dev781 Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 I would like helpful and successful tips on how to re-establish contact with my ex. We have been NC for few weeks. I am gonna give it few weeks to try to contact her after my exams. I am now under control of my emotions, know the reasons for the break-up and accepted it. (I am the one who ended the relationship at the beggining au February). I took the time to think about the whole relationship. I am carrying on with my life normally. The week following the break up she would still answer to my short texts. I regretted my decision and wanted to work things out. She seemed pretty upset (she's never been upset at me for the past 10 years) and said that we're far from ready to see each other. I know she was hurt and I was not in control of my emotions during the break up. Since she did not want to see me or talk with me I decided to write a letter, to apologize and tell her that I acted out of anger and did not mean everything I said (it was probably too early and too much at the moment and I probably did come out as desperate). She has not replied and we've been NC ever since. (about a month now). I got a text from her friend telling me to give her more time. I have not chased or pursued her and respected her time so far. I got the advice to wait for her to reach but I doubt this will happen anytime soon. She has a lot of ego and from past experiences we can go NC for years. We we're best friends from 2002 to 2004 and then went NC for 1 year. Met again in 2005 and went NC for another year. Met again in 2006 and went NC for 5 years. She contacted me in 2010 but I never replied. I called her back in December 2011 and we dated briefly. The reason I want to re-establish contact is that I don't want to throw away this friendship. We've been friends for far longer then we've been lovers and she is someone I deeply care about. I took some time to think about the relationship and I have been selfish. I don't mind the outcome to get back together or not. I am not sure myself if it would be a good thing. As much as we love each other (we always did for the past 10 years) and feelings will always be there, we have two different paths we want to pursue in life. But failing as lovers does not mean that we have to throw our friendship away. I just want things to be cool between us and just wish we could be good friends again. How do I re-establish contact? I have doubts she will answer phone calls, texts or email.
zanzi Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 if you want to establish contact clearly you still have feelings for her. So, if she doesnt want to be with you, its best you respect her wishes and leave her alone so she can come to you even though that may feel hurtful to you. Give her time to miss you.
Author dev781 Posted March 15, 2012 Author Posted March 15, 2012 I do have feelings for her. I always did anyways. But we can't be together, I am going to work abroad in few months. I just want to save the friendship.
MarlaOryx Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 Life is long. There is no rush. You two have a long history together, and the friendship will be there with the feelings cool down. Be honest with yourself right now. Will hearing from you make her feel good or will it bring up the hurt feelings. A month isn't long enough to get over a betrayal of trust, especially if abusive words were flung about. If you're going abroad soon, best not stir a lot up now anyway. How long will you be away? Only if you think it will make her smile, genuinely, don't reach out now. Sounds like you've been in and out of contact for over a decade, so 6 weeks isn't enough time with all these raw emotions. She's hurt, and you've tried to apologize. She's not open to it. It's her move. If you don't hear from her before you leave, contact her when you get back. That should be enough time.
Author dev781 Posted March 31, 2012 Author Posted March 31, 2012 (edited) Life is long. There is no rush. You two have a long history together, and the friendship will be there with the feelings cool down. Be honest with yourself right now. Will hearing from you make her feel good or will it bring up the hurt feelings. A month isn't long enough to get over a betrayal of trust, especially if abusive words were flung about. If you're going abroad soon, best not stir a lot up now anyway. How long will you be away? Only if you think it will make her smile, genuinely, don't reach out now. Sounds like you've been in and out of contact for over a decade, so 6 weeks isn't enough time with all these raw emotions. She's hurt, and you've tried to apologize. She's not open to it. It's her move. If you don't hear from her before you leave, contact her when you get back. That should be enough time. I understand that there is no rush but I am leaving to a dangerous place. At least I'd like to let her know that I care about what we shared as friends. I don't want to leave a the bad impression that I'm a selfish person and I never considered what she was feeling and going through. She's the person I get along with the most. I'm leaving for 4 months I don't intend to talk about the break-up or bring up past issues. Just letting her know that I value the friendship more and it would be stupid to throw that away. It's been almost 2 months that we've been broken up. We were friends for 10 years and dated for 2 months. I find all this drama ridiculous. Don't know if she'll feel good but I'll never have an answer if I don't try. It's her move... I know what's coming up, we can go years without contact we're very proud and stubborn. Last time she took 4 years before contacting me. Waiting for her to reach is like giving her the message that I am still the jerk who can just disappear and ignore her for years and that I don't care about our friendship. This time around I am willing to let my ego down. I am a little bit confused if she is considering this break-up on the 2 months relationship we had or on the actual 10 years we've known each other. How long can it take for feelings to cool down after a 2 months relationship? Edited March 31, 2012 by dev781
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