ThaWholigan Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 I don't think anyone is damning per se, probably a bit of an exaggeration on my part. But generally it's unlikely that anyone is going to look upon such an act favorably, not in what I have observed anyway, which is 1 half of the reason why I have decided not to lose my virginity to a prostitute. I wouldn't lie about it so I'm probably looking at it through my lens a little bit while I am at least trying to understand the views of others in a similar position. I would prefer to be honest, but perhaps it means that the search will be just a little big harder than normal as a lot of women are likely to be turned off. So maybe not damned if you do/don't, but a catch 22 of sorts. All of this is moot point as the tried and tested alternative of simply improving ones social skills, improving ones attractiveness and generally being happier with ones lot and having an ambition will negate a lot of the effects that being a virgin will have. As someone who is autistic I have done well to get to the point I am at, so I'm not as desperate to lose my virginity, I'm comfortable enough with my progression towards relationships, dates and sex, even if I get sexually frustrated sometimes
udolipixie Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 I would prefer to be honest, but perhaps it means that the search will be just a little big harder than normal as a lot of women are likely to be turned off. So maybe not damned if you do/don't, but a catch 22 of sorts. Not really to me. Though my mindset is you take responsibility for your actions and don't lament about the consequences Going to a prostitute, being a virgin if male, or being a slut if female may limit your options but you chose those actions. Just like if you chose to date partners that you find attractive the search will be a bit harder. Every must-have or nice-have makes the partner searching harder. All of this is moot point as the tried and tested alternative of simply improving ones social skills, improving ones attractiveness and generally being happier with ones lot and having an ambition will negate a lot of the effects that being a virgin will have. The tried & true way isn't taken often it seems not many men it seems have the patience to improve their attractiveness, confidence/self-esteem, social skills, and having a life that others would want to be a part of and make you a part in their life. Especially when there's no guarantee they will get the partner they desire. If the tried & true way was just a general lifestyle I think many men & women wouldn't have so many issues in dating and attaining relationships. Personal discovery and development seems lacking in life.
udolipixie Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 I don't know what those options even are. Your school. Your job. Your friends. Your social circle. *I separate friends from social circle as people I know doesn't mean they're my friends* Your family. Your hobby groups. Your activity places- park, lake, beach, club, bar. Your daily life- aka approaching women in public. I went to school for five years, supposedly the easiest place to find someone to date, nothing happened. Did you ask out every or most gals you were attracted to? Occasionally I'll go out to a bar or some public hang out but I'm too awkward and shy around women. Even when I see a cute girl at the store, or a cute waitress or whatever I'm still an awkward mess. It would be easier if I had true social anxiety or something. But it's specifically around women I find interesting and/or attractive. I can talk to guys or women I know are not options easily. Most likely you're issue. Seems you'd be best suited to not letting your attraction affect you rather than wait it out.
ThaWholigan Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 Not really to me. Though my mindset is you take responsibility for your actions and don't lament about the consequences Going to a prostitute, being a virgin if male, or being a slut if female may limit your options but you chose those actions. Just like if you chose to date partners that you find attractive the search will be a bit harder. Every must-have or nice-have makes the partner searching harder. Oh I certainly agree with all of that. I just feel the search would be easier for me if I didn't see an escort, as I can live with being a virgin currently. Maybe I will change my mind, but I tend to be a little more optimistic about my life in general. The tried & true way isn't taken often it seems not many men it seems have the patience to improve their attractiveness, confidence/self-esteem, social skills, and having a life that others would want to be a part of and make you a part in their life. Especially when there's no guarantee they will get the partner they desire. If the tried & true way was just a general lifestyle I think many men & women wouldn't have so many issues in dating and attaining relationships. Personal discovery and development seems lacking in life. Sadly yes, this is true. It's an entitlement of sorts, but also I think they have not much else in their lives they are passionate about so they immediately look for women (or men) to complete them.
fortyninethousand322 Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 Your school. Your job. Your friends. Your social circle. *I separate friends from social circle as people I know doesn't mean they're my friends* Your family. Your hobby groups. Your activity places- park, lake, beach, club, bar. Your daily life- aka approaching women in public. So I have to have some kind of life in which there are women in my extended life activity circle. Awesome... Did you ask out every or most gals you were attracted to? No, I kind of just talked to them, awkwardly and then sort of waited around until someone showed any sign of interest. Over the whole five years that happened twice. The first time I didn't really know what to do and didn't want to appear needy or clingy so I let things fizzle out before they got anywhere at all. The second time I got too clingy and things fell apart. Plus, the second girl had a really weird family situation which made it impossible to gauge the situation. Most likely you're issue. Seems you'd be best suited to not letting your attraction affect you rather than wait it out. Sound wonderful.
GoodOnPaper Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 Is this about sex? Do men fear women will have done wild stuff with other guys, and then not for them? I wouldn't say "fear" but I would think that less inhibited sex = more attraction while more inhibited sex = less attraction.
udolipixie Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 So I have to have some kind of life in which there are women in my extended life activity circle. Awesome... If you want a woman probably best to have some in your life, have people who can introduce you to them, or go where women are. No, I kind of just talked to them, awkwardly and then sort of waited around until someone showed any sign of interest. Over the whole five years that happened twice. The first time I didn't really know what to do and didn't want to appear needy or clingy so I let things fizzle out before they got anywhere at all. The second time I got too clingy and things fell apart. Plus, the second girl had a really weird family situation which made it impossible to gauge the situation. So you didn't ask them out and had 2 successes yet that didn't motivate you to change tactics? Sound wonderful. May not be easy but depending on your persistence and will it most likely achievable. 1
udolipixie Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 Sadly yes, this is true. It's an entitlement of sorts, but also I think they have not much else in their lives they are passionate about so they immediately look for women (or men) to complete them. I think it's more of a lack of self-awareness and the societal stigma of a man not having sex (loser virgin) and a woman not having a relationship (cat lady).
fortyninethousand322 Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 So you didn't ask them out and had 2 successes yet that didn't motivate you to change tactics? Well back before college I used to go up and approach women (some I knew already some were strangers) and after I'd approach or even show interest, the women would poke fun at me behind my back (in a disparaging manner). So, I've sort of developed a fear of appearing interested in women because they'll laugh at me. I know it sounds irrational but having someone not just be disinterested but also be creeped out by my interest, is not a good feeling at all.
udolipixie Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 I wouldn't say "fear" but I would think that less inhibited sex = more attraction while more inhibited sex = less attraction. Less inhibited sex could just be that person's sex style. Some people the amount of attraction doesn't change what sexual actions they will perform or have performed on them. Why the persistence on the amount of attraction? Most people have someone they were with or weren't with that they are more attracted to than their partner.
ThaWholigan Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 I think it's more of a lack of self-awareness and the societal stigma of a man not having sex (loser virgin) and a woman not having a relationship (cat lady). Possibly. My guess would be that it is a combination of all those elements. I wouldn't say I lack self-awareness, but I think the stigma of my virginity limits me to an extent. I have my passions, hobbies and goals to satiate me mostly so I can tune out of thinking like that. As a result, I am much better socially than I used to be. I think that some guys on here in my position do lack a level of self-awareness.
udolipixie Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 Well back before college I used to go up and approach women (some I knew already some were strangers) and after I'd approach or even show interest, the women would poke fun at me behind my back (in a disparaging manner). So, I've sort of developed a fear of appearing interested in women because they'll laugh at me. Guessing just not caring about other's making fun of you won't banish that fear huh? I know it sounds irrational but having someone not just be disinterested but also be creeped out by my interest, is not a good feeling at all. Not irrational as most people want their attraction to be returned or at least appreciated. It tends to be an ego thing. Guessing not having your feelings affected by acceptance or rejection isn't conceivable now?
GoodOnPaper Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 Why the persistence on the amount of attraction? Most people have someone they were with or weren't with that they are more attracted to than their partner. That raw attraction is always something I've missed out on -- I've never had any ONSs or FWBs. And I understand that I'm never going to be of interest to the general female population for a purely physical relationship but I always hoped to find one woman with whom I could feel like a rock star. But I suppose attraction just doesn't work like that.
udolipixie Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 I wouldn't say I lack self-awareness, but I think the stigma of my virginity limits me to an extent. Egh most things tends to be limiting as you can't please everyone. I think that some guys on here in my position do lack a level of self-awareness. I think most people lack self-awareness to a degree. It seems it takes quite some time for people to really know who hey are and what they want.
udolipixie Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 That raw attraction is always something I've missed out on -- I've never had any ONSs or FWBs. And I understand that I'm never going to be of interest to the general female population for a purely physical relationship but I always hoped to find one woman with whom I could feel like a rock star. But I suppose attraction just doesn't work like that. How does hoping for raw attraction and fearing it may be less than other raw attraction in comparison working out for you? There's different levels and fan crazy over rock stars. So would feeling like a rock star really be granting your desire if the fear of not feeling as good as that or that rock star is present?
xxoo Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 That raw attraction is always something I've missed out on -- I've never had any ONSs or FWBs. And I understand that I'm never going to be of interest to the general female population for a purely physical relationship but I always hoped to find one woman with whom I could feel like a rock star. But I suppose attraction just doesn't work like that. She could consider you a rock star, but you wouldn't believe it, because you would assume she was hotter for the other guys....no matter how hot she is for you. You are your own worst enemy. I've seen women here say that they resist ONSs with "boyfriend material" guys because they want more from those guys, and they don't want to get hurt. It doesn't mean they are less attracted, just that they have more reason to go slow.
ThaWholigan Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 That raw attraction is always something I've missed out on -- I've never had any ONSs or FWBs. And I understand that I'm never going to be of interest to the general female population for a purely physical relationship but I always hoped to find one woman with whom I could feel like a rock star. But I suppose attraction just doesn't work like that. It can work like that if you really want it to, you can learn to cultivate that.
GoodOnPaper Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 I've seen women here say that they resist ONSs with "boyfriend material" guys because they want more from those guys, and they don't want to get hurt. It doesn't mean they are less attracted, just that they have more reason to go slow. But from the "boyfriend material" side, it certainly seems like the women are more attracted to their ONS partners.
ThaWholigan Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 But from the "boyfriend material" side, it certainly seems like the women are more attracted to their ONS partners. I think you are looking at it from a very pessimistic point of view. I understand why you would look at it like that though. You think of them having wild, crazy and exciting sex with other men, while they may be more reserved and less enthusiastic with you. But it is usually because the way you think will be projected onto that woman and she will indeed lose that enthusiasm. If you want to be seen as a rock star, you have to BE a rock star 1
xxoo Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 But from the "boyfriend material" side, it certainly seems like the women are more attracted to their ONS partners. Round and around we go She could consider you a rock star, but you wouldn't believe it, because you would assume she was hotter for the other guys....no matter how hot she is for you.
oldguy Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 What I want, is a naked Japanese girl with sushi on her body. Legal in Vegas but the sushi will be extra
Untouchable_Fire Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 lol on the Good luck. If you get in a relationship with a woman, and she is sexually interested in you, and playful with you, and reaches O with you---doesn't that speak for itself? Why ruin a good thing by worrying about what she was like with someone else? Because they want to feel special. I don't think there is anything wrong with that.
ThatDudeXO Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 This is the kind of sentence that turns me off a woman. "Settle" comes across to me as setting for less. I respect the woman who has always been looking for the one they love, rather than accomodating any penis that looks half decent and shows a decent level of temporary interest. 1
xxoo Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 Because they want to feel special. I don't think there is anything wrong with that. This just goes around and around.... If she is sexually interested in you, playful with you, reaches O with you, and thinks of you as "The One", doesn't that speak for itself? This is just like the women here that will never feel good enough because they weren't picked first. I didn't pick a lot of guys, but the BEST guy I picked was the LAST guy (that's why there have been, and will be, no more after him!)
fortyninethousand322 Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 I didn't pick a lot of guys, but the BEST guy I picked was the LAST guy (that's why there have been, and will be, no more after him!) After you got to try many other ones. Meanwhile the last guy got to twiddle his thumbs waiting. Which is fine, but not exactly "fun".
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