udolipixie Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 I'm 30 and had a relationship with a much younger girl last year who happened to be the younger sister to a friend of mine. Egh is this the same gal who you stated was just nuts and had way bigger issues and who was in what you labeled "I'm generally a crazy girl" therapy. If so then you're kind of supporting these "negative" "jealous" opinions you found amusing. 3. Women of any age can be just as immature as anyone else I agree with that as age doesn't mean maturity for most people s evidenced by my previous 30 y/o gf who would sleep with a teddy bear, watch cartoons in the morning and couldn't manage her own life whatsoever. This compared to a 19 y/o I dated that I could have actual deep conversations with and who was perfectly capable of managing her own affairs and issues, and was a hell of a lot more fun as well. I disagree with this being evidence considering you stated that you seem to "find" a lot of those types of gals and guess you're just into psycho.
Miko Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 Egh is this the same gal who you stated was just nuts and had way bigger issues and who was in what you labeled "I'm generally a crazy girl" therapy. I disagree with this being evidence considering you stated that you seem to "find" a lot of those types of gals and guess you're just into psycho. No, the crazy girl was the 30 y/o wacko w/the cartoons & inability to manage her own life. The normal/sane 19 y/o was the younger sister who I should've dumped the GF for sooner. Funny thing is I'm still to this day telling her sister to pi$$ off and I'm not sorry at all. But yes, crazy is a little more fun in the short term.
danny in van Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 Dannyinavan, Salt and pepper hair and some rugged looking lines on the face may be attractive to plenty of women, but not to girls in their 20s. Gimme a break, you won't convince anyone that 20 yr old girls are looking for that. Maybe if dude's rich. Ex: Richard Gere. SEXY, and an "old guy". But also, rich. Famous. I may think he's sexy but surely wouldn't date him (just don't like older guys) and if he wasn't rich, I doubt the VAST majority of any 20somethings would be interested, even if they thought he was attractive. And let's be real. Most men don't age as gracefully as you are implying, and most aren't rich. Most old men are chubby and bald(ing). Nothing wrong with that, but let's call a spade a spade, PYTs aren't chasing that just cause he may have 75k/yr (not rich). the original question is why do girls like older guys...and you're right- most don't - cuz most older guys have knocked themselves out of the running/ become fat, boring, bald etc. Some girls however are precocious and need a guy who is wiser than her peers. Also older usually means more stable financially and emotionally- and less likely to cheat (the 20 something me had a verrry hard time being loyal- today it's not hard at all cuz I've satisfied my curiosity many times over). So that's the pros and cons of dating an older guy I think...
danny in van Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 I just don't see that many young women who want way older men. What I see all around me is a 0-5 year differance between couples. Yes, the man is usually the older one, but not by 10 to 20 years. Most older men in our neighborhood (middle class) are not making the big bucks it takes to get a much younger woman. When I do see a large age differance between couples, there is always some sort of trade off. The younger one has less money, weighs more than what is generally considered attractive, or has a mental illness of some sort. I mean no offence to the younger person in these situations. I know many warm, intelligent, good people who have something about them that reduces their value in the dating market. When this happens, they often go for the older man because the older man accepts their problems in exchange for their youth. "When this happens, they often go for the older man because the older man accepts their problems in exchange for their youth" well look around you- everyone knows a same age couple where she's out of his league or vs versa. But they're obviously trading off their strong points vs weak ones. A beautiful girl is more likely to 'date down' (called hypogamy) w someone her own age so he won't cheat (thinks "I can't do better than her-better not screw this up"). She doesn't hafta date old for the reason you suggest, tho course it does happen...
udolipixie Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 "When this happens, they often go for the older man because the older man accepts their problems in exchange for their youth" well look around you- everyone knows a same age couple where she's out of his league or vs versa. But they're obviously trading off their strong points vs weak ones. A beautiful girl is more likely to 'date down' (called hypogamy) w someone her own age so he won't cheat (thinks "I can't do better than her-better not screw this up"). She doesn't hafta date old for the reason you suggest, tho course it does happen... Keywords "a beautiful gal" the gals in her post weren't considered conventionally attractive. The younger one has less money, weighs more than what is generally considered attractive, or has a mental illness of some sort. Seems reasonable if she's just breaking average and if she has issues to boot she may choose an older guy because most men tend to value youth as well as associate it with attractive. She could get a guy he age who may handle the issues but it's unlikely that it'd be a serious relationship like older guys tend to want to have or that he'd have the finances that the older guy most likely has more of.
The Blue Knight Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 :rolleyes:I have been married an older man for many years. And, I have dated other older men for years. Great, but every sentence you tossed out in that post was inaccurate and broadly generalizing about older men.
KR10N Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 I see this all the time and was wondering what is the attraction for her. I mean except money lol, because I see the women really like these guys.For myself, it has nothing to do w/ money. I have no interest in accumulating large amounts nor do I want a "sugar-daddy". Money is a necessity, yes... only for things I need & the occasional things that I want. But as far as being attracted to older men, it's a maturity thing. I see a lot differences between certain younger men and certain older men. And lets face facts, older men w/ salt 'n pepper hair look 10x better than women who also have salt 'n pepper hair.
kaylan Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 ^society has conditioned us to find salt and pepper hair less of a turn off on men than women. Either way, my mom is constantly getting compliments on her "silver mane of dreadlocks". Many men and women are always telling her how nice her hair looks...and she has never died her hair, nor plans to. I think her dreads look great grey rather than black. 2
KR10N Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 ^society has conditioned us to find salt and pepper hair less of a turn off on men than women. Either way, my mom is constantly getting compliments on her "silver mane of dreadlocks". Many men and women are always telling her how nice her hair looks...and she has never died her hair, nor plans to. I think her dreads look great grey rather than black. Some people wear it better than others. 2
jlola Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 I am in my 30's and would consider dating an older man 10 years plus. But somehow most men over 40's seem to let themselves go. I rarely meet a man over 40 who does not have a gut,thinning hair,moobs, etc. The Richard Gere's,Morten Harket's, Viggo Mortensen's of this world are rare. en seem to act like they are everywhere. They are not! For the men who claim older men age better than older women I will state a line Madonna said when asked why she does not date men her age in their 50's. "Have you seen men my age"? The days of slender men with good muscle tone are out the window. Fast food,beer and a remote control have made most men over 40 soft. Such a shame because older men back in the day looked amazingly sexy. 1
123321 Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 I do not think George Clooney is hot. That's all that needs to be said to know you represent a tiny minority.
RedRobin Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 I have nothing against men with thinning or no hair. They can't control that. A man's height is also not something I've ever screened for either. If he's my height or shorter though, he's gonna have to be ok with me wearing heels because I like how I look in heels. Both men and women let themselves go. Not sure why they think they are allowed to after a certain age. The good news for me is that I AM very picky about choosing men +/- 5 years or so from me... and if the women think bald or short is bad, then that's just more men for me.
RedRobin Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 George Clooney is an empty headed pretty boy. That's why he does nothing for me.
salparadise Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 I'm late to this thread and didn't read every post, but several posts hit pretty close. I'm kind of surprised that more people don't see this objectively... The reason older men like younger women, as Frustrated Standards so eloquently put it, is that they are more fertile. The reason younger women like older men is that men are fertile throughout the life cycle, but older men tend to be established and able to provide the ingredients that makes men attractive to women––wealth, power, status, stability, respect with regard to social position, etc. We are biologically predisposed to define attractiveness in terms of what enhances our odds of reproductive success, and for women that means providing abundantly and elevating her in the social hierarchy. For men it means fertility, which equates precisely to youth and the physical features we find attractive. The social hierarchy is (with few exceptions) about wealth, status, power, etc., and a woman has the potential to rise in the hierarchy based on how well she marries. A man who is at the top of the hierarchy has the ability to attract beautiful (fertile) women, sire a bunch of beautiful children, see that they are raised well and inherit his access to the top of the hierarchy.
RedRobin Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 (edited) oh... here we go again with the evo-psych. Whatever. It might have applied years ago when most women didn't have any hope of acquiring wealth, power, status of her own... but now they do... and they aren't looking to men to provide that for them. Younger women with no mo-jo of their own except looks will be attracted to that. Problem is... looks fade. She picks a guy like the above described at her own risk. Especially if her time is mostly spent keeping up his status and wealth while she acquires no skills of her own. Caveat Emptor, ladies. Edited March 18, 2012 by RedRobin
salparadise Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 oh... here we go again with the evo-psych. Whatever. It might have applied years ago when most women didn't have any hope of acquiring wealth, power, status of her own... but now they do... and they aren't looking to men to provide that for them. Younger women with no mo-jo of their own except looks will be attracted to that. Problem is... looks fade. She picks a guy like the above described at her own risk. Especially if her time is mostly spent keeping up his status and wealth while she acquires no skills of her own. Caveat Emptor, ladies. RR, I'm glad you added that last part as that is true, things have changed in today's society. But our biological preferences and predispositions were developed over three-million years. We can logically see that the world has changed it doesn't fit the current situation as well as it did in the past, but we can't help but to still find those things attractive because that's the way we're hard wired. It takes a lot longer than fifty or so years to change that.
phineas Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 Why ask why? It'll be great when we get old. Amen brother. I'm 40, 1've had women in college coming up to me when out and a lot of 30 yr olds also. women my own age however don't really seem interested in me for some reason. Which is a shame because their the one's i'm really interested in. I don't ask why, I just go with it.
RedRobin Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 (edited) RR, I'm glad you added that last part as that is true, things have changed in today's society. But our biological preferences and predispositions were developed over three-million years. We can logically see that the world has changed it doesn't fit the current situation as well as it did in the past, but we can't help but to still find those things attractive because that's the way we're hard wired. It takes a lot longer than fifty or so years to change that. Well, if you were trying to justify a condition that most people fell into, I might agree. But you aren't. the older man/younger woman situation is pretty much an outlier (ie, situations where the man is much more than 5 years older, that is). Nearly all of my friends/relatives are with men very close to their own age... and have been married for many many years. I'd also argue that your above situation is true in cultures where the younger men were obliged to go off to fight and die... leaving the less physically fit (but 'established') men to care for the women. This, I believe, is at the root of most polygamous cultures. It's not about women's preferences. It's about women being forced to deal with what's left of the available pool of men. ...so that is where I'll leave the evo-psych discussion. It has as much or more do to with prevailing culture and expectations than anything else. It is patently false that women prefer older men. A few do, yes. But they are very much in the minority. Most healthy people prefer people their own age. Edited March 18, 2012 by RedRobin
mesmerized Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 Well, if you were trying to justify a condition that most people fell into, I might agree. But you aren't. the older man/younger woman situation is pretty much an outlier (ie, situations where the man is much more than 5 years older, that is). Nearly all of my friends/relatives are with men very close to their own age... and have been married for many many years. I'd also argue that your above situation is true in cultures where the younger men were obliged to go off to fight and die... leaving the less physically fit (but 'established') men to care for the women. This, I believe, is at the root of most polygamous cultures. It's not about women's preferences. It's about women being forced to deal with what's left of the available pool of men. ...so that is where I'll leave the evo-psych discussion. It has as much or more do to with prevailing culture and expectations than anything else. It is patently false that women prefer older men. A few do, yes. But they are very much in the minority. Most healthy people prefer people their own age. hahaha, exactly! I have had girl friends who liked older guys but those guys almost all looked great and these girl friends are far and few in between. In fact, I have more girl friends who hooked up with younger men than the opposite. But noooooooooo, women love wrinkles. I've read a lot about evo psych and I tell you this. Normal average people who don't like to think/dig deep love it because first, it sounds like a science (pseudo-science in fact) that they can finally understand and it makes some sense to them. Why bother to read and learn more to critic?
mesmerized Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 Great, but every sentence you tossed out in that post was inaccurate and broadly generalizing about older men. It IS true. Older men think younger women are out of their league so they put much more effort. She was spot on!
fortyninethousand322 Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 What about guys who look older (say by 10 or so years) than they really are? Women don't seem to be flocking to them...
RedRobin Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 What about guys who look older (say by 10 or so years) than they really are? Women don't seem to be flocking to them... I've asked men out, or considered dating men who looked closer to my age. The man I mentioned in another thread. The one who was 15 years younger than me... he was prematurely balding... which made me think he was close to my age. I happen to look very young for my age (10 years younger). So there was a bit of a disconnect. I recently asked out a co-worker who had the same thing... prematurely balding with a few wrinkles (nothing against wrinkles, I have a few myself)... but he takes good care of himself physically. Turns out, he was 10 years younger than me!! DOH! I've gone out of my way to date men close to my age, but alot of them are chasing after the young'ins. Mostly to prove they still 'got it'. Typical middle age crisis. I leave them alone and figure they'll get it out of their system soon enough after they try dating the youngins and then remember what they DIDN'T like about being in their 20's Most of them do because they really aren't compatible. It just takes them a little while to figure that out.
fortyninethousand322 Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 I've asked men out, or considered dating men who looked closer to my age. The man I mentioned in another thread. The one who was 15 years younger than me... he was prematurely balding... which made me think he was close to my age. I happen to look very young for my age (10 years younger). So there was a bit of a disconnect. I recently asked out a co-worker who had the same thing... prematurely balding with a few wrinkles (nothing against wrinkles, I have a few myself)... but he takes good care of himself physically. Turns out, he was 10 years younger than me!! DOH! I've gone out of my way to date men close to my age, but alot of them are chasing after the young'ins. Mostly to prove they still 'got it'. Typical middle age crisis. I leave them alone and figure they'll get it out of their system soon enough after they try dating the youngins and then remember what they DIDN'T like about being in their 20's Most of them do because they really aren't compatible. It just takes them a little while to figure that out. Well I do have a receding hairline, but not "balding" necessarily. I do not know why, but for some reason people often think I'm much older than I really am. At my grandmother's funeral I was standing with my younger siblings and a couple came over to introduce themselves and asked if they were my kids . Another time someone asked me if my mother was my wife. I sometimes wonder if women think I am drastically older than they are (I aim for women my own age so 20-26 range) and get turned off.
phineas Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 I gotta laugh at all the lame excuses people throw out for why younger women go for older men. You all sound very butt-hurt. get over it. It happens. Any person (male or female) that is in shape & even just ok looking will be considered attractive by the opposite sex no matter what age they are simply because we are a country of FAT people. I'm not rich & drove a rusted out mid-80's POS jeep last summer with a different colored hatch on the back. So it wasn't my money they wanted. And chicks with daddy issues, LOL! any guy who makes them feel like they have to prove themselves regardless of any age can get women like that. No, if a younger woman is with an older guy, 10 to 1 its because she finds him attractive. 1
kaylan Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 I am in my 30's and would consider dating an older man 10 years plus. But somehow most men over 40's seem to let themselves go. I rarely meet a man over 40 who does not have a gut,thinning hair,moobs, etc. The Richard Gere's,Morten Harket's, Viggo Mortensen's of this world are rare. en seem to act like they are everywhere. They are not! For the men who claim older men age better than older women I will state a line Madonna said when asked why she does not date men her age in their 50's. "Have you seen men my age"? The days of slender men with good muscle tone are out the window. Fast food,beer and a remote control have made most men over 40 soft. Such a shame because older men back in the day looked amazingly sexy. lmao @ moobs One has to take into consideration just how much harder it is to stay in shape at older ages, especially if a person is not predisposed to being slim. Plus look "hot" tends to not matter to people after they exit their mid 30s. By this time they have kids and a spouse, so many dont feel a need to stay smexy.
Recommended Posts