset?" I said that I felt out of place and awkward there, since I didn't know what anyone was talking about. But the fact of the matter is, everyone was having a good time, and I was pouting. So it was stupid of me. I brought up some feelings I've been harboring, about how I don't want things to end up like last time, and that she means a lot to me. Once again, she's doing this thing: Not answering me or giving me any indication of anything, after I spill some emotions. So I sit and completely freak out, wondering what the hell is going on. Is it even worth it at this point?
Philosoraptor Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 I think you both need to get more of a handle on your emotions. If you are uncomfortable somewhere then you excuse yourself. You both need to be more forward with things and not skate around the issues. But it doesn't seem like you are comfortable with the relationship as you hadn't let the past go. If you're not willing to give a second chance a clean slate it is likely to fail. Just let this one go and don't bring the past back into things. You both should have grown in your time apart, so this is a different relationship with different people.
Author sigurpol Posted March 15, 2012 Author Posted March 15, 2012 I think you both need to get more of a handle on your emotions. If you are uncomfortable somewhere then you excuse yourself. You both need to be more forward with things and not skate around the issues. But it doesn't seem like you are comfortable with the relationship as you hadn't let the past go. If you're not willing to give a second chance a clean slate it is likely to fail. Just let this one go and don't bring the past back into things. You both should have grown in your time apart, so this is a different relationship with different people. That's sort of what I'm feeling now, so I agree. I'm willing to give it a second chance and to be more open about things, but it looks like she slipping back into old habits. She wrote back to me after I posted my original message, saying that she does want to be with me, but isn't looking for a relationship now... and enjoys our friendship...And that, I shouldn't get upset when she wants to go to bed, or not hang out that night. I don't get mad at that, but I told her that was no problem at all. This is exactly what happened last time, it became a "friendly" thing, with casual sex. Where she would use the line, "sometimes I don't want to hang out" if I put too much pressure on. Yet she always kept me at bay until I made up my mind to move on, to then she would come chase after me. Wash, rinse, repeat. I spoke to one of my friends who had to remind me, "remember how ****ing crazy she made you last time? I wouldn't go down that road again." So it sounds like I'll be moving on from this one. I don't know why I'm still so hung up on her.
Author sigurpol Posted March 16, 2012 Author Posted March 16, 2012 Just let this one go and don't bring the past back into things. You both should have grown in your time apart, so this is a different relationship with different people. Wait, as I'm reading this again. Let this one go. As in, let this fight go, and move on with her? Or let this one go, as in, just let her go?
Philosoraptor Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 Wait, as I'm reading this again. Let this one go. As in, let this fight go, and move on with her? Or let this one go, as in, just let her go? I was saying let the fight go if you want to salvage things. But you need to have an open and honest talk with her regarding your expectations regarding communication.
Author sigurpol Posted March 16, 2012 Author Posted March 16, 2012 I was saying let the fight go if you want to salvage things. But you need to have an open and honest talk with her regarding your expectations regarding communication. Thats what I thought. While I do want to salvage things, I feel like they can be extremely difficult to get through to her. When I image how the conversation might go, I feel as if it would be something along the lines of me clearing the air and making a point that I don't want to argue about this and her response would be something really stubborn. But, it could go the other way as well. I guess it just boils down if I wanted to come forth and talk about it. Because I know she won't.
wilsonx Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 She doesnt want to be with you in a relationship. Its not that you are not getting to her its that shes telling you "I do not want to be in a relationship with you" and you aren't getting it.
Author sigurpol Posted March 16, 2012 Author Posted March 16, 2012 She doesnt want to be with you in a relationship. Its not that you are not getting to her its that shes telling you "I do not want to be in a relationship with you" and you aren't getting it. True, but the entire matter is confusing to me when she said, "I want to try this again with you". Only for her to overreact about one evening, and THEN say, "I don't want to be in a relationship". Thats more of, "I don't know what I want". Or, "I want to do things my way". Either way, I think I'm finished with her. It seems like I always have to make up for stuff that should have just been settled through a conversation.
wilsonx Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 True, but the entire matter is confusing to me when she said, "I want to try this again with you". Only for her to overreact about one evening, and THEN say, "I don't want to be in a relationship". Thats more of, "I don't know what I want". Or, "I want to do things my way". Either way, I think I'm finished with her. It seems like I always have to make up for stuff that should have just been settled through a conversation. You're not listening, she was tryin to be friends with you, that's it. It's Crystal Clear, you just aren't listening. If you can't just be friends, move on
Author sigurpol Posted March 16, 2012 Author Posted March 16, 2012 You're not listening, she was tryin to be friends with you, that's it. It's Crystal Clear, you just aren't listening. If you can't just be friends, move on Then we agree to disagree!
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