GoodOnPaper Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 I'm not ignoring it. In my relationship, I am the one who had less experience. When he wanted to stop messing around with lots of girls and commit to just me, that made me feel special. I'm trying to understand why it doesn't work in reverse for men. If a women who could get lots of guys wants to settle down with you, doesn't that make you some kind of awesome? I'd be wondering why she would be attracted to someone with so much less experience and/or fewer options. You picture your SO as having total control over who he could date and have relationships with -- and maybe he did. As someone who felt I had no control over that -- and scrambling just to have a remote hope of catching up and feeling normal -- I would just feel better with someone who had a more similar level of life experience. Link to post Share on other sites
Untouchable_Fire Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 Let me quickly explain typical male thinking. I think that will help because guys struggle to think like girls and girls struggle to think like guys. Women who sleep with lots of guys come across as... not very picky. It makes both them and the men they sleep with cheap. I think many women are starting to feel the same about man-whores. I've noticed that mostly it's QUALITY women who think this way... which makes me believe that quality guys think this way as well. Guys assume it's easy for a lady to get laid... because as guys we know that both ourselves and the guy next to us has really low standards when it comes to just getting sex. Hell, a guy in my highschool got caught humping his sheep. But... it's not easy to get sex for most guys. Unless you are the 1% of men getting laid is not that easy. Although I will say its WAY easier than when I was 16. This is mostly because women tend to be picky and want commitment. Now... why don't guys then love slutty women? I believe it's primarily because guys are competitive. They see this girl that isn't picky at all and think... wow... I'm just another guy. It also means she more than likely offered commitment to the guys before you... but they turned her down. Now your the sucker that has to settle for what other guys tossed away. This is why high number women are percieved to have less to offer because of this thinking. Link to post Share on other sites
udolipixie Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 Because they want to feel special. I don't think there is anything wrong with that. Would you say the same thing if the situation was a gal wanting to feel special by not having her bf masturbate to porn or other women, check out other gals, find other gals more attractive than her, or be more attracted to other gals? There's nothing wrong with wanting to feel special however it's quite a logical jump to want to be the person your partner is most attracted to. Most people have others that they are more attracted to that they were with or weren't with. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 Would you say the same thing if the situation was a gal wanting to feel special by not having her bf masturbate to porn or other women, check out other gals, find other gals more attractive than her, or be more attracted to other gals? There's nothing wrong with wanting to feel special however it's quite a logical jump to want to be the person your partner is most attracted to. Most people have others that they are more attracted to that they were with or weren't with. Yes I think those are perfectly reasonable requests from a woman. Link to post Share on other sites
GoodOnPaper Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 There's nothing wrong with wanting to feel special however it's quite a logical jump to want to be the person your partner is most attracted to. So you're supposed to be okay with your partner thinking you're second or third or fourth or fifth best (or lower)? THAT seems like a logical jump. Link to post Share on other sites
udolipixie Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 Yes I think those are perfectly reasonable requests from a woman. Egh guess we differ on reasonable.. Going by the posts on here the issue is the gal may be thinking of other guys she had wanted or do want would you find it reasonable as well for a gal to insist her bf not think about other women? Link to post Share on other sites
udolipixie Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 (edited) So you're supposed to be okay with your partner thinking you're second or third or fourth or fifth best (or lower)? THAT seems like a logical jump. More like you're not always number one that and you won't always be the hottest thing to everyone. Not really a logical jump that a partner like most human beings are attracted to other people rather than their attraction is solely focused on their partner. Do tell would you have the same attitude if the situation was a gal wanting to feel special by not having her bf masturbate to porn or other women, check out other gals, find other gals more attractive than her, or be more attracted to other gals? Edited March 17, 2012 by udolipixie Link to post Share on other sites
GoodOnPaper Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 Not really a logical jump that a partner like most human beings are attracted to other people rather than their attraction is solely focused on their partner. Once that attraction to others exceeds that to her partner, why would she be interested in staying with her partner? Link to post Share on other sites
udolipixie Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 Once that attraction to others exceeds that to her partner, why would she be interested in staying with her partner? Love, trust, connection, communication, emotional intimacy, sexual satisfaction, etc. A easy turnaround would be "since my bf masturbates to porn that means he doesn't find me attractive or as attractive as those gals I'm dumping him as he has no reason to be interested in staying with me". It's natural to find others attractive and it's natural to find others more attractive than your partner or be more attracted to them than your partner. I highly doubt that before getting into a relationship with their partner that a person thought that their partner was the most attractive and was attracted to them above all others. Most likely there were guys/gals that were just as attractive, less attractive, or more attractive. So would you have the same attitude if the situation was a gal wanting to feel special by not having her bf masturbate to porn or other women, check out other gals, find other gals more attractive than her, or be more attracted to other gals? Link to post Share on other sites
Black Jack Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 So you're supposed to be okay with your partner thinking you're second or third or fourth or fifth best (or lower)? THAT seems like a logical jump. I agree. I don't want to be with someone who likes me because I'm the "good guy" after she had her bad boy c*ck. She can go back to him for all I care. NO way am will I be second fiddle, and most men do not want a woman with that state of mind. Link to post Share on other sites
Black Jack Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 Once that attraction to others exceeds that to her partner, why would she be interested in staying with her partner? Because he provides stability for her. It's not out of love. Link to post Share on other sites
GoodOnPaper Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 Love, trust, connection, communication, emotional intimacy, sexual satisfaction, etc. But if she felt the emotional intimacy and sexual satisfaction with her current partner then how could there be greater attraction to someone else? Link to post Share on other sites
udolipixie Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 Because he provides stability for her. It's not out of love. Perhaps because being attracted to your partner the most out of the world is not the end all be all. There's love, trust, connection, communication, emotional intimacy, sexual satisfaction, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
udolipixie Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 I agree. I don't want to be with someone who likes me because I'm the "good guy" after she had her bad boy c*ck. She can go back to him for all I care. NO way am will I be second fiddle, and most men do not want a woman with that state of mind. Egh you sound just like how some gals don't want to date virgins because they don't want to deal with him getting angsty and looking to rank up his numbers because he's only had one partner. Paranoid. So do you want your partner to attracted to you most? If so do you think it would be fair for her to request that you not masturbate to porn or other women, check out other gals, find other gals attractive, find other gals more attractive than her, be attracted to other gals, or be more attracted to other gals? Link to post Share on other sites
Black Jack Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 Perhaps because being attracted to your partner the most out of the world is not the end all be all. No one here is claiming it to be "the end all, be all." But let's be honest here, a partner who's with you but pines for another....that's not the definition of love and commitment. There's love, trust, connection, communication, emotional intimacy, sexual satisfaction, etc. If there's all those things then there's no need to be looking outside the relationship and pining for other men/women. Plain and simple. This is not rocket science. Link to post Share on other sites
udolipixie Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 But if she felt the emotional intimacy and sexual satisfaction with her current partner then how could there be greater attraction to someone else? I answered that question in my answer: I highly doubt that before getting into a relationship with their partner that a person thought that their partner was the most attractive and was attracted to them above all others. Most likely there were guys/gals that were just as attractive, less attractive, or more attractive. Most partners aren't perfect 10s in all areas one could find their friends are more emotionally intimate. You're unlikely to be the best at everything for your partner. Most partners I doubt would be perfect 10s in attraction as most people aren't just attracted to one person. It's natural to find others attractive and it's natural to find others more attractive than your partner or be more attracted to them than your partner. Most people have someone they were with or weren't with that they are more attracted to than their partner. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 I am not saying anybody should be paranoid about every thought but is perfectly reasonable to be weary of somebody who couldn't make it work with unattainable bad boys or bad girls so now wants to settle for the nice person they used to turn their nose up at. I don't blame a woman for feeling the same way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
gibson Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 I'm 40 and based on my personal experience and those of my friends... I don't know what or how it happened but a large majority of the women that we have known, been friends with and dated that were late 20's and in their 30's who "had their fun" not many of those were what I will call marriage material. It's not that they were sick, twisted, evil or anything. They usually had confidence, self-esteem self-worth issues, lost their joy, etc. They also had a very negative outlook on love, relationships, sex, etc. That's not including the ones looking for security or the strong desire to have children. These are not women we met in bars, nightclubs, facebook or online dating sites. I've meet these women through church, charity events, professional organizations, volunteering, etc. Only thing we (my friends and I) can conclude is that a lot of them seem to be harshly affected by the years of "having fun" for whatever reason. From what I have heard and seen, those years of them "having fun" isn't particularly a pleasant and enjoyable experience due to the lifestyle (chaos, drama, BS, dysfunction, etc) and the quality / type of men they seem to give their hearts, mind and body too. I've read through this thread and the fact of the matter is there are a lot of quality women out there who are over 30 and believe it or not some of these women had "some fun". All the things we are saying here can also apply to men. I had several "friends" who became equally as bad as their women counterparts due to their lifestyle and choices they made in their 20'. For example: Drinking or drug problem. view women as objects, porn and gambling addictions, etc. We can debate and speculate about the reasons why these women are this way but honestly it doesn't matter. I don't give my time, energy or effort to pursue and date "fixer uppers" and neither should you. These women are not suitable life partners so why get involved or go into Jerry Springer world when you do not have too. Truth is, you don't. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
udolipixie Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 No one here is claiming it to be "the end all, be all." Really if so why the upset at someone being more attracted to another person than their partner? Why the insistence that you wouldn't date or consider such a person and labeled a gal as pining after bad boy c*ck? But let's be honest here, a partner who's with you but pines for another....that's not the definition of love and commitment. Being more attracted to someone doesn't always equate to pining after them. If that were the case then being attracted to another person when you have a partner could be labeled as cheating. Love and commitment doesn't usually tend to mean you can't find anyone more attractive than me or that you can't be more attracted to anyone than me. So does your definition of love and commitment also include you not masturbating to porn or other women, checking out other gals, finding other gals attractive, finding other gals more attractive than her, being attracted to other gals, or being more attracted to other gals? * * Interesting how many times you've glossed over this. If there's all those things then there's no need to be looking outside the relationship and pining for other men/women. Plain and simple. This is not rocket science. Being more attracted to another person than your partner or finding someone more attractive than your partner isn't always looking outside the relationship and pining for another. Most partners aren't perfect 10s in all areas you're unlikely to be the best at everything for your partner. It's natural to find others attractive and it's natural to find others more attractive than your partner or be more attracted to them than your partner. Most people have someone they were with or weren't with that they are more attracted to than their partner. Link to post Share on other sites
Black Jack Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 Egh you sound just like how some gals don't want to date virgins because they don't want to deal with him getting angsty and looking to rank up his numbers because he's only had one partner. Paranoid. I predicted you would assume this of me but unfortunately, that is an inaccurate profile of my personal life. Typical to resort to attacks when one cannot present a good argument. And those types of "gals" are the ones who are steady spreading their legs for the whole club to see every day, while hypocritically looking down on the good guy who has a great job and looking for a nice woman to marry. So do you want your partner to attracted to you most? That's not an impossible request. I would be attracted to them the most also. Sure I'd see some other attractive women (and vice versa, which is natural to an extent) when I'm walking down the street but I won't slob over them 24/7, while claiming to love my woman. If so do you think it would be fair for her to request that you not masturbate to porn or other women, I don't know what is your obsession with men and porn but it's obvious you've had some experience with a man who looked at porn and are bitter about it. You keep mentioning it in your recent responses. check out other gals, find other gals attractive, find other gals more attractive than her, be attracted to other gals, or be more attracted to other gals? Find other women attractive? No that is an unreasonable request. As I said before, I have no problem with finding other women attractive while with my partner, as it is natural to an extent. But if she requests that I not jack off to porn and other women, then that is fine, since I do not do those kinds of things when in a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 All these threads sound like "Revenge of the Nerds"! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 Well of course it made you feel special. He said all the right words, but if you think that he doesn't reminisce about all the wild fun with beer cans ??? Wild fun with beer cans? I must have missed a whole craze of some sort. Link to post Share on other sites
udolipixie Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 (edited) I predicted you would assume this of me but unfortunately, that is an inaccurate profile of my personal life. Typical to resort to attacks when one cannot present a good argument. That's not an attack but if you chose to take it that way okay. Stating I got the impression you were paranoid had nothing to do with your personal life but your mindset and way of thinking. What portrayal of your personal life did you get? Pretty sure I was sticking to the whole you getting pining away & looking outside the relationship and there's no need to find others more attractive than your partner from someone being more attracted to others than their partner. I presented a good argument: It's natural to find others attractive and it's natural to find others more attractive than your partner or be more attracted to them than your partner. Most people have someone they were with or weren't with that they are more attracted to than their partner. Do tell what's wrong with that? Are human beings once in a relationship can only find their partner attractive? Are human beings who most likely found others less, more, or equally attractive than their partner now can only see their partner as most attractive? And those types of "gals" are the ones who are steady spreading their legs for the whole club to see every day, while hypocritically looking down on the good guy who has a great job and looking for a nice woman to marry. Quite amusing when you talk of me having to resort to personal attacks. That's not an impossible request. I would be attracted to them the most also. Sure I'd see some other attractive women (and vice versa, which is natural to an extent) when I'm walking down the street but I won't slob over them 24/7, while claiming to love my woman. Ah so it is the end all be all for you to be the most attractive to your partner and your partner to be most attracted to you. I don't know what is your obsession with men and porn but it's obvious you've had some experience with a man who looked at porn and are bitter about it. You keep mentioning it in your recent responses. Quite amusing when you talk of me having to resort to personal attacks. It's not an obsession with porn as porn was one of the many things listed there. I listed 6 things and porn was only 1. If so do you think it would be fair for her to request that you not masturbate to porn or other women, check out other gals, find other gals attractive, find other gals more attractive than her, be attracted to other gals, or be more attracted to other gals? I have no issue with porn I just find it's easy to sort the hypocrites. It seems guys have an issue with their gal being attracted to others but don't realize the hypocrisy in masturbating to porn so if he can find others attractive why not her as well. So you want to be able to be attracted to other women and enjoy it but your partner cannot be attracted to others unless it's less than their attraction for you. Find other women attractive? No that is an unreasonable request. As I said before, I have no problem with finding other women attractive while with my partner, as it is natural to an extent. But if she requests that I not jack off to porn and other women, then that is fine, since I do not do those kinds of things when in a relationship. So essentially it's natural to an extent to find people other than your partner more attractive but you want to be the most attractive to your partner. Most likely you and her found before getting together found other people more, less, or equally attractive and were more, less, or equally attracted to others. Recall: I highly doubt that before getting into a relationship with their partner that a person thought that their partner was the most attractive and was attracted to them above all others. Most likely there were guys/gals that were just as attractive, less attractive, or more attractive. Edited March 17, 2012 by udolipixie Link to post Share on other sites
Black Jack Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 Really if so why the upset at someone being more attracted to another person than their partner? Because it's obvious that person is not really in love with their partner. Why the insistence that you wouldn't date or consider such a person and labeled a gal as pining after bad boy c*ck? Again I just don't want a woman with that mindset. Too much trouble and I refuse to be her pet cuckold. If she wants to pine for bad boy c*ck, then she needs to do it at her expense, not mine. I'm not going to have my heart out for someone who obviously doesn't like me. Being more attracted to someone doesn't always equate to pining after them. If that were the case then being attracted to another person when you have a partner could be labeled as cheating. Yes it does equate to pining. Otherwise, why else would you view him as more attractive than your partner? Evidently in order to view him as better looking you'd have to be checking him out for more than a few seconds, along with comparisons. Love and commitment doesn't usually tend to mean you can't find anyone more attractive than me or that you can't be more attracted to anyone than me. If I'm in love with you then I won't be wasting most of my time taking second glances at other attractive women. Sure I'd see them and think "oh wow, she looks like a nice woman," and then I'd go about my business without giving it a second thought. I would be focused on you and I would expect the same. So does your definition of love and commitment also include you not masturbating to porn or other women, checking out other gals, finding other gals attractive, finding other gals more attractive than her, being attracted to other gals, or being more attracted to other gals? * * Interesting how many times you've glossed over this. I'm not glossing over it. You asked other men in this thread that question. And I answered it in my previous response. Being more attracted to another person than your partner or finding someone more attractive than your partner isn't always looking outside the relationship and pining for another. I beg to differ. Most partners aren't perfect 10s in all areas you're unlikely to be the best at everything for your partner. I never said that I expected a perfect partner. I know I won't have the perfect woman. That is an unrealistic view of relationships. You've just injected that statement into the discussion in order to prove your point. I know I won't be the perfect guy for her, and neither will she be the perfect woman for me either. Sure there will be areas where I will not meet all of her needs and vice versa, but there's nothing wrong with simply expecting love and commitment. That's all I ask for. It's natural to find others attractive and it's natural to find others more attractive than your partner or be more attracted to them than your partner. Most people have someone they were with or weren't with that they are more attracted to than their partner. Sorry I disagree with you. Again I'm not going to be with a woman who's been gang banged by the whole football team, slept with 20 other men, and then when we hook up she's steady thinking about other more attractive men than me. Unacceptable. Link to post Share on other sites
udolipixie Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 I'm not glossing over it. You asked other men in this thread that question. And I answered it in my previous response. Actually you did gloss over it. Three times. In fact you skipped over the response you're now quoting to respond to a post of my that came way earlier and on another page. The one where you claim me getting the impression you're paranoid was a personal attack and inaccurate profile of your personal life. Then you proceeded to make several attacks of your own: insulting my gals I know, calling me bitter about porn... because it was one of the 6 things I asked to test if the attitude would remain the same, and giving a play of how I was hurt by a previous bf because of porn. You don't seem to even acknowledge that you're responding lately to a post just giving the impression that I made a post about something you already answered. When you skipped over that response to talk about something I posted earlier which also had that question you finally answered. Link to post Share on other sites
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