x-caroline-x Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 Hello, let me introduce myself firstly, my name is Caroline and i'm 20 years old and I'm a psychology student at university. I lost my mother 3 years and 4 months ago from breast cancer when I was 17. She was 57 years old. She found out she had cancer in 2003 and it cleared up a couple of years after diagnosis but then came back in a more aggressive form a year on from this. Me and my mum were very close as it was just me and her living together due to my parents being separated and me being the only child so I would definatly have considered her one of my best friends.I found out how serious the cancer was 9 days before she passed away and I can remember being called in from school to be at her side when she passed away. I returned to school just 1 and a half days after her passing. At the time I presumed myself to be coping well and school was almost a distraction from the pain of just sitting at relatives houses who were also grieving. I felt like I needed to be around other people. Recently as mothers day approaches, I realised I might not be coping as well as I though, most days I cry and feel very sad when I see mothers and daughters laughing together and linking arms in the street and constant adverts on tv about spoiling your mother on that special day. My flatmates are very tactful but I told them to just act normal around me and talk about their plans as I don't want people to feel awkward around me. I feel like I have blocked certain things out from these past few years as I find it hard to recall and I have attachment issues as well where I can be too attached to certain people around me. I just wanted to share my experience and see if theres anyone who will understand. Thank you
whichwayisup Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 I'm sorry for your loss, losing a parent - Let alone a mother - Is not easy. I lost my father due to cancer too, in 1993. It took a long time for me to grieve, like you it would hit me at various times more than other times. Fathers Day, my birthday (his was so close to mine and we'd celebrate together) was rough. For some reason Christmas wasn't as upsetting nor was Thanksgiving. Easter set me off as I had such wonderful childhood and teen memories of my father setting up easter egg hunts for my sister, brother and I. (Funny how he would still continue to do those hunts for us as teenagers! We loved it too!) Cherish your memories. Start writing in a journal, it helps. Allow yourself to grieve, there is no time limit when it comes to losing someone you love, especially a parent. When Mother's Day comes, do something that you think she would have enjoyed doing with you! Light a candle at the end of the day for her, in her memory. I hope this helps. I feel like I have blocked certain things out from these past few years as I find it hard to recall and I have attachment issues as well where I can be too attached to certain people around me. I just wanted to share my experience and see if theres anyone who will understand I did the same thing, pushed some pain away and had attachment issues at times. For a long time I had fears of other family dying, worries that something bad would happen. Any aches or pains I had - Off to the Dr's I went to get checked up. Then anxiety hit me and I ignored that for a very long time..Had migraines too. Finally I realized that I needed help, and got therapy. Much of my anxiety issues were related to fears of the unknown and future, losing my family, loved ones, my husband..etc.. Please go to grief counselling or find a professional you can be open with and trust to help you through this.
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