Why young women like older men?

[dindygirl]

Except for one case I have always dated older guys ranging from 6 years older than me to 18 years older. I just got sucked in by this single guy at work who is 59 and I am turning 44 in a week. I am normally pretty smart about dating but I can say in this man's case his intelligence, confidence, and sense of humor reeled me in. He has never been married and is kind of inept with women. He is not good looking at all. He makes a little more than I do but not much so money is not a factor.

 

I misread his dealings with me, asked him out, and got ignored. Now I have to avoid him a month or two

[FitChick]

Here is a very funny but a bit sad article written by an English woman who only dated older men. Had me laughing out loud in my tea.

 

Here are some tidbits:

 

I accepted a lift home one evening from a 70-year-old man who had been a friend of my late uncle. He had a face like a medieval poultice for curing the plague.

 

The precocious Oona O’Neill Chaplin (daughter of the playwright Eugene O’Neill) met and married Charlie Chaplin when she was 18 and he was 54. The marriage lasted until his death. According to the American writer Robert Benchley, “Oona could never have got into bed with a man who wore his own hair.”

 

It is a myth that the older the man, the more considerate he is in the boudoir. Often, alas, he is so considerate that you fail to notice anything has occurred.

[kaylan]

We are, and one huge reason for that is the availability of younger women in addition to women our own age. More options = happier male love life generally. Simple equation that proves true from youth through old age.

Really now? The older guys I know dont make out younger women as the reason for their happiness. Its actually their appreciation for chicks their age and how they play less games then younger women. At least thats what they tell me *shrugs*

 

Drama that young women I have dated and know produce: being late, not doing what they say they are gonna do, being irresponsible and impulsive. Well lots of people of both genders of all ages do that. It's not behavior that requires me to sit and emotionally regurgitate the same stale material for three hours at a sitting. After the initial annoyance, I'm over it. Younger women don't tend to suck up my precious time with redundant, needless insecurity drama in the way older women do.

 

Drama that older women I have dated and know produce: endless need for reaffirmation, more jealousy, more clingy, more need for attention. Behaviors that eat up lots of my time needlessly. If a young girl blows me off to go to a show, or ends up bringing a bag of blow in my house, I can simply go do something else or tell her to get out. If a woman my age wants to engage in the third or fourth three hour "affirmation event" conversation of the week, I am trapped, like the coyote who wants to chew its leg off.

Keep telling yourself younger women dont do this. Everything you said older women do I have experienced greatly with younger women, and my older friends have said all that went away as women got older with them. That these girls matured into women and figured out what the hell they wanted and how to get it.

 

And to be perfectly honest, youre the first older guy Ive ever heard say younger women had less annoying drama going on. Even guys in the pick up community say that older women are easier to deal with.

 

Younger woman drama is therefore more tolerable -for me- than older woman drama.

For you...ok. Whatever works. But like I said, most guys Ive heard speak, say that dating younger women is def more of a task then dating older women.

 

This looks good on paper, but not representative of fact IME. Older people have fears of becoming permanently unattractive due to inevitable age, being alone, becoming unhealthy that most young people can't directly conceive, even if they have experienced the deaths of loved ones or friends. Once you reach a certain age, it gets more personal. At 25, it's unlikely you really feel the truth of that, and IME very few if any younger women I've been involved with did. But this thread is about young and old -women-, not "people" generally. Repeating, younger women simply do not have, unless it is pathological, the same kinds of insecurities older women have. And if they do happen to, they aren't nearly as prone to make you listen to them over an otherwise pleasant meal as 30+ women are.

Yes, younger women have different insecurities than older women...but what I think you are doing is simply understating these things since some older guys are willing to put up with crap for the sake of having a young hottie.

 

As I said before...every single thing you said you experienced with older women in terms of drama, PLENTY of younger guys have dealt with and still deal with it when it comes to younger women. Just look at the threads here.

There are threads and threads on this board, just like this one, where women express -exactly why- they like older men. Not all do, but lots do. Instead of acknowledging they may be telling the truth, you write it off to a bunch of wishful old dudes longing for better days. You may not know this, but I have posted in many threads my preference for women over 30, baggage and all, provided they don't show too much insecurity and affirmation seeking bad behavior. My experiences with younger women as an older man have actually been my second choice. I would prefer a woman closer to my own age, but the younger ones seem more interested in me and less insecure, so after years of ignoring their attention, I am more open to it these days.

Define older then? Because the threads on this forum have some women calling 5 years "older", while others call ten years "older". The age ranges are all over the place. Im not writing it off, Im saying it simply doesnt fit into exactly what you are saying, nor true demographics.

 

So maybe once we pin down what older means, than we can get somewhere. Also, a good number of women in this thread and the others have said they prefer men near their age....so Im not pulling things out of thin are. And then once someone starts looking at the average age difference of couples, and also who they see out and about in the real world, then these threads hold less and less water.

 

These threads pop up every now and again with older dudes trying to pound their chest and say how awesome they are and how much better they are then younger men...and how the young gals like them better. Why is this? I never see the older women doing this. Why is it only the men needing to assert themselves all over the internet as still having "it". Insecurity is my only guess.

 

Why arent young men creating threads and making posts about how much better they are than older men? I always see older guys throwing stones first.

It's a safe presumption that almost everything posted on this board is anecdotal, and not a matter of proving or disproving anything in any kind of "peer reviewed" way. As a matter of fact, almost all of the things we learn in life are anecdotal at the root. The anecdote I posted was shorthand for literally hundreds and hundreds of similar experiences I could have posted, but spared the thread. I find that people who pull out the "that's just anecdotal!" card realize they are arguing from a weak, less informed position. If you don't want to post a contradictory example by anecdote, by all means don't. But the reply to "that's just anecdotal" on a dating board is... "well duh, it's an informal internet dating board."

This is exactly why you cant taking anything on this board to seriously. Just realize the type of people who come here. You know whats a better tell of the dating world? Actually seeing which people are in couples or actually reviewing studies on dating patterns. Not anecdotes on a forum thread.

 

Your "hundreds" of experiences dont discount all the experiences I can write about either.

 

The only reason I even replied to this thread is because every time a thread like this comes up, old bros feel the need to rag on younger guys....and some of you get this idea in your head that we are actually in competition with you. We are not at all...and younger guys never even think about this stuff. So I dunno why older dudes always take it upon themselves to sh!!t on younger dudes.

 

I def dont see women doing this as much on the internet.

 

Nothing in my posts say "all." There are LOTS of younger men who don't do the sideways hat, beer chunder brah stuff. All other things being equal, a well put together, well-dressed, mature, competent guy will do much better than me with younger women, provided the younger women have any sense. But that doesn't change the fact that those kinds of younger men are in a minority, there aren't enough to go around, and when LOTS of younger women get fed up with that social life, they come looking for guys like me.

Uh huh....another part of your post saying how awesome you are compared to younger guys. Not surprised

Oh they are thinking about it from the first doll, whether they are completely motivated by it or not yet, and it influences their social lives in varying degrees, one of which may be seeking out men with more resources, power, security, even from a relatively early age.

Again, plenty of young women are using their 20s just to have fun. Men are doing this too, despite the fact that they wanna get married someday.

 

Many 20 somethings dont start seriously considering settling down until their late 20s...so what does this part of your post say? All it says is that someone wants to get married one day. Duh I think we all know most people want that...but they put it off in their 20s so they can have fun. Which is exactly what I said before.

Doesn't bear on the argument that lots of women like older men at all. You seem to be mistaking a "why do some women like older men?" question with a "do people generally date in their own age group?" question. They are entirely different.

The reason I brought the other question into this discussion is because older guys like yourself love to rag on younger guys and throw them under one grouping. You love to assert yourself as some better prize, when at the end of the day, most of the pretty young things are with us anyways...so whats the purpose of even making negative blanket statements about young men?

 

Thats what Im trying to figure out.

Edited March 18, 2012 by kaylan

[jlola]

I have friends from 25-late 40's. Male and female. I can tell you that the younger men I know always have young girlfriends. Older men I know usually date women no more than 10 year age difference. I have a male friend who is very honest. At 48 he told me upon his divorce 15 years ago the women were plenty. He thought this would last forever and wanted to play the field.

 

Now, he can not find many women his age he finds attractive(though he is not that attractive himself, but seen younger pics when he was.) In the past 15 years it looks like his hair has thinned greatly,sun spots,though not fat, he has a pot belly and flabby. He is very flirty, but not pulling in the young ones like he thought he should be able to.

 

As to older men being more established. Maybe. But many older men have children to support and ex-wife drama. Or they have older kids who always need financial help. So it can be more baggage than a younger man. Also you will most likely be his "second" family.

 

Older men are not always more mature. maturity comes at any age. BUT men and women need to understand though a young person may find you attractive initially. After the honeymoon stage is over, your flaws and your age will become much more apparent as rose colored glasses come off.So be ready.

 

I agree men and women who are attractive will attract attention at any age. But for men to think ALL men just need to get older and the young ones will come look around, this is fantasy not reality.

 

Most couples are the same age. If it were true women are more attracted to older men, then age-gap couples would be common. the only place it is common is Los Angeles and in high class circles. Again I said "COMMON".

 

And please do not say it is because older men are afraid to ask younger women out. Ask any younger women and they will tell you, by the time they are 18 older men are on them like white on rice.

 

Now for the older men here who are still fit and sexy, good for you! If you are taking care of your health and physical looks, you will have a different experience than your average Joe's your age.Women OF all ages will respond to you. But that is the exception not the rule.

 

BTW, many times when I do see age gap couples with very young girl and average looking man with average income, the young girl is usually not very attractive or a bit wacky and probably realizes most men her age are not that interested in a serious relationship with her.

 

Sorry to be brutal, but that is the truth.

 

In the same way I have seen plain average income, older women talk about their young boyfriends. He is usually some pudgy guy or not too attractive too.If he is halfway good looking she is putting up with a lot to be with him.

[The Blue Knight]

Except for one case I have always dated older guys ranging from 6 years older than me to 18 years older. I just got sucked in by this single guy at work who is 59 and I am turning 44 in a week. I am normally pretty smart about dating but I can say in this man's case his intelligence, confidence, and sense of humor reeled me in. He has never been married and is kind of inept with women. He is not good looking at all. He makes a little more than I do but not much so money is not a factor.

 

I misread his dealings with me, asked him out, and got ignored. Now I have to avoid him a month or two

He's not only inept around women, apparently he sends poor signals to the opposite sex as well.

[silvermercy]

Also...in regards to the maturity shtick...women like to think they are more mature then guys their age, but in my experience thats hardly true.

I think it depends where you live of course. In my country for example, it's the opposite. Young girls "mature" from an early age (teens). Well, not all of them, so I'd say a percentage of 70-75% mature, 25-30% immature.

[Emilia]

He's not only inept around women, apparently he sends poor signals to the opposite sex as well.

 

yeah, sounds like a great catch

[Emilia]

I think it depends where you live of course. In my country for example, it's the opposite. Young girls "mature" from an early age (teens). Well, not all of them, so I'd say a percentage of 70-75% mature, 25-30% immature.

 

I'm guessing that's the case because they are expected to be married by 25 the latest

[oldguy]

 

I think it depends where you live of course. In my country for example, it's the opposite. Young girls "mature" from an early age (teens). Well, not all of them, so I'd say a percentage of 70-75% mature, 25-30% immature.

 

It's long been said that girls mature faster than boys & do better scholastically. And it has even been suggested that the reason for this may be the way public schools are structured. I don't know about all of that but what few people talk about very much is what happens after people are out of the public schools system. Well, it's thought that boys/men rapidly catch up & even begin to excel beyond young women and that too has long been theorized as cultural. This TED presentation I thought did an excellent job of illustrating that;

please watch the whole thing.

 

I wonder if it isn't almost entirely a matter of culture that effects our internal as well as external perceptions of the world & each other.

Edited March 19, 2012 by oldguy

[silvermercy]

I'm guessing that's the case because they are expected to be married by 25 the latest

No. The national marriage average is around 32-35 here (it used to be 29+ for women and 31+ for men but this has increased in the last few years).

Edited March 19, 2012 by silvermercy

[jlola]

He has never been married and is kind of inept with women. He is not good looking at all.

 

I misread his dealings with me, asked him out, and got ignored. Now I have to avoid him a month or two

 

So why would you want him? Inept with women and not good looking at all. I would think that part of being interested in someone for a relationship is physical attraction. Otherwise they would be in the friend zone.

 

I think a lot of women do this. Put physical attraction aside. But when honeymoon stage is over and rose colored glasses are gone, those will be the very same women who avoid having sex with her husband because she was not physically attracted to him in the first place.

 

I know so many women who have done that. Why? That is another thread altogether.I would rather be by myself than be intimate in day to day life with a person I do not find appealing.

[silvermercy]

So why would you want him? Inept with women and not good looking at all. I would think that part of being interested in someone for a relationship is physical attraction. Otherwise they would be in the friend zone.

 

I think a lot of women do this. Put physical attraction aside. But when honeymoon stage is over and rose colored glasses are gone, those will be the very same women who avoid having sex with her husband because she was not physically attracted to him in the first place.

 

I know so many women who have done that. Why? That is another thread altogether.I would rather be by myself than be intimate in day to day life with a person I do not find appealing.

That is so true. One of the main reasons women go off sex with partners, if you don't count hormomal/health problems. When the personality charm fades, too, there's not even the physical part to sustain the relationship. Those women would most possibly be afraid of being alone, too. They'd rather be in ANY relationship than none at all. Personally, I'd rather be myself, too, if that was the case.

 

(Well, the reasons above, as well as another reason I've heard repeatedly, which is his reluctance to help with house chores, even though they both work same hours. Sex becomes a chore at the end of the day, too.) But yes, the reasons would need another thread altogether. lol

[stillafool]

Most young, goodlooking women prefer a young man for the obvious reasons. Just as young, goodlooking men prefer a young woman for the obvious reasons. There are exceptions but not the norm nor will it ever be.

[stillafool]

I think a lot of women do this. Put physical attraction aside. But when honeymoon stage is over and rose colored glasses are gone, those will be the very same women who avoid having sex with her husband because she was not physically attracted to him in the first place.

 

I know so many women who have done that. Why? That is another thread altogether.I would rather be by myself than be intimate in day to day life with a person I do not find appealing.

 

I guess the same reasons men lose interest in women after the honeymoon stage is over or she gains a little weight. He becomes more interested in the women on porn sights.

[FitChick]

many older men have children to support and ex-wife drama. Or they have older kids who always need financial help. So it can be more baggage than a younger man.

 

Now for the older men here who are still fit and sexy, good for you! If you are taking care of your health and physical looks, you will have a different experience than your average Joe's your age.Women OF all ages will respond to you. But that is the exception not the rule.

 

The above is a problem I'm having finding someone suitable. Not only does the slim, fit and successful man have older children and an ex-wife to support, he often has younger ex-wife #2 with young children to support as well. Besides the financial strain, I don't need to emotional strain and drama.

[123321]

I'm not really concerned how many young women want to date me, as long as it's enough for me to always get a date. So far, always has been, enough said.

[Taramere]

Here is a very funny but a bit sad article written by an English woman who only dated older men. Had me laughing out loud in my tea.

 

 

I went to parties where paparazzi stood outside and I met such figures as Margaret Thatcher, Kingsley Amis, Tom Stoppard and Norman Lamont.

 

If that's not enough to put a woman off hot-footing it after the more mature penis, I don't know what is.

[RedRobin]

...just finished reading the article FitChick attached (where DO you find all these?!)

 

It is a good cautionary tale for the younger ladies.... There is nothing like being a part of and helping build each other's lives.

 

Sure, it is tempting to go after the person who already has all those things. but it is a pretty good bet they won't be helping you grow. Or, they will, but only in the Pygmalion, "My Fair Lady" way. Put down the Cosmo and read THAT sometime.

 

...and back to what I originally stated... the much older person is perfectly suited for companionship and certainly mentoring... but not a life-partnership. Just my 0.02. Best left to the case of outliers.

[thatone]

Well, this thread has confirmed what I already knew: life ends at 30 for us guys. All the more reason to live fast and die young. *takes a swig of scotch*

 

you can afford more scotch the older you get, and move on up to 20+ year scotch for your daily drink or two because you can afford it!

 

there's probably a joke in there somewhere (old scotch and young women?), but i can't think of it.

 

fwiw i find at 35 that i do better than i did in my 20s, but i actually like women closer to my own age. i can't tolerate stupid.

 

if anything, while in relationships or FWB situations, i want less sex than the woman usually does.

[phineas]

The above is a problem I'm having finding someone suitable. Not only does the slim, fit and successful man have older children and an ex-wife to support, he often has younger ex-wife #2 with young children to support as well. Besides the financial strain, I don't need to emotional strain and drama.

 

If there is baby-mama-drama he should be taking care of that instead of trying to date.

I don't have that myself. She knows better than to mess with my sheet.

 

As for the financial burden? You can thank your fellow women for this. Their the one's leaving a man financially fooked after divorce.

 

I pay my bills but I won't be buying a new car any time soon or taking any expensive vacations.

[thatone]

 

I pay my bills but I won't be buying a new car any time soon or taking any expensive vacations.

 

i will be.

 

you take the slutty hippy types and i'll string along the gold diggers?

[phineas]

i will be.

 

you take the slutty hippy types and i'll string along the gold diggers?

 

Pretty much did that last summer.

I got a few months before college lets out.

which is good.

I need to loose 10 to 15lbs for dem dere abs.

[singlelife]

Had a younger lady today tell me she liked older men because they just are not as immature as the younger men. She couldn't articulate past that.

[sLiPpeTh]

It's all about the wallet.

[singlelife]

I'm not really concerned how many young women want to date me, as long as it's enough for me to always get a date. So far, always has been, enough said.

 

The friends I know always have 2-3 dates a week with 20-25 yr old chicks. They just talk about how young guys are immature then they have fun and sex.