Black Jack Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 It's not backtracking. Here's the post show me where I did as you stated assumed you were an inexperienced virgin. Rather than what I claimed which you say is backtracking that you were paranoid like gals I know. I didn't say you were backtracking. I said I don't have time for it.
udolipixie Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 That is your line of thinking. Everyone isn't okay with that and the same for my view. It's all a preference at the end of the day. Yeah it is. I just stated that I found it natural and your preference seemed unreasonable to me. I've repeatedly stated that the whole it's pining away and means you don't really love him and that's not love & commitment is going by your definition. You're assuming the second option partner would find someone more attractive than their partner, who's pining for other more attractive men, in order to justify her behavior. Where do I make that assumption or imply it: Why is it settling to you if you're able to find other people more attractive than your partner or able to be more attracted to others than your partner? To me it's natural to find others attractive. Most likely before a person is with their partner they found others to be less, equally, or more attractive than their partner. Recognizing to attractiveness doesn't seem to be something that just ends when in a relationship. I made no assumptions about the other partner as I'm talking about one individual. I'm asking about why is if if someone is more attracted or find others more attractive than then partner you're settling. I made no assumptions to justify this behavior me thinking this would be the justification. It's natural to find others attractive and it's natural to find others more attractive than your partner or be more attracted to them than your partner. I highly doubt that before getting into a relationship with their partner that a person thought that their partner was the most attractive and was attracted to them above all others. Most likely there were guys/gals that were just as attractive, less attractive, or more attractive. And I've told you that yet you continue to gloss over it. Are you aware that the post you're quoting isn't even directed at you but to ScreamingTrees? I do enjoy how first you were claiming I'm glossing over things when you were responding to posts made before you posted the statements you claimed I was glossing over. Now you're claiming I'm glossing over stuff you said in posts that aren't even responses to you. Why even bother being with that person if they're not a perfect physical and mental match for someone? I don't understand this one. I guess it's better that you admit to ultimately settling for the guy at some point, so if he has some sort of self worth he could just move on upon discovering that there're much better matches out there for you, I guess. If a girl was more attracted to some other guy and she made it very obvious, I'd tell her to take a hike and try her luck with him instead. Oh well. Why is it settling to you if you're able to find other people more attractive than your partner or able to be more attracted to others than your partner? To me it's natural to find others attractive. Most likely before a person is with their partner they found others to be less, equally, or more attractive than their partner. Recognizing to attractiveness doesn't seem to be something that just ends when in a relationship.
Black Jack Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 To your previous posts You said more word twisting. Just that. I responded with breakdowns of your response & my response asking where I twisted words. No replies. You mean no lengthy replies from me. I don't feel like writing down big ass paragraphs. trip you up....okay. Before your just now addition in #171 that thinking he's more attractive than you extensively was pining: You stated a partner who found others more attractive than you or was more attracted to others than you didn't really love you. Your response to the upset of being more attracted to another person than their partner: Because it's obvious that person is not really in love with their partner Why? Why keep glossing over the fact that I said extensively in my previous posts?!?!?!? You stated a partner who found others more attractive than you or was more attracted to others than you equated pining. Your response to being more attracted to another person than your partner or finding someone more attractive than your partner isn't always looking outside the relationship and pining for another: Yes it does equate to pining. Otherwise, why else would you view him as more attractive than your partner? Evidently in order to view him as better looking you'd have to be checking him out for more than a few seconds, along with comparisons. Hence the meaning of "extensively" in the italicized bold. Your response to a so more than a few second glance check out pining and finding them more attractive than your partner is pining okay: But it is pining. It IS pining! So to me this is a good response to those statements: Do tell what are these volley of assumptions? Oh god, here we go again. *slaps forehead* I made no note of your looking habits or that you statedyou wanted to stare extensively. In your previous responses to me, you did state that. You stated it was natural to be attracted to others with the extent of not being more attracted than your partner and if you say an attractive gal you'd think attractive and didn't consider that detrimental to the relationship. Don't forget, I also said vice versa (I know you don't care but I do:D). To me that is wanting to be attracted to others and enjoy it unless that attraction is more than that of your partner. That is your interpretation of my expectations. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I still get the impression that you're stating I "enjoy it" as if I drool and ogle at other fine women while with my partner. I don't do that. I just look at them, think "Wow she looks like a nice woman" and be on my merry way. And as I stated before, I wouldn't hold it against my woman if she saw other attractive men, as long as she isn't drooling over them and thinking "Oh wow he's so hotter than my boyfriend and he's making me wet just staring at him." THAT is pining. I don't want someone like that.
Black Jack Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 Yeah it is. I just stated that I found it natural and your preference seemed unreasonable to me. What???? Show me where you simply stated you disagreed with me instead of dissecting my posts and twisting them to suit your own bias.I've repeatedly stated that the whole it's pining away and means you don't really love him and that's not love & commitment is going by your definition. Where do I make that assumption or imply it: I made no assumptions about the other partner as I'm talking about one individual. I'm asking about why is if if someone is more attracted or find others more attractive than then partner you're settling. And your question has been repeatedly answered by various men on this thread. You just refuse to accept the answers because they don't fit your view. Which is okay but don't state how you never received answers to your "curious" questions. I made no assumptions to justify this behavior me thinking this would be the justification. Yes it is an attempt at justification for inappropriate behavior. Are you aware that the post you're quoting isn't even directed at you but to ScreamingTrees? Oh my god! I do enjoy how first you were claiming I'm glossing over things when you were responding to posts made before you posted the statements you claimed I was glossing over. Now you're claiming I'm glossing over stuff you said in posts that aren't even responses to you. And it's funny how you're claiming I'm speaking when not spoken to, yet you did the same thing which ignited this argument!
ascendotum Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 Mate, call it quits, otherwise you'll be here for 10 more pages 'word twisting' when it comes to UP. 1
Black Jack Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 Mate, call it quits, otherwise you'll be here for 10 more pages 'word twisting' when it comes to UP. I'm highly considering quitting.......
udolipixie Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 (edited) Why? Why keep glossing over the fact that I said extensively in my previous posts?!?!?!? Perhaps because you just now stated extensively. Look at what you quoted it tells you that you just now used the word extensively. It quotes your posts where you define what is pining. Before the amount being extensive made no difference she was pining away for thinking they were more attractive than you, being more attracted to them than you, or taking more than a few seconds could be whatever time but if it's more than a few seconds to find him more attractive it's pining. Hence the meaning of "extensively" in the italicized bold. Extensively tends to mean large in extent, range, or amount You: Yes it does equate to pining. Otherwise, why else would you view him as more attractive than your partner? Evidently in order to view him as better looking you'd have to be checking him out for more than a few seconds, along with comparisons. * Extensively is no where in there * Only mention of time is more than a few seconds and comparing him so I guess you're pretty lax on what is extensive. Don't forget, I also said vice versa (I know you don't care but I do:D). Here's where you stated I don't make note of the vice versa. The case where you stated I was glossing over and not including vice versa: So you want to be able to be attracted to other women and enjoy it but your partner cannot be attracted to others unless it's less than their attraction for you. I also said vice versa. Again you're glossing over my statements. I actually did include the vice versa your partner cannot be attracted to others unless it's less than their attraction for you That's stating you had no issue with your partner being attracted to others unless they were more attracted to others than you. Recall your extensively thinking was not added until way after that post was made. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I still get the impression that you're stating I "enjoy it" as if I drool and ogle at other fine women while with my partner. I did correct you. Egh enjoy it to me means no guilt and no thinking it will cause ill harm...that whole nobly and sarcastically stated as if ravishing fantasies seems to be your projection. I even broke it down twice and still you persist with that I was assuming stuff about you. So I stuck with that's your projection. No mention of ravishing fantasies, ogling, or drooling. Edited March 18, 2012 by udolipixie
udolipixie Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 To your previous posts: I did not add in "extensively." In order for someone to pine, it takes quite an amount of time. Yes you added in extensively in post #177...oops I stated #171 in the top post. Post #177 If she's thinking about them as more attractive than me extensively, yes it is pining. It is only just now that you add in how long she had to think about the guy being more attractive than you for it to be pining. Before it was she merely had to think he was more attractive, take longer than a few second glance to compare attractiveness, or be more attracted to other guys than you. If there's all those things then there's no need to be looking outside the relationship and pining for other men/women. Plain and simple. This is not rocket science. Being more attracted to another person than your partner or finding someone more attractive than your partner isn't always looking outside the relationship and pining for another. Yes it does equate to pining. Otherwise, why else would you view him as more attractive than your partner? Evidently in order to view him as better looking you'd have to be checking him out for more than a few seconds, along with comparisons. So more than a few second glance check out pining and finding them more attractive than your partner is pining okay. But it is pining. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- I've been responding to the same replies you responded to me. I don't care if they weren't in order. It's not like your message was any different between posts. When you claimed I was glossing over your statements or that you already answered the question you were quoting a post that was made before your answered the question or made those statements. If you can't see the difference in quoting a post asking something before you answered or gave your bit on that bit and claiming the poster is glossing over stuff...then.. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- I don't care if #333 was different than #567:laugh: it matters nothing to me when responding to your replies to me. It matters when you claim the poster is glossing over things when the post you're quoting was made before the statements you claimed were glossed over. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- So NOW you've just admitted you're trying to shove your own agenda down my throat by KNOWINGLY GLOSSING over half of my statements. Please tell me how is it glossing over to not state the expectations you hold for yourself as a partner when talking about your expectations you hold for your partner? To me it's irrelevant to talk about your expectations for yourself when you're talking about your expectations for another. Unless you're discussing the fairness or a double standard. The case where you stated I was glossing over and not including vice versa: So you want to be able to be attracted to other women and enjoy it but your partner cannot be attracted to others unless it's less than their attraction for you. I also said vice versa. Again you're glossing over my statements. I actually did include the vice versa your partner cannot be attracted to others unless it's less than their attraction for you That's stating you had no issue with your partner being attracted to others unless they were more attracted to others than you. Recall your extensively thinking was not added until way after that post was made. What agenda? I've stated: It's natural to find others attractive and it's natural to find others more attractive than your partner or be more attracted to them than your partner. I highly doubt that before getting into a relationship with their partner that a person thought that their partner was the most attractive and was attracted to them above all others. Most likely there were guys/gals that were just as attractive, less attractive, or more attractive -------------------------------------------------------------------------- And "vice versa" is relevant to me, whether you like it or not Seems it's not that important as claiming I'm glossing over things by not literally stating vice versa. The case where you stated I was glossing over and not including vice versa: So you want to be able to be attracted to other women and enjoy it but your partner cannot be attracted to others unless it's less than their attraction for you. I also said vice versa. Again you're glossing over my statements. I actually did include the vice versa your partner cannot be attracted to others unless it's less than their attraction for you That's stating you had no issue with your partner being attracted to others unless they were more attracted to others than you. Recall your extensively thinking was not added until way after that post was made. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- because I have said time and time again that I HAVE NO PROBLEM with my woman seeing other men attractive, as long as it doesn't tamper our relationship. Nowhere did I state you had a problem with your partner being attracted to others just that her attraction to others had to be less than her attraction to you. Before #177 addition of extensively thinking they were more attractive than you tamper with your relationship was finding them more attractive. Recall: If there's all those things then there's no need to be looking outside the relationship and pining for other men/women. Plain and simple. This is not rocket science. Being more attracted to another person than your partner or finding someone more attractive than your partner isn't always looking outside the relationship and pining for another. Yes it does equate to pining. Otherwise, why else would you view him as more attractive than your partner? Evidently in order to view him as better looking you'd have to be checking him out for more than a few seconds, along with comparisons. So more than a few second glance check out pining and finding them more attractive than your partner is pining okay. But it is pining. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Then you obviously need to get with the topic because what I was discussing was for both me, my partner, and my relationship with her. I did get with the topic when discussing your expectations for your partner I talked about your expectations for your partner. I stick to the topic at hand. If it's your expectations for your partner I talk about your expectations for you partner. If it's your expectations for yourself as partner I talk about your expectations for yourself as a partner. So to you obviously getting with the topic is when you make a statement about your expectations for yourself as a partner I discus your expectations for partner? -------------------------------------------------------------------------- No you projected that on me. Egh seems you did the projecting since you took me stating "enjoy it" as me stating you have ravishing fantasies and even my tone aka noble/sarcastic: "enjoy it" (as you so nobly and sarcastically stated, as if I want to have fantasies about them and ravish in them) Egh enjoy it to me means no guilt and no thinking it will cause ill harm...that whole nobly and sarcastically stated as if ravishing fantasies seems to be your projection.QUOTE] You projected the whole nobly/sarcastically stated bit. I didn't project anything onto you by stating "So you want to be able to be attracted to other women and enjoy it but your partner cannot be attracted to others unless it's less than their attraction for you." as you had stated: 1. You found it an unreasonable request to not be attracted to other women so you found natural to be attracted to other women and didn't view it negatively thus if it occurred it's not unwanted 2. You don't find being attracted to others detrimental to the relationship unless it's more attracted so you'd enjoy it by my terms aka no guilt/thinking it will cause ill harm 3. You had equated pining away to find someone more attractive or being more so your partner can be attracted to others the attraction just has to be less than hers for you -------------------------------------------------------------------------- You're word twisting AGAIN. I already said earlier that pining is thinking about someone extensively, so there's no contradiction. You just think there's one. There is a contradiction before it was just being more attracted to someone or thinking someone is more attractive was pining. It wasn't extensively thinking until post #177 Nefore it was: If there's all those things then there's no need to be looking outside the relationship and pining for other men/women. Plain and simple. This is not rocket science. Being more attracted to another person than your partner or finding someone more attractive than your partner isn't always looking outside the relationship and pining for another. Yes it does equate to pining. Otherwise, why else would you view him as more attractive than your partner? Evidently in order to view him as better looking you'd have to be checking him out for more than a few seconds, along with comparisons. So more than a few second glance check out pining and finding them more attractive than your partner is pining okay. But it is pining. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Again it's cuckolding and second options. I won't deal with it. No pining allowed around me. So this is cuckolding: It's natural to find others attractive and it's natural to find others more attractive than your partner or be more attracted to them than your partner. I highly doubt that before getting into a relationship with their partner that a person thought that their partner was the most attractive and was attracted to them above all others. Most likely there were guys/gals that were just as attractive, less attractive, or more attractive. If so then the amount of time spent actually thinking of said person they find more attractive or is more attracted to is pretty irrelevant. All it takes is for them to find them more attractive or be more attracted to others and they are pining for other and cuckolding their partner who is now a second option. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- That is not true. I don't keep track of every single post in a thread, but I have stuck to my original stance during this continuing argument. You just keep twisting my words and trying to shove your view down my throat by constantly saying "It's natural to slob over more attractive men! It's natural!!!":laugh: It is true look at top where before just thinking they are more attractive or being more attracted to another is pining. You just now add in extensively thinking they are more attractive. However you contradict yourself by stating it's pining and second option cuckold to me stating: It's natural to find others attractive and it's natural to find others more attractive than your partner or be more attracted to them than your partner. Then again italicized and made bold taking more than a few seconds as being extensive to you. I guess you have pretty lax terms on extensive or you think to find another more attractive than your partner or be more attracted to another than your partner you had to extensively think about it. Where did I state slob over? I stated: I]It's natural to find others attractive and it's natural to find others more attractive than your partner or be more attracted to them than your partner. I highly doubt that before getting into a relationship with their partner that a person thought that their partner was the most attractive and was attracted to them above all others. Most likely there were guys/gals that were just as attractive, less attractive, or more attractive[/i]
fortyninethousand322 Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 I'm highly considering quitting....... Do it. Arguing with UP is very much like an Abbott and Costello skit. You got round and round and you still don't know who's on first. 1
udolipixie Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 (edited) I'm highly considering quitting....... Please do as you claimed: I called you an inexperienced virgin though not showing me where when asked repeatedly then stating you don't have the time. Despite me even quoting the post you claimed I called/assumed that about you.I was glossing over your statements when the posts though the posts you were quoting in your response were made before the statements that I supposedly glossed over. Despite me even telling you several times and breaking it down how the posts you were quoting were made before you posted the stuff you say it glossed over.I was glossing over half your statements by not using vice versa though I put what vice versa would be. This is where I began thinking you like tossing around glossing over & twisting words. That it wasn't a simple he's unknowingly thinking my posts made before his statements where posts made after his statements.I was glossing over half your statements by not using vice versa though I put what the vice versa isI was glossing over half your statements by not using to the extent though I put what the extent isI was glossing over your statements when you quoted a post of mine that didn't mentioned you or was directed to you but another poster. I even I quoted the poster and bolded what I was responding to in the post where you claimed I was once again glossing over your statements. you're not contradicting yourself that you didn't just add in the word extensively when defining pining though I showed your posts defining what pining is up until your recent addition of extensively thinking. Despite how there is no mention of extensive, extensively, and there is only onemention of time. That time is taking more than a few seconds to compare attractiveness and consider the person more attractive. I guess you're pretty lax on what you define extensively if it more than a few seconds is extensive to you and thus where you used extensively before. Guess though if your partner thinks someone is more attractive than you or are more attracted to someone else than you will most likely be unaware. Edited March 18, 2012 by udolipixie
ScreamingTrees Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 (edited) To me only 2 (checking out others & masturbating to porn) are actively going out of your way to look at other people. You're scoping and you chose what to masturbate to. To me it's not really going out of your way if you notice someone is attractive. are attracted to someone else, or find someone more attractive than your partner. I find it natural to be with someone you're attracted to and also find others attractive and some even more attractive than your partner. It may be important to you to be your partner's physical ideal and have a partner who's your physical ideal but not necessarily to everyone. Just because she's more attracted to him doesn't negate her attraction to you or if there the love, trust, connection, communication, emotional intimacy, sexual satisfaction the relationship has. To me there's no sense in chasing physical ideals due to aging. Attraction is usually needed for most however ideal.. Maybe it's not a lie to her if she doesn't trade up every time she finds a guy she considers more attractive or is more attracted to than her partner. Some gals/guys want to be attracted to their partner and for their partner to be attracted to them. I've seen many who pursue those they found most attractive however I don't hear "I need my partner to be the most attractive to me/my ideal" more than "I need to be attracted to my partner". Keywords most others not everyone or everyone I've encountered. Most people are unlikely to have partners that they find then more attractive than everyone else or everyone they have or may encounter. Most others perhaps however that doesn't mean they won't or haven't already encounter someone they find more attractive. Wait.. Are you saying that I said I would masterbate to porn even if I found as close to an ideal match as I ever could hope to? I wouldn't. Your points are valid, but sort of irrelevant. People can't help but take notice of other people - how would you know if a casual glance is "checking them out"? Unless it's obvious, the answer lies within the heads of the guys/gals in question who may or may not be ogling someone else. I guess my point is equally as irrelevant, because if she's with me, unless she actually tells me, how would I know that the guy she shot a few casual glances at made her wet when I couldn't even get that sort of a natural, intense reaction out of her just from the sight of me? I'll never know, and unless she breaks up with me or I catch her with the guy a week later, it does no good to really worry about it, it can't be helped I guess. And you're right, not everyone has the same requirements. I don't know how someone could be physically attracted to someone who they literally have no physical attraction towards or hold little stock in base physical attraction. I'd like to have a sex life. I'd also like to be attracted to them upon first meeting them, and vice versa. If I'm not their ideal, that's fine, but I doubt I'd willingly end up with someone like that, knowing that they feel that way. They'd have to be quite dishonest to get that far with me. I don't want to settle for someone, and I don't want someone to settle for me. I only give girls a chance whom I find to be more attractive than most that I've seen because if I actually like their personality, it'd be a 150% connection that no other girl could ever be given the chance to live up to, unless the relationship didn't work out for reasons outside of my own efforts to preserve it. (Should I feel it worth fighting for) I can notice that someone is attractive.. But that's about it. Those thoughts are gone as quickly as they came, and they don't return, because I'm taken. If physical attraction isn't such a big deal for my significant other, why would they be mentally noting the superior attractiveness of some strange? Sounds conflicting. Well, maybe you're right, and it's not a lie.. But let's face it, I probably won't have to think about what struggles are going on inside of her head unless it manifests in some negative way that causes me heart ache and hollows me out in the process. But in that case, both of our points are irrelevant because one's significant other is never going to admit that some other random guy has a greater natural ability to rouse her loins, all fragile personality handicaps aside. It'll never come up in a conversation with a future lover, I hope.. So, let's say that I consider myself to be average in looks, and an above average girl seems genuinely interested in something long-term.. Why? Especially if she sort of pops up out of nowhere. You really think that a friendly personality is enough? Why would that be? She could get that from lots of guys, many of whom are probably better looking. I just don't understand.. I'm (temporarily) thinking under the assumption that everyone wants the best for THEM, and it's all really a calculated game of "but what can you do for ME?".. It's for money, or mental masturbation, no? Things she couldn't get from a more attractive guy who she'd ideally choose in a heartbeat over myself. It's most likely a form of manipulation, no? Because the girl would feel she'd be holding all of the aces - she'd assume I'm desperate to keep her around for her looks, even if her sticking around has nothing to directly do with me. I'd much rather be alone and happy the moment I should sense this. Edited March 18, 2012 by ScreamingTrees 1
Black Jack Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 Perhaps because you just now stated extensively. I didn't "just now" stated it. Look at what you quoted it tells you that you just now used the word extensively. It quotes your posts where you define what is pining. Before the amount being extensive made no difference she was pining away for thinking they were more attractive than you, being more attracted to them than you, or taking more than a few seconds could be whatever time but if it's more than a few seconds to find him more attractive it's pining. Extensively tends to mean large in extent, range, or amount Exactly and that's why it's pining. You: Yes it does equate to pining. Otherwise, why else would you view him as more attractive than your partner? Evidently in order to view him as better looking you'd have to be checking him out for more than a few seconds, along with comparisons. * Extensively is no where in there * Only mention of time is more than a few seconds and comparing him so I guess you're pretty lax on what is extensive. So like I said, the meaning of the word is in my statement. I don't have to exactly state a word in order for you to comprehend. Here's where you stated I don't make note of the vice versa. The case where you stated I was glossing over and not including vice versa: I actually did include the vice versa your partner cannot be attracted to others unless it's less than their attraction for you If you included it then you wouldn't be glossing over what I stated and using parts of my statements to suit your own agenda. You would've never said "vice versa" is irrelevant if that was the case. That's stating you had no issue with your partner being attracted to others unless they were more attracted to others than you. Recall your extensively thinking was not added until way after that post was made. I did correct you. I even broke it down twice and still you persist with that I was assuming stuff about you. So I stuck with that's your projection. No mention of ravishing fantasies, ogling, or drooling. The only one persisting is you. I stated my view then you challenged me. Okay no problem with challenge but after I proved my point (along with other men who explained why they wouldn't want to be second option) you still persisted that your view is the right one and mine is unreasonable, by recycling the same previous quoted texts while dissecting parts of my statements and adding in words that fit your view.
Black Jack Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 Please do as you claimed: I said I was highly considering, not that I was going to. Don't get too ahead of yourself and of course, once again, you're twisting my words. *sigh* I called you an inexperienced virgin though not showing me where when asked repeatedly then stating you don't have the time. Despite me even quoting the post you claimed I called/assumed that about you.I was glossing over your statements when the posts though the posts you were quoting in your response were made before the statements that I supposedly glossed over. Despite me even telling you several times and breaking it down how the posts you were quoting were made before you posted the stuff you say it glossed over.I was glossing over half your statements by not using vice versa though I put what vice versa would be. This is where I began thinking you like tossing around glossing over & twisting words. That it wasn't a simple he's unknowingly thinking my posts made before his statements where posts made after his statements.I was glossing over half your statements by not using vice versa though I put what the vice versa isI was glossing over half your statements by not using to the extent though I put what the extent isI was glossing over your statements when you quoted a post of mine that didn't mentioned you or was directed to you but another poster. I even I quoted the poster and bolded what I was responding to in the post where you claimed I was once again glossing over your statements. you're not contradicting yourself that you didn't just add in the word extensively when defining pining though I showed your posts defining what pining is up until your recent addition of extensively thinking. Despite how there is no mention of extensive, extensively, and there is only onemention of time. That time is taking more than a few seconds to compare attractiveness and consider the person more attractive. I guess you're pretty lax on what you define extensively if it more than a few seconds is extensive to you and thus where you used extensively before. You'll believe what you want to believe, udolipixie, regardless of how many times someone explains themselves. Regardless of the fact that most men do not agree with your view on reformed sl*ts, attraction, and relationships. Guess though if your partner thinks someone is more attractive than you or are more attracted to someone else than you will most likely be unaware. Nope. Wrong again, contestant. I will always find out. And I know you'll undoubtedly reply to this with some post about how I'll never know if she pines for another more attractive man, so I'll have to just accept being second fiddle and a cuckold. No.
udolipixie Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 Wait.. Are you saying that I said I would masterbate to porn even if I found as close to an ideal match as I ever could hope to? I wouldn't. Your points are valid, but sort of irrelevant. People can't help but take notice of other people - how would you know if a casual glance is "checking them out"? Unless it's obvious, the answer lies within the heads of the guys/gals in question who may or may not be ogling someone else. How is it sort of irrelevant when none of my points are whether if a casual glance is checking them out or knowing what goes on in their heads? My point was it's natural to me to find others attractive or even more attractive than your partner. I find it natural to be with someone you're attracted to and also find others attractive and some even more attractive than your partner. I guess my point is equally as irrelevant, because if she's with me, unless she actually tells me, how would I know that the guy she shot a few casual glances at made her wet when I couldn't even get that sort of a natural, intense reaction out of her just from the sight of me? I'll never know, and unless she breaks up with me or I catch her with the guy a week later, it does no good to really worry about it, it can't be helped I guess. I don't consider your point of what you what in a partner as irrelevant just that you might not be able to attain it because of the whole you never know aspect. And you're right, not everyone has the same requirements. I don't know how someone could be physically attracted to someone who they literally have no physical attraction towards or hold little stock in base physical attraction. People are different as long as it's not illegal or hurt children/animals and they consider it a happy & healthy relationship I don't care to know. I may have an opinion but I don't care. I'd like to have a sex life. I'd also like to be attracted to them upon first meeting them, and vice versa. If I'm not their ideal, that's fine, but I doubt I'd willingly end up with someone like that, knowing that they feel that way. They'd have to be quite dishonest to get that far with me. I don't want to settle for someone, and I don't want someone to settle for me. Wow to me that's quite a reach that if a person is attracted to you but that you're not their ideal they're dishonest to get that far with you and settling for you. Different opinions on settling and dishonesty. I only give girls a chance whom I find to be more attractive than most that I've seen because if I actually like their personality, it'd be a 150% connection that no other girl could ever be given the chance to live up to, unless the relationship didn't work out for reasons outside of my own efforts to preserve it. (Should I feel it worth fighting for) Okay so you know your standards, your standards for your partner and do accept that there's a you never know aspect to the standards you set for your partner. I can notice that someone is attractive.. But that's about it. Those thoughts are gone as quickly as they came, and they don't return, because I'm taken. If physical attraction isn't such a big deal for my significant other, why would they be mentally noting the superior attractiveness of some strange? Sounds conflicting. Noting someone is more attractive than your partner can also take a quick glance. Just like noting something looks more expensive or cheap or etc than another object. To you is not wanting to be with your physical ideal is thinking physical attraction isn't a big deal? I stated that ideal physical attraction may not be such a big deal as in necessary partner for someone. It may be important to you to be your partner's physical ideal and have a partner who's your physical ideal but not necessarily to everyone. I haven't made any references to physical attraction being insignificant I imply once that it may not be needed for others and I note that those others aren't the norm...I pretty shallow: Just because she's more attracted to him doesn't negate her attraction to you or if there the love, trust, connection, communication, emotional intimacy, sexual satisfaction the relationship has. To me there's no sense in chasing physical ideals due to aging. Attraction is usually needed for most however ideal.. Maybe it's not a lie to her if she doesn't trade up every time she finds a guy she considers more attractive or is more attracted to than her partner. Some gals/guys want to be attracted to their partner and for their partner to be attracted to them. I've seen many who pursue those they found most attractive however I don't hear "I need my partner to be the most attractive to me/my ideal" more than "I need to be attracted to my partner". Well, maybe you're right, and it's not a lie.. But let's face it, I probably won't have to think about what struggles are going on inside of her head unless it manifests in some negative way that causes me heart ache and hollows me out in the process. But in that case, both of our points are irrelevant because one's significant other is never going to admit that some other random guy has a greater natural ability to rouse her loins, all fragile personality handicaps aside. It'll never come up in a conversation with a future lover, I hope.. I don't think my point of it's natural to be attracted or more attracted to others or find others attractive or more attractive than your partner is irrelevant. That point has nothing to do with whether the partner admits it. I don't think your point of what you want in a partner is irrelevant. The point of whether the partner admits it is only a hindrance that you may have to accept a you never know aspect. So, let's say that I consider myself to be average in looks, and an above average girl seems genuinely interested in something long-term.. Why? Especially if she sort of pops up out of nowhere. You really think that a friendly personality is enough? Why would that be? She could get that from lots of guys, many of whom are probably better looking. I just don't understand.. I'm (temporarily) thinking under the assumption that everyone wants the best for THEM, and it's all really a calculated game of "but what can you do for ME?".. It's for money, or mental masturbation, no? Things she couldn't get from a more attractive guy who she'd ideally choose in a heartbeat over myself. It's most likely a form of manipulation, no? Because the girl would feel she'd be holding all of the aces - she'd assume I'm desperate to keep her around for her looks, even if her sticking around has nothing to directly do with me. I'd much rather be alone and happy the moment I should sense this.
ScreamingTrees Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 Wait.. Are you saying that I said I would masterbate to porn even if I found as close to an ideal match as I ever could hope to? I wouldn't. How is it sort of irrelevant when none of my points are whether if a casual glance is checking them out or knowing what goes on in their heads? My point was it's natural to me to find others attractive or even more attractive than your partner. I don't consider your point of what you what in a partner as irrelevant just that you might not be able to attain it because of the whole you never know aspect. People are different as long as it's not illegal or hurt children/animals and they consider it a happy & healthy relationship I don't care to know. I may have an opinion but I don't care. Wow to me that's quite a reach that if a person is attracted to you but that you're not their ideal they're dishonest to get that far with you and settling for you. Different opinions on settling and dishonesty. Okay so you know your standards, your standards for your partner and do accept that there's a you never know aspect to the standards you set for your partner. Noting someone is more attractive than your partner can also take a quick glance. Just like noting something looks more expensive or cheap or etc than another object. To you is not wanting to be with your physical ideal is thinking physical attraction isn't a big deal? I stated that ideal physical attraction may not be such a big deal as in necessary partner for someone. I haven't made any references to physical attraction being insignificant I imply once that it may not be needed for others and I note that those others aren't the norm...I pretty shallow: I don't think my point of it's natural to be attracted or more attracted to others or find others attractive or more attractive than your partner is irrelevant. That point has nothing to do with whether the partner admits it. I don't think your point of what you want in a partner is irrelevant. The point of whether the partner admits it is only a hindrance that you may have to accept a you never know aspect. Not going to lie, the frequency of frowny faces is a bit unnerving, but OK. Not sure what you're thinking, but it's cool. Yes, of course, it might be natural, but I'd say that the WORRIES are irrelevant considering there's no way to know. I'd rather not know what my significant other truly thinks and feels about me unless she feels it absolutely necessary to let me know how she feels about me to the point where it's causing her physical or mental anguish... I mean, if everything seems to be going great in my mind, why ruin my "idealistic fantasies" with cold realities? The truth coming from the horses' mouth would likely not make me feel good about who or what I am, so I'm content with not knowing. I wouldn't want any seeds of paranoia planted in my warped headspace.. The last thing I'd intentionally want to be is dominating and possessive, but I'd subconsciously be looking for what I'm assuming will eventually arise - boredom, manipulation, infidelity. I don't believe that everyone is similar to me. I don't believe many people are similar to me, and that's one of the barriers between me and your average female. I don't want to go out of my way to relate to someone who likely has nothing in common with my general perception and interests.. Neither of us would likely be into each other. Physically, I'd say I've got no real problem. If I wasn't as "eccentric" mentally as I am, I'd likely have someone by now. But you're right, and I agree with you. I think it was just a misunderstanding, I do believe that it'd be a lie to refuse to acknowledge attraction. My only inner conflict of reasoning comes in when you try to compare quick analytical comparative glances of an attractive stranger and your partner to those of an expensive high-quality gift and a low-quality one, which leads me to think of these things in a black and white sort of cold calculating manner. Let's say you could find me in the "low-quality" aisle, since most here would be quicker to assume that I am and let's face it, while I believe otherwise, I'm probably delusional.. Why would she want me? Why would she buy me and not the other one, especially if she has the "money"? Why? All of this neurotic worry stems from a core fear of having my "heart" ripped from my chest. Whether or not it's an irrational fear, I can't tell, I don't know, I don't believe it is.
udolipixie Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 Not going to lie, the frequency of frowny faces is a bit unnerving, but OK. Not sure what you're thinking, but it's cool. Just that there were pretty sad lines in there. Rather not state what I was thinking on the sad stuff. I'll skip the frowny faces in the areas I think are sad here. Yes, of course, it might be natural, but I'd say that the WORRIES are irrelevant considering there's no way to know. I'd rather not know what my significant other truly thinks and feels about me unless she feels it absolutely necessary to let me know how she feels about me to the point where it's causing her physical or mental anguish... What I'm thinking: cool that you don't need to know unless it's causing issues for her But you're right, and I agree with you. I think it was just a misunderstanding, I do believe that it'd be a lie to refuse to acknowledge attraction. Definite misunderstanding. To me being able to judge the attractiveness is acknowledging it. My only inner conflict of reasoning comes in when you try to compare quick analytical comparative glances of an attractive stranger and your partner to those of an expensive high-quality gift and a low-quality one, which leads me to think of these things in a black and white sort of cold calculating manner. Thinking something is more expensive or better than what you have currently doesn't always mean you want it. Especially if there's sentimental value to what you have now. With people/relationships there tends to be love, sexual satisfaction, emotional intimacy, and etc along with sentimental value. Let's say you could find me in the "low-quality" aisle, since most here would be quicker to assume that I am and let's face it, while I believe otherwise, I'm probably delusional.. Why would she want me? Why would she buy me and not the other one, especially if she has the "money"? Why? Perhaps because finding him more attractive doesn't mean she prefers you over him.
soserious1 Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 When I see a listing from someone saying that they're "ready to settle down" I take that at face value, I conclude that the poster has finished their education, has done the internship, low paid entry level job deal & has settled into a decent career. I figure they've maybe traveled a bit, lived for themselves & experienced the world. Marriage & then children requires a lot of sacrifice, when I see such postings I simply assume the poster has reached a level of maturity that they are eager to embrace a family lifestyle.
ScreamingTrees Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 Just that there were pretty sad lines in there. Rather not state what I was thinking on the sad stuff. I'll skip the frowny faces in the areas I think are sad here. Perhaps because finding him more attractive doesn't mean she prefers you over him. Well, I can't help some of the "pathetic" stuff that might come out of my mouth (not sure what would fall under that category, if that's what you meant by "sad"), I can be a debbie downer. I've made a lot of progress in my actual life, though, there's no negativity nowadays and hasn't been for awhile. And, was that last statement a typo? Finding him more attractive doesn't mean she prefers me over him? Or him over me?
Untouchable_Fire Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 Thanks for this post. It does explain a lot that I would never consider. The most interesting to me is the assumption that the woman offered commitment to others, and was turned down. I wonder if it is true. Whether it's true or not depends on the woman. Heck she could fill her life with FWB's and refuse any attempt at a relationship. However, when she goes to date the guy who's only been with 1 girl... he is going to struggle to believe it.
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