Lorry Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 Hello everyone, i am facing an issue and i cant figure exactly whats the underlying cause. I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years.And right now we are doing longdistance due to college.I love him a lot and he loves me too;however we are having some problems. First,pictures of him with girls on his lap at parties, and second him planning trips to go to stripper clubs or or planning to go to amsterdam with this crew of wild girls.I understand that college comes with parties and fun,and i do that too;however i also know whats acceptable or not. I dont have any problem with him having female friends,i am totally okay with it,however they have to be boundaries.And that crew of girls he is planning things with,they are a little wild,they are the kind of girls who will kiss each other at parties,or kiss random people,they dont have very high moral values.I am not a jealous girlfriend and he knows it,however i am totally not okay with what he does with those girls,i feel disrespected,when i saw those pics of him with them all of him.And he doesn't understand how that is an issue,he said he will stop doing it because he doesn't want to hurt me,but he feels like i am taking away his freedom. Now i feel as though,he is in prison with me,and i dont like that.He told me that i should try to make him understand what is the issue,but i dont know how too,for me those are things people in relationship should feel and understand.I am the issue?Am i taking this relationship too seriously?Am i being a controlling girlfriend?I am not very comfortable with him stop doing it because i asked him too even though he doesnt understand,because i am afraid he will do it and hide it from me,or he will end up resenting me. I would rather have him understand this,in that way he wont even feel like i am taking his freedom away,because he would realize that is just wrong and stop doing it. He also asked his friends and they told him that nothing is wrong with the pictures,that i shouldn't be upset. The fact that he has to ask me how taking pictures with girls on his lap is wrong,or why its wrong to go with them to amsterdam,for me its the REAL ISSUE,those are things anyone in a committed relationship should understand in my opinion,and it makes me think that we are in two different places right now. I am considering letting him go,and maybe in the future he will understand all these things i have been trying to tell him,but i wont be there. Just to add something: the pictures incident is happening for the second time,the first time he understood and apologized because the girl on his lap was his ex girlfriend.And he told me that if i was the one sitting on my guy friends' lap,he wouldnt have any problem with it at all. I am confused,because i thought what i am saying was logical,reasonable,but i am coming off as being a controlling,nagging girlfriend,all the things i hate being.Yesterday he told me that he wont take those kind of pictures again,because they hurt me,but he doesnt understand,because they are his friends. What am i suppose to do? Thank you
Philosoraptor Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 Your boundaries are your boundaries, and they seem reasonable. If you two don't agree on these things then it's time to drop him. Try to find someone a bit more mature this round.
Mr. Slim Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 I think your reaction is normal. I hate to be negative but most relationships can't survive long distance. Unless this is his last semester, you should have very low expectations going forward. He's going to do what he wants to do, regardless of whether you find out about it or not.
dbave Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 You've got to sit him down and say that these are your lines. Its not what his lines are, its what your lines are. So him saying that he would be fine with you sitting on a friends lap is not of your concern. Its what you think of some girl sitting on his lap. ALSO.... the example he gave to you of you sitting on his friends lap is not the reverse of what he's doing. Actually it would be you sitting on some random guys lap that he doesn't know and him knowing that this guy is a player and smooth.
Professor X Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 You're right, he should be able to see those boundaries of yours - which aren't extreme by any means; They are completely reasonable. I think you'd be wise to let him go, cause his actions show that he's already looking outside of your RS, and very possibly, that he's already out of it.
pteromom Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 You are wanting a committed relationship, and he is wanting to go out and party and be free. Neither of you are "wrong", but you definitely aren't compatible at this point. Let him go. Rather than try to conform him to be what you want, which is gonna make him unhappy and have a bad ending, just cut him loose and go find someone who is in the same place you are.
norajane Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 The fact that he has to ask me how taking pictures with girls on his lap is wrong,or why its wrong to go with them to amsterdam, Then he is too immature or selfish to be in a committed relationship. Ask him how he would feel if you were in pictures sitting on the laps of a bunch of different guys. Would he still think there's nothing wrong with it? And ask him how he would feel if you went to Amsterdam with that group of guys whose laps you were sitting on. Would he still not see your point? Dude is nowhere near ready for a committed relationship.
norajane Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 ALSO.... the example he gave to you of you sitting on his friends lap is not the reverse of what he's doing. Actually it would be you sitting on some random guys lap that he doesn't know and him knowing that this guy is a player and smooth. Yes, exactly. I doubt he would be ok with you partying it up with a bunch of guys he doesn't know, a bunch of hot guys who wouldn't hesitate to get into your pants.
Recommended Posts