grkBoy Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 Ok, reading the beginning of this response made me feel angry. Then, I decided to calm down and thought you had merely misunderstood me, but now I'm angry again after reading your last sentence. I read and went only by what was in your initial posting. If I misunderstood, then I'm sorry. Your logic is extremely flawed. You also mention times when your girlfriend would leap into your arms with TEARS in her eyes. Sure, maybe she can't feel that way RIGHT NOW, because of the CURRENT SITUATION. But she is CAPABLE of feeling that way with you. That, my friend, is called spark. What I am saying is that I felt I could never get to the point where I would have the desire to leap into my ex's arms with joy.... the dynamic just wasn't there. I actually got to the point (quickly) where I found myself oddly annoyed by him. Yet you say I threw away a good man. I did us both a favor is what I say. And maybe I'm wrong about you...but I've seen way too many who think there must be "more", and thus wonder later why in their 30s and 40s that they can't find the ideal mate. Look at your Grandmother and really question how she found her husband at age 14. You asked "does it exist anymore?" and I reply "no...because now the priority is sparks, romance, etc...rather than finding a good partner for life and building a fire together".
kaylan Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 Reread Emilias post. Love wasnt the most important thing back in the day, simply having a good enough partner was....Who wants that when real love is happier?
MrNate 2.0 Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 I'd say it still exists, but not at the rates it did back in the day. Mostly because society/our culture has changed quite a bit since then. Along with that comes identifying new gender roles, etc.
Untouchable_Fire Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 A few things. You mention "the 5 minute mark of your first date". I'm not talking about the 5 minute mark. I didn't feel it with this guy up until 1 and a half months in.... I gave it enough of a chance to see if it was there at all. I agree that we are attracted to people for specific reasons. I didn't feel "spark" with the guy for the reasons I explained before. Our differing personalities, ways of communicating, etc. As for the ex before him, it wasn't simply that he "wasn't that into me". Trust me, for the first several months he was just as into me as I was into him. It was mutual. His feelings just changed, while mine did not. Such is life. Also, maybe I'm using the word 'spark' too much. When I talk about spark, what I mean is the dynamic between two people. There are reasons that two people feel drawn together, and sometimes you can call that "spark". What I'm saying is that this guy loved me, and I guess that means he must have felt drawn to me. But it wasn't mutual. I didn't feel drawn enough to him to the point that I felt I could really fall in love with him. So I had to let him go. I was talking about instant chemistry in general. When I read that you dated the other guy for nearly 2 months... trust me I wasn't thinking that you didn't give him a shot. Actually... that's probably too much time, but I can understand because he seemed so good on paper. Never regret giving something like that up.... he might be a good guy, but a lifetime with someone you don't really get excited about is unfair to both of you. My question was... what about him failed to make a spark? What about your other ex did make a spark? Those are really some fundamental questions you should be tackling in your late teens early 20's. In regards to your granparents... I was just saying that every generation has it's own challenges. We should not expect our lives to be the same as our parents lives. Change is part of life... and we shouldn't be afraid to embrace it. 1
Author DontWorryBHappy Posted March 16, 2012 Author Posted March 16, 2012 I was talking about instant chemistry in general. When I read that you dated the other guy for nearly 2 months... trust me I wasn't thinking that you didn't give him a shot. Actually... that's probably too much time, but I can understand because he seemed so good on paper. Never regret giving something like that up.... he might be a good guy, but a lifetime with someone you don't really get excited about is unfair to both of you. My question was... what about him failed to make a spark? What about your other ex did make a spark? Those are really some fundamental questions you should be tackling in your late teens early 20's. In regards to your granparents... I was just saying that every generation has it's own challenges. We should not expect our lives to be the same as our parents lives. Change is part of life... and we shouldn't be afraid to embrace it. Ok I get what you're saying . I actually think I recently have figured out why the other ex had that spark with me, and why this one didn't. The most recent one wasn't a very playful guy... he was more serious. The guy before him was VERY playful, and I'm a playful girl, so that aspect of us was a clear match. With the ex before the most recent one we would tease each other all the time and something about our sense of humor just matched up. With the most recent guy, I'd make a joke and he wouldn't get it. He'd make a joke and I wouldn't get it. Then he'd be all serious when I would've preferred things to be lighter. Stuff like that.
hotloader Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 Anyway, the guy was so into me and had an attitude that I thought I always wanted. He KNEW he wanted marriage, a family, and made it clear he wanted it with me. It was like I couldn't do anything wrong. Even when **** started hitting the fan with random issues that started popping up, he was gonna stick with me even if he got run over for it. But I just wasn't feeling it. This is nothing new. I remember when I was in high school, there was this band that played around here called Plow United. One of their songs is called "spindle", and the chorus goes "If I could treat you like ****, then you'd love me forever". It's a pretty rad tune actually. You can find it on youtube. What you described is exactly why I don't bother dating anymore. I've got enough things that consume my time and energy, and I've found that life is a lot easier when you're not being mind-fuct constantly. I'd just rather flirt with attractive women and masturbate later to the thought of a sexual encounter with them. That may sound pathetic, but when you've dealt with as much of the above quoted bull$hit that I have, you'd understand.
Whisky1981 Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 This is nothing new. I remember when I was in high school, there was this band that played around here called Plow United. One of their songs is called "spindle", and the chorus goes "If I could treat you like ****, then you'd love me forever". There is an italian song called Teorema sang by Marco Ferradini. If you understand italian or if you find a translation somewhere listen to it. The song is not just a song is a life lesson and is true all over.
Author DontWorryBHappy Posted March 16, 2012 Author Posted March 16, 2012 (edited) This is nothing new. I remember when I was in high school, there was this band that played around here called Plow United. One of their songs is called "spindle", and the chorus goes "If I could treat you like ****, then you'd love me forever". It's a pretty rad tune actually. You can find it on youtube. What you described is exactly why I don't bother dating anymore. I've got enough things that consume my time and energy, and I've found that life is a lot easier when you're not being mind-fuct constantly. I'd just rather flirt with attractive women and masturbate later to the thought of a sexual encounter with them. That may sound pathetic, but when you've dealt with as much of the above quoted bull$hit that I have, you'd understand. Erm.. so I guess you're suggesting that I "mind-fuct" the guy? Sigh. I don't really wanna defend myself anymore with all this so I'll just say, all my reasoning for that being false can be found within this thread. I'll just add that the guy knew there were problems. I even told him I thought things were off and that I wasn't so sure about the relationship anymore. He wanted to stick around anyway. That's not someone who's being "mind-fuct". That's someone who just wants to stick around despite flashing red warning signs. This isn't some kind of formula or something. Like: Guy who is really into girl = girl not feeling it. No.... My situation would have been different if we were compatible enough in the first place. Edited March 16, 2012 by DontWorryBHappy
manup Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 Erm.. so I guess you're suggesting that I "mind-fuct" the guy? Sigh. I don't really wanna defend myself anymore with all this so I'll just say, all my reasoning for that being false can be found within this thread. I'll just add that the guy knew there were problems. I even told him I thought things were off and that I wasn't so sure about the relationship anymore. He wanted to stick around anyway. That's not someone who's being "mind-fuct". That's someone who just wants to stick around despite flashing red warning signs. This isn't some kind of formula or something. Like: Guy who is really into girl = girl not feeling it. No.... My situation would have been different if we were compatible enough in the first place. Have you ever really been into a guy. If so was he available?
hotloader Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 all my reasoning for that being false can be found within this thread. Sometimes what might make perfect sense inside of your own head, might seem irrational or downright pathological to other people.
Els Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 I honestly think the reason is that the older generation was more easily content. They were in a culture of 'make the best of things, count your blessings'. So your grandmother (and grandfather) didn't go into the relationship expecting great sex every single day, schoolgirl/boy passion all the time, or smooth sailing all the way. They weren't constantly told that they could 'do better', that they were 'wasting their youth by not sowing their wild oats', that they were entitled to everything they want (not necessarily need) and if their partner fails at one of those, time to drop the loser. They were just content with what they had. Happiness is a state of mind. You control whether you will ever be happy with anything. Sadly most people don't seem to realize that. Hence the vicious cycle that leads to the culture that is beginning to prevail now. People want everything, now, or else they're gonna move on, because there are millions of other fish in the sea. Girl not putting out on the third date? Drop her, you're wasting your time! Guy took a couple days longer than you expected to arrange another date? Drop him, he's clearly not into you! Girl wore a push-up bra to a date and her breasts are actually smaller than they appear? Lose her, the bitch tried to sell you something false! So people cycle through relationship after relationship, dropping one after another like a hot potato at the slightest whiff of... anything. Everything and everyone becomes so disposable, in search of that elusive 'perfect happiness'. But it doesn't exist. The only 'perfect happiness' is when you yourself are content and choose to be happy. That doesn't mean that you stay on in a relationship where you are clearly UNhappy all the time. But that does mean that your standard for a relationship isn't 'perfect and takes your breath away ALL the time'. 3
Untouchable_Fire Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 Ok I get what you're saying . I actually think I recently have figured out why the other ex had that spark with me, and why this one didn't. The most recent one wasn't a very playful guy... he was more serious. The guy before him was VERY playful, and I'm a playful girl, so that aspect of us was a clear match. With the ex before the most recent one we would tease each other all the time and something about our sense of humor just matched up. With the most recent guy, I'd make a joke and he wouldn't get it. He'd make a joke and I wouldn't get it. Then he'd be all serious when I would've preferred things to be lighter. Stuff like that. That completely makes sense. When I was young I thought that stuff didn't matter. I actually married a lady who had a very different sense of humor. I think that our humor often is determined by how we look at the world. It's from the very core of who we are. Anyway... It was good to dump him, because from personal experience... that often ends with much deeper hurt feelings down the road. When you are down and having a bad day... you need someone who can make you smile. Someone who looks at life the same way.
kaylan Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 Sometimes what might make perfect sense inside of your own head, might seem irrational or downright pathological to other people. I believe everything shes said has made perfect sense to myself and others who have posted in this thread.
ariadne999 Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 [quote=Whisky1981;3874841 I have been in a 9 year relationship, I thought I had found my soulmate and when problems started to arise she just switched to a new guy. ? she just got tired of your micro penis bro. Sorry about that. women really do like sex, as much as men wish we didn't.
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