smudge21 Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 ... only a week or so away from her getting wed and I nearly texted her. Not a begging text or anything like that, just a "how you doing" kinda' thing. Seriously, I was that close to clicking send. Can't really say why either - I've felt okay for a long time, most of this year now, but something made me want to reach out and test the water, see what response I would get, if any. Madness isn't it? I guess it's the knowledge of her wedding coming up. I always thought I already had that closure but clearly there is still a minor bit of something lingering on. The wedding will be the death of that, the final nail in the coffin. So maybe that's why I wanted to reach out. What would've come of it? Well at first I thought that it would start a dialog, lead to seeing her one last time. Total BS. Of course it wouldn't have. If she wanted to be with me, she would be with me, I know this. That's the strangest thing though, I know I don't want her back. I know it could never work out and I know she's not the person I thought she was; the person my heart and mind created for me to pine over and want so much. Knowing that, all I really would like is to have that power back - for her to chase me and for me to be in a position to say yes or no; take her back or push her away. That's the main thing with being dumped, we lose all that power and it's hard to get it back. So there you go, despite my advice to others on here (helpful or not) I still fall as often as everyone else... well, nearly fall.
radiodarcy Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 yes -- but you didn't think of how much worse you would have felt if you had sent that text and she had responded. no matter how inconsequential her response may have been - - you would have been mulling it over for hidden meaning/innuendo for weeks, possibly even months...
nick d Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 Good job man. I'm sure that hurts like hell. But your obviously very strong. I just hope I can stay as strong as you.
Author smudge21 Posted March 16, 2012 Author Posted March 16, 2012 Thanks for the replies. Sadly, I don't think it's to do with being strong. I mean, I drafted up the text and was lingering on the send button for an hour! It was other people who told me not to do it that helped. Had it not been for them I'd have sent it for sure... Glad I didn't though. I just kept telling myself that if she wanted to be with me or even talk to me, then she would. No amount of contacting her is going to change that.
nick d Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 Yeah but you were strong enough not to do it. People can tell you what to do and what not to do. But in the end, it's YOU that makes the final decision. I'm sorry your going through this. I'm sure it is very hard to take in.
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