itsjustmestephanie Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 A while back I met Jeremy. It was an awkward pairing at first but I fell in love pretty fast. The initial honeymoon phase was a long amazing one. Eventually our differences showed. This time we dated for 8 months. Those 8 months I was very unhappy with myself and it showed. You know when you tell someone you love them and they kind of shrug it off? I'm sure he felt that way. I broke it off 8 months later. It wasn't a pretty breakup. I literally grabbed my things and left a letter while he was at work. I was a mental case and I obviously needed to work on myself. Ten months apart. I didn't talk about him. Made it apparent I was "over him" but one day I ran into him and his new girlfriend at the time. My heart broke all over again. I think that's how I knew I never wanted to be apart from him. It still took a couple of months to speak to him again. That ten months we were separated I tried everything to get over him. I slept with people I didn't want to sleep with. I even got an STD and got PID and almost died. I will never forget the pain of being with someone who lied to me and sitting in the doctors alone with a fever, crying hysterically. I kept on thinking about Jeremy and how he would sit there and hold my hand the whole time through. After that whole fiasco, I got broken up with and went to see Jeremy innocently. He was over with his relationship. I don't know how but something clicked again and I asked for him to come back on New Years. These couple of months have been sort of a roller coaster. He had developed the same kind of depression I had the first time around. I can't even believe I put him through that. He sits in his room with his video games and doesn't socialize unless he needs to. When I go out he never wants to go so I am out with my friends just wishing I had a hand to hold. Everything is responded with "I don't know. I'll do whatever you wanna do". He doesn't have a voice anymore. It is almost like dating a robot. A bummer because I fell in love with this man that I no longer see. Today when I sat with him in my driveway to go home I just kind of broke down and told him he was dragging me down with him. Making me depressed again because I am always worried about him. I was tired of the routine. I broke up with him. I thought I would be okay but here I am rambling and rambling and it is very obvious I am not over it and not even close to it. I hate to think I have that on and off failed relationship that people cringe at. I told him I want to be his friend before I can be anything else. I want him to be happy but I can't always be the one trying and trying to make him that way. I can only do so much. I want that outgoing boyfriend back. It's okay to be down every once in a while but he flat out told me life isn't that important. I want to be important to him. He tells me he doesn't have friends but I sit in front of him everyday and ask him if he is alright. It is so hard to be confident in my decision. I want him to be happy and choose me or maybe have him realize that I really am here for him. Ugh, ugh, ugh. I just need encouraging words, I suppose. Ramble over.
Exit Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 Sorry but I just can't see how breaking up with him again is a way to go about improving the situation. Seeing as you completely admit that you were in this exact same position with the depression the first time you guys dated, you'd think you'd be able to understand what he is going through and work on it together. I'm not totally against you, I agree with what you said, you can't make it your responsibility to make someone else happy, and you didn't like going out alone while he stayed home, but if that's how you feel about it, then you shouldn't be so torn up about your decision. Relationships take commitment. After all the crap you went through in those 10 months apart, you realized you wanted him, you asked the same person to give you their heart for a second time, and a few short months later you ended it. I doubt being dumped again is going to cheer him up much. But you can go ahead and consider my reply as biased, because I had an ex come back to me, tell me she would never even reconsider putting effort into a second chance if she wasn't sure we were going to spend out lives together this time, and then leave a few months later. So I kinda feel more sympathy for your ex.
2sunny Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 Work on being happy on your own. Counseling might help. Your happiness can't be found in another man - it comes from within. Get into counseling.
Author itsjustmestephanie Posted March 15, 2012 Author Posted March 15, 2012 Haha, no, no, no. I like your reply. I know I am completely in the wrong. I feel like a complete bitch by breaking up with him. I had a mental breakdown today and just kind of freaked out in my head. What should I do about his happiness though? I can only be there for him so much. He has admitted to needing a counselor but hasn't done anything about that. He is not very motivated to be happy.
Author itsjustmestephanie Posted March 15, 2012 Author Posted March 15, 2012 Work on being happy on your own. Counseling might help. Your happiness can't be found in another man - it comes from within. Get into counseling. Yeah, definitely going to the doctors tomorrow and requesting whatever my insurance will give me for counseling. I used to be on anti depressants right after I broke up with him before but got off them soon after. I'm going to work on myself a lot more. Lose that damned 40 pounds I've been worried about. I think one of the problems was being with him a lot of the time when I wasn't working so it got irritating for us.
chelsea2011 Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 The only thing you can do is just be there for him if he reaches out and needs you. You are NOT responsibe for his happiness; that's for him to figure out. So don't burden yourself with that. I'm sure he will reach out when he is able. Just live your life for you in the meantime...that's al you can do at this point. I'm a little depressed myself at the moment, but I don't want anyone to feel responsible for my happiness...that's up to me. Give him some time and see if he comes around.
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