Jordan2323 Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 aahhh..the friendzone... Need opionions... My buddy set me up with this female(stacy) actually through facebook. So the only way i could contact her was through there. I basically wrote her a short message and she replied and added her number. My idea was to call brief 5-10 minute convo to set up a date, however she just kept talking and ended up a 2 hour convo. (thought that was a good sign). anyhow i picked her up the following wednesday and we just went out to eat. (2 hour date, both needed to get sleep for A.M work). A few days later i had texted her a short message to set up another date as she accepted but we hadnt made the official plan yet. I asked her of her interest level and she said she was very interested but wasnt sure on what level. So we met for coffee a few days later (another 2 hour convo) Two days later she calls and she talks my ear off more and by the end of the talk she says she is interested in me, im a great guy, funny, likes that im christian (because she is too) etc.. Then says We could be great friends but she was not sure their was a romantic chemistry there. but continues to say how i have beautiful eyes etc.. She then says she dont want me to dissapear from her life and she still wants to hang out and all that.. I guess my confusion is for only hanging out for 4 hours, how do you know there is no chemistry but yet you made it clear you dont want me to dissapear from your life. Since then we went to the movies and 5 minutes after the movie she texted me to say how good of a time she had. We will contact each other every 2-3 days somehow. even if its something dumb and short. We have a lot in common and laugh, joke and just have a great time when we are together but idk.. Sorry for the long story, but it was the best way to describe it..lol.
BeyondtheClouds Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 Sounds to me as if she wants to keep her options open. Even so, I don't think she's really interested in YOU as boyfriend. I would be careful however, because as soon as she catches wind that you are dating someone else she will be burning up your text register demanding to know why you aren't behaving like the friend she expects you to be. From your story, I'll point out some tell tale signs. Don't stay on the phone with a woman you've just met more than 30 minutes at a time. Also, don't ask verbally what her level of interest is on the first couple of dates. If you demand an answer so soon, most people choose the non committal route. the other thing is if you don't ask, it keeps her guessing and that can raise her interest level. 5
oldguy Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 (edited) Sorry, I see why you called it; "the friend zone". Unless this is something that happens often & your concerned about that I would just except her friendship & see where it eventually leads & in the meantime continue to have fun dating her & others. You in no rush to meet, marry & have babies anytime soon are you? btw; BeyondtheClouds has some valid points & suggestions. Hope this helped some. Edited March 14, 2012 by oldguy
Author Jordan2323 Posted March 14, 2012 Author Posted March 14, 2012 (edited) Thanks for the response so far. This does not happen often, actually this is the first time, which is why I question her behavior. Things she says and the way she says them just confused me. Was semi-contradicting. And also, I wouldn't say i'm in a rush but i am not getting any younger. lol. I guess the reason im even taking the time to write this is because so far from what I know this is the girl I have been looking for for a very long time. Different than all the "immature" etc. girls. Is this short amount of time enough for her to determine this? Edited March 14, 2012 by Jordan2323
oldguy Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 You will often hear people ask why some girls seem to be more attracted to guys who ignore them. Well this is true, I would caution that is a dating game that is played and it usually attracts those who may not be emotionally mature or those who have esteem issues.
FrustratedStandards Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 She's just not physically attracted to you, and she's letting you down easy.
InJest Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 Next time you hang out, move in for a kiss on her. If she flat out rejects it, just tell her it was nice meeting her, and ask her not to contact you anymore. She'll respect you more for it, so you may have a chance, but either way you won't be confused. 1
Cypress25 Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 I guess my confusion is for only hanging out for 4 hours, how do you know there is no chemistry She means she's not physically attracted to you. It only takes a few minutes to decide if you find someone physically attractive. She seems to like your personality though, which is probably why she wants to remain friends.
Nightsky Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 Chemistry like others have said is code for "I'm not attracted to you." You can decide for sure if you're attracted to some one rather quickly. She obviously saw potential in your pictures but wasn't impressed in that way after meeting with you in person and talking with you etc. Telling some one you just want to be friends is a way of rejecting them. You're not stuck in any friendzone feel free to stop wasting your time with her if you get nothing out of the friendship. You could try to turn it around by trying something but if you've given up on you two dating I'd advise moving on since friendship isn't what you are looking for.
sid3 Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 Also, don't ask verbally what her level of interest is on the first couple of dates. If you demand an answer so soon, most people choose the non committal route. the other thing is if you don't ask, it keeps her guessing and that can raise her interest level. That's almost always the kiss of death. Yes I also think you're in the friendzone, while not impossible to escape, its unlikely. She enjoys your company, and she knows you're interested in her. Its a win-win situation for her. It sounds as though there is no romantic interest at this time. I think the ladies that replied pretty much summed it up with their definition of chemistry.
Author Jordan2323 Posted March 15, 2012 Author Posted March 15, 2012 She means she's not physically attracted to you. It only takes a few minutes to decide if you find someone physically attractive. She seems to like your personality though, which is probably why she wants to remain friends. \ Im okay with this..If this is what it is. I understand not everyone is going to find me attractive. However right before she stated the friends thing. she said im attracted to you, i obviously like your looks and think you are good looking. (then tells me the friends thing) then conitinues saying beautiful eyes .. weird
Diamonds&Rust Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 First, I think you should next time not ask someone what their interest level is right away, especially by text message. No harm done this time, it's just probably a strange question that makes them think critically about something you don't really want them to use too much of their logical brain for. Next girl you date, try basking in the fun thrill of not being sure how much she digs you after the first time you see each other. With this girl specifically, you should not make time for her right now. You should not do this as a game in order to attract her, though that may very well happen as a side effect. You should do this because you're not going to enjoy the dimensions of this friendship born of rejection, the boundaries of which will constantly confuse you.
missyme04 Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 Let her miss you for a couple of days. don't txt her or call or or whatsoever. She's having fun being with you as a friend for now. maybe if she misses you, she'll wake up and realize that she wants to be your girlfriend
Jane2011 Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 (edited) Don't be friends with her. It's fine if she thinks you're not good enough to be her boyfriend, but she shouldn't get to have you as a friend, either. There is a guy from last summer who didn't want to be with me -- after we dated for a month -- who I stayed friends with. Not close friends, but friends. Kept him on my Facebook, contacted every six or seven weeks or so. And even though I liked a new guy eventually (even more so than the first guy), I soon had this delayed f-ck you reaction to the first guy. I cut off even just the light friendship way later because I kept thinking he shouldn't get to have me as a friend. (I believe people need to be more cutthroat in their reactions to other people sometimes; one of my close male friends who gives me advice always takes a hard line on things, and I am influenced by it, admittedly.) Edited March 15, 2012 by Jane2011
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