rcvg Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 I am 22 years old and I feel really attracted to my chemistry instructor. I did not feel like this until couple of weeks ago. The problem is that I am currently seeing someone, and we have been in a relationship over a year. It’s just weird that I spend time with my boyfriend but think about my instructor. Like he would be there in my mind all the time.. When I get to class I just can’t stop staring at him. I did notice he is looking at me too, and I just roll down my eyes every time he looks at me. I know he is not married and he is about 30 so there is not much age gap. I also not going to do anything until the quarter ends, but I wonder what should I do after? We have an assignment that is due last day of quarter and if we want to pick it up we need to meet with him in his office. So I will definitely go and take my assignment, but I just wonder what should I do.. what should I say.. any ideas?
JesseJames Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 chemistry aye? invent him a new soup, and let the soup do the talking.
FitChick Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 Instructors are used to women having schoolgirl crushes on them and I am sure they take advantage of it. What happens if he dumps you and later you have to see him around campus? Use the fantasy to spice up your sex life with your boyfriend. It's much safer and ultimately more rewarding. 1
Jane2011 Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 When I was an undergrad, I also had a crush on one of my teachers, even though I had a long-term boyfriend at the time. The instructor was about 30 also. I didn't do anything during the summer school course, just admired him from afar. But at the end of the summer session, when he gave *everyone* his email address and said to hit him up if anyone needed recommendation/reference letters, I emailed him just two days later and asked him a question about him living in such and such area in the past (which he'd mentioned). I also asked him a creative writing question (he was my creative writing teacher). He answered politely, but it was clear, based on the length of my email (not a novel, by any means, but a couple short paragraphs) and the relative short reply he gave, that he wasn't going to encourage my interest. I'm sure he got it all the time. He was handsome and charismatic. I think he probably had a girlfriend, too. I guess don't be surprised if your teacher doesn't show interest in you. Even if you're attractive, they'll often feel some duty not to get involved with students. I'm a college-level instructor currently, and when I was in graduate school, I was a T.A. who taught courses. Some of my boys students hit on me. One of my male students hit on me this semester, too. He's good-looking to me, but I just make sure to be all-business with him even when it's clear he's trying to chat me up after class. If I were younger and not his teacher, I'd go out with him. But to me he's just my student. I'm not going to date him under any circumstances.
Jane2011 Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 (edited) At the same time, if he is in fact single, and it is in fact after the semester (grades all in), I don't think there would be anything wrong with you guys going out with each other. Since I am a teacher, many of my friends are teachers as well. College-level teachers, so our students are 18 to 40 or so. Mostly 18 to 28, though. We talk about these things all the time. People have gotten involved with their students after the semester was over, and the general consensus is that it's okay as long as it's not a current student. The other factor that makes it less "Icky" to many people is if you're close in age anyway. One of my teacher friends got into a full relationship with one of her students after the semester was over, but she was 29 and he was 27 (he was an older student). So it was like...pffft...big deal. Edited March 14, 2012 by Jane2011
Jane2011 Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 And for the record, I don't think 22 and 30 is that big of an age difference. Guys who are 30 often love younger girls. I might raise an eyebrow if you were 18 and he were 30, but 22 and 30's not too bad.
Author rcvg Posted March 15, 2012 Author Posted March 15, 2012 At the same time, if he is in fact single, and it is in fact after the semester (grades all in), I don't think there would be anything wrong with you guys going out with each other. Since I am a teacher, many of my friends are teachers as well. College-level teachers, so our students are 18 to 40 or so. Mostly 18 to 28, though. We talk about these things all the time. People have gotten involved with their students after the semester was over, and the general consensus is that it's okay as long as it's not a current student. The other factor that makes it less "Icky" to many people is if you're close in age anyway. One of my teacher friends got into a full relationship with one of her students after the semester was over, but she was 29 and he was 27 (he was an older student). So it was like...pffft...big deal. Thank you for your advice! But do you have any idea what should I do? I don't want to be pushy or anything.. so how do I bring up the subject?
Author rcvg Posted March 15, 2012 Author Posted March 15, 2012 Instructors are used to women having schoolgirl crushes on them and I am sure they take advantage of it. What happens if he dumps you and later you have to see him around campus? Use the fantasy to spice up your sex life with your boyfriend. It's much safer and ultimately more rewarding. If I was happy in my relationship why would even think about a different man? If a woman is so happy with her man she will never think of anybody else even if they were handsomer or richer.. Its not all about sex in a relationship. Men make us cheat on them.
Professor X Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 If I was happy in my relationship why would even think about a different man? If a woman is so happy with her man she will never think of anybody else even if they were handsomer or richer.. Its not all about sex in a relationship. Men make us cheat on them. No-one makes you cheat on anyone, get that straight. You ain't a kid, and no1 has a gun to your head, any other excuse will show how immature you are. That been said, if you are not happy, than why are you in a RS???? Oh, cause you're the good guy, yes? Pha-Liz. P.S. You are right now committing what you'd call emotional cheating, so congrats, you're a cheater now! :bunny::bunny::) As for your original question, date him when you're no longer his student.
Jane2011 Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 Thank you for your advice! But do you have any idea what should I do? I don't want to be pushy or anything.. so how do I bring up the subject? I say ask him to go for coffee with you, and make it be about some common interest you have. Like, you want to pick his brain about that thing. And if it's a genuine common interest, it shouldn't be too awkward because there would really be questions you have about it. Also, if he is adamant about not getting involved with you, he can just deflect your interest by making the conversation really all about the common interest and not at all about the sexual tension between the two of you. This is exactly what happened between me and one of my male students. He asked me out for coffee to discuss his creative writing. I agreed to it, but I made it all about the creative writing, and I got out of there quickly.
Jane2011 Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 Good luck to you! I know of a guy who was about 30 who got together with one of his ex-students, and she was your age -- 21 or 22. I think it can work! They didn't stay together forever, but they did stay together two years. Not bad.
Jane2011 Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 lol - for some reason, I only just now read this thread really carefully. So you have a boyfriend already. All I said still applies, but you might want to get out of your present relationship first.
Jane2011 Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 Also, you may consider not getting out of your present relationship. People develop crushes even when they're in relationships; it's normal. You can find ways to quell the crushes (if your relationship is any good at all, and you really want to). When I was in a relationship, I had a crush on about four different people (who weren't my boyfriend) in a period of five years. I was definitely missing things from my boyfriend, though. I think the shortcomings of my relationship made for fertile ground for my crushes to develop, although I never cheated or even came close to it. I give myself credit for actively putting a stop to a couple of the crushes; in the other two cases, circumstances didn't let me go forward. I can't say for absolute sure I would not have cheated if circumstances would have allowed me to. I like to think I wouldn't have, but that's speculation...
Author rcvg Posted March 18, 2012 Author Posted March 18, 2012 Also, you may consider not getting out of your present relationship. People develop crushes even when they're in relationships; it's normal. You can find ways to quell the crushes (if your relationship is any good at all, and you really want to). When I was in a relationship, I had a crush on about four different people (who weren't my boyfriend) in a period of five years. I was definitely missing things from my boyfriend, though. I think the shortcomings of my relationship made for fertile ground for my crushes to develop, although I never cheated or even came close to it. I give myself credit for actively putting a stop to a couple of the crushes; in the other two cases, circumstances didn't let me go forward. I can't say for absolute sure I would not have cheated if circumstances would have allowed me to. I like to think I wouldn't have, but that's speculation... Thanks for your advice. How about if I go out with my instructor and he asks me if I am in a relationship. I wouldn't want to lie, but then if he is a respectful then he will not pay attention on me because I am already in a relationship.. Sometimes I am looking at my boyfriend and his actions and I am just thinking why am I still in this relationship.. is it because I am scared to be alone or something.. I don't think that he is trying to make me happy, he doesn't even care if I am happy or not.. just so confusing..
Black Jack Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 I honestly think that you should let your boyfriend go if you want to be with your professor. A lot of pain would be spared. Cake eating will only make matters worse. In some colleges there are ethical and professional standards professors must abide to while teaching. He could probably lose his job and reputation for fooling around with you, that is, if he does.
Professor X Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 Thanks for your advice. How about if I go out with my instructor and he asks me if I am in a relationship. I wouldn't want to lie, but then if he is a respectful then he will not pay attention on me because I am already in a relationship.. LoL. If he is respectful? What about you, are you respectful at all towards your so-called BF? (hint: NO) Sometimes I am looking at my boyfriend and his actions and I am just thinking why am I still in this relationship.. is it because I am scared to be alone or something.. I don't think that he is trying to make me happy, he doesn't even care if I am happy or not.. just so confusing.. Me-me-me-me-me-me, what a selfish creature you are. He doesn't make you happy so you go and already plan how you're gonna screw your instructor cause your whatever it is (bf) can't make our little princess happy? Humans are so disgusting sometimes. 4
Hetzer Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 When men think about other women or cheat: YOU NEED THERAPY. OFF WITH HIS HEAD. MEN ARE ALL SELFISH PIGS. When women think about other men or cheat: Awww, a school girl crush! Your boyfriend deserves being cheated on for not being your 24-7 court jester or having an 8-pack of abs . You Go Girl! Grow the hell up. Realize that your stupidity could cost your teacher his job/career and reputation if people start getting the wrong idea. When women take advantage of their young students, its empowering and fun, but when men do it, they get hit with a felony and put on a sex-offender registry. (in some states, this is true even if you're of age) 1
kaylan Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 LoL. If he is respectful? What about you, are you respectful at all towards your so-called BF? (hint: NO) Me-me-me-me-me-me, what a selfish creature you are. He doesn't make you happy so you go and already plan how you're gonna screw your instructor cause your whatever it is (bf) can't make our little princess happy? Humans are so disgusting sometimes. This. Theres a reason the Professor leads the X-men. Much wisdom he speaks. I cannot STAND how cheaters try to shift blame onto their partners as if they do not control their own actions. Selfishness at its finest. 2
Author rcvg Posted March 18, 2012 Author Posted March 18, 2012 I honestly think that you should let your boyfriend go if you want to be with your professor. A lot of pain would be spared. Cake eating will only make matters worse. In some colleges there are ethical and professional standards professors must abide to while teaching. He could probably lose his job and reputation for fooling around with you, that is, if he does. I know about ethical standards, that is why I am going to wait till the quarter is over and he is not my teacher anymore. After all the grades are in, there shouldn't be any barriers.
Black Jack Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 I know about ethical standards, that is why I am going to wait till the quarter is over and he is not my teacher anymore. After all the grades are in, there shouldn't be any barriers. If you want to pursue him, then I suggest you call your boyfriend RIGHT NOW and tell him you're breaking up with him. If you decide to not tell him now you'll just be cake eating, and making the situation worse. And your boyfriend beside, you don't even know if this significantly older guy would want to get involved with a young college student who's currently enrolled in his course. And if he does decide to see you, it probably won't be for a relationship. It'll be purely sexual and he'll want to keep it on the down low from prying eyes. I think it's normal for young women of your age to have fantasies about sleeping with powerful, intelligent men such as your professor, but dragging someone else's heart through the gutter is where you're crossing into wrong territory. If you want to pursue your quest for having an "alpha male," go for it, but at least break it off with your boyfriend first.
kaylan Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 I know about ethical standards, that is why I am going to wait till the quarter is over and he is not my teacher anymore. After all the grades are in, there shouldn't be any barriers. Actually, you shouldnt do anything till graduation. Doesnt matter if hes your instructing your class or not, if a professor is having a relationship with a student at the college he will definitely be in danger of losing his job.
Author rcvg Posted March 18, 2012 Author Posted March 18, 2012 (edited) And you know Professor X, if I am not going to think about myself and what is better for me, no one will. So I will just continue what I am doing. It is my decision after all. Edited March 18, 2012 by rcvg
Black Jack Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 And you know Professor X, if I am not going to think about myself and what is better for me, no one will. You came here for advice and we all gave it to you. It's obvious we're not validating your selfishness and the way you're currently treating your relationship with your boyfriend, who doesn't know his woman is pining for an "alpha male." So I will just continue what I am doing. It is my decision after all. Yes and you absolutely have that right and nobody can stop you. However don't be so surprised when your plan doesn't workout as you planned. Sooner or later, all this will backfire on you. 1
Professor X Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 (edited) And you know Professor X, if I am not going to think about myself and what is better for me, no one will. So I will just continue what I am doing. It is my decision after all. Yeah, it is your decision, but there is more than 1 path to each goal. And if your goal is to screw your instructor, than you can CHOOSE to not hurt anyone else on your way. You gonna hurt your BF purposefully out of spite cause... he doesn't make you happy??? That's never the answer. In fact, even if he were to cheat on you, the answer would not of been to cheat back on him. Break up with him, then plan your whatever. Besides, don't come here talking all puffed like "I'm taking care of myself!" yada-yada, when you just said you're in a RS where you're not happy and in which you plan to cheat on. What you're doing now, and the way you think is exactly like of a small spoiled kid. Grow up and take responsibility for your actions. Edited March 18, 2012 by Professor X 1
Professor X Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 Don't listen to Professor X. He is a disrespectful know-it-all JERK. Dismiss everything he says and go with your gut. I'm a jerk? I'm flattered :love::love:
Recommended Posts