Have you ever told an ex you wanted back that you had seen someone else?

[That_girl]

I was dating someone...we'll call him Ray, for about 3 years. He wasn't my first boyfriend or anything, but he was the first man I ever really loved. I was around 21 when we started dating and really insecure and inexperienced. I kinda treated him badly during our relationship. I wouldn't say that he was entirely innocent (in three years both people can show their true colours), but I know that he loved me and that he did his best to be good to me.

 

Eventually, I went and cheated on him because I became so insecure about him cheating on me eventually...that I just had to do it first. I still remember the night it happened. He kicked me out of his apartment during a fight and I went to "hang out" at some guy's place. We made out, and then I cried in front of him because I felt so guilty. I told Ray and he forgave me. At least he said he did.

 

Slowly we started to hurt each other more and more and the relationship dwindled. I just don't think either of us did a lot right during that period. My mom almost commit suicide one night, and Ray came the hospital with me. But later on during another fight he told that I was lucky to have him because no one else would have come with me- not even my brother. That totally wasn't true, but I could see how this relationship had become completely emotionally abusive.

 

To make a long story short, he dumped me. Over voicemail. He said that he loved me but that "he didn't want to love me anymore". I went straight to his apartment and had a nervous breakdown, but he wouldn't even open the door or speak to me. He left me there in a pool of my own tears. I always felt like it was the cruelest thing anyone has ever done to me- yet at the same time I felt like I deserved it. After that, I never called him or spoke to him again. I just felt like there was no point and I started to realize that I didn't want someone that didn't really want to be with me anyway. He'd wanted to end it for months, and he had to do it in the most brutal way possible otherwise I never would have left him alone.

 

6 months later, he emails me and tells me that he doesn't want to get back together but that he misses me and that I'm the greatest person he's ever known. I didn't respond.

 

A couple of months after that, I started dating Bob. Bob was the sexiest emotional basket case I had ever met. I thought* I fell in love with him instantly and he wanted to be exclusive with me too so I couldn't believe my luck! Naturally, he became controlling and bat-**** crazy. Cheated on me within two months of being together.

 

I called Ray at this point. I was so heartbroken by what happened with Bob and I guess I just wanted someone to make me feel better. But also I recognized things in Bob that I saw in myself. The cheating, the emotional issues, the control- it's like I finally got my karma for treating Ray like **** all of those years.

 

Ray agreed to meet with me, and he was very happy to see me- initially. We talked about the old times, he told me that he missed me, and we even kissed. And then I decided to tell him about Bob. I was still kinda wavering with Bob at this point, and he was definitely on my mind. I was crying as I told Ray everything that had happened and how sorry I was for treating him the way Bob treated me. He told me I didn't deserve Bob's treatment and that he would always be there for me. And he left.

 

The next day, he left a letter at my door essentially telling me off for screwing him over. He said that I had ruined his faith in love and that he had become a shell of himself because of me. He hated me- all of a sudden. I tried to call him and apologize but he wasn't having it. He said he didn't even want to remain friends. He even shunned me on the street once when I tried to say hello.

 

I left him alone for another 6 months and then I tried contacting him again. I told him that I didn't want to be enemies. I wanted to at least be civil with him, and he said "who cares, we never see each other anyway. And I don't even like you anymore". I never responded.

 

 

It's been over a year now and I do see him from time to time as we live in the same area. He either gives me a dirty look or pretends he doesn't see me.

 

I just don't understand. HE dumped me. Did he expect that I would never date again? It had already been half a year and he hadnt contacted me at all during that time!! Not even to ask if I was still alive after I cried on his doorstep that night for over an hour. He tried to date other people too, but said that he didn't meet anyone he liked. Did he expect me to wait around until he wanted me back?? Why did that one little tidbit of information regarding Bob turn him against me for all eternity? I really loved this guy, even though I was too ****ed up at the time to understand it. I don't expect him to absolve me from my wrongdoings. But I forgave him, why can't he forgive me?

[EgoJoe]

Uh, you cheated on him. Duh?